Intimacy: Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday, and I thought I'd surprise...

By jane smith - Australia

Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday, and I thought I'd surprise him after work by wearing nothing but a smile on his bed. As I heard someone come in, I had a huge smile on my face. Turns out it was his dad and all his friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43406

You deserved it

17980

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Intimacy

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Mother of the year

Delayed proposal

By Gloria

Today, I got home with my 3 best friends in tow, only to find my husband fast asleep on the sofa, porn playing on his laptop, his boxers around his ankles, and a sticky white mess all down his thigh. I am so beyond mortified I can’t adequately describe how embarrassed I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6237

You deserved it

809

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after speeding home due to an overflowing bladder, I ran to the bathroom, forgetting that the toilet seat was broken. While doing my business, the toilet seat and I both slid off the bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30944

You deserved it

6995

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By Anonymous - 21/10/2020 17:01 - United States

Kick the bum out, part 2

Today, my fiancé thinks that the only reason I innocently asked him how soon he wants to have kids after we get married is that he thinks I'm racing to beat a friend or family member. Now I can't even be excited about starting a family with this man without having ulterior motives. FML

I agree, your life sucks

817

You deserved it

191

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my grandparents are in town for the weekend and are staying in our guest bedroom. This morning I went upstairs to get a drink of water only to see my 75 year old grandfather standing stark naked with the fridge door open. He then asks me if we have any coffee creamer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49336

You deserved it

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By Brunofk7 - Peru - Lima

Today, I made a multiple choice exam so my friend could practice and get a good grade on his real exam. While I was helping him finish it, the teacher saw it, thought we were cheating and failed us both. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24036

You deserved it

2725

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By Momlovesme - United States

Today, I was listening to music while my grandma and mom were in the same room. I only had one headphone in. My mom, thinking I had both in, started telling my grandma how much of a "little bitch" I am. My grandma went on to say, "She's also a slut." FML

I agree, your life sucks

60123

You deserved it

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By LilyL - United States

Today, I spent hours cleaning the kitchen that my slob roommates always neglect. I scrubbed the floor, emptied the fridge, washed all the dishes, etc. When I was done, I was thirsty so I got myself a soda. I opened the can, and it exploded and sprayed everything I had just washed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37027

You deserved it

5708

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By NotFamily - 22/3/2021 19:59

Shady

Today, my boyfriend blocked me on Facebook. He said he's restricting it to only close family and cousins. He doesn't understand why I'm upset. FML

I agree, your life sucks

931

You deserved it

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By TheKunitzShow14 - United States

Today, while walking on the sidewalk, someone hit me with their car. They yelled at me for being in their way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37241

You deserved it

3343

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By Fattie

Bon appetit!

Today, I'm on a diet. I was compelled to start it when the only pet name my boyfriend could think of for me yesterday was, "My baby elephant." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1497

You deserved it

270

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By 092492 - United States

Today, I was finally able to get up and take a shit after being bedridden due to my knee surgery. I had diarrhea and because I can't properly bend my knee, I can't wipe my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35450

You deserved it

3973

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By Dreamer - United States - Castro Valley

Today, I'm going to court to give an eyewitness account of a robbery. Unfortunately, I had a wacky dream last night concerning the robbery, and no longer have any idea of what actually happened in real life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34576

You deserved it

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By me - United States - Providence

Today, my girlfriend informed me that we aren't officially dating until she changes her relationship status. We've been "dating" for 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22125

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - Singapore

Today, I was playing hide and seek with my eight year old cousin. For the past two turns, he had been hiding in the bathroom. I saw the bathroom lights on, yet again, and opened the door with a triumphant "AHA!" It was my Grandma, taking a smelly dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19375

You deserved it

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By philip708 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I helped an old man who fell over. Turns out he was drunk and had pissed himself. He decided to thank me with a hug. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22635

You deserved it

1810

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By Anonymous

Today, I broke my nose trying to pop a really stubborn pimple. By the time I felt the cartilage rip, it was too late. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1198

You deserved it

1053

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By hungry n hypoglycemic - 6/1/2021 17:01

We live in a society!

