By benander - 15/09/2009 21:14 - United States

Spicy
Today, I was in the bathroom defecating when I felt something hanging there. I reached back with toilet paper and starting pulling it out inch by inch; 3 feet later I learned I had a tapeworm. Worst of all, no pharmacy has the med the doctor prescribed. I have to live with this thing until the med gets here. FML
I agree, your life sucks 68 881
You deserved it 4 093

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I hope to fucking God no one does a comic for this one.

this is oone of the nastiest FMLs ever

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What did you eat?

this is oone of the nastiest FMLs ever

EWWWW. can't you just pull it out though?

first!!!!

*My tapeworm tells me what to do!* *Pull the tapeworm out of your ass (HEY!)* System of a Down rocks :P

Yeah really, what did OP eat to get a 3 foot tapeworm? /flashes to CSI when the tapeworm crawls out of that guy's mouth //i can only imagine how disgusting it would be to pull a tapeworm out of one's ass ///slashies

i wonder that too. grosssssss

think of it as this... you can eat whatever you want cause it will eat everything you eat

Undercooked salmon.

that has got to be one of the worst ways to find out you have a tapeworm. protip: always fully cook hamburger meat and other grinded up meats

Hilarious indeed.

Na, the tapeworm is usually in the larvae or early stages on the food, so it could even be smaller than a grain of rice. Then when it gets inside of you and starts feeding on your chewed-up food, it starts growing. It's fucking disgusting.

I hope to fucking God no one does a comic for this one.

Agreed with you there #138. There has to be a line drawn somewhere. *shiver* Thank sweet-mother-of-pancakes fmylife.com taught me to not ever eat and read FMLs at the same time long ago.

Can't just pull it out, it would just break and segment and you'd still have the head surviving inside you. The only thing that kills it is the medicine. Side note, there are quite a few ways to get a tapeworm, but the most common method is feco-oral contact. Another side note to another reply here; Being a vegetarian doesn't matter, in fact vegetarians have a higher instance of hookworms and thread worms.

OP could have eaten a vary large number of things, any of which undercooked, and containing tape worm larva or eggs could have led to the condition. It is not un-heard of. from Google: Tapeworm infection is acquired by eating raw or undercooked meat of infected animals. Beef generally carry Taenia saginata (T. saginata) while pigs carry Taenia solium (T. solium). In the human intestine, the larvae from the infected meat develop into the adult tapeworm -- which can grow to longer than 12 feet. OP, sounds like you were lucky yours was a weenie tape worm, otherwise you would have been pulling out of your ass an animal over twice your own height. talking about freaking the fuck out. On the other hand you could always try to train it to do tricks. That would be the life of any party. "oh yeah, fuck your toy poodle, watch what my ass worm can do!"

#138, that just made me lmao. Almost literally :P

I hope it didnt take your virginity

ahhh...mental picture!

@256 - read the OP's reply. it was undercooked salmon. but OP never said he prepared the salmon, so it's not necessarily his fault it was undercooked. @138 - *starts drawing*

omg that almost made me piss my pants o.o lmfao :P Yeah screw your poodle! my ass worm can jump through hoops *fart* oops there it goes.

#138 pretty much rule 34'd that one. Everything is doomed

you should really learn to pull out

that trick idea just made my night lol

I was eating cereal when i read this, 200. FML.

omg when my mom was small samethimg happened my granddad pulled it out my mom did the samething wity ten of her sibs

64- You can't just pull them out all at once. They're extremely long and 3 feet was nothing. They break off into pieces.

134- cute baby u got there :P sorry I just had to point tht out

I wonder if op named it "Robbie the magical tapeworm"

WOW #138! You are REALLY smart for knowing that even tho ur just a baby who likes to open his eyes REALLY wide!!! I learned a lot from ur comment!

That is so disgusting but you should have pulled it out. It's not like anything bad could have happened.

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FIRST!! reply to you:)

stick the sucker halfway down the toilet and flush! :)

I kinda like how this is in the "intimacy" section xD getting intimate with a worm I see ;D

I wish I could pull a tapeworm out every time I pood. It's like floss for your inner anus.

if anything was fml-worthy, this would be it.

