Today, my boyfriend invited me over to "play with his lizard." After excitedly rushing across town, I realized this wasn't a euphemism, he actually bought an Iguana. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I tried to impress the guy I like. He breeds reptiles, and I happen to have a snake and a lizard. I went over to his house to show them off. He opened the door just as my lizard fell between my boobs. He had to help me get it out. FML
Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really liked. He spent the whole time talking about his pet iguana and how it's the love of his life. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I felt something tickling my neck. Thinking it was him, I ignored it. Just when I was about to climax, I looked down to see a lizard on me. FML
Today, I finally made out with my boyfriend. Let's just say his idea of making out is moving his tongue like a lizard. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex in the janitor's closet of the pet store where I work. We were really getting into it when we were rudely interrupted by dozens of salamanders crawling up our legs. I had forgotten to lock the cage before we started. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to cure me of my snake phobia by buying one. When he took it out of the cage, it bit him. Now he's terrified of them too. Even worse, he dropped the snake, so it's now loose in our house. FML
Today, my cat decided to show me just how much he loves me by bringing a live snake into my bedroom. Thanks. FML
Today, when I got back to my bedroom, I found my cat had left not one, not two, but four dead lizards for me. FML
Today, my friendly neighbor asked me to check in on his apartment every few days while he's gone on vacation. You can imagine my horror when I walked in for the first time and found out he's a snake breeder. Twelve more days to go. FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents, and now they have a dead rabbit because I sat on it. FML
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Top comments
FMLshark 12
Sounds like the same boyfriend who wanted to test water displacement in the bathtub with his girlfriend.
rncannon 18
I would have been pretty excited anyway. Iguanas are cool.
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Comments (123)
draco2468 3
Iguanas are so cool your bf must be proud of his lizard.
kitsune3 20
That sucks, OP. Bet you were really disappointed. For the record, though, "euphemism" isn't the word you needed there. The right term for that would be "metaphor" or "figure of speech." A euphemism is a nicer or more politically correct way of saying something offensive. I guess it works by technicality, but it's not the best fit.
BOSSKILLA 4
butthole sauce
FaygoAndMiracles 18
Why does everyone think nowadays that everything is an innuendo? They can be funny as jokes, but still, when it sounds like someone is not joking, you should probably assume they aren't trying to sound perverted.
kitsune3 20
I'm sorry, we weren't aware you had been there and could hear how he said it. (Note, sarcasm is being used here.) Maybe he said it in a way that unintentionally sounded like an innuendo. Besides that, people make mistakes. Get over yourself.
Kathts7 12
Well... Go over there and play with his pet Iguana and then ask him sensually if he wants you to play with him too? XD
maybso 0
buy a cat an invite him over to play with your pussy ;)
max_attack_4 0
That's kind of adorable that he got all excited about his pet iguana.
NoctisLiberi 10
I like iguanas :3
djsammyc 19
not all guys want you over for sex I guess op
heyyyaubrey 9
i would be waaay more excited about the iguana.