Intimacy: Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday, and I thought I'd surprise...

By jane smith - 01/07/2010 12:11 - Australia

Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday, and I thought I'd surprise him after work by wearing nothing but a smile on his bed. As I heard someone come in, I had a huge smile on my face. Turns out it was his dad and all his friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 433

You deserved it 17 988

Intimacy

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Broken heart

Own it

By what sex life? - 02/08/2016 06:26 - United States - Nashville

Today, while in the shower with my boyfriend, I tried to heat things up by washing his knob with my loofa. He couldn't stop laughing and eventually laughed so hard that he slipped and fell. He now has a bruised butt while I have a missing toenail from catching his fall. Ouch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 155

You deserved it 2 856

By Anonymous - 28/06/2009 18:25 - Israel

Today, I woke up late. My grandparents had slept over the night before but they usually left early. I heard someone in the kitchen and thinking it was my brother, I said "Thank god, the geriatric crew is FINALLY gone." My grandma responds, "No we're not." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 460

You deserved it 73 916

No chuds, thanks

By Anonymous - 15/10/2020 20:01

Today, I found the Instagram account belonging to the guy I've been seeing. That's how I found out he's one of those nitwit asshole Proud Boys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 187

You deserved it 363

By phlyingphuck - 31/08/2009 12:44 - United States

Today, my mother finally pressured me to wear my old helmet while riding my bike. Halfway through my ride, 3 spiders came crawling out of it and onto my face, causing me to lose control of the bike and crash head-first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 575

You deserved it 7 861

Return to sender

By PolarBear2020 - 16/04/2021 23:05

Today, I was notified by my bank that the government stimulus check I had deposited last week had been returned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 60

By myself - 30/01/2012 05:24 - Canada

Today, I came home to the nanny passed out on the couch from too much alcohol, my 2-year-old alone and locked in the bathroom, and my house in a complete wreck. To top it off, it's the day my mother-in-law, who hates me, is coming to visit from New York. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 259

You deserved it 3 934

By Eva - 13/02/2011 09:32 - France

Today, my boyfriend woke me up by playing with the string of my tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 141

You deserved it 6 568

By MattVh - 12/01/2010 17:23 - Belgium

Today, someone had put a lock on my bike. While I was trying to saw it off, the police drove by. I was arrested for trying to steal a bike and released four hours later when they figured out that it was actually my bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 864

You deserved it 2 447

By Joe - 27/08/2012 13:33 - United States - Coalgate

Today, I started my new job at a fragrance store. While training, the manager had me smell all of the scents to become familiar with the products. Before my shift was over, I'd had three asthma attacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 194

You deserved it 5 720

By nk - 03/11/2010 04:39 - United States

Today, I was so lonely that I had a 3 hour conversation with a one-legged cricket I found in my room. I'm keeping him. He has a name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 489

You deserved it 12 002

Dicks aplenty!

By pranksonpranks - 14/09/2020 17:02 - United States

Today, my sister and I have been in a prank war. She spammed my phone with dozens of random dick pics from the internet. My boyfriend saw and accused me of cheating. Now he won’t talk to me, and my sister won’t help me explain things. Guess she won. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 488

You deserved it 245

By Magaña.i.am - 16/04/2019 16:00

Today, I was halfway through eating a what I though was a delicious sandwich, when I turned it over and saw nasty green mold on the bread. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 701

You deserved it 514

By Anonymous - 26/10/2010 13:50 - United Kingdom

Today, I was told that all the data on my laptop is unrecoverable after my hard drive crashed. I have been charged £300 for them to tell me this. Feeling sorry for myself, I wrapped myself up in a blanket and turned on my fan radiator as it's so cold... and promptly set my carpet on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 719

You deserved it 3 880

By hatemylife - 19/07/2011 06:24 - United States

Today, a group of girl-scouts came to my door selling chocolate bars. I bought 2 bars and smiled as they left, thinking I'd done a good deed. When the door closed, I heard one of the girls say, "Told you, the fat bitches always wanna buy from us." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 884

You deserved it 6 905

By too slow - 18/01/2012 05:09 - United States

Today, I finally worked up the courage to tell my girlfriend we should start seeing other people. She said "Don't worry, I'm already way ahead of you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 132

You deserved it 9 726

By Anonymous - 09/10/2018 03:00

Today, I was cuddling with the girl I've been seeing for the past few months. She was saying how much she liked me and how much I meant to her. Reciprocating those feelings, I asked her to be my girlfriend. It was a HARD no for her. Then she drove me an hour and a half home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 147

