Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday, and I thought I'd surprise...

By jane smith - 1/7/2010 12:11 - Australia

Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday, and I thought I'd surprise him after work by wearing nothing but a smile on his bed. As I heard someone come in, I had a huge smile on my face. Turns out it was his dad and all his friends. FML

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Intimacy

The opposite of a good idea

Emergency haircut

Weird kid

By Anonymous - 28/12/2011 02:51 - United States

Today, while cuddling, my boyfriend excused himself to get a napkin. When he came back, he nervously admitted he'd got a booger in my hair. He then couldn't get it completely out. FML

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28502

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By Natalie - 1/4/2011 18:16 - United States

Today, I was out enjoying my daily jog, when out of nowhere, a group of kids in a passing car pelted me with ketchup-filled water balloons. FML

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45967

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By blah - 10/4/2009 10:17 - United States

Today, I had a bunch of parties while my parents were out of town. I made sure to clean up absolutely everything, I even vacuumed the stairs. As they pulled up, I noticed all of the trash bags filled with beer cans blocking their way into the garage. FML

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By "socially awkward cupcake " - 26/9/2017 23:15

Today, guy I like tried to talk to me. I got so nervous that I had a panic attack and puked in front of him. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/10/2015 06:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my friend to come sit next to me in class. I pulled out the chair next to me. Coincidentally, she started to sit at that same moment. Now both she and my teacher are convinced I did it on purpose, and they want to have a talk with my parents. FML

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By Timetoloseweight - 11/11/2009 16:03 - France

Today, for my birthday, my friends and family gave me: A Wii Fit, a free year at the gym and a book of diet recipes. They didn't consult with each other. I've asked for "something corresponding to me". FML

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27824

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By KBO - 8/6/2009 06:54 - Australia

Today, I woke up hungover and thirsty, I found a glass of water next to the sink, filled it up with more water, chugged it and went back to bed. I woke up an hour later to my best friend telling me she thought she lost her contacts. They were in a glass next to the sink. I ate her contacts. FML

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32976

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By Anonymous - 15/7/2009 07:06 - United States

Today, I rode my bike to work. Once there, I realized I forgot my bike lock. For fear of it being stolen, I quickly rode home and took my car instead. When I got home, I realized my bike was missing. Someone stole it from my backyard. FML

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By puppylove - 5/5/2020 08:00

Zoning out

Today, my mother found me staring at my puppy's asshole. She had apparently been standing there for 5 minutes. FML

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416

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By Anonymous - 9/12/2013 22:41 - United States - Lihue

Today, my boyfriend told me I'm beautiful. Before I could thank him, he continued, "Too bad it takes a shit-load of makeup." FML

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By Anonymous - 4/10/2009 11:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend kept pressuring me to get it on. I told him I was self-conscious abut my stomach and didn't want him to see it. His response? My double chin doesn't keep him from kissing me. FML

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By thegoldenboy3 - 12/2/2009 12:14 - Spain

Today, I'm in Spain, and told the kids with whom I will be working that I was excited to be working with them. Only the form of excitement I used apparently refers to sexual excitement. Basically, I told the kids I was sexually aroused to be working with them. FML

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49082

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By Clive81 - 17/2/2015 20:02 - United States - Alpharetta

Today, I went to my son's school soccer game. Unfortunately, I couldn't get excited about it because my idiot son kept diving the moment anyone so much as breathed on him. It eventually earned him a penalty shot that won him the game. I was so ashamed, I snuck out to avoid being seen with him. FML

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By Foufinator - 4/10/2009 19:33 - France

Today, I ordered a chicken sandwich. I was starving and it was the fastest thing to order. Half way through it, I found something which does not belong, and removed it. It was half a cockroach, and I don't know where the other half is. FML

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48996

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By anonymous - 19/4/2012 22:33 - United States - Westwood

Today, I witnessed a car accident. Being an experienced paramedic, I rushed to the scene to see if anyone needed help. As I assessed the people involved, one of them pickpocketed me. FML

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You deserved it

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By Embarrassed - 1/10/2010 13:06 - United States

Today, I had to sneeze really bad in a restaurant. To avoid sneezing on everybody's food, I turned my head to the side and sneezed, it just so happens a waitress was there serving a table. My nose went straight into her ass. FML

