Money: Today, my cell phone service was interrupted because I owed the...

By Princess - United States

Today, my cell phone service was interrupted because I owed the company 27 cents. It cost 36 dollars to reinstate my service. FML

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Money

Targeted

Money hole

Boundaries

By anonymous - United States - San Angelo

Fast food dinner

Today, I called my husband and asked him what he wanted from our favorite fast food place. A divorce. FML

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By sonofanut - United States

Today, I found out my mom has been stealing from me to pay for Scientology courses. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I flew into Denver. Never being here before, I was excited to see the view from our window. In the middle seat, I leaned over to look - at the same time yawning to relieve pressure in my ears. The yawning caused me to drool on the stranger sitting next to me. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was driving to work and I got a text from my girlfriend. She said she was breaking up with me. I was a little heartbroken, but I had to get on with my day. I got to work and my boss fired me. Turns out, my boss and girlfriend have been having an affair and she told him to fire me. FML

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By Florida Girl

It wasn't me

Today, I met my boyfriend’s parents for the first time today and learned that his mom is from the same area as my dad. Before I could tell a funny story of my dad’s senior prank, his mom said during her senior year, some asshole spray-painted their school mascot on their football field. That was my dad’s senior prank. FML

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By Anonymous

Vampire News

Today, I discovered that when my doctor said my new medication "may cause sensitivity to sunlight" what he meant was "sit in total darkness during the day or your skin will feel like its burning off." FML

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By missseloit3

Et tu, Brute?

Today I caught my husband cheating on me in our bed with my 19-year-old brother. FML

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By NittanyMangini - United States

Today, I was taking a biology final and was just randomly tapping my pencil. My teacher thought I was somehow communicating with the person next to me, and decided to fail me. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, while on a beach with my 3 year-long boyfriend, I went on his phone to find a restaurant I'd sent him on Instagram. Instead, I found countless messages to other women, trying to slide into their DMs. Needless to say, everyone on that beach got a free show. FML

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By justgreat - United States - Opa Locka

Today, my girlfriend fell asleep while giving me head. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Cottonwood

Today, I was going for my morning walk, when a guy in a massive truck drove up beside me, with a kid no more than 4 riding shotgun. I lost my faith in humanity when his tiny voice yelled through the window, "Nice ass!" FML

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By Unloved. - New Zealand

Today, I had dinner with my family in celebration of my 19th Birthday. I've been hinting that I need a new laptop for months now and I was sure my family had bought me one. I have got a pair of slipper socks. FML

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By NoTattoo

Today, my girlfriend of 7 months broke up with me because I refused to get her name tattooed on my chest. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to give his mother a box of chocolates and flowers for Mother's Day. She just stared at them and said, "What's this for? You're not my daughter, and never will be. But I'll keep the chocolate." FML

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By no one - United States

Today, my back hurt really badly, so I decided to stay in bed. After a while, I sat up to shut the door. When I leaned over to reach it, I fell off my bed and face-planted the floor. After picking myself up and getting comfortable in my bed again, I realized the door was still open. FML

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By BathroomMuch - United States

Today, I have been stuck in the bathroom. Apparently, my 8 year old son decided to sneak in some TurboLax into the juice we left out for Santa. Well played son. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to bed with a bra on. I woke up with no bra on. My brother had a friend sleep over last night. I wonder where my bra went. FML

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By msleea - United States - San Francisco

Today, I told my husband I felt unfulfilled and unhappy in my life. He suggested I do more chores. FML

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By Monika - United States

Today, my identical twin sister got in trouble for sneaking out of the house to see her boyfriend. My father decided to ground both of us, because it would be "too confusing" for him otherwise. FML

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By mike - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of one week is suicidal and crazy about me. She showed me that she carved her old boyfriends name in her arm and she threatened suicide if I ever left her. FML

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By vetstudentdream - Australia - Bellbowrie

Today, I found out what it feels like to have a cow take a large, flatulent shit with my arm still elbow-deep inside their rectum. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, he finally entered me, then paused and asked me, "what do I do now?" FML

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By samadams42 - United States

Today, my mom said she wanted me to get laser eye surgery before she did, "Just in case it isn't safe." FML

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By tammylauraine - United States

Today, after handing out several résumés for several jobs, I realized that I forgot to add my phone number to them. FML

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By Miguel - United States

Today, in algebra, I took out my notebook. My Chinese teacher was so impressed with my "Chinese" writings on the cover that I'm now her "favorite student". Those "Chinese" symbols are actually Japanese, but I wanted someone to like me so badly that I didn't correct her. FML

