Money: Today, my cell phone service was interrupted because I owed the...

By Princess - United States

Today, my cell phone service was interrupted because I owed the company 27 cents. It cost 36 dollars to reinstate my service. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47040

You deserved it

11224

Favorite

Money

Night terrors

Mixed signals

Territorial pissings

By Anonymous - United States - Wapakoneta

Today, my surgeon was giving me the lowdown of what was going to happen on the operating table. I was anxious enough without him saying stuff like "cut you open", "quite a bit of blood" and "it's all quite risky." That's all I remember before fainting. My wife won't stop mocking me for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28898

You deserved it

3336

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Calgary

Today, I decided to face one of my fears. I've never had a birthday party, out of fear that nobody would come. I sent out a mass text inviting people out for my birthday, trying to sound casual. The only replies I received were along the lines of "Who the hell's this?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

43524

You deserved it

4669

Favorite

By TooQuick - Mozambique - Maputo

Today, after a 2-hour meeting, I rushed to take an urgent dump. Unbeknownst to me, my urine was not hitting the porcelain bowl, but rather the underside of the lid. As it pooled around the pedestal, it soaked my pants, underwear, and when I stood up to button my pants, it got on my shirt too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10804

You deserved it

2725

Favorite

By Username - United States

Today, I noticed a woman struggling to work a parking meter, so I went over to help. She took one look at me before screaming, hitting me in the face, and running back to her car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31104

You deserved it

3599

Favorite

By confused - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my mom came into my room to yell at me because she thought she heard me having sex, saying I'm too young for it. I'm 23 and I wasn't having sex. The noises were from my dad watching porn in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38103

You deserved it

2951

Favorite

By croleymd - United States

Today, I found my company car wrecked in a ditch. Apparently, leaving it parked on an icy hill all night was a bad idea. I have to pick up my manager from the airport. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8875

You deserved it

27240

Favorite

By CzechMeOut - United Kingdom

Today, while visiting family in the Czech Republic, I was told on two separate occasions that I looked like a Czech TV star. Flattered, I asked what the TV show was called. Turns out there's a Czech version of 'Ugly Betty'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41328

You deserved it

3631

Favorite

By Sara - United States

Today, I woke up at 5:30 AM to my boyfriend flipping on the lights and shouting, "We have a problem!" Our chinchilla had gotten out of his maximum security cage, and half of our apartment is now underwater because he decided the water line that leads to the fridge would make a tasty midnight snack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57344

You deserved it

9032

Favorite

By mistickfae - United States

Today, I was complimented for having amazingly lifelike warts as part of my witch costume, and was asked how I achieved the effect so well. I didn't have the heart to admit they were just my pimples under green makeup. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23834

You deserved it

2241

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Woodbridge

Today, I attended a cooking class with my co-workers. As the chef prepared to cut up a load of onions for his dish, he warned us to be ready for the "typical reactions". Everyone teared up. Meanwhile, I popped a boner. So much for typical. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56161

You deserved it

9414

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my younger sister said that she was going to pray for her brother's HIV. I have Primary Immune Disease (PID) not HIV. School will be very interesting tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29866

You deserved it

2006

Favorite

By single not ready to mingle - 27/10/2020 18:02 - United States

Fuck the patriarchy

Today, my now ex-boyfriend told me that we could keep dating, but he doesn’t see a future with me because I’m not a good submissive woman like his mother. His mother who’s been married four times for cheating on all her husbands. Yeah, good woman indeed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1242

You deserved it

Favorite

By drew - United States

Today, I accidentally walked in on my girlfriend changing. She responded by screaming, throwing herself on the ground to avoid me seeing her, and crawling into the bathroom. We've been living together for 2 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38519

You deserved it

5289

Favorite

By mandygeegoesnom - United States

Today, while waiting for my boyfriend to get out of the shower, I chatted with his grandma. As soon as we hear him exit the restroom, she smirks at me and lets a huge, smelly fart out. She blamed it on me. My boyfriend believed her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31033

