Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me because he loves toilets.... - FML

By Anonymous - 4/5/2009 12:37 - Canada

Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me because he loves toilets. Everyone was sleeping so I went pee but didnt flush. My cat jumped onto the seat and fell in. I had to lift him out and then wash him. He hates water though, so I was scratched by my cat who was dripping with my own pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44895

You deserved it

28770

Tweet

Share

Alexa, play "Paranoid" by Black Sabbath

This is us

Tonight, on Grey's Anatomy…

By Username - 1/5/2014 10:33 - United States

Today, my dog died. My parents told me to bury it out back. In the process, I managed to dig up my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53300

You deserved it

4467

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/4/2012 10:32 - United States - Singapore

Today, I was bragging about how I had lost 10 pounds. Grinning, I pulled my shirt up and tried to show how big my jeans were on me. Instead, the button flew off my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10807

You deserved it

30131

Tweet

Share

By Me - 20/6/2011 16:14 - United States

Today, I finally went to the bathroom after being constipated for two days. The good news? I lost two pounds. The bad news? The toilet won't flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39384

You deserved it

5583

Tweet

Share

By Gayer men’s team - 2/11/2017 04:00

Go Team!

Today, I was sexting my girlfriend when I accidentally sent one to my swim team’s group chat. This means that 19 men got a picture of me flexing with everything on display. Worst part? I got more compliments from them than I ever got from my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3681

You deserved it

1296

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/1/2011 19:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about our new year's resolutions. I started telling him that I wanted to lose some weight. He interrupted me, saying, "Yeah yeah, we all know you're fat, whatever." He then went on a 30 minute speech about how he'd really like to take more pictures of his cat in 2011. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31360

You deserved it

6238

Tweet

Share

By anon - 1/2/2016 16:37 - United States

Today, I visited my 90-year-old great-grandmother and her boyfriend. This wouldn't be a problem, if this boyfriend wasn't different than the one she had yesterday. She told me not to tell him about "the other one". FML

I agree, your life sucks

21678

You deserved it

1681

Tweet

Share

By ThatNewCarSmell - 1/10/2014 16:53 - United States - Carlsbad

Today, I held my bag of burger and fries out the window while driving, to preserve that new car smell. Not only did I hit a pothole and lose my lunch, I got pulled over by a cop who suspected I was either littering or tossing drugs when I saw him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21850

You deserved it

45418

Tweet

Share

By Poopalipa - 8/1/2009 07:42 - United States

Today, I woke up late, didn't shave, didn't have time to iron my clothes, didn't eat breakfast, and ran into the office with beads of sweat running down my face. The meeting had been cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24774

You deserved it

3264

Tweet

Share

By fuckmylife - 28/4/2009 08:45 - United States

Today, I decided to be the sober housemate for the first time in a while. I drove my drunk friends to the bar and back and even bought them pizza before they passed out in the living room. I get repaid by catching my wasted housemate in my room peeing all over my floor, bed, and nightstand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58181

You deserved it

8312

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/2/2012 06:05 - United States

Today, my car key clicker wouldn't let me in. After a few frustrating minutes, I realized that, besides electronic capabilities, it's also an actual key that fits in a hole to unlock my door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7619

You deserved it

40940

Tweet

Share

By Dude - 21/1/2010 11:41 - United Kingdom

Today, I went back to school after missing the first 2 weeks of the new school year. I got grilled in my first lesson by my teacher for "gallivanting around on holiday in some sunny place" when I should've been at school learning. My dad had died from liver cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62408

You deserved it

2921

Tweet

Share

By Username - 11/1/2011 09:45

Today, I found out my boyfriend is only with me because he's in love with my sister, who turned him down repeatedly, and I'm the closest he can now get. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36840

You deserved it

3454

Tweet

Share

By Mac - 16/9/2009 17:05 - France

Today, I was called by my son's school. They said he'd been forging my signature and comments in his reading book. He didn't forge them. I don't know what's worse: my handwriting looking like a 6 year old's, or being too cowardly to admit it. He has a week of lunch detention, but I still have my dignity. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11351

You deserved it

115315

Tweet

Share

By Now Single - 3/4/2011 08:06 - Reserved

Today, I got back from vacation and walked in on my boyfriend and my brother in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

118384

You deserved it

8343

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/12/2013 00:58 - United States - Dekalb

Today, I found out I was passed over for the promotion I've wanted for 9 months at the fast food restaurant I work in. Who got the job? The 16 year old girl I trained 2 weeks ago. Their excuse was, "She has ambition." I'm going to college for food service management. She failed her drug test. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55407

You deserved it

4211

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/11/2018 12:00

Today, while I was fitting a new fuse box, a giant spider tried to eat my fingers. As I pulled away, I touched the exposed wires. I woke up flat on my back to the customer slapping my face, burnt fingers, and bruises everywhere. I had also peed and shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3299

