Miscellaneous: Today, I found out that when my parents said they couldn't afford... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that when my parents said they couldn't afford gifts for us kids, what they really meant was that they weren't buying a gift for me. I found this out when I overheard my father telling my uncle about the things he got my siblings. FML

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Walk on the wild side

Working from home rules!

Ever Given

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was applying for jobs online when my father called. When I told him what I was doing, he said in all seriousness that I should just be a sugar baby. I said he must be joking, but he replied, "Honey, if I had your tits, I'd never work a day in my life." 5ML

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By Anonymous - United States - Panama City

Today, my mom came home drunk and yelled at me for 20 minutes for not feeding the cat. We don't have a cat. FML

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By loser - United States

Today, I got officially uninvited to a party. This is the third one this month. FML

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By OhGodWhy - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I caught my coworker masturbating in the bathroom. This was during her shift, while I was mopping the bathroom floors. FML

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By ravenskater

Today, I was at a grocery store with my 3 year old son. As I was picking a cereal out, an older man comes over and says, "You should have used condoms. What an ugly boy." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Glendale

Today, I told my husband that I'm jealous of all the other girls whose husbands always take pictures of them together and post them online. He responded by posting a picture of himself, with me on the toilet in the background, captioned "The bitch on the pot." FML

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By Ignatius - United States

Today, was teacher appreciation day at my school. They played a slideshow of all the teachers. The students cheered wildly for every teacher. When my picture came up, nobody clapped. The whole room was quiet. FML

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By Anonymous - Germany

Today, I asked my boss to pay me for the only 2 sick days I had taken in 6 months, but he didn't want to. I reminded him that it's the law now in Germany, even for part-time work, so he said OK. Two hours later, he fired me. One week before my probationary period was up. FML

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By MollyMadamme

Freudian slip

Today, I decided to wake my fiancé up by giving him a blowjob. When he finally started to wake up he called me by his ex's name. FML

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By Sarah

Today, my therapist said, "Y'know, Sarah, you would be a lot happier if you laid off the cocaine." I don't do cocaine. I never have. FML

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By SoulStormIV - United States - Castle Rock

Today, I thought it would be nice to take my obese dog for a walk, since she hasn't had one in a long time. She was doing great, until we were about a mile from our house. She plopped down on the ground and wouldn't move. Nobody was home so I had to carry her all the way back to our house. FML

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By livvlynette - Australia

Today, I went to a family funeral. Talking to my grandfather, trying the make chitchat, he says "You're gaining weight, aren't you?" FML

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By browniepoints - United States

Today, it dawned on me that the most romantic thing my husband has done in the last three years, was a put a wedding ring on his xbox avatar. FML

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By nutfreak - United States - Lutherville Timonium

Today, I was diagnosed with severe nut allergies. My dad decided to buy jars of Nutella, write "You know you want this" on them, and stick them around the house. FML

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By Jonathan - Denmark

Today, my mom banned me from watching The Simpsons and Family Guy because apparently, they're part of "the Devil's plan to corrupt God's children". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Slidell

Today, a customer got angry with me, because store policy says we can't accept returns of unsealed video games unless there's actual damage to the disc. The guy got enraged and started yelling about how I'm a "useless fuckwhistle". I almost got written up for laughing so hard at the insult. FML

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By Jasper - 29/5/2021 22:01 - United States

Betrayal

Today, I paid my best friend to not tell my girlfriend about having hooked up with another girl while drunk the other night. He told her anyway. Now I have no girlfriend and I’m $500 poorer. FML

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By artiemilano - United States

Today, I let my mother use my computer for school work. Later that day my mom asks me what's wrong with the computer. I look at it, only seeing a "Welcome to Windows XP" screen. She said that she saw a blue screen and pressed L and C when it asked her to. My mom managed to clear my hard drive. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to tell me that he was worried our child might not be mine because he was cheating on me when I got pregnant. FML

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By tooembarassed - United States

Today, I got a date for Valentine's Day. The date is with my orthodontist; he's going to tighten my braces. FML

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By sadbuttrue. - United States - San Francisco

Today, at my sister's wedding, I went to the very back of the crowd of women waiting to catch the bouquet. Not only did I end up catching it, I was accosted by a crazy chick who ripped it out of my hands, screaming at me in Italian. I later found out she was already engaged. FML

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By Eskyew - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking on the phone, and things got a little heated. We were in the middle of some kinky dialog, complete with hand action when he suddenly goes silent. While waiting for a response, I heard typing on the other end. He was checking his email. FML

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By patient_mom - Australia - Surrey Hills

Today, I had to wait for my daughter's pet python to finish taking a bath before I could take a shower and go to work. FML

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By Kiki - Poland - Myslenice

Today, my boyfriend came over and dropped off my phone, which I'd left at his place the night before. He immediately left in a sulk. As I looked through my texts, I discovered he was only so moody because I hadn't answered any of his calls or messages. I'm dating an idiot. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was riding a new horse when a lawnmower starting up spooked her. She jumped straight up in the air and I landed directly on the saddle horn. I can't walk or feel anything between my legs. FML

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By dammit - United States

Today, my father's company shut down his branch, leaving him without a job. This is followed by a letter from my school's financial aid office, saying I'm not getting a penny because my family's income level is too high. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, my boyfriend said he wanted to try something new. By something new, it was to put flour in my butt and see what would happen if I farted. FML

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By smh - United States - Sacramento

Today, if you live in California, you might have seen a crazy drunk guy naked in front of a McDonald's, waving at everyone. Yeah, that was probably me. FML

