Health, Mental health and Insomnia: Freaked out - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 194

You deserved it 49

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 988

Freaked out

By Anonymous - 04/08/2019 02:00

Today, my boyfriend informed me I need to stop staying up all night, because it's "really sketchy" and he feels "uncomfortable" not knowing what I'm doing, and why I'm awake. I'm an insomniac, I have been my whole life, and he knows this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 970

You deserved it 153

Health Mental health Insomnia

Batman

And today, on Dr Phil…

Furry family

04/05/2013 00:39

Today, I was at dance rehearsal. As a male dancer I like to keep the fact that I dance a secret because of the stupid stereotypes male dancers have. This plan was quickly shot down when I discovered I was performing at my school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 133

You deserved it 5 939

09/04/2009 20:46

Today, I was in a hurry to get to work. I pulled impatiently behind a long line of cars to make a right hand turn. I sat there for 5 minutes. Turns out there wasn't a line to make a right hand turn. I had been waiting behind a line of parked cars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 825

You deserved it 70 458

19/11/2010 07:47

Today, I was putting my 2 year old to bed, and I began to sing to her. She reached up, put her finger over my lips, and said, "Shhh, Mommy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 299

You deserved it 13 733

09/08/2009 07:31

Today, as a joke, my friends and I decided to put me in a dress and makeup, to creep out a friend. I'm a guy. I'm not sure which is worse, the fact that I so willingly volunteered to wear the dress and the makeup, or the fact that I thought it was comfy and made me look slim. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 728

You deserved it 54 289

31/12/2009 16:52

Today, I was looking through pictures on Facebook. There was a picture of me and my friends with the caption "I love you guys!" below. I had been cropped out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 473

You deserved it 3 029

Sucker

By Anonymous - 08/09/2021 14:01

Today, I tried out my new noise-canceling headphones while vacuuming my house. They worked so well that I didn't hear the vacuum stop when the plug fell out of the outlet. I accidentally had the vacuum off the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 466

You deserved it 921

07/09/2009 06:33

Today, I had a great time with a girl I liked. I asked her out and she said yes. She also said she cuts herself and if I ever broke up with her, I'll be responsible for her death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 527

You deserved it 6 556

07/06/2012 12:10

Today, in a drunken state, I decided that it would be a good idea to shave with a pizza cutter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 690

You deserved it 36 209

22/01/2010 05:02

Spicy

Today, I found my boyfriend making out with my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 735

You deserved it 4 777

08/03/2010 06:16

Today, my three year old nephew was pointing at the TV screen and saying "Uncle, Uncle!" He thought it was me on the screen. It was Rosie O'Donnell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 443

You deserved it 4 105

22/03/2016 08:57

Today, my family got mad at me for eloping and not inviting them to my wedding. Even though they admitted they wouldn't have gone anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 446

You deserved it 1 924

22/04/2009 04:37

Spicy

Today, I was hanging out with this guy I've been trying to get for four months. I felt like I needed to go to the bathroom. I walked out, glad that I was quiet about it. Ten minutes later, my mom walks out of the same bathroom and goes "Honey, you need to spray after you make a stinky" FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 696

You deserved it 5 797

22/08/2012 20:08

Today, I realized how much I hate my girlfriend, when I got excited as the doctor told me I should refrain from having sex for the next two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 743

You deserved it 31 269

Snoopy

By Anonymous - 03/11/2009 14:04

Today, I thought it would be funny to go on my boyfriend's Facebook to change his status. While in the process, his account received a message. Turns out he's planning on hooking up with his ex-girlfriend/one of my friends and is definitely over me. How's that for snooping around? FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 264

You deserved it 36 907

31/10/2009 17:45

Today, mum woke me up before seven in the morning on a Saturday so I could open my birthday gifts. I'm an insomniac and I had just fallen asleep. I wasn't even awake yet and she yelled at me to be more enthusiastic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 562

You deserved it 4 006

05/02/2013 05:24

Today, I called security at my school because I left my mittens in a classroom and it was locked. When the security officer showed up, he asked if the mittens I was looking for were the ones on my hands. I even had to take one of them off to call them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 476

You deserved it 52 289

25/10/2012 04:37

Today, I woke up with pink eye. My mom tried to help by putting drops in. It started burning like hell; she didn't understand why. It turns out she was putting ear drops in my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 202