You deserved it

2517

Favorite

By "skinnydick" - United States - Clifton Park

Today, while riding the bus, I saw my ex-girlfriend get on. Despite several seats being open, she specifically sat next to me. I was at first happy, thinking she might want to make up. Nope, she instead blocked me in with her bag and spent the entire time showing me pictures of her new lover's dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8488

You deserved it

1031

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was at my girlfriends house. After having sex, we went downstairs to where the rest of the family was. At this point I did not realise that I had a used condom stuck to my foot. The family did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13846

You deserved it

40246

Favorite

By sheWontbeOnMyZombieApocteam - United States - Killeen

Today, while walking home with my girlfriend we decided to take a shortcut in the woods. After hearing a huge noise, she pushed me and ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26010

You deserved it

2860

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Stamford

Today, I was checking my phone while using the toilet. In a distressing moment of my brain mixing up the signals to my hands, I dropped my phone into the bowl and pressed my thumb into the shitty paper to turn it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1587

You deserved it

3620

Favorite

By Deaf - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was sent to the principal's office because I refused to take my earbuds out. Those "earbuds" are my hearing aids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38200

You deserved it

1829

Favorite

By okay - United States - Woodstock

Today, a customer complained he never got his sandwich, even though I put it in the oven, dressed it up and served it to him. When I went to clear his table off, I saw the sandwich basket. We had to give him his money back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27496

You deserved it

2281

Favorite

By sayno - Switzerland

Today, I went to a coffee shop to meet an online date. I couldn't spot him, so he eventually came up and introduced himself. It seems his on-line picture must have been taken before I was born. I spluttered "This isn't going to work," and promptly scuttled out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30975

You deserved it

11282

Favorite

By e - United States

Today, I couldn't find my key so I sat against the wall to wait for my roommate to get home. I fell asleep. When I woke up a few hours later, I could hear her inside. She chose not to wake me up and let me in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27353

You deserved it

4305

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I flew my girlfriend to Paris for our one year anniversary. Little did I know that instead of going up the Eiffel Tower and over looking the most romantic city she would rather spend it in bed with a French man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58165

You deserved it

4917

Favorite

By pray for me

Today, I'm so broke after my recent divorce that I stole toilet paper from my church. I'm the pastor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1850

You deserved it

309

Favorite

By Deborah - United States

Today, I saw my upstairs neighbor outside getting the mail. She asked how my day was, and then apologized that the sound of her baby's crying through the walls kept me up last night. Apparently she heard me when I yelled at 2am for her fucking demon spawn to shut up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16736

You deserved it

40234

Favorite

By georgiaswish - United Kingdom

Today, my obsessive ex, who recently cut my phone line to stop me from talking to my boyfriend of three years, got a job at the same restaurant where both my boyfriend and I work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54891

You deserved it

3815

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Erie

Today, I learned not to take sex tips from virgins seriously. "Have sex in the shower", they said. "It'll be fun", they said. Well they didn't take slippage into account. One busted nose and concussion later, I'm not seeing the "fun" part at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21097

You deserved it

7315

Favorite

By cocokiss410 - United States

Today, while I was at work, a co-worker watched while some kid stole the radio out of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31576

You deserved it

2699

Favorite

By tinydancer - United States - Richmond

Today, I went to a party dressed as a zombie. Everyone admired my hilarious "zombie dancing". Those were my regular dance moves. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24127

You deserved it

5199

Favorite

By zuper_duper - United States

Today, after six months of dating, my girlfriend decided to break up with me because my "obsession" of being on the computer and playing games all the time was cutting into "our time". She then told me to "get a life" and never wanted to see me again. She told me all of this on WoW. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29065

You deserved it

52656

Favorite

By "baow"