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By disgusteddaughter - Australia

Today, my mum's boyfriend came back from a job up-state. He is now walking around the house in boxers to "show off his tan". He has a beer gut and a hairy back. FML

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By vcarder - United Kingdom

Today, my friends were all talking about the first time they bought condoms. I can still remember the first time I bought them; in fact they are unopened and expired in my bedside table. FML

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By Christina - Canada

Today, I noticed an old bell at the bar so I rang it. It turns out that when you ring the bell, you buy shots for the whole bar. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I had to stand outside the changing room while two of my coworkers had noisy sex. I just needed my car keys. FML

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By ID10t - United States

Today, I was on my back porch having a cigarette. Not being all that awake yet, I threw the butt, still smoldering, on the ground. Did I remember that there was an ashtray right next to me? No. I did what I would do at work: I stamped it out. Barefoot. FML

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By mareda - United Kingdom

Today, I flew to England to visit my boyfriend, who has been working there for the past three months. I went to his hotel and waited for him; he never showed up. I called one of his colleagues to ask him what was going on. He had no idea what I was talking about. FML

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By jkon - United States

Today, I texted my girlfriend and told her I was mowing my lawn. She responded "it's about time, it keeps getting caught in my teeth!" I was referring to the lawn outside of my house. FML

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By Dingbat - United States - Quarryville

Today, I started playing softball again in a league after not playing for about 5 years. My very first time at the bat I whacked a foul ball into the parking lot and hit my own car. FML

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By bored

I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself

Today, I found a deck of Uno cards. Being extremely bored, I decided to put them in order. I now know EXACTLY which cards I'm missing. FML

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By Nasty - United States - Tallahassee

Today, while watching home videos with my family, I saw a clip of me as an infant attempting to breast feed from my father while he laughed uncontrollably. Now, my son keeps sneaking his baby brother's head under my shirt while I'm asleep. The last time he actually began to suckle. FML

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By Jason - United States - Kenai

Today, I found out that my girlfriend is actually a man. Not a transgender person, I'm okay with that, but an actual gay man who gets a kick out of pranking other guys. FML

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By Anonymous - Antigua and Barbuda

Today, I passed a car, and heard a baby crying in the back seat. It was hot and no one was around. All the doors were locked so I broke it with a rock, cutting my arm and setting the alarm off. Only to find out that it was a realistic baby doll. I have to get 7 stitches and pay for the window. FML

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Top comments

By arano | 29

#6496190 - Tuesday 29 December 2015 11:54

Just remember this when their birthdays come around. FYL, OP. Merry Christmas.

By sarahfoundnemo | 10

#6496189 - Tuesday 29 December 2015 11:54

I'm sorry OP.. that sucks!!

COMMENTS

By sarahfoundnemo | 10

#6496189 - Tuesday 29 December 2015 11:54

I'm sorry OP.. that sucks!!

By arano | 29

#6496190 - Tuesday 29 December 2015 11:54

Just remember this when their birthdays come around. FYL, OP. Merry Christmas.

Reply

blazingshot147 | 19

#6496896 - Wednesday 30 December 2015 5:32

Or maybe he could use the ol "I guess you don't have money for me, so I guess I don't have money for you" line.

By bunnyfish | 27

#6496192 - Tuesday 29 December 2015 11:56

Look and see if the nursing home from happy gilmore has an opening.

By thebakingseal | 22

#6496193 - Tuesday 29 December 2015 11:56

I’m so sorry, OP. See if you can question them about this

By zinoxity | 23

#6496194 - Tuesday 29 December 2015 12:02

Damn, that's messed up. I'm sorry, OP. I hope you're okay.

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gamermonster | 34

#6496200 - Tuesday 29 December 2015 12:27

Why would OP not be okay? He/she didn't get hurt, except for emotionally.

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moomimamoo | 24

#6496205 - Tuesday 29 December 2015 12:43

#9 - Emotional abuse is a form of hurt, I mean, you can sue for it now in courts in England (I don't know about the rest of the U.K.) so that must mean something...?

Reply

cloudyface | 23

#6496381 - Tuesday 29 December 2015 17:20

Emotional abuse and emotional pain are two VERY different things.

By a3gab | 17

#6496195 - Tuesday 29 December 2015 12:03

Sorry op it sucks I know just let it go that's what I'll do if i were you

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tantanpanda | 26

#6497582 - Thursday 31 December 2015 3:12

Uh, no. OP'S parents purposefully left OP out. That's a giant asshole move. I'd use this as a guilt trip in the future.

By gsam99 | 20

#6496197 - Tuesday 29 December 2015 12:07

In my experience, poor people don't brag about being poor. He could have been lying to avoid telling him.

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DoomedGemini | 37

#6496468 - Tuesday 29 December 2015 18:52

If so, wouldn't he have just not brought it up or lie and say he bought op something as well?

By RodzillaX | 30

#6496198 - Tuesday 29 December 2015 12:15

Get him a card filled with glitter, to show your appreciation.

By tygerarmy | 35

#6496206 - Tuesday 29 December 2015 12:44

Confront them about it. If you had done it there maybe your grandfather would have stood up for you. Either way stand up for yourself, and don't do that if you ever have kids.

Reply

BigbenMrJDM | 12

#6496230 - Tuesday 29 December 2015 13:37

Grandfather?

Reply

tygerarmy | 35

#6496577 - Tuesday 29 December 2015 21:21

I mean uncle, for some reason I thought the OP's father was lying to his father.

By teacupofsunshine | 29

#6496211 - Tuesday 29 December 2015 13:06

Naughty list?