You deserved it 273

By Anonymous - 01/12/2011 03:11 - United States

Today, I was casually shopping at Walmart. Everything was normal until the young guy browsing the aisle next to me suddenly approached me and whispered "sperm" into my ear. My spine has never experienced a chill like this one before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 242

You deserved it 4 375

By Anonymous - 20/06/2019 22:05

Today, I told my boyfriend that eventually I want to get my ears pinned back because I think that they stick out too much. I pulled my hair back to show him, and he said, "Yeah, they're different sizes too, and the left one sticks out more than the right one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 547

You deserved it 509

By weddinggirl - 27/08/2010 09:57 - Germany

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years finally asked me to marry him. He said: We could save taxes if we married.. what do you think? That was the most romantic thing he said to me in the last 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 365

You deserved it 10 032

By MitchFail - 23/07/2009 06:42 - United States

Today, in the midst of foreplay, this girl tells me I am so hot, I respond "Ditto." She heatedly responds "I love ditto," to which I suavely reply "I didn't know you were into Pokémon. That may make you even sexier." She knows nothing about Pokémon, but I sure know how to kill the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 667

You deserved it 73 916

By Anonymous - 01/12/2010 06:38 - Iraq

Today, I had to pull guard duty. I had to guard the latrine because somebody likes to stuff whole toilet paper rolls in the toilet to clog it. Only six more months in Iraq. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 194

You deserved it 3 674

By Why - 29/01/2016 22:53

Today, I randomly got a boner while modeling a character's butt in animation class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 562

You deserved it 3 577

By jobless - 09/07/2014 05:02 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I heard back from a company that I recently interviewed with. They told me I didn't get the job because "it was obvious that I had been coached." I wasn't. Sorry that I actually researched the company unlike the rest of the nit-wit candidates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 481

You deserved it 3 822

By fmlpanda - 29/05/2010 04:14 - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. It was going well until our braces got caught. Out of pain, I tried to pull away, which made my eyes water. Then I sneezed in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 796

You deserved it 8 343

By 00bsg - 21/12/2013 15:46 - United States - Salem

Today, it's my 21st birthday. All my friends and family said they were busy so I figured I was getting a surprise party. Nope. They all were actually busy. I spent my birthday alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 025

You deserved it 4 327

By Dafuq happen there - 23/08/2014 07:34 - South Africa

Today, after a long silent and awkward pause after asking my girlfriend's dad if I can take her on holiday for Christmas, he looked me dead in the eyes and said "No, you may not impregnate my daughter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 572

You deserved it 6 601

By SolaceInRage - 20/03/2013 23:53 - United States - Wilmette

Today, I tossed half a sausage to a dog sitting beside a park bench. It wasn't until he lunged for it and dragged the man beside him off of the bench that I realized it was a seeing eye dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 100

You deserved it 26 819

By yeueid - 31/03/2016 22:24 - Estonia

Today, I found out that whenever I text my boyfriend something cute, he texts his friends and asks what to say in his reply. Basically, I've been talking to his friends all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 446

You deserved it 1 722

By The L word - 30/01/2009 15:28 - United States

Today, I found out the girl I've been trying to date for six months is gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 844

You deserved it 6 253

By firedofbirthday - 14/02/2010 00:29 - France

Today, I was fired. Why? Because I called in sick on my daughter's birthday, even though you cannot "abandon work for personal affairs". My boss's favorite employee got to skip work on his wife's birthday two weeks ago. He still works here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 175

You deserved it 6 903

By youfuckingslut - 11/11/2012 19:11 - United States

Today, I accidentally bumped into another car on the road. The worst of the damage was a slight chip to the other driver's paint, but she played it up so much that she ended up being taken away in an ambulance. I'm now terrified that the crazy bitch is going to sue me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 600

You deserved it 3 340

By friendless - 06/08/2019 00:01

Today, the reason I’d rather elope with my fiancée than have a wedding is because I have no friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 658

You deserved it 189

By TheNewSalesRep - 21/01/2016 02:37 - Canada - Brantford

Today, on my second day at my new job, my supervisor told me that I was ready to make a sale on my own. Things were going well, until said supervisor interrupted my sales pitch, apologized on my behalf for being new, and stole my sale. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 345