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By fishyrael - 30/10/2019 20:00

The Rainbow Bridge

Today, at my job at a pet store, my boss told me to go outside and hand out flyers. I saw a man sitting on a bench and walked up, saying, "Hi! Do you have a pet?" He teared up and said, "I just put her down this morning." FML

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2082

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By Zora - 15/7/2012 23:13 - Norway - Bergen

Today, while shopping, my six-year-old son threw a tantrum because I wouldn't buy him a video game. I ended up having to grab his arm and leave the store. He screamed that I was kidnapping him, at which point I was socked in the face and pinned to the floor by three bystanders. FML

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41059

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By maaaryy - 7/1/2009 05:53 - France

Today, I went into a shop, not really completely awake. To get to the upper floor, I took the escalator... in the wrong direction. After about 30 seconds (which seemed like hours) trying to climb up the wrong way, my brain started working and by that time I already had a few amused spectators watching me. FML

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By goldie09 - 18/2/2010 17:36 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were fooling around in bed, when suddenly, he turned to me and started playing with my breasts as if they were turn tables and he was the DJ. FML

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By jasondrags - 3/7/2015 13:42 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I tried to arrange my first gallery exhibition as a photography student. Not even my mother wants to come. FML

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26801

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By Anonymous - 28/2/2013 22:33 - United Kingdom - Newtownards

Today, I fell down a flight of stairs at college. I was taken to hospital with a fractured ankle and had to call my parents to drive me home. They constantly made passive-aggressive remarks on the way home, because I'd "totally ruined" their plans to eat out at a fancy restaurant tonight. FML

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By Mark - 6/1/2010 02:06 - United States

Today, I started my new job as a janitor at a store. The first thing that happened when I came in was another employee telling me that there was vomit in the restroom, and that I had to clean it up. Not only did I clean up vomit, I had to clean up the poop that made the kid puke in the first place. FML

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By AtLeastHaveADecientExcuse - 28/8/2013 13:25

Today, my first date in years cancelled on me because she has to "wash the horse's hair." The date was arranged for 9:30pm. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/1/2015 14:34 - United States

Today, at Walmart, a crazy old woman bitched me out for being pregnant. She kept following me around, calling me a stupid teen slut and saying she hoped my baby died so I could live a "normal life". I'm 26 and just very short. FML

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By Boo Boo - 22/1/2012 04:23 - United States

Today, I went to get my blood drawn to see how far along I am pregnant. The lady stuck both my arms twice and then busted a vein in my right arm. She told me to come back tomorrow to try again. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/7/2014 21:41 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my 6-year-old brother showed me the "books" he's been writing for the past week. My parents, who are first-generation immigrants, want him to take the books to school to show everyone. My only problem with this? The main character's name is "Wanker". FML

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By peacock_mina19 - 11/2/2009 00:08 - United States

Today, my mother and I got into a huge fight about me being a lesbian. It ended with me saying "Fuck you!" to which she responded: "I bet you'd probably like to." FML

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By Anonymous - 17/11/2010 01:34 - United States

Today, I began training my replacement at work. She's a senior citizen. She got excited when I taught her how to highlight text on the screen and double-click the mouse because she "never knew how to do those fancy tricks." The job is entirely computer-based. I have to train her for 6 weeks. FML

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You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 17/11/2016 01:29

Today, I am starting a new job. Only problem is, I haven't been told what my duties are, who my line manager is or who to ask if I need help. FML

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By Superdumb - 26/11/2018 03:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about sex and I asked him if he had ever finished inside a woman. He looked directly into my eyes and said, "Babe... I have a son, remember?" Yeah, I forgot. FML

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You deserved it

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By anonomys - 5/9/2011 19:19 - Canada

Today, my husband compared me to his parent's dog. Why? Because when I sleep I fart and scare myself awake... Just like his parents dog. FML

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30172

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By beachbum - 27/2/2009 06:03 - United States

Today, I was at the beach with my buddy. Messing around, he swam up behind me and dunked me under the water. Naturally, moments later I swam behind him, grabbed both his ankles and stood up, flipping him completely, only to see him watching me from a few feet away. I flipped a 70 year old man. FML

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By Normal - 13/12/2009 04:39 - United States

