Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Suddenly, he grabbed my 'lower' lips and moved them in a talking motion, proclaiming that "the talking vagina declares war and wants to conquer the great penis." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. After removing my underwear, he started singing "In the jungle, the mighty jungle..." FML
Today, as my boyfriend was about to go down on me, he held his breath and said, "I'm going in!" FML
Today, after going down on my boyfriend, we were cuddling and I went to kiss him. Just before I could reach his lips, he ran his finger over my mouth and whispered, "S-s-s-semen." FML
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Just as I was about to orgasm, he pulled away and said that my vagina is like a mask and that he feels like Bane from Batman. He's been talking in a Bane voice to my vagina for 30 minutes now. I guess sex is over. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Right as I was really getting into it, he pauses, frowns, and says, "I think I see the pee hole." FML
Today, I watched my boyfriend have a full on conversation with his penis. He also talks to his penis nicer than he talks to me. FML
Today, as I was about to orgasm while my boyfriend was giving me oral sex, I tightened my grip on his hair and began shouting his name. He stopped, looked up at me, and said, "What?" FML
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Top comments
We_Li_Ve_Fr_Ee 0
Boyfriend Win, simply put.
okieraider71 4
All that evil needs to win the day is for men of good character to do nothing. All hail the great penis.
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Comments (387)
brownlace 0
wack
dessymania 0
lmfao
88sforlife 0
Thiz Iz Simply Epic
csigabajnok 0
after watching the movie "Teeth" yesterday, this FML just added to the horror i've been carrying since then :P
gzat166 0
win!!
lucy_looo 0
Omg! That's hilarious, haha what an epic boyfriend! ;D
shadowsbane 0
Surely he is a god among men!
oliviap97 3
haha I'm sorry u need to let him have a cat scan
Ultimate_Cynic 0
The funniest thing about this? Imagining that already-absurd statement being delivered with an Australian accent.
gravygecko 2
My girlfriend used to do that herself. It used to crack me up when she would make it say, "FEED ME!" It must suck to date someone with no sense of humor.