Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday, and I thought I'd surprise...

By jane smith - Australia

Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday, and I thought I'd surprise him after work by wearing nothing but a smile on his bed. As I heard someone come in, I had a huge smile on my face. Turns out it was his dad and all his friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43389

You deserved it

17975

Favorite

Intimacy

Alexa, play "Paranoid" by Black Sabbath

Zoom this, bitches!

Vibe check

By yeastly - United States - Amery

Today, I was sitting the living room, when my mom commented on the smell of garlic in the air. After ten minutes of searching for the source, she gave up. I was too embarrassed to admit that I'd tried using garlic to cure my yeast infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11928

You deserved it

33673

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss stopped me mid-sentence, scowling and telling me to zip up my fly. It wouldn't have been so embarrassing if I hadn't been in the middle of giving a presentation to not only him, but his own boss and a company executive as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23342

You deserved it

3416

Favorite

By helpme - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I wrote my boyfriend a love letter during class and told him to read it when he got home. He texted me later asking me why I gave him my school assignment. I must have handed the love letter in to my teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27254

You deserved it

7706

Favorite

By ak - United States

Today, I was laying with my girlfriend on the couch. I looked at her and says "You're so beautiful. How did I ever get you?" She replied, "I was drunk." FML

I agree, your life sucks

64562

You deserved it

11321

Favorite

By wastedtime - 13/9/2020 10:57 - United States

Time to run

Today, things were going great with my girlfriend of six months. She knew I had kids and it seemed to be getting serious, so I decided to introduce her to them. After dinner, I walked her to her car and she said, "That’s real nice but what are you going to do with them once you and I have kids?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1992

You deserved it

167

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I finally invited my girlfriend over to meet my oddball parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "So, you're the silly girl who agreed to date my dickhead son." It went downhill from there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49612

You deserved it

6919

Favorite

By cheated

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 7 years has been communicating extensively with his ex, who lives out of state, for over 6 months. She booked flights and a hotel nearby in a month and invited him. He didn't say no. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4684

You deserved it

334

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Roseville

Today, while having sex, my fiancé started talking dirty. I enjoyed it, until he had a brain fart and said, "God, you love fucking my pussy." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35786

You deserved it

4261

Favorite

By Blueberry - United States - Iowa City

Today, I was showering at my dorm. I had my clothes locked in a locker and my towel and robe hanging outside the stall. Someone took off with my towel and robe, which had my keys. I had to walk down three flights of stairs to get an extra key in nothing but a plastic shower curtain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25027

You deserved it

2387

Favorite

By anditburnsburnsburns - United States - Midlothian

Today, I was in a rush, so I was removing my nail polish while using the toilet. Everything was going fine, until I used the toilet paper in my hand to wipe. It was covered in nail polish remover. It still burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39208

You deserved it

20675

Favorite

By Mkimmi - United States - State College

We can tell

Today, I had to fall asleep to my next-door neighbors having sex because our walls are paper thin. What bothered me the most wasn't listening to them doing it, but knowing that she was faking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38161

You deserved it

3688

Favorite

By Chin... uh.... - United States - Phoenix

Today, I've learned two things. One, my Chinese cousins don't know much about the USA, and two, they now believe it's proper manners to shout, "FREEEEDOM" before ending a call with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12706

You deserved it

1479

Favorite

By poorclubgoer - United States

Today, I decided to go to a club with my friends. I was flattered when an attractive guy started dancing with me. Later, I went to grab my money to pay for my dinner and realized while dancing, the very sneaky man pulled my forty dollars out of my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29590

You deserved it

5889

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Lacey

Today, I was at my class's band concert. Before the curtain was raised, I helped haul the piano to a different spot so a girl who would've had to stand behind it could be seen. I said, "There, now your mom can see you play!" She responded with, "My mom's blind." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39079

You deserved it

4046

Favorite

By so unsexy - United States - Seattle

Today, I thought I'd spice things up by kissing my husband on the lips and then working my way down. But about halfway, I got some of his chest hairs lodged in my throat and started gagging. To avoid ruining the mood, I kept going, silently gagging, until we finished. I swallowed the hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18772