You deserved it

463

Tweet

Share

By BRELLA - 3/2/2009 19:58 - United States

The wrong kind of banging

Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with a girl from home who I'd wanted for a long time. She has low blood pressure problems though, and when things got hot, she passed out while she was on top of me, fell and hit her head on the night stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50912

You deserved it

3916

Tweet

Share

By PissOffPottermore - 13/9/2012 14:31 - United States - Oak Lawn

Today, I was called into my son's school because he had got into a fist-fight with another pupil and I had to take him home. He clammed up about the reason behind the fight, until I finally managed to coax it out of him: the other kid is in "Hufflepuff" and he's in "Ravenclaw." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29065

You deserved it

4477

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/1/2010 00:29 - Canada

Today, I entered my bedroom, ready to play some COD on my xbox 360. Instead, I find a note where my xbox used to be. It read "You think you can cheat on me and get away with it? Fuck you. I smashed the hell out of your stupid xbox." It was signed by my girlfriend. I never cheated on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41740

You deserved it

3441

Tweet

Share

By welp - 28/10/2015 04:11 - United States - Belton

Today, I was making a homemade pizza for myself. I've been unhappy lately, so I arranged the pepperoni in the shape of a smiley face to cheer myself up. The pizza burned. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26594

You deserved it

3517

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/11/2012 05:08 - United States - Surprise

Today, I had surgery on my arm. My mom has recently had the same surgery and my dad is having his first rib removed and won't be able to move his arm. My family combined now has three functioning arms. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26640

You deserved it

1882

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/8/2014 16:27 - Canada - Saint John

Today, after ignoring my concerns and declaring that "safety equipment's for pussies", my husband went rock climbing for the first time. He only sprained his ankle, but is acting like it's broken. He's now playing video games in bed and pissing in a bucket because walking is "too painful". FML

I agree, your life sucks

45064

You deserved it

4884

Tweet

Share

By Violated - 9/12/2009 08:47 - United States

Today, I fell asleep on the train and accidentally wound up resting my head on a strange man's shoulder. When I woke up, I discovered that not only did he not object, but he decided to return the favor by resting his hand on my thigh. I was wearing a skirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13734

You deserved it

19080

Tweet

Share

By soembarassed - 18/3/2016 18:26 - Vietnam - Ho Chi Minh City

Today, a man kept talking and laughing like an idiot all through the movie I was watching. I thought he was high, so I called him a moron and told him to shut the hell up. It turned out he wasn't high. He was just "special". FML

I agree, your life sucks

18710

You deserved it

11065

Tweet

Share

By cachow - 6/9/2009 04:35 - United States

Today, I was cutting the grass when I saw a man staring at me from my neighbor's garage. This went on for 5 minutes until I finally yelled 'hello'. There was no response, and I was creeped out, so I called my neighbor. It was a life-sized Paul McCartney cutout. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13859

You deserved it

36238

Tweet

Share

By papergirl - 24/4/2009 15:47 - United States

Today, I went to a fancy restaurant. I was coming right from work and brought a change of clothes with me. I parked in an empty corner of the parking lot to change. As I was pulling my pants up, I noticed that I was facing an apartment complex where an old guy was watching me from his balcony. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39175

You deserved it

19506

Tweet

Share

By ilikecake - 29/5/2009 11:12 - United Arab Emirates

Today, it was my boyfriend's 24th birthday. His friends were throwing him a surprise party and I was in charge of getting his birthday cake. As a joke, I got it in the shape of a penis, with a graphic marzipan design. Funny, I never knew his overly-conservative parents were invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16325

You deserved it

53236

Tweet

Share

By libraries are a girl's best friend - 19/7/2013 21:53 - United States - Elizabethtown

Today, my dad grounded me for swearing, after I read a funny comment on Youtube to my sister. The supposed swear word? "YOLO." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40840

You deserved it

35562

Tweet

Share

By Really? - 31/12/2016 01:54 - Australia - Homebush

Today, during an endless heat wave, I sat at my local pub having a beer. I was delighted as a cool sea breeze started to come through. I was less delighted when the sea breeze picked up and blew cigarette ash onto my sweaty face and into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8417

You deserved it

1114

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/9/2010 04:01 - United States

Today, I went to a school football game alone. I sat next to these hot girls. To seem cool, I picked up my phone and had a fake conversation with the coolest guy in the grade. Halfway through, he came over and talked to the girls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8642

You deserved it

62344

Tweet

Share

By EllieJ - 23/3/2011 15:22

Today, I opened a cupboard and a brick fell on my head. The same brick my mum put up there to "keep it out of the way". FML

I agree, your life sucks

35796

You deserved it

4361

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/10/2012 13:09 - United States

