Today, it was my boyfriend's 24th birthday. His friends were... - FML

By ilikecake - 29/5/2009 11:12 - United Arab Emirates

Today, it was my boyfriend's 24th birthday. His friends were throwing him a surprise party and I was in charge of getting his birthday cake. As a joke, I got it in the shape of a penis, with a graphic marzipan design. Funny, I never knew his overly-conservative parents were invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16331

You deserved it

53247

Tweet

Share

FML every way you look at it

Toxic parents

Billy no-mates

By Snow - 7/2/2009 20:43 - United States

Today, while I was trying to take off my eye make up, I accidentally used nail polish remover. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20712

You deserved it

34997

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 31/8/2012 02:47 - United States - Fairfield

Today, I got rear-ended. An old woman got out and came over to my car window. I thought she was coming to apologize and trade insurance companies. Instead, she poured her soda on my head, ran back into her car, and drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28520

You deserved it

1796

Tweet

Share

By deadbeatdad - 15/11/2015 22:35 - United States - Edmond

Today, I popped two tires hitting a curb. I called my dad hysterical, and he told me to call my mom and hung up. My mom's been dead for seven years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27550

You deserved it

1953

Tweet

Share

By WTF - 12/9/2015 00:54 - Australia

Today, I found a folder on my boyfriend's computer called "Facebook". It turned out to be a collection of thousands of photos from his female friends' accounts. It was all sorted into folders like "Big Tits", "Blonde", "Cameltoe", "Feet", and "Jailbait". FML

I agree, your life sucks

27145

You deserved it

2848

Tweet

Share

By blargh - 3/10/2013 17:39 - Russian Federation - Moscow

Today, at work, I was taking a woman's measurements while she held her screaming baby. To silence the infant, she whipped out her breast right there and started feeding him. Moments later, he puked breast milk all over my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44937

You deserved it

4021

Tweet

Share

By saraleerocha - 2/11/2010 06:20 - France

Today, I was cashier at work. The line came to a stop, but there was still people there. I kept saying next, but no one moved. I finally looked over the counter where there was a lady who had been standing there the whole time. She was a midget. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40735

You deserved it

14264

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/9/2018 03:00 - United States - Anchorage

Today, my father told all of us that he eloped with his girlfriend of two months. I am engaged to the woman's daughter, and have been engaged since before they met, but now my family is making fun of me for marrying my "sister". FML

I agree, your life sucks

3432

You deserved it

144

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/10/2011 22:40 - United States

Today, I realized the closest I've ever been to being hit on was with a car in the school parking lot. Even then, the guy claimed he "didn't notice" me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27913

You deserved it

3014

Tweet

Share

By nevaagain - 19/8/2016 20:00 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I saw a cute guy at the coffee shop reading a book. Wanting to be friendly, I smiled as I approached and asked what he was reading. He returned the smile and said, "Minding your damn business, by Fuck Off." FML

I agree, your life sucks

16334

You deserved it

3418

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/4/2012 04:18 - United States - Burnsville

Today, my son had to call me from his school's principal's office because he was disrupting his health class by laughing whenever the teacher said "sex". My son is 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29209

You deserved it

4207

Tweet

Share

By Yeah - 24/10/2014 05:02 - United States - El Paso

Today, I got approached by a lady while eating at a fast-food restaurant who asked if I could spare five dollars. Confidently, I pulled out my wallet to show her that I had no cash, only to reveal a perfectly crisp five dollar bill that I had completely forgotten about. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33070

You deserved it

17715

Tweet

Share

By Lisa - 23/8/2019 22:00 - United States - Tupelo

Today, a woman came knocking on my door. Not to sell something or to chat, no. To punch me in the mouth. Apparently, I stole her husband and I'm a homewrecker. We don't have a clue who she is. My husband and I have been married for 5 years, and were high school sweethearts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1933

You deserved it

98

Tweet

Share

By talwin - 27/7/2011 04:05 - Reserved

Today, I discovered that the more money I earn, the more my personal belongings break down on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30116

You deserved it

3256

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/3/2010 05:04 - United States

Today, I was applying some acne ointment. The directions said, "Apply a thin layer, covering the entire affected area." In other words, for me: My entire face. Lovely. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25346

You deserved it

4172

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/7/2012 16:04 - United States - Millers Tavern

Today, I was running late for an important job interview because I couldn't find my keys. I place the keys on my kitchen counter every day to prevent exactly this type of situation. After few minutes and missing my interview, I finally found my keys, in my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11300

You deserved it

32000

Tweet

Share

By you ripped them off ages ago - 17/8/2014 06:15 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, a few minutes after giving birth to our fourth child, my wife pulled me close and whispered, "I love you, but if you ever put me through that again I'll rip your balls off." Everyone laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47945

