Today, my boyfriend texted me, saying, "I'm running a bath. Wanna come over and learn about water displacement?" I excitedly drove over, thinking he wanted to have some fun. No, he really did want to teach me about water displacement. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I thought my boyfriend wanted to be romantic by pouring a bath, getting in then calling me in. As I get comfortable, he stands up and gets out. At the same time, I notice yellow water. He'd pissed in the tub for a joke. FML
Today, my boyfriend looked at me and suggestively told me to take a shower. He's leaving for two days so I humored him, thinking he wanted to do it in the shower. I waited for 20 minutes before he knocked on the door, telling me he needed to shower as well. He just wanted me to take a shower. FML
Today, I was texting my boyfriend and things were getting a little steamy. He said, "I really want you right now." So, of course, I told him to come over. To which he replied, "Nah." FML
Today, my boyfriend started freaking out about how his penis floats in water. Baths with him will never be the same again. FML
Today, my boyfriend pointed out that the water bill is getting kind of high. I suggested that we shower together to save water. He said he'd rather deal with the high water bill. FML
Today, I caught my boyfriend in the bathtub interrogating his penis and "drowning" it when it wouldn't answer him. FML
Today, my husband and I were talking about how we missed our sexting from when we were dating, so later I took a bath and texted him while he was relaxing in bed. His response ? "I'm tired and hurry up I need to poop." FML
Today, I sent my boyfriend a text asking him to come over a little later and have some "fun" with me. He texted back, "WTF babe? Breaking Bad's on tonight. You got a dildo, fucking use it." FML
Today, my boyfriend decided to come over and surprise me. When he got to my apartment and heard the shower running, he decided get in and join me. I was walking my dog, my mother is in town for the weekend. FML
Today, I was feeling horny, so I told my boyfriend, who lives 30 minutes away, that "I really needed him". He replied, "Did you fall in the toilet again?" FML
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Top comments
DragonzCreator 3
It just goes to show, guys aren't always thinking about sex.
Psych101 9
Hopefully you learned something. Both about water displacement and how literal your boyfriend is.
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Comments (179)
emeraldisle 30
What a clever way to get you to come over.
absolutegrrr 7
No. The whole point of the fml is that that was actually the reason for her to come over, it wasn't a 'clever way' at all. Pay attention.
emeraldisle 30
No shit that's what her boyfriend really meant. I meant he was being clever and didn't even mean to. He got her to come over thinking he wanted to shag. I'm sure they'll end up doing that anyway.
TheFirstSamurai 18
Water disappointment that must've been.
Chill_Turtle95 3
I see what you did there.
Psych101 9
122- Oh good, I thought it was way too subtle.
Ynasia 5
We all learn things everyday, I suppose...although it's odd to call your girlfriend over just for that type of thing.
misspulkadot24 17
You, my friend, are dating a realist.
abyssal_angel 6
No. He's a literalist.
uhnevermind 24
YDI for not letting yourself enjoy the pleasures of learning. XD
iiTzNeeNerz 26
You're obviously new here....
dominic1221 6
"For once"? Haha, yeah, keep telling yourself girls don't have quite the sex drive too.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
He did wanna have fun. His idea of fun is teaching you about water displacement. You're dating Sheldon. Water you thinking, OP?
Gremlinswife 13
Haha I was thinking the same thing!
nonnieluv 9
Sheldon cooper is asexual Amy farafaller is a girl that is his friend. And if I was dating Jim parsons it would still be weird considering he is gay and I'm a female. Oh and he's engaged. Nonetheless he is amazing.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Say wha?
SilverGTP99 8
Your so gay.
trqskq 14
You never know, he could quiz you on it and then reward you with sex. That would mean you could learn something new and enjoy doing so.
KMtheDrummer 6
Evidently, she didn't pass.
BatGirl596 6
Well that's a new one! I don't even know what the **** water displacement is anyway...
ideasrule 13
There's nothing that pisses me off more than people who are not only ignorant, but proud of their ignorance. It's fine to not know something, but you could have googled "water displacement" and found out what it was in 10 seconds.
BatGirl596 6
I'm sorry I don't have Internet where I'm at and I'm on my phone right now and I'm not even allowed on the Internet on my phone so I'm sorry that I have offended you in any way
whyusofat 17
Woah woah woah! You have internet to comment on FML but not google water displacement?
BatGirl596 6
Yes because my dad likes to be stupid and say I can't go on the Internet like ummm yea safari that's what it's called on my phone and I have blonde moments here and there soooo I'm seriously really sorry!!! I'm still only in high school almost got held back last year
BatGirl596 6
Dear god I hate my self even more now... I am really sorry I feel do bad I didn't mean to say that... I have split personalities and it sucks.. I'm really truly sorry guys
br0ccoli 15
Batgirl, for next time, don't use a lie as an explanation. Sometimes the best answer is silence. This is true in life also.
Axipiter 24
I have to say, I've seen "My brother/sister/friend posted that, don't thumb me down". But "Sorry, my other self did it"!? Wow. Kudos to you on originality; transparency as well.
BatGirl596 6
Guys I'm sorry about my little sister! This her older brother. She forgot to sign out at my house last week. She's a little "special" as you can say and since she was 10 she had split personalities. Again I am so sorry about her.
skullofdarkness 18
Heyyy take it easy, my guess is that she's fairly young, and just isn't that interested in science- I rarely look things up that I've seen on here. As for the Internet thing, yeahhh that she'll have to come up with an answer for... :/
Dracoboxer357 36
^ Batgirl, stop, drop, and listen: I'm not going to spank you for your commentary, I'm first going to teach you basic water displacement, as you probably Are aware of what it is, just not what it's called. You notice when you fill up your bath tub to the Top, there's no room for you in it? And if you got in, the tub would overflow? That's you, displacing the water with the volume of your body. You take up room in the tub that the water would Normally have occupied. Your body moves the water and adds to it's total volume, more or less. That easy. Secondly, breathe! Slow down, read the comment, please read it again, google what you don't understand, then reply after some thought. You'll seldom look the fool that way. Just do better next time, it's all anyone can ask from you now. ;P Good luck.
the_true_batman 10
My problem is that she associates herself with the Batman, a scientist, and she herself is nowhere near a scientist. The Batman is the greatest scientist ever, if you don't know what water displacement is (when it's literally what the words mean, the displacement of water), you don't deserve to be associated with him (me) at all.