Today, after 6 months of training and going to the gym every day, I realized that the only thing I've lost is $300 worth of gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23455

You deserved it

5068

Tweet

Share

By Albert - 26/4/2020 17:00

Useless

Today, I used up the last of my deodorant for a business meeting on Zoom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

602

You deserved it

1254

Tweet

Share

By llmd - 10/8/2010 04:30 - Canada

Today, I called my boyfriend just to hear his voice since I haven't seen him in a while. His mom picked up and said "Chris isn't here right now, he's with his girlfriend. Do you want to leave him a message." We've been dating for 4 and a half months now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39493

You deserved it

3952

Tweet

Share

By 205 - 13/11/2009 21:23 - United States

Today, after getting my car completely fixed after it being damaged for a year, I was driving and the entire side panel on the car fell off. The repair man forgot to put the screws back in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33624

You deserved it

2131

Tweet

Share

By robbed - 14/10/2010 02:25 - United States

Today, I realized I was happy because we finally started having friends come visit us after months of not having company. I also realized that our secret stash of money was stolen last night while we had company. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28701

You deserved it

4366

Tweet

Share

By Anthony - 14/4/2016 23:15 - France

Today, on a train, a little boy and girl come up to me and ask how babies are made. Already pretty uncomfortable with their question, their mother suddenly appears and says, "Go on, tell them!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

24039

You deserved it

1633

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/2/2018 08:30

Today, I asked my boyfriend of 7 months to come over on Valentine's Day so I can cook dinner for him. He asked if he could invite his wife over as well. Guess who's newly single right before Valentine's Day! FML

I agree, your life sucks

4417

You deserved it

544

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/4/2009 04:11 - United States

Today, my roommate hooked up with a guy she met at a party. After telling me about it, she says to me, "Maybe next time we go out we'll hit someone over the head and drag him back here for you." Apparently the only way I can get a guy is if he's unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49798

You deserved it

5218

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/10/2013 21:26 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I realized I have erectile dysfunction while drunk, and premature ejaculation while sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53763

You deserved it

6248

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By rt523 | 0

#168272 - Monday 4 May 2009 20:32

thats why you flush. gross.

By Rainbow_Monkey | 0

#168277 - Monday 4 May 2009 20:33

Next time, flush. And wash your hands, too.

Comments

By housemd1120 | 0

#168266 - Monday 4 May 2009 20:31

At least it was your pee...

Not really a FML

Reply

b182link | 0

#1029476 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:50

why does your cat love toilets? that's weird

Reply

isaiaha11 | 2

#1114482 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 18:04

likes toilets but not water?

Reply

Cupcakeshizz | 0

#1183319 - Tuesday 3 August 2010 20:09

that was exactly what I was thinking haha

Reply

goldhighways | 0

#1661926 - Sunday 7 November 2010 9:49

my cats love toilets too for some reason

By hotrainrider | 0

#168269 - Monday 4 May 2009 20:32

that's what I call "cat scratch pee-ver"

Reply

ugottalaugh | 0

#1737779 - Tuesday 23 November 2010 1:13

ah ha...very clever lol!!

By rt523 | 0

#168272 - Monday 4 May 2009 20:32

thats why you flush. gross.

Reply

SonOfAMitch | 14

#4710607 - Friday 20 July 2012 5:48

Normally I would agree to a comment like this ... only the fact of the circumstances of OP.

1) I wouldn't want to wake up MY family by flushing the toilet, I would do it in the morning when everyone was awake (IMO)

2) I find it lucky that OP didn't flush otherwise the cat might've drowned or gone down the toilet!

OP, I'm sorry that you got scratched, maybe keep the lid closed next time, FYL.

By CaffiendCA | 0

#168276 - Monday 4 May 2009 20:33

If it's any consolation, your pee was probably cleaner than the cat!

By Rainbow_Monkey | 0

#168277 - Monday 4 May 2009 20:33

Next time, flush. And wash your hands, too.

Reply

warsun | 27

#5910396 - Thursday 10 April 2014 14:54

OP didn't want to accidently wake up the family.

Reply

thatguy3812 | 25

#6722086 - Tuesday 13 December 2016 6:04

It's still gross to not flush the toilet

By maii_fml | 0

#168281 - Monday 4 May 2009 20:34

i agree with #5

By rapperhermit | 0

#168286 - Monday 4 May 2009 20:35

What kind of clumsy cat is this? Aren't cats supposed to be surefooted?

By LilKonvicted | 0

#168311 - Monday 4 May 2009 20:41

What #5 said

By thelonelylurker | 0

#168314 - Monday 4 May 2009 20:41

Ew... flush. Also, your cat is hilarious, he loves toilets?

By Jess_17 | 0

#168318 - Monday 4 May 2009 20:43

Um I feel this is why you should always flush the toilet just sayin'