Today, after standing in line for most of my lunch break just to buy food, some asshole with a cart full of stuff cut in front of me. He claimed that he was there the whole time, and the whole line, plus the cashier backed him up. I missed lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

807

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 4/12/2020 02:02

All in the family

Today, I found out my boyfriend of a year is actually my cousin. Thanks, Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

897

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By aeghw1s - United States

Today, I started my new job at a restaurant. I am going to be the mascot that stands by the road to wave down customers in a heavy polyester animal suit. The high today is 102. I work 12-4. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37947

You deserved it

6301

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By Kurochrome - United States

Not this again

Today, after spending over $1000 on plane tickets, I'm visiting my family for the first time in five years. Two hours after I arrived, everyone is screaming at each other and taking their rage out on me. They still ask why I never visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35041

You deserved it

3505

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By randinosaur - United States

Today, a cop rear-ended me. Then I received a ticket from him for driving too far under the speed limit. We were in a school zone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54065

You deserved it

4223

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By creeped - United States

Today, I was talking to the guy that has been in love with me for two years. He said "There is a shortage of perfect breasts in the world. It would be a shame to lose yours." He then creepily looked at me and said "It's true." Thanks, Princess Bride, for supplying creepers with material. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26641

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went to pick a penny off of the ground for good luck. Someone kneed me in the butt, I fell face first and broke my glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28715

You deserved it

4239

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a friend and I were walking around a festival when out of nowhere a giant bug hit me in the face. I went into instant ninja mode, screaming and flailing. When I stopped, I realized it was just a leaf and everyone was staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39007

You deserved it

17829

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By doodler - United States - Hurst

Subconscious

Today, I was doodling randomly during a meeting at work, and I noticed my drawing was beginning to look a bit like a penis. A coworker was eyeing it so I tried to make it something else by adding... oh good, now it's a penis and balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38034

You deserved it

13454

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By Cheryl - 3/5/2021 05:01

Go to your OWN rooms!

Today, It's funny that I'm paying so much more money for a 3 bedroom apartment so my kids can each have their own rooms, and both kids have been camped out in my room for weeks. I'm a single mom who doesn't get any child support. What did I leave my 2 bedroom for? FML

I agree, your life sucks

746

You deserved it

188

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom had one too many and announced to all of my friends that, if she had the opportunity, she would bang Gwen Stefani. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55810

You deserved it

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By Mr_Jah - United States - Boerne

Today, I got offered a free $80 salon haircut by a girl I've liked for awhile. Thinking this was my chance to get close to her, I accepted, only to find out it was for a class her boyfriend was teaching. He was the one cutting my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12384

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By Momma - 26/3/2021 13:01 - United Kingdom

Parent-sanctioned violence

Today, my daughter informed me that, in order to train the dumb out of her brother, she’s gonna slap him whenever he says or does something dumb. She’s slapped him 8 times already and unfortunately, each slap was justified. My boy is dumb as a box of rocks. Hope the slapping helps. FML

I agree, your life sucks

520

You deserved it

968

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By Anonymous - 13/8/2020 08:01

Time to move out

Today, I'm spending $1,400 on rent each month to hear my upstairs neighbor walk from one end of their apartment to the other, and then back again. This occurs pretty much all day and all night. Yesterday I woke up at 3:30 a.m. from the banging of steps. My other neighbor played his music so loud, I felt it through the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1373

You deserved it

134

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By LovelessNewlywed

Today, for the first time since my partner moved in with me, I did one of my favourite things: I bought some nice cheese and a bottle of wine and went on to People of Walmart, just as I do every month or so. He called me a disgusting human being and went for a walk two hours ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9073

You deserved it

2026

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By how the fuck did this happen?! - United States - Hesperia

Today, I found out that even after having had my tubes tied, I am in fact pregnant. I have an 8-month-old son and his father just remarried another woman 2 months ago. Neither of them believe that the new baby is his. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3127

You deserved it

393

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By Anonymous - 1/6/2020 14:00

Unsanitary

Today, I demanded to know why my boyfriend takes so long in public toilets. He admitted his ex was such a nasty ho, she would drag him into public toilets whenever she wanted dick in public. So now every time he goes in one, he gets a boner and has to "get rid of it" before he can come out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1817