Today, my brother and I got in a fight and he told my friends that I am mentally disabled. They believed him. Apparently, "everything makes sense now." FML

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By knickersdontfit - 26/1/2011 17:44 - United States

Today, I was doing my grocery shopping, absent-mindedly wondering if my new diet was working. I got my answer when my panties fell down around my ankles. FML

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28803

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 12/10/2019 00:01

Happy Feet

Today, an old lady rear ended my car the light. Her explanation was, "It's a new car, and when I take my foot off the break, it just rolls forward all on its own! I don't know what's wrong with it!" FML

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By Anonymous - 6/2/2016 03:24 - United States - Franklin

Today, at my minimum wage job, we received a half-way decomposed dog found in a lake. It was my job to tear open the bag and try to identify the breed and color. It would've been easier if the body wasn't crawling with maggots. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/5/2009 17:46 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up behind my cat and scare it with a loud "boo!" The cat responded by jumping up, and running across my apartment, which would have been fine, except for the fact she left a trail of liquid shit everywhere she went. FML

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By NoTalkAllGame - 27/1/2015 16:12 - United States - Horsham

Today, it's been five days since my roommate last talked to me. Although she's not communicating with me verbally, she's excelling at non-verbal communication: slamming doors and drawers, and watching loud videos, all while I desperately try to study. FML

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By children ain't pawns - 21/11/2016 15:23 - Australia - Perth

Today, after discussing having our son's hair styled nicely for school, my ex returns him with his head shaved. I didn't realise bald was in style for 4-year-olds. FML

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Top comments

By texassmile05 | 0

#1052064 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:05

Ha-ha. I bet you made their day!!! 

By ArtIsResistance7 | 1

#1052027 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:01

Damn! I bet that was fun on the bun.

Comments

By ArtIsResistance7 | 1

#1052027 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:01

Damn! I bet that was fun on the bun.

M13LO | 0

#1052040 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:03

well I'm sure they all had smiles on their faces to

ATL_chris | 6

#1052116 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:12

lol wow..

jennnnrawr | 0

#1052144 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:17

fun on the bun? well i guess that works...

fakeking2 | 0

#1052146 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:17

ur smart >.>

itchyballs | 0

#1052176 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:22

why would you wear a smile costume? I'm not an expert but that does not seem very sexy to me

nilrem_fml | 0

#1052201 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:29

I got this. one dick in the mouth, two In each nostrils, two hands for each chest balls, four in the pussy two in the butthole and above it all your boyfriends get to come and watch.

a bit too crude, I know.

StoryOfTheYear | 13

#1052211 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:30

Don't drop the soap...

eazyeeze | 0

#1052217 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:31

#17-beautiful diagram. I shed a tear and a sperm

Maelific | 0

#1052238 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:37

Dear penthouse forum,
walked in on my sons hot gf. naked and smiling.... jackpot!!

TaylorTotsYumm | 10

#1052243 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:38

Invite some of your girlfriends and have some fun?

;D

StopTheFuckinCar_fml | 0

#1052295 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:53

gangbang, ftw

deathcab7 | 0

#1052390 - Thursday 1 July 2010 20:33

haaa why would you be naked in your bf's house if his dad and friends were home?

jjtivey97 | 0

#1052418 - Thursday 1 July 2010 20:43

16 wins

RyanG_21 | 0

#1052457 - Thursday 1 July 2010 20:58

hahahaha #20 = win

White_Fury | 0

#1052610 - Thursday 1 July 2010 22:15

hahahaha dad ftw!

Maxyyy | 3

#1052802 - Thursday 1 July 2010 23:39

no1 the answer is X=8

Kiill3rQu33n16 | 0

#1052824 - Thursday 1 July 2010 23:44

orgyyyy!!!! :)
haa. ydi for wearin nothin but a smile.

emis145 | 2

#1052967 - Friday 2 July 2010 1:12

Comment moderated

devilyy | 2

#1053077 - Friday 2 July 2010 2:30

Oh yeah you surprised someone,just not your boyfriend :P I bet that "huge smile" went away in a second after his dad came in the room :P

afllegend | 0

#1053086 - Friday 2 July 2010 2:33

dear OP, can you please teach my gf to be like you :/
if she did something like that I'd probably have a heartache from the shock

s2000lover | 0

#1053315 - Friday 2 July 2010 5:02

pics or it didn't happen :)

Zukox | 0

#1053589 - Friday 2 July 2010 7:33

I like how no one pointed this up coming flaw out....
How could you not hear multiple people coming?
I'm pretty sure all of them were completely silent.

abcdefghijKayla | 0

#1053668 - Friday 2 July 2010 8:27

I love how, when you press the ydi button, it says "yeah, way to show em!"