You deserved it

16209

Tweet

Share

By hudd357mag - 6/2/2012 05:35 - United States

Today, the girl I have a crush on texted me to go out tonight. When I got to her house, she peered at me quizzically and asked, "What do you want? Did I text you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

34059

You deserved it

2431

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/10/2019 22:01

The Gush

Today, I had planned to do a twenty-minute colon cleanse enema for weight loss. Instead, I woke up in the middle of the night with uncontrollable diarrhea that’s still going strong. Eight hours and counting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

713

You deserved it

1893

Tweet

Share

By TheSacredTeddyBear - 31/7/2013 03:06 - United States - Independence

Today, I finally gave away all of the stuffed animals that I've been hoarding for years. Proud, I told my family. They congratulated me by buying me stuffed animals. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48840

You deserved it

4937

Tweet

Share

By sicktomystomach - 2/5/2009 17:05 - United States

Today, during lunch at school, a wave of nausea came over me. I ran to the bathroom and made it just in time. As I was throwing up, I set off the toilet's automatic flush and my vomit came flying back into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70565

You deserved it

5192

Tweet

Share

By Johnny - 19/12/2012 23:33 - United States - Memphis

Today, I sold some weights that were way too heavy for me on Craigslist. I felt okay with not being able to lift them when I saw the other man, who was a pretty buff dude; that is until of course he informed me he was buying them for his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31323

You deserved it

8668

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/3/2015 05:36 - United States - Mendham

Today, my sister shot my dog with my airsoft gun. When I told my parents, she put on the fakest sobbing I've ever heard, said she didn't even know how to use a gun, and that she saw me shoot my own dog. They believed her and think I need psychiatric help. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35721

You deserved it

2373

Tweet

Share

By Soakedandbroke - 26/1/2016 17:05 - United States - Houston

Today, I was walking to class. While waiting at the crosswalk, a guy cat-called me from his car. I guess he was pissed that I didn't respond, because he purposely drove through a puddle and completely soaked me and the expensive textbook I was holding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22828

You deserved it

1744

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/12/2013 03:47 - United States

Today, I was in the middle of an interview; it was going great until I started coughing. That coughing led to an asthma attack, which led to nonstop gagging. I couldn't even answer his final question, "Are you okay?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

44222

You deserved it

2811

Tweet

Share

By no selfie for me - 16/4/2013 04:08 - United States - Pasadena

Today, I was at the park unsuccessfully trying to take a selfie. A stranger walked up to me and offered to take the picture for me. I agreed and gave him my phone. He took it and ran off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31874

You deserved it

59187

Tweet

Share

By lhazel - 17/9/2015 02:36 - United States - Mount Juliet

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about what we want to be when we grow up. He said he wanted to be a bartender, and single. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23134

You deserved it

2053

Tweet

Share

By anon - 30/6/2020 08:02

Parenting

Today, my mom volunteered me to watch her cousin’s 7-year-old daughter overnight. She’s a nice kid, but sadly the mom has babied her so much that she literally can’t do a thing for herself. She needed help wiping, bathing and even brushing her teeth. Her mom does it all and never taught her differently. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1423

You deserved it

105

Tweet

Share

By flicmybicgrl - 23/9/2020 08:01

Look where you're going

Today, I was heading to class with all of my books and papers in my arms. To prevent tripping and falling down the stairs, I decided to take the elevator. On my way there, I slipped and fell because my books were blocking the wet floor sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks

833

You deserved it

199

Tweet

Share

By WentInABush - 15/11/2012 07:23 - United States - Portland

Today, while in my room on the computer, I had a sudden urge to pee. I got up to use the loo and started hearing some disturbing noises from inside. Apparently I was so quiet my parents thought I was gone and decided to have sex in the shower. It's been an hour and my bladder is about to burst. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36276

You deserved it

3207

Tweet

Share

By anon - 12/10/2010 21:52 - United States

Today, I fainted because of a condition I have. My husband, who was standing right there, failed to catch me because he didn't want to drop his yogurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38077

You deserved it

4159

Tweet

Share

By shea234 - 20/2/2012 16:19 - United States

Today, I tried to find myself a friend on Craigslist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27834

You deserved it

8646

Tweet

Share

By sophhiee - 5/11/2011 11:45 - United States

Today, I was over at a friend's house for a party. I was trying to strike up a conversation with one of my cute guy friends, so I showed him this funny picture of me that my friend took. His reply was "Hahahaa those Fatbooth pictures are hilarious!" It wasn't a Fatbooth picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36657