Yuck. E.R. maybe?

At least you got it out?

No. They can grow to rediculous lengths. And, the worst part is...it's a worm. Like all other worms, if you cut it in half...it regenerates. =X

thats not actually true, urban myth

Nah, it's true, for most worms anyways. Not all.

actually tapeworms are segmented, so it will just keep growing. that's probably what happened to this poor soul; they just pulled out a 3 foot segment of the tapeworm. [shudders]

What makes you think there is only one of those in there? There could be a whole colony in there. Good thing the OP discovered it before he got too sick.

worms gave multiple hearts. as long as 1 segment has a heart it can regenerate. this is why i never eat raw/ undercooked meat n salmon, even sushi. Not getting f*****g worms. Well done ftw

#288 they dont make u that sick. Just constipated n cramps. I hear some worms have benefits (reaf it in New Scientist) like stopping asthma for the duration of the worms stay.

4th I WIN hahahahahahahahahahahahHa

Fail,you lose.

shit!!!! :D but seriously, wtf

WHAT THE FUCK. This NEEDS to be illustrated. I cannot back that enough.

hahahahaha

*shudder* Yuckkk, if they illustrate it I hope it doesn't look as realistic as the image in my mind right now. x( This is one of the grossest FMLs I've ever read. Eww.

You can't make me do it, even if I was paid. I have standards.

A guy ate food (on purpose) with tapeworm eggs in it (are they eggs? idk) and let it grow. about 2 months later he had a worm removed from his intestines that was huge. Human Biology has taught me some pretty gross stuff :S

I think perhaps the OP meant that the information was very intimate to share, not necessarily that it was about intimacy. Telling someone that a worm came out of your butthole is pretty intimate (as in I'd have to be close to someone to share it), but not in a sexual way.

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Well it's not his fault that he didn't want to say "I was taking a crap."

You are a prick. I just thought you should know.

What else was he supposed to say? "Today, a flurry of chocolate McNuggets erupted from my asshole with the fury of Mt. Vesuvius burying Pompeii"?

this comment and replies wins EPICALLY.

this. is. awesome! i think i may love you its epic

#25, you win so hard XD FYL, OP. Hopefully the meds come in asap.

You do realize, dspadres, that you spelled "bear" wrong in your post? Kinda ruins your credibility to go bashing other people's English skills when yours are lacking in itself.

Tapeworm would like to battle! Tapeworm sent out itself! Asshole sent out chocolate fudge! Chocolate Fudge used defagate! Aka dspadre Its not very effective! Tapeworm used asshat! ZOMG Critical Hit! It super effective! Asshole fainted and regurgitated Anal Fecal Matter! Asshole Browned Out!

allmidnighteyes, you are my new hero

#14 - you clearly aren't as smart as you wanted to make yourself out to be. if you were as smart as the average person, you would realize the term "defecate" is what is scientifically correct, therefore something that is also ok to say in normal conversation... much better than saying "i'm taking a shit or crap" ... idiot.

pretty sure he already knew that and was bagging out the OP for feeling obliged to use the correct terminology rather than some other crude word.

Oh my god. I LOL'd so hard. You win.

The following people just got trolled by dspadres: Epic_Phailure, kitkatkelly, allmidnighteyes (though your response makes it worth it), nitrous2401, vwe. @LilaBear: bingo.

I know he was trolling, it was pretty obvious that it was. I just needed an excuse to post what I posted :]

This is going to be my Facebook status for the next week. You are amazing.

#25 - I wasn't going to read the comments of this FML. I wanted to forget it and move on. I don't know what possessed me to change my mind, all I know is I'm glad I did.

allmidnighteyes, I think I love you for that. lol

You, my friend... you are my ultimate hero.

OMG, allmidnighteyes. You seriously made me laugh so hard my mom thought I was coughing. I agree,^^^ E.P.I.C. Your seriously like my hero:P

25 , you are fucking hilarious .

I hope you're joking.