Animals: Today, my cat sneezed directly into my open eyeball. FML

By ciotter - 08/01/2011 08:57 - United States

Today, my cat sneezed directly into my open eyeball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 590

You deserved it 5 391

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By CatofSteel - 05/03/2017 22:00

Today, my cat cracked my phone screen by sneezing on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 895

You deserved it 570

By Anonymous - 16/05/2016 00:25 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I gave my cat a little kiss on the head. Just as I was about to tell him I love him, he sneezed directly into my face. It's been two hours and I still can't get the taste of cat snot out of my mouth. I probably need to get a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 002

You deserved it 3 648

No napping, only feeding

By Not Helping - 06/07/2022 02:59 - United States - Steele

Today, I've had a cold that just won't go away for the past few days. After staying painfully awake for most of the day, I eventually fell asleep in the afternoon. When I woke up, I found my hungry cat sitting on my chest. She then sneezed in my face and walked out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 188

Not now, honey

By rhya4n - 15/05/2012 19:27 - Denmark - Herlev

Today, while I was applying some eyeliner, my cat jumped onto the counter and managed to headbutt me. The wand scratched a good portion of my eyeball, and now for the next few weeks, I will have to deal with the pain of a corneal abrasion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 033

You deserved it 3 370

By lol - 06/12/2009 14:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I sneezed while brushing my teeth and ended up with toothpaste in my eye. I haven't been able to see clearly for two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 781

You deserved it 4 017

By Ahhwtf - 18/08/2009 11:47 - United States

Today, my nose was itchy. As I reached towards it to itch it, I sneezed ridiculously hard. I punched myself in the eye and now it's all purple and puffy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 725

You deserved it 9 807

Too stupid

By Anonymous - 15/02/2020 01:00

Today, I was picking my nose so aggressively that I flicked a booger right into my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 479

You deserved it 2 262

By yuck - 15/11/2011 14:38 - United Kingdom

Today, I was cleaning mouse remains from the kitchen floor, left by my cat. I found a small round thing nearby. With no idea what it was, I picked it up and gave it a little squeeze to see if it was solid. It wasn't, and burst with great force onto my face. I'm pretty sure it was an eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 015

You deserved it 17 414

By Anonymous - 01/08/2009 04:32 - United States

Today, my cat ran outside. As I ran around the side of my house to get her, I felt a gigantic spiderweb land on my face. I also felt a light thud on my eye and it started to tear up. I ran inside and looked in a mirror, the spider was in my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 794

You deserved it 3 471

By can't breathe - 22/11/2010 11:33 - Australia

Today, I was feeling nauseous and my cat was comforting me. I breathed in through my nose, and my cat's fur caused me to sneeze. I sneezed so hard, I threw up out my nose. Nothing will get rid of the smell from within my nasal cavity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 438

You deserved it 3 967

ROFLBERRYPIE 0

Saturday 8 January 2011 16:00

YDI for not wearing safety goggles around your cat?

CANNIBALx 0

Saturday 8 January 2011 16:02

I think you liked it.

Comments

dollfaceeRAWRR 0

Monday 10 January 2011 18:35

lmfaoo too funny ah my kittys are just as rude my female like to fart in my facee lmaoo cats

noir_reves 3

Tuesday 11 January 2011 3:12

my cat does that crap too

SoFreshAndYetDep 0

Tuesday 11 January 2011 11:08

Sarcasm? Why yes, that was very sarcastic. *Sarcasm*

TheShard1994 5

Wednesday 12 January 2011 23:06

hahahaha!! XD I actually laughed at this x'D

im2awsome34 0

Tuesday 18 January 2011 2:07

lol!!!

b3ll4b00 0

Sunday 27 March 2011 19:29

this one really made me laugh! but wat I want to know is y the hell would the cats nose be so close to your eye? and did u at least say bless you?!

blinkingstarlet 15

Tuesday 19 July 2011 23:19

bahahahahahahahahahahahaha love it

LiamOFlaherty 9

Tuesday 9 August 2011 15:41

How was your EYEBALL open?!

garciadani 0

Monday 5 September 2011 9:35

That's why you don't have cats as pets.

fuckyouimawesome 1

Wednesday 7 September 2011 23:01

Lol that's just funny

Keywords

Boredom Transportation Annoying Music Awkward Cars Embarrassing Kids Family Babysitter Relatable Thief Money Food Miscellaneous Gross Farts Mental health Health Depression Weird AITA Pregnancy Creepy Facebook Star Wars Social Media Wanker Work Bodyshaming

The Top

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house for the first time. I cracked a joke that offended her, so she gave me the silent treatment. I had to pee, and since she wouldn't tell me where the bathroom was, I went to look for it. I walked in on her parents making love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 254

You deserved it 7 783

Today, we went to disperse my father's ashes in his favorite lake. My brother was anxious to show off to his new wife, and took us to a fancy resort on the lake. He fell into the lake with my dad's ashes. Nobody laughed when he got out. Oh and as he's a stingy ass, I ended up paying for the trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 122

The Top

Today, while working at Subway, I was called a "terrorist" and other names by a customer 'behind my back'. I made him the best sandwich I'd ever made, in order to leave a good impression. Then I had to say the wonderful words, "Your total is $9.11." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 193

You deserved it 148

Today, I was invited to an engagement. My crush is getting engaged next month to a man she told me she hated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 719

You deserved it 239

Today, I once again had to apologise to a date for cumming too fast as they stormed out the door angry at me. I don’t get it, I’m in shape, I don’t watch porn, and I’ve even had therapy, so why can’t I last longer than 15 seconds before busting my load like an inexperienced teen? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 258

You deserved it 467

Today, whilst singing at school in front of 300 visiting primary school children I forgot the second verse to my song and let out an F*** word with the microphone still up to my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 366

You deserved it 39 565

Today, I got this beautiful girl's number at a bar. After the night was over, I was pretty drunk and sent too many drunk Snapchats. When I'd sobered up, I deleted them. She asked why I deleted them, so I said because I was drunk and didn't remember what I sent. She hasn't messaged me back since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 265

You deserved it 1 289

Today, I realized that the only times I get to hang out with my friends outside of school are when one of them accidentally mentions plans in front of me and they are obligated by social protocol to invite me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 693

You deserved it 3 240

Same thing different taste

No napping, only feeding

Not now, honey

Too stupid

Top comments

Comments