You deserved it 1 352

By Anonymous - 29/01/2015 23:32 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, for the nth time, my father reminded me that I should study things related to the "real" world, as if I was studying theology, astrology or something. I'm studying for a master's degree in physics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 446

You deserved it 2 583

By JeffeeBojangles - 28/02/2012 12:46 - United States

Today, my grandma seemingly decided that it was a really nice day to put my cat in the dryer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 391

You deserved it 2 544

By Anonymous - 25/06/2009 08:34 - United States

Today, I was getting a pedicure and the woman sitting next to me asked the lady if she could take the skin she had scraped off my feet home to her birds because they love skin. She then describes for 20 minutes how her birds love to sit on her when her sunburn is peeling and eat her skin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 218

You deserved it 4 362

By missbutthole - 04/06/2011 13:07 - United States

Today, after being chronically constipated for the better part of a week, I finally have the urge to poop. Too bad I'm 30 minutes early to work and locked out of the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 627

You deserved it 3 872

By Princess - 28/05/2009 18:17 - United States

Today, my cell phone service was interrupted because I owed the company 27 cents. It cost 36 dollars to reinstate my service. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 069

You deserved it 11 229

By Fartfail - 18/04/2012 13:43 - Hong Kong - Corozal

Today, while vacuuming my new apartment, I farted a few times. After my last fart, I turned to find my super-hot neighbor standing at the door. Panicking, I asked in a "I-didn't-just-fart-my-ass" tone, "Oh hi! Been standing there for long?" She replied, "Since your initial rip." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 714

You deserved it 6 737

By xmassmasher - 02/12/2014 07:52 - United States - Ruston

Today, while my boyfriend and I were talking with his sister-in-law about a TV show, his 6-year-old nephew walked up just in time to hear how Santa killed the protagonist's parents. I've never seen such a heartbroken face in my life, and now he won't stop asking if Santa kills people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 739

You deserved it 4 587

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texassmile05 0

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Thursday 1 July 2010 19:05

Ha-ha. I bet you made their day!!! 

ArtIsResistance7 1

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Thursday 1 July 2010 19:01

Damn! I bet that was fun on the bun.

ArtIsResistance7 1

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Thursday 1 July 2010 19:01

Damn! I bet that was fun on the bun.

M13LO 0

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Thursday 1 July 2010 19:03

well I'm sure they all had smiles on their faces to

ATL_chris 6

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Thursday 1 July 2010 19:12

lol wow..

jennnnrawr 0

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Thursday 1 July 2010 19:17

fun on the bun? well i guess that works...

fakeking2 0

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Thursday 1 July 2010 19:17

ur smart >.>

itchyballs 0

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Thursday 1 July 2010 19:22

why would you wear a smile costume? I'm not an expert but that does not seem very sexy to me

nilrem_fml 0

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Thursday 1 July 2010 19:29

I got this. one dick in the mouth, two In each nostrils, two hands for each chest balls, four in the pussy two in the butthole and above it all your boyfriends get to come and watch. a bit too crude, I know.

StoryOfTheYear 13

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Thursday 1 July 2010 19:30

Don't drop the soap...

eazyeeze 0

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Thursday 1 July 2010 19:31

#17-beautiful diagram. I shed a tear and a sperm

Maelific 0

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Thursday 1 July 2010 19:37

Dear penthouse forum, walked in on my sons hot gf. naked and smiling.... jackpot!!

TaylorTotsYumm 10

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Thursday 1 July 2010 19:38

Invite some of your girlfriends and have some fun? ;D

StopTheFuckinCar_fml 0

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Thursday 1 July 2010 19:53

gangbang, ftw

deathcab7 0

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Thursday 1 July 2010 20:33

haaa why would you be naked in your bf's house if his dad and friends were home?

jjtivey97 0

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Thursday 1 July 2010 20:43

16 wins

RyanG_21 0

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Thursday 1 July 2010 20:58

hahahaha #20 = win

White_Fury 0

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Thursday 1 July 2010 22:15

hahahaha dad ftw!