You deserved it 1 825

Skipped town

By Anonymous - 19/05/2021 00:01

Today, I went to my girlfriend's apartment, but it was empty. I went to her parents' house, it was empty as well. She isn’t responding to my messages, so I guess I got ghosted in real life and online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 132

You deserved it 96

23/05/2011 18:46

Spicy

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time only to realise she squeals like a baby pig in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 284

You deserved it 9 373

Work it

By fatty - 07/09/2019 20:00

Today, after a full year of vigorous exercise 7 days a week, and a strict diet of vegetables, fruits, and water, I can proudly say that I've lost half a pound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 645

You deserved it 333

23/02/2016 06:53

Today, I was at church with some friends and our counselor, who had recently came back from Taiwan. I was born there and love to visit, so I immediately exclaimed, "How lucky!" A few seconds of awkward silence later, he said, "I was visiting my dad who was just diagnosed with cancer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 787

You deserved it 2 114

15/02/2011 10:21

Today, I was in my car and stopped at a red light. A homeless woman then started to throw rocks at my car for no apparent reason. I drive a convertible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 609

You deserved it 4 958

Medicare For All

By Anonymous - 10/05/2021 08:01

Today, it's Mother’s Day. It's also the day I’m expected to pay a very large medical bill due to my miscarriage of twin babies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 483

You deserved it 76

27/02/2015 03:07

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up because we got into a fight over what color that confusing black and blue and white and gold dress was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 295

You deserved it 25 882

04/08/2010 22:14

Today, I went to the cinema with a girl I like. Knowing she has a bit of a soft spot for me, I was keen to sit in the back row. Too bad her sister tagged along, insisted that we sit somewhere else, and scolded me every time I so much looked at her. I ended up paying for the unwanted guest as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 791

You deserved it 5 041

Kitchen nightmares

By Accident-prone af - 07/07/2020 20:02

Today, while making milkshakes, I was pouring and the blender's blades all fell out somehow. I don't know what's worse, that I sliced my finger open when the blades fell out and now there's blood all over, that there's now melted ice cream all over my counter and floor, or that I just wasted an entire tub of ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 407

You deserved it 178

20/07/2015 22:17

Today, I was doing my first shift waitressing in a café. Not an hour in, I'd already spilt tea over somebody and dropped two whole meals. Looks like this won't last much longer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 266

You deserved it 4 495

13/02/2016 01:56

Today, I returned to work after taking two days off to find I'd been fired. Why? For not being at work on those two days. Everything was agreed in writing, all trace of which has mysteriously vanished. I can't work until HR sorts it out, and nobody can tell me how long that'll take. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 201

You deserved it 1 485

14/08/2009 14:09

Spicy

Today, I was helping my brother clean his room. While putting clothes away, I found a box of thongs. They were mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 152

You deserved it 3 909

30/09/2009 17:45

Today, it's my birthday. My best friend called me at work and offered to take me out to lunch. When he went to pay for the meal, his card was declined so I told him not to worry and that I would pay for the birthday meal. He looked at me and said "It's your birthday?" He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 176

You deserved it 3 580

07/06/2016 22:41

Today, I was on a first date at a bar, when a girl walks over and ask me if I'm a doctor. I said yes, thinking she overheard me talking about my PhD. The girl then showed me a lump on her breast and asked what to do about it. My date then slapped me and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 550

You deserved it 1 362

10/03/2014 14:23

Today, the heater went out at work. I was shivering so hard that someone thought I was having a seizure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 526

You deserved it 4 058

You tried

By Anonymous - 22/01/2021 00:01

Today, my colleague was wearing a beautiful dress. I decided that I had to go over and compliment her. As I walked over, my coffee cup flew out of my hand and onto said dress. She had to go home and change, and my boss had to cover for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 381

08/07/2009 15:24

Today, I was driving home through the middle of nowhere when a screw punctured my car tire. I arrived at the town's only auto shop to find that it had closed early. Frantic, I dialed the emergency number listed on the shop's locked door. On the other side of the glass, a phone began to ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 843

You deserved it 3 597

16/09/2014 18:28

Today, in college, we were asked at what age girls tend to become physically attractive. Wrongly thinking the answer was in relation to puberty, I said "Umm... 11 or 12?" Now everyone thinks I'm some kind of pedophile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 133