You deserved it

285

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By a - United States

Today, my husband and I announced our upcoming divorce. My friends told me how sorry they were and that they're available for whatever I need. His friends told him to just call the girl from last weekend and get himself laid again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54288

You deserved it

7005

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By madari - Spain - Benalm?dena

Today, my husband and I went to marriage counselling. I confessed something that was bothering me, but he didn't understand. Our counselor repeated word-for-word what I said right back at him. He turned to me angrily and shouted, "Why couldn't you just say that the first time?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

29993

You deserved it

2802

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By no love - United States

Today, I celebrated my 4-year anniversary with my girlfriend. We didn't have sex and we didn't even kiss. All I got to do was cuddle the stuffed Minion she got me for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22301

You deserved it

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By lafinesse

Today, I was at the supermarket checkout. I handed over my items, which included some tampons, tissues, and toilet roll. The security guard standing beside the cashier remarked loudly, "I'll be damned; she's flowing from every hole!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

44533

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after holding it in for hours, I finally managed to run to the bathroom for a pee. I thought it was impossible for rats to climb up the sewer pipes and into the toilet, but apparently I was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36793

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while at my boyfriend's house waiting for him to shower, his mother slams a pair of underwear on the table and tells me that if she ever finds something like that in her son's room again, she is forbidding him from seeing me. The underwear isn't mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59641

You deserved it

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By gkid92 - Canada

Today, I found out that if I don't get fillings in at least ten of my teeth within the next year, I could lose them all. I'm 19. FML

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Top comments

By texassmile05 | 0

#1052064 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:05

Ha-ha. I bet you made their day!!! 

By ArtIsResistance7 | 1

#1052027 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:01

Damn! I bet that was fun on the bun.

COMMENTS

By ArtIsResistance7 | 1

#1052027 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:01

Damn! I bet that was fun on the bun.

M13LO | 0

#1052040 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:03

well I'm sure they all had smiles on their faces to

ATL_chris | 6

#1052116 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:12

lol wow..

jennnnrawr | 0

#1052144 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:17

fun on the bun? well i guess that works...

fakeking2 | 0

#1052146 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:17

ur smart >.>

itchyballs | 0

#1052176 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:22

why would you wear a smile costume? I'm not an expert but that does not seem very sexy to me

nilrem_fml | 0

#1052201 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:29

I got this. one dick in the mouth, two In each nostrils, two hands for each chest balls, four in the pussy two in the butthole and above it all your boyfriends get to come and watch.

a bit too crude, I know.

StoryOfTheYear | 13

#1052211 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:30

Don't drop the soap...

eazyeeze | 0

#1052217 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:31

#17-beautiful diagram. I shed a tear and a sperm

Maelific | 0

#1052238 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:37

Dear penthouse forum,
walked in on my sons hot gf. naked and smiling.... jackpot!!

TaylorTotsYumm | 10

#1052243 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:38

Invite some of your girlfriends and have some fun?

;D

StopTheFuckinCar_fml | 0

#1052295 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:53

gangbang, ftw

deathcab7 | 0

#1052390 - Thursday 1 July 2010 20:33

haaa why would you be naked in your bf's house if his dad and friends were home?

jjtivey97 | 0

#1052418 - Thursday 1 July 2010 20:43

16 wins

RyanG_21 | 0

#1052457 - Thursday 1 July 2010 20:58

hahahaha #20 = win

White_Fury | 0

#1052610 - Thursday 1 July 2010 22:15

hahahaha dad ftw!

Maxyyy | 3

#1052802 - Thursday 1 July 2010 23:39

no1 the answer is X=8

Kiill3rQu33n16 | 0

#1052824 - Thursday 1 July 2010 23:44

orgyyyy!!!! :)
haa. ydi for wearin nothin but a smile.

emis145 | 2

#1052967 - Friday 2 July 2010 1:12

Comment moderated

devilyy | 2

#1053077 - Friday 2 July 2010 2:30

Oh yeah you surprised someone,just not your boyfriend :P I bet that "huge smile" went away in a second after his dad came in the room :P

afllegend | 0

#1053086 - Friday 2 July 2010 2:33

dear OP, can you please teach my gf to be like you :/
if she did something like that I'd probably have a heartache from the shock

s2000lover | 0

#1053315 - Friday 2 July 2010 5:02

pics or it didn't happen :)

Zukox | 0

#1053589 - Friday 2 July 2010 7:33

I like how no one pointed this up coming flaw out....
How could you not hear multiple people coming?
I'm pretty sure all of them were completely silent.

abcdefghijKayla | 0

#1053668 - Friday 2 July 2010 8:27

I love how, when you press the ydi button, it says "yeah, way to show em!"