Today, I met this girl on a party and things were going really well. We ended up getting it on in my room and I was about to do my thing after confidently have had bragging the whole night that I was the inspiration of the 50 shades of Grey series. Well guess who got a whiskey dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

658

You deserved it

3492

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom walked in on me and my boyfriend having sex. She was completely embarrassed (as was I) and she flew out of the room. My boyfriend, on the other hand, still wanted to finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12322

You deserved it

20559

Favorite

By horniness - Hong Kong

Today, I was in a bad mood after being stuck in traffic for 2 hours and late for work. I was walking to my building when I saw a 100 dollar note flying my way. A man called after me for it, but being selfish I took the note in my pocket as a little reward. That man was my boss. Yes, I'm fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9011

You deserved it

74699

Favorite

By rhiannakirwan - United Kingdom - London

Today, 5 minutes before I had to leave for school, my friends convinced me it was "pajama day" at school. I showed up in slippers and Sponge Bob pajamas. My school wouldn't let me go home to change. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18551

You deserved it

7264

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/6/2020 08:08

Bizarre Love Triangle

Today, after going down on me and dry humping me in bed, my boyfriend told me he was having second thoughts about me while I was away for a few days. Apparently, he spent time with my best friend who set us up. She asked him to hypothetically propose to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1562

You deserved it

145

Favorite

By no boobies - United States

Today, while shopping for dresses, I found a really cute one that fit me really well, but not at all in the breast area. My grandma screamed "buy her some titties!" Everyone in the store looked at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52634

You deserved it

4353

Favorite

By Anonymous - Ireland

Today, my housemate got back at me for asking for her share of a bill by losing her virginity to the guy I like, very loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31395

You deserved it

2781

Favorite

By fuckoffgran - Ireland

Today, my grandma told everyone at our party to stay away from me, saying, "Ya might catch obesity from her and become fatass porkers too." I complained to my dad, at which point my gran faked being inebriated. My dad rolled his eyes and said, "She's DRUNK, honey. Chill out." FML

I agree, your life sucks

48344

You deserved it

5669

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked in on my daughter lighting candles around one of her friends, who'd fallen asleep while her other friends chanted something in a different language. They still won't tell me what they were doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53791

You deserved it

5379

Favorite

By cedechan - United States - Tucson

Today, I got food poisoning at work. I had my head in the toilet when the auto flush decided to turn on. The force of the flush was so powerful half of what I threw up splashed back into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30605

You deserved it

2453

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Blahp | 0

#240300 - Thursday 28 May 2009 22:59

That's kinda the problem with computers... any human would have just been like "whatever."

By jet_fml | 0

#240330 - Thursday 28 May 2009 23:03

Why wouldn't you pay 27 cents?

COMMENTS

By Jupi_fml | 2

#240266 - Thursday 28 May 2009 22:53

Wow. I've heard of companies letting things go a lot further before they interrupt service. Cripes.

By RavensRule97 | 0

#240268 - Thursday 28 May 2009 22:53

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By Hasan34 | 0

#240269 - Thursday 28 May 2009 22:54

Third!!

By BlueShades152 | 0

#240292 - Thursday 28 May 2009 22:58

Um...why not, fourth.

By HeyitsPheddy | 0

#240297 - Thursday 28 May 2009 22:58

That sucks. And 6th :)

By Blahp | 0

#240300 - Thursday 28 May 2009 22:59

That's kinda the problem with computers... any human would have just been like "whatever."

By uhmfml | 0

#240301 - Thursday 28 May 2009 22:59

That sucks

By glamorous67 | 0

#240310 - Thursday 28 May 2009 23:00

umm that sucks but its not the end of the world, still fyl its annoying
oh and im gonna break the chain going on here...

By fml1358 | 0

#240312 - Thursday 28 May 2009 23:00

oh wow that sucks

By Soak | 0

#240325 - Thursday 28 May 2009 23:02

My friend once got arrested for owing less than 30 cents =(