Maxyyy 3

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Thursday 1 July 2010 23:39

no1 the answer is X=8

Kiill3rQu33n16 0

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Thursday 1 July 2010 23:44

orgyyyy!!!! :) haa. ydi for wearin nothin but a smile.

emis145 2

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Friday 2 July 2010 1:12

Comment moderated

devilyy 2

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Friday 2 July 2010 2:30

Oh yeah you surprised someone,just not your boyfriend :P I bet that "huge smile" went away in a second after his dad came in the room :P

afllegend 0

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Friday 2 July 2010 2:33

dear OP, can you please teach my gf to be like you :/ if she did something like that I'd probably have a heartache from the shock

s2000lover 0

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Friday 2 July 2010 5:02

pics or it didn't happen :)

Zukox 0

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Friday 2 July 2010 7:33

I like how no one pointed this up coming flaw out.... How could you not hear multiple people coming? I'm pretty sure all of them were completely silent.

abcdefghijKayla 0

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Friday 2 July 2010 8:27

I love how, when you press the ydi button, it says "yeah, way to show em!"

SOTYsNumber1Fan 0

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Friday 2 July 2010 11:17

why would his dad and all his friends walk in to his sons bedroom?

stewpididiot 11

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Saturday 3 July 2010 16:20

and bulges in their pants too. BOIIINNG!!!!!

justin769 0

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Tuesday 6 July 2010 9:29

damn ur hot!!

dragonight 0

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Tuesday 6 July 2010 19:08

I agree with 85 and not just because he's hott!!

Iowa123 0

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Monday 26 July 2010 15:17

17- You're sick. And NOT in the good way... that's really disgusting.

SoniaKarina 3

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Sunday 15 May 2011 14:11

gang bang.

PleaseTickleUs 7

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Monday 2 February 2015 4:40

is nobody going to mention the Futurama reference here?

joeyisinsane 0

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Thursday 1 July 2010 19:02

I hope like hell that u were in the kitchen

rebelharmony 0

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Thursday 1 July 2010 19:15

why would the bed be in the kitchen??

LMFAOwned 9

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Thursday 1 July 2010 19:41

Lmfao #14 FTW

LMFAOwned 9

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Thursday 1 July 2010 19:43

lololololol scratch that..... #20 FTW!

eshhayz 0

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Friday 2 July 2010 4:51

you were like a buffet :) dig in boys !!!

xXLenaXx 0

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Saturday 3 July 2010 12:22

Soooooo, you mistook your one guy for a stampede of men? :| FYL for being a MASSIVE retard.

texassmile05 0

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Thursday 1 July 2010 19:05

Ha-ha. I bet you made their day!!! 

956TXking 0

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Thursday 1 July 2010 20:54

cougar alert^^

eshhayz 0

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Friday 2 July 2010 11:36

on the prowl

eshhayz 0

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Sunday 4 July 2010 19:14

quit stalking peoples profiles you paedofile

iamchuck 0

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Thursday 1 July 2010 19:08

I bet his dad encourages him to marry you!!!

Maelific 0

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Thursday 1 July 2010 19:39

lol! damned right chuck!!

MudPuddleMica 0

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Friday 2 July 2010 7:23

ROFL!!! You made me laugh almost as hard as the fml did =]

scooter69 0

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Friday 2 July 2010 7:37

#84 you're Hott!!

justin769 0

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Tuesday 6 July 2010 9:31

#86 I agree

RachelUriah 0

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Thursday 1 July 2010 19:08

Nice momma.

PimpdaddyCJT 13

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Thursday 1 July 2010 20:03

time to go family style

littlemissdqgirl 8

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Thursday 1 July 2010 19:10

yiks:/

Maelific 0

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Thursday 1 July 2010 19:41

oh. noes!!! pfft I say OH YES!

LauraTheKiwi 0

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Thursday 1 July 2010 19:13

LOL. poor you ;)

amerwin 3

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Thursday 1 July 2010 19:14

come on ride the train.. and ride it.. choo-choo!!

relyo 0

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Thursday 1 July 2010 19:18

pics or it didn't happen.

FFML_314 11

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Thursday 1 July 2010 20:00

You're in a library, with a suit on and a snowman on your head, where do you live?

Magimus 1

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Thursday 1 July 2010 20:07

call me a dork but those shelves sure look like a barnes and noble bool store lol

relyo 0

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Friday 2 July 2010 1:17

That pic was taken in a B&N in Colorado Springs, CO but I live in Vegas now.

DerrickJames 33

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Sunday 27 January 2013 11:33

66 lives in Vegas because CO couldn't handle him.

iluvcheer11 0

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Thursday 1 July 2010 19:42

BAHAHA I bet that was SO awkward. o.O

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 47

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 26

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 480

You deserved it 125

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 44

No chuds, thanks

Return to sender

Dicks aplenty!

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