You deserved it 9 500

Classy

By Username - 07/06/2011 06:51

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out when he sweetly whispered in my ear, "It's not gonna suck itself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 833

You deserved it 12 989

23/08/2013 07:40

Today, my best friend actually had the audacity to try and one-up my suicide attempt story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 791

You deserved it 10 499

Classic mistake

By Anonymous - 18/08/2021 13:59

Today, I was getting ready for work and I sprayed my hair to stay in place, then went to spray deodorant under my arm, but noticed that it was super sticky. No wonder my hair spray smelled like baby powder, I'd confused one product with another. FML

I agree, your life sucks 352

You deserved it 589

27/07/2009 19:12

Today, I brought my lunch to work in the only box I had lying around my apartment - a small one from FedEx. When I went to the bathroom before lunch, I returned to my desk to find that one of my coworkers had mailed my lunch back to my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 212

You deserved it 10 335

15/09/2017 04:30

Today, my husband asked to borrow money. He couldn't pay his half of the rent or utilities this month, but he did manage to buy a $1,700 radio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 363

You deserved it 574

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Sunday 4 August 2019 2:55

get a nightshift job n tell ur "boyfriend" to kiss ur ass

core01 30

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Sunday 4 August 2019 6:13

Glue googly eyes on his dick while he's sleeping.

Comments

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Sunday 4 August 2019 2:55

get a nightshift job n tell ur "boyfriend" to kiss ur ass

RichardPencil 30

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Sunday 4 August 2019 2:57

How are you even alive? Sounds sketchy to me, too.

Stacy 4

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Sunday 4 August 2019 9:43

why? she is awake not having an orgy her living room.....

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Sunday 4 August 2019 5:48

Same. Insomnia is the worst and it too has plagued me my whole life

core01 30

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Sunday 4 August 2019 6:13

Glue googly eyes on his dick while he's sleeping.

Stacy 4

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Sunday 4 August 2019 9:38

I am also....i go out in the yard and do my garden if my husband is awake enough to notice in not in bed so he doesnt make me lay down with him. He seems to b ok with out of sight out of mind and now calls it gardening after midnight...and sings it like the song by shit aerosmith I think....lol

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Sunday 4 August 2019 10:27

I also have insomnia. I don’t even sleep during the day; I haven’t ever had naps. I’ve been this way since the day I was born.

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Sunday 4 August 2019 19:38

Same! If I nap, I likely can't relax anyway but if I do succeed, I wake up feeling way worse and am a mess for the rest of the day. Sucks. Magnesium glycinate has helped me improve my insomnia to only half as bad as before, I LOVE that stuff! But I still have a major problem. I wake feeling refreshed maybe once every couple months. I have not had 2 good sleeps in a row in years if ever, but I fantasize about what that would feel like. That's likely one of my wishes if I found a genie ha! I tried nightshift for years thinking maybe my body just is nocturnal but nope, I just have insomnia all day lol.

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Sunday 4 August 2019 13:24

The way you've described this, it doesn't sound like he's concerned for your health at all but more that he either has underlying trust or control issues. Why on earth would it make him uncomfortable? Perhaps he needs to learn a bit more about the condition.

samomaha 17

Sunday 4 August 2019 13:33

Your BF has taken self-centeredness to a whole new level. If he can actually say this, things are going to get much worse in the future.

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Sunday 4 August 2019 18:03

Definitely get him more informed of your condition. I get it though, you sleep and your SO is always awake and doing things? It's different and can be hard to adjust to. Bring him to an appointment with your doctor next time you go or something?

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Sunday 4 August 2019 19:30

Sounds like he's a giant sack of shit to me buddy. He sees your medical problem through the lense of how it affects HIM, not you? So self absorbed -what is he, five? And because this medical problem causes him minor awkward feelings he calls you sketchy, as if you're cooking meth or picking pockets? Holy shit. Having imperfect health is NOT immoral! What is this dickhead gonna be like if you have a bigger health issue like a broken leg or bronchitis or worse? Is he gonna be mad at you for it, when a decent BF would be a comfort? Move on, find someone who will help you with your troubles not pout that you aren't fucking perfect.