SOTYsNumber1Fan | 0

#1054451 - Friday 2 July 2010 11:17

why would his dad and all his friends walk in to his sons bedroom?

stewpididiot | 11

#1058165 - Saturday 3 July 2010 16:20

and bulges in their pants too. BOIIINNG!!!!!

justin769 | 0

#1066878 - Tuesday 6 July 2010 9:29

damn ur hot!!

dragonight | 0

#1068198 - Tuesday 6 July 2010 19:08

I agree with 85 and not just because he's hott!!

Iowa123 | 0

#1143298 - Monday 26 July 2010 15:17

17- You're sick. And NOT in the good way... that's really disgusting.

SoniaKarina | 3

#2513974 - Sunday 15 May 2011 14:11

gang bang.

PleaseTickleUs | 7

#6189899 - Monday 2 February 2015 4:40

is nobody going to mention the Futurama reference here?

By joeyisinsane | 0

#1052029 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:02

I hope like hell that u were in the kitchen

rebelharmony | 0

#1052135 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:15

why would the bed be in the kitchen??

LMFAOwned | 9

#1052254 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:41

Lmfao #14 FTW

LMFAOwned | 9

#1052267 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:43

lololololol scratch that..... #20 FTW!

eshhayz | 0

#1053287 - Friday 2 July 2010 4:51

you were like a buffet :) dig in boys !!!

xXLenaXx | 0

#1057608 - Saturday 3 July 2010 12:22

Soooooo, you mistook your one guy for a stampede of men? :| FYL for being a MASSIVE retard.

By texassmile05 | 0

#1052064 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:05

Ha-ha. I bet you made their day!!! 

956TXking | 0

#1052443 - Thursday 1 July 2010 20:54

cougar alert^^

eshhayz | 0

#1054465 - Friday 2 July 2010 11:36

on the prowl

eshhayz | 0

#1063147 - Sunday 4 July 2010 19:14

quit stalking peoples profiles you paedofile

By iamchuck | 0

#1052094 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:08

I bet his dad encourages him to marry you!!!

Maelific | 0

#1052246 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:39

lol! damned right chuck!!

MudPuddleMica | 0

#1053573 - Friday 2 July 2010 7:23

ROFL!!! You made me laugh almost as hard as the fml did =]

scooter69 | 0

#1053602 - Friday 2 July 2010 7:37

#84 you're Hott!!

justin769 | 0

#1066890 - Tuesday 6 July 2010 9:31

#86 I agree

By RachelUriah | 0

#1052096 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:08

Nice momma.

PimpdaddyCJT | 13

#1052319 - Thursday 1 July 2010 20:03

time to go family style

By littlemissdqgirl | 8

#1052106 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:10

yiks:/

Maelific | 0

#1052257 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:41

oh. noes!!! pfft I say OH YES!

By LauraTheKiwi | 0

#1052122 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:13

LOL. poor you ;)

By amerwin | 3

#1052129 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:14

come on ride the train.. and ride it.. choo-choo!!

By relyo | 0

#1052152 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:18

pics or it didn't happen.

FFML_314 | 11

#1052308 - Thursday 1 July 2010 20:00

You're in a library, with a suit on and a snowman on your head, where do you live?

Magimus | 1

#1052335 - Thursday 1 July 2010 20:07

call me a dork but those shelves sure look like a barnes and noble bool store lol

relyo | 0

#1052974 - Friday 2 July 2010 1:17

That pic was taken in a B&N in Colorado Springs, CO but I live in Vegas now.

DerrickJames | 33

#5342152 - Sunday 27 January 2013 11:33

66 lives in Vegas because CO couldn't handle him.

By iluvcheer11 | 0

#1052262 - Thursday 1 July 2010 19:42

BAHAHA I bet that was SO awkward. o.O