You deserved it

5268

Favorite

By heat pumps suck

Today, since moving to a state with relatively milder winters last year, my heating bill has more than doubled. I am now paying more to keep my new apartment at 62 when it is 20 outside, than what I was paying to keep my ancient apartment at 70 when it was minus 14 outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4838

You deserved it

445

Favorite

By Nick - United States

Today, my wife of over 20 years told me she wants a divorce because she wants "a change in life". She has had the same mullet hair cut since '84. FML

I agree, your life sucks

80107

You deserved it

9095

Favorite

By monochrometea - United States

Today, the only thing my downstairs neighbor wanted to talk about with me is how she can hear us go to the bathroom. She also claims that she can tell which one of us is going, based on the noise level. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26789

You deserved it

2351

Favorite

By alikat - United States

Today, I found out that the noise I thought was a mouse in my room was a water bottle shaking when my refrigerator turned on. I stayed up till 4am looking for a mouse that didn't exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20155

You deserved it

44455

Favorite

By TeeJay - United States

Today, it was my birthday, and my wife gave me a sex toy for self-masturbation. She even showed me how to properly use it so I can masturbate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64313

You deserved it

7434

Favorite

By Anais Strongrump III Jr. - United States - Garland

Today, my parents decided to get with the times. So far, they've made me get Snapchat and Instagram accounts, and made me add them on Facebook. They keep acting like annoying teenagers, and get mad at me when I don't play along. For the love of god, somebody save me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48841

You deserved it

5478

Favorite

By sonofanut - United States

Today, I found out my mom has been stealing from me to pay for Scientology courses. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33069

You deserved it

2400

Favorite

By Florida_1827 - United States

Today, I received the 'special' present my mother had sent me for my 21st birthday. I opened the box and saw that my mother had picked out, accessorized and shipped to me, in college, a doll. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24760

You deserved it

4506

Favorite

By halliemarie1818 - United States

Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML

I agree, your life sucks

88334

You deserved it

4651

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Batesville

Today, I decided to change my hair color. After waiting in anticipation, I took a shower to rinse out the dye and reveal my new, blue hair. Rinsing revealed not only blue hair, but blue skin caused by the watered dye running over my body. I now look like a smurf, and it's not coming out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20400

You deserved it

42478

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Corona

Today, my brother got pantsed by his idiot friends. It was a surprise to everyone that he was wearing women's underwear at the time, but even more of a surprise for me that the underwear belonged to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51880

You deserved it

4658

Favorite

By MailMaster - Australia

Today, my new mailbox key finally arrived. Not at the front door as I requested, but in the mailbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39210

You deserved it

2866

Favorite

By bob - Canada

Today, I found out that FedEx delivered my $700 package to the wrong person. The person who signed for it didn't even spell my name right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36316

You deserved it

2598

Favorite

By Username - United States

Today, I found out that you need to clean your car more often when you find a mouldy burrito under the back seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6131

You deserved it

34882

Favorite

By SmellyLeg

Today, my bike slipped on ice and I slid spectacularly for several meters. While my helmet saved me from a cracked skull, nothing could protect me from landing leg-first in the dog poop somebody hadn't bothered to pick up. I had to go to school like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3222

You deserved it

295

Favorite

By AvocadoPurse

Today, my mother-in-law took a phone message on the back of my marriage license. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2653

You deserved it

263

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in the middle of an interview; it was going great until I started coughing. That coughing led to an asthma attack, which led to nonstop gagging. I couldn't even answer his final question, "Are you okay?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

44232

You deserved it

2812

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, we were at church when I pulled my toddler’s hand out of his pants and he screamed "I WAS MAKING MY PENIS BIG!" I need a new church. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3415

You deserved it

409

Favorite

By earlytermination - United States

Today, I was visiting my grandmother at her retirement community. Bingo is really popular there and she loves it, so I went thinking it would be a fun activity for us. I won the jackpot and my car got keyed by a group of angry old people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29925