SOTYsNumber1Fan | 0

#1054451 - Friday 2 July 2010 11:17

why would his dad and all his friends walk in to his sons bedroom?

stewpididiot | 11

#1058165 - Saturday 3 July 2010 16:20

and bulges in their pants too. BOIIINNG!!!!!

justin769 | 0

#1066878 - Tuesday 6 July 2010 9:29

damn ur hot!!

dragonight | 0

#1068198 - Tuesday 6 July 2010 19:08

I agree with 85 and not just because he's hott!!

Iowa123 | 0

#1143298 - Monday 26 July 2010 15:17

17- You're sick. And NOT in the good way... that's really disgusting.

SoniaKarina | 3

#2513974 - Sunday 15 May 2011 14:11

gang bang.

PleaseTickleUs | 7

#6189899 - Monday 2 February 2015 4:40

is nobody going to mention the Futurama reference here?

By joeyisinsane | 0

#1052029 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:02

I hope like hell that u were in the kitchen

rebelharmony | 0

#1052135 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:15

why would the bed be in the kitchen??

LMFAOwned | 9

#1052254 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:41

Lmfao #14 FTW

LMFAOwned | 9

#1052267 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:43

lololololol scratch that..... #20 FTW!

eshhayz | 0

#1053287 - Friday 2 July 2010 4:51

you were like a buffet :) dig in boys !!!

xXLenaXx | 0

#1057608 - Saturday 3 July 2010 12:22

Soooooo, you mistook your one guy for a stampede of men? :| FYL for being a MASSIVE retard.

By texassmile05 | 0

#1052064 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:05

Ha-ha. I bet you made their day!!! 

956TXking | 0

#1052443 - Thursday 1 July 2010 20:54

cougar alert^^

eshhayz | 0

#1054465 - Friday 2 July 2010 11:36

on the prowl

eshhayz | 0

#1063147 - Sunday 4 July 2010 19:14

quit stalking peoples profiles you paedofile

By iamchuck | 0

#1052094 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:08

I bet his dad encourages him to marry you!!!

Maelific | 0

#1052246 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:39

lol! damned right chuck!!

MudPuddleMica | 0

#1053573 - Friday 2 July 2010 7:23

ROFL!!! You made me laugh almost as hard as the fml did =]

scooter69 | 0

#1053602 - Friday 2 July 2010 7:37

#84 you're Hott!!

justin769 | 0

#1066890 - Tuesday 6 July 2010 9:31

#86 I agree

By RachelUriah | 0

#1052096 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:08

Nice momma.

PimpdaddyCJT | 13

#1052319 - Thursday 1 July 2010 20:03

time to go family style

By littlemissdqgirl | 8

#1052106 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:10

yiks:/

Maelific | 0

#1052257 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:41

oh. noes!!! pfft I say OH YES!

By LauraTheKiwi | 0

#1052122 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:13

LOL. poor you ;)

By amerwin | 3

#1052129 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:14

come on ride the train.. and ride it.. choo-choo!!

By relyo | 0

#1052152 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:18

pics or it didn't happen.

FFML_314 | 11

#1052308 - Thursday 1 July 2010 20:00

You're in a library, with a suit on and a snowman on your head, where do you live?

Magimus | 1

#1052335 - Thursday 1 July 2010 20:07

call me a dork but those shelves sure look like a barnes and noble bool store lol

relyo | 0

#1052974 - Friday 2 July 2010 1:17

That pic was taken in a B&N in Colorado Springs, CO but I live in Vegas now.

DerrickJames | 33

#5342152 - Sunday 27 January 2013 11:33

66 lives in Vegas because CO couldn't handle him.

By iluvcheer11 | 0

#1052262 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:42

BAHAHA I bet that was SO awkward. o.O