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By elliebellie - 21/3/2021 00:28 - Australia

It'll be a Vlog next

Today, my husband forgot to log out of his laptop. Out of curiosity, I checked what was on the screen. It turns out he has his own blog where he shares all the intimate details about our sex life. FML

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By embarassed - United States

Today, I fell asleep at a party. I farted so loud that I woke myself up. Everyone heard. FML

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By fukinnature

Today, I was feeling stressed about some upcoming exams, so I went on a nice relaxing nature walk through the nearby bushland. I slipped off a rock and landed in knee-deep mud that claimed my shoe when I pulled my leg free. I'm even more stressed now. FML

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By Jules - 25/4/2021 00:30

Get your vaccinations if you can

Today, we’re supposed to check people’s temperatures before their COVID vaccination. The thermometers don’t work, though. We’re told to just press the on-off-button twice, so they make the same beep-beep sound as if they were functioning to make people feel safe. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/9/2020 09:02 - United States - Cody

Those assholes are everywhere!

Today, I found out my wife's sister is an antivaxxer, and my wife is headed that way too. Our first baby is due next February. FML

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By sonofawackjob - United States - Syracuse

Today, my raving lunatic mother screamed at me for being "disrespectful", threatened to not pay for my college, swore at me, and accused me of having multiple personality disorder, all in rapid succession. This was provoked by me sneezing. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, my friend called me at work to tell me that someone had hit my motorcycle and that it was in pretty bad shape. I chuckled and waited for the "April fools" that would follow. A picture of my wrecked bike came instead. FML

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By Soline - France

Today, I wanted to wake up my sweetheart with a surprise blowjob. He surprised me as well with a knee to the stomach. FML

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By raynbowsend - Malaysia

Today, I had an appraisal meeting with the Boss. She raved and gushed and told me what a great job I was doing. Then she said "Well done, Eric". Eric is not my name. She froze, opened a new file and told me my actual appraisal, which was the complete opposite of everything she had just said. FML

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By Confused - United States - Bath

Today, I was told I would not be getting the job I was offered because I failed my drug test. They never gave me a drug test. FML

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By Shocked

Why hello there...

Today, while looking at a house to buy, I opened a bathroom door. There was a naked man on the toilet. FML

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By station - United States

Look out!

Today, I was walking out of the train station when an old man grabbed me. I started screaming, yelling, "HELP" like a madwoman and tried pushing him away - that's when I saw the golf cart rush past me. He was trying to push me aside from getting run over. Everyone started laughing. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Gatineau

Today, I overheard my in-laws talking about me. It started off with light insults and ended with "People like her are the reason murder ain't always wrong". FML

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By SteroidPenguin - United States - Clifton

Today, I told my dad that I broke up with my first serious girlfriend. He responded by blaring sad breakup songs as loud as he could throughout the house, just to see me "cry like a bitch". FML

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By anon - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I sent my long-distance boyfriend a heartfelt message about how much I missed him. He sent me back a picture of a Minion. FML

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Top comments

By Blahp | 0

#240300 - Thursday 28 May 2009 22:59

That's kinda the problem with computers... any human would have just been like "whatever."

By jet_fml | 0

#240330 - Thursday 28 May 2009 23:03

Why wouldn't you pay 27 cents?

COMMENTS

By Jupi_fml | 2

#240266 - Thursday 28 May 2009 22:53

Wow. I've heard of companies letting things go a lot further before they interrupt service. Cripes.

By RavensRule97 | 0

#240268 - Thursday 28 May 2009 22:53

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

By Hasan34 | 0

#240269 - Thursday 28 May 2009 22:54

Third!!

By BlueShades152 | 0

#240292 - Thursday 28 May 2009 22:58

Um...why not, fourth.

By HeyitsPheddy | 0

#240297 - Thursday 28 May 2009 22:58

That sucks. And 6th :)

By Blahp | 0

#240300 - Thursday 28 May 2009 22:59

That's kinda the problem with computers... any human would have just been like "whatever."

By uhmfml | 0

#240301 - Thursday 28 May 2009 22:59

That sucks

By glamorous67 | 0

#240310 - Thursday 28 May 2009 23:00

umm that sucks but its not the end of the world, still fyl its annoying
oh and im gonna break the chain going on here...

By fml1358 | 0

#240312 - Thursday 28 May 2009 23:00

oh wow that sucks

By Soak | 0

#240325 - Thursday 28 May 2009 23:02

My friend once got arrested for owing less than 30 cents =(