You deserved it

2404

Favorite

By CM112 - South Africa

OK, now that's gross

Today, I found a piece of a popcorn kernel stuck in my teeth. I haven't eaten popcorn in over a week and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks

855

You deserved it

1155

Favorite

By Mustache - 3/11/2020 14:02 - Austria

Bushy

Today, I was on my way to meet my partner's parents for the first time. Although I was in a rush, I managed to hop into the shower and shave. I now have a cut on my upper lip. I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

816

You deserved it

166

Favorite

By Anonymous

The Crying Game

Today, I noticed that my weekend hobby is crying. I live in a city where I don't have a single friend or relative. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1470

You deserved it

212

Favorite

By GogurtBadass - United States - Olympia

Today, I accidentally punched myself in the mouth while eating a Go-Gurt. I was eating it because I'd just had my wisdom teeth removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45558

You deserved it

5335

Favorite

By Tired

Today, was my first day off in almost a month. My husband and I spent all morning arguing then he left to his job saying he won't be back tonight. Apparently I'm being neglectful because I don't have the energy for sex after being the only one working FT, cooking, cleaning, and running errands. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2643

You deserved it

367

Favorite

By mastermind

Today, I can add "Ferrari" to the long list of cars I’ve almost been hit by. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1311

You deserved it

197

Favorite

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Top comments

By texassmile05 | 0

#1052064 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:05

Ha-ha. I bet you made their day!!! 

By ArtIsResistance7 | 1

#1052027 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:01

Damn! I bet that was fun on the bun.

COMMENTS

By ArtIsResistance7 | 1

#1052027 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:01

Damn! I bet that was fun on the bun.

M13LO | 0

#1052040 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:03

well I'm sure they all had smiles on their faces to

ATL_chris | 6

#1052116 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:12

lol wow..

jennnnrawr | 0

#1052144 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:17

fun on the bun? well i guess that works...

fakeking2 | 0

#1052146 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:17

ur smart >.>

itchyballs | 0

#1052176 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:22

why would you wear a smile costume? I'm not an expert but that does not seem very sexy to me

nilrem_fml | 0

#1052201 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:29

I got this. one dick in the mouth, two In each nostrils, two hands for each chest balls, four in the pussy two in the butthole and above it all your boyfriends get to come and watch.

a bit too crude, I know.

StoryOfTheYear | 13

#1052211 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:30

Don't drop the soap...

eazyeeze | 0

#1052217 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:31

#17-beautiful diagram. I shed a tear and a sperm

Maelific | 0

#1052238 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:37

Dear penthouse forum,
walked in on my sons hot gf. naked and smiling.... jackpot!!

TaylorTotsYumm | 10

#1052243 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:38

Invite some of your girlfriends and have some fun?

;D

StopTheFuckinCar_fml | 0

#1052295 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:53

gangbang, ftw

deathcab7 | 0

#1052390 - Thursday 1 July 2010 20:33

haaa why would you be naked in your bf's house if his dad and friends were home?

jjtivey97 | 0

#1052418 - Thursday 1 July 2010 20:43

16 wins

RyanG_21 | 0

#1052457 - Thursday 1 July 2010 20:58

hahahaha #20 = win

White_Fury | 0

#1052610 - Thursday 1 July 2010 22:15

hahahaha dad ftw!

Maxyyy | 3

#1052802 - Thursday 1 July 2010 23:39

no1 the answer is X=8

Kiill3rQu33n16 | 0

#1052824 - Thursday 1 July 2010 23:44

orgyyyy!!!! :)
haa. ydi for wearin nothin but a smile.

emis145 | 2

#1052967 - Friday 2 July 2010 1:12

Comment moderated

devilyy | 2

#1053077 - Friday 2 July 2010 2:30

Oh yeah you surprised someone,just not your boyfriend :P I bet that "huge smile" went away in a second after his dad came in the room :P

afllegend | 0

#1053086 - Friday 2 July 2010 2:33

dear OP, can you please teach my gf to be like you :/
if she did something like that I'd probably have a heartache from the shock

s2000lover | 0

#1053315 - Friday 2 July 2010 5:02

pics or it didn't happen :)

Zukox | 0

#1053589 - Friday 2 July 2010 7:33

I like how no one pointed this up coming flaw out....
How could you not hear multiple people coming?
I'm pretty sure all of them were completely silent.

abcdefghijKayla | 0

#1053668 - Friday 2 July 2010 8:27

I love how, when you press the ydi button, it says "yeah, way to show em!"