You deserved it

7178

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/3/2015 05:56 - United States - Sacramento

Today, a teenage girl with a selfie stick came into my workplace. She knocked down multiple displays while trying to take pictures, before leaving without making a purchase. I had to clean it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34073

You deserved it

2458

Tweet

Share

By Noname - 8/3/2009 07:11 - United States

Today, I was driving on the freeway in the back seat of my friends car. I looked over to the left and was greeted by a van full of adolescent boys waving and making the "call me" hand gesture. I then happened to looked down and realized that my right boob was completely out of my top. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19138

You deserved it

54078

Tweet

Share

By fuck - 22/1/2020 14:00 - Canada - Airdrie

Late reaction

Today, I was masturbating in my bedroom, when suddenly, my mom opened the door and walked in with guests. I didn't react quick enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2177

You deserved it

621

Tweet

Share

By sweet - 28/7/2016 02:50

Today, I discovered that despite locking the bathroom door of an airplane, a man is still fully capable of walking in on you changing your tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16655

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1903

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/2/2013 23:03 - Belgium - Schepdaal

Today, I went to a club with my girlfriend and her buddies. An hour in, I saw her making out with a guy on the dance floor, so I confronted her. She stormed off to the bar and said something to her friend, who then came over and angrily slapped me across the face. Yeah, I'm confused too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54108

You deserved it

3739

Tweet

Share

By Janet - 10/3/2009 13:02 - United States

Today, my boss called me into his office. I thought I was getting promoted because my sales had been really high lately. My boss shut his door behind me and asked me if I could comb his hair with a lice comb to get rid of his lice. I had to do it to keep my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71947

You deserved it

3114

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/8/2020 02:12

Falling Down

Today, I woke up in hospital. Apparently, I fell down the stairs, broke 3 ribs, one toe, and hit my head so much that 12 stitches were needed. I also blacked out for an hour before my husband found me covered in blood. Recovery should take about a month and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1681

You deserved it

108

Tweet

Share

By crazyt446 - 11/7/2009 15:13 - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend and when he answered, I said the dirtiest thing I could think of to him on the phone. After a long silence, I heard, "Lacey? Is that you?" I accidentally called my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20398

You deserved it

71378

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By choppedNskrewed | 0

#242559 - Friday 29 May 2009 20:05

Hahahaha you deserved it. Who wants to eat a penis cake? Are you not eating enough of his penis already?

By dancing_bear | 0

#242561 - Friday 29 May 2009 20:05

I think it was reasonable to assume they weren't coming if his friends were organising the party. That's very, very awkward.

COMMENTS

By Atreyu_Love | 0

#242547 - Friday 29 May 2009 20:03

HAHA :)

By choppedNskrewed | 0

#242559 - Friday 29 May 2009 20:05

Hahahaha you deserved it. Who wants to eat a penis cake? Are you not eating enough of his penis already?

Reply

xFIRMbutGENTLEx | 0

#1242948 - Sunday 15 August 2010 4:03

my mates pulled this bull crap on ne once. But it was a very nice tasting cake :D

Reply

dabears1011234 | 27

#6021470 - Monday 28 July 2014 8:08

Did she not expect his parents to come?

By dancing_bear | 0

#242561 - Friday 29 May 2009 20:05

I think it was reasonable to assume they weren't coming if his friends were organising the party. That's very, very awkward.

By yer_maw | 0

#242562 - Friday 29 May 2009 20:05

hahaha this sounds just like that episode of Friends...
anyway, you should've checked who was going YDI

By Gabe411036 | 0

#242563 - Friday 29 May 2009 20:06

YDI why ruin someones birthday with a penis

By WildClown | 0

#242573 - Friday 29 May 2009 20:08

A penis cake for your 24 year old bf? What are you 12?

That shit stopped being funny in high school.

Reply

capslockisgood | 19

#5356136 - Wednesday 6 February 2013 4:02

12 year olds in high school

By rukusrazor | 0

#242574 - Friday 29 May 2009 20:09

#2 - DIAF!

I again call on my FML Staff pals to please help in showing these assclowns which way the bonfire is so they can DIAF. Maybe enlist a 3 strikes policy?

ANYWAYS...
I personally think the penis cake is HILARIOUS. He's 24 years old for christ's sake. He can tell his parents it's a joke and to chill the fuck out, and if he can't.. Is that something you want in your life?

By tWitt3rBuG | 0

#242584 - Friday 29 May 2009 20:11

That's pretty stupid. Epic Fail!

By peopleplz2008 | 0

#242588 - Friday 29 May 2009 20:12

agree with #8

By yep_me_again | 0

#242589 - Friday 29 May 2009 20:12

hilarious! you don't deserve it!