SOTYsNumber1Fan | 0

#1054451 - Friday 2 July 2010 11:17

why would his dad and all his friends walk in to his sons bedroom?

stewpididiot | 11

#1058165 - Saturday 3 July 2010 16:20

and bulges in their pants too. BOIIINNG!!!!!

justin769 | 0

#1066878 - Tuesday 6 July 2010 9:29

damn ur hot!!

dragonight | 0

#1068198 - Tuesday 6 July 2010 19:08

I agree with 85 and not just because he's hott!!

Iowa123 | 0

#1143298 - Monday 26 July 2010 15:17

17- You're sick. And NOT in the good way... that's really disgusting.

SoniaKarina | 3

#2513974 - Sunday 15 May 2011 14:11

gang bang.

PleaseTickleUs | 7

#6189899 - Monday 2 February 2015 4:40

is nobody going to mention the Futurama reference here?

By joeyisinsane | 0

#1052029 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:02

I hope like hell that u were in the kitchen

rebelharmony | 0

#1052135 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:15

why would the bed be in the kitchen??

LMFAOwned | 9

#1052254 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:41

Lmfao #14 FTW

LMFAOwned | 9

#1052267 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:43

lololololol scratch that..... #20 FTW!

eshhayz | 0

#1053287 - Friday 2 July 2010 4:51

you were like a buffet :) dig in boys !!!

xXLenaXx | 0

#1057608 - Saturday 3 July 2010 12:22

Soooooo, you mistook your one guy for a stampede of men? :| FYL for being a MASSIVE retard.

By texassmile05 | 0

#1052064 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:05

Ha-ha. I bet you made their day!!! 

956TXking | 0

#1052443 - Thursday 1 July 2010 20:54

cougar alert^^

eshhayz | 0

#1054465 - Friday 2 July 2010 11:36

on the prowl

eshhayz | 0

#1063147 - Sunday 4 July 2010 19:14

quit stalking peoples profiles you paedofile

By iamchuck | 0

#1052094 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:08

I bet his dad encourages him to marry you!!!

Maelific | 0

#1052246 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:39

lol! damned right chuck!!

MudPuddleMica | 0

#1053573 - Friday 2 July 2010 7:23

ROFL!!! You made me laugh almost as hard as the fml did =]

scooter69 | 0

#1053602 - Friday 2 July 2010 7:37

#84 you're Hott!!

justin769 | 0

#1066890 - Tuesday 6 July 2010 9:31

#86 I agree

By RachelUriah | 0

#1052096 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:08

Nice momma.

PimpdaddyCJT | 13

#1052319 - Thursday 1 July 2010 20:03

time to go family style

By littlemissdqgirl | 8

#1052106 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:10

yiks:/

Maelific | 0

#1052257 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:41

oh. noes!!! pfft I say OH YES!

By LauraTheKiwi | 0

#1052122 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:13

LOL. poor you ;)

By amerwin | 3

#1052129 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:14

come on ride the train.. and ride it.. choo-choo!!

By relyo | 0

#1052152 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:18

pics or it didn't happen.

FFML_314 | 11

#1052308 - Thursday 1 July 2010 20:00

You're in a library, with a suit on and a snowman on your head, where do you live?

Magimus | 1

#1052335 - Thursday 1 July 2010 20:07

call me a dork but those shelves sure look like a barnes and noble bool store lol

relyo | 0

#1052974 - Friday 2 July 2010 1:17

That pic was taken in a B&N in Colorado Springs, CO but I live in Vegas now.

DerrickJames | 33

#5342152 - Sunday 27 January 2013 11:33

66 lives in Vegas because CO couldn't handle him.

By iluvcheer11 | 0

#1052262 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:42

BAHAHA I bet that was SO awkward. o.O