Today, my boyfriend found an empty snail shell. I tried messing with him by saying the snail had turned into a slug, like caterpillars turn into butterflies. He quickly replied, "Yeah I know. I'm not a tard, babe." and said he'd been taught all that and more back in school. What the hell? FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend broke the bed pretending to be a caterpillar. FML
Today, while talking to my boyfriend, he got upset and accused me of making up words to make him feel stupid. All because I used the word "vapid." FML
Today, my idiot boyfriend, who thinks he's an outdoorsman, made sauce from mushrooms he'd foraged. I refused to eat it. He got upset and had two helpings. He's now in bed, whining about how bad he feels. Stupid dumbass. FML
Today, I yet again had to pretend to be a dumb bimbo so that my boyfriend wouldn't get upset over the fact that, in some cases, I might be smarter than him. FML
Today, my boyfriend got rejected by his dream college. In an effort to comfort him, I told him that he is incredibly smart and that it's their loss. He replied, "Of course you think so, you're an idiot!" FML
Today, my husband asked me to come see his turd. After I said no, he said, "What kind of wife are you?" FML
Today, I had to convince my 20-year-old boyfriend that not only is his aquatic turtle a reptile, but that it's also cold-blooded and thus can't regulate its own temperature just by going into its shell. He still thinks I'm the stupid one. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were in bed and I asked him why he was with me. His answer was, "Well, the last girl I dated was really smart and she always made me feel dumb, so I decided to switch things up a bit. You make me feel like a genius, babe." FML
Today, I came home to my boyfriend emptying his bowels into my aquarium. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having dinner with my family. He killed a bug and ate it. FML
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Top comments
Helloilike_lacro 8
It sounds logical to me
SamSwebb 24
They don't?!
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Comments (58)
Soninuva 41
You should've slugged him for being as slow as a snail!
dilley86 4
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
It's a little weird that you said boyfriend and not ex-boyfriend. These are the people making children.
dmattimeoj 12
are you still at the age where you tell a girl you like her by pulling her hair on the playground and then sending a friend over to ask her out for you?? do you really think something like that is grounds to break off a committed, mature relationship that, for all you know, could otherwise be great? it blows my mind how often people like you quickly jump to the "why dont you break up" comment on this site. whether you actually are 12 or you are much older than that my advice will remain the same. you need to grow up.
lonewolf6613 4
the funny part of this...he's 26. well according to his profile.
Jonathan Riedel 10
I was looking for Exactly this Comment.
an3ph 20
You missed that class in biology.
KevinFlynn 13
I'm sorry for you
blondie107 20
Either he didn't want to sound like an idiot or he was messing with you..
evilplatypus 39
Or he really is an idiot.
pam241 15
Maybe he's right?
NodakN8V 25
Sometimes sounding smart is better then actually being smart... He needs to turn in his man card for that one.
kinky44 28
Do you even know what a man card is?
noelasis94 18
And to that you should have said whats in the bowl bitch?!
stanjohnson 11
Aren't you glad you are not dating a tard?
blackgirllb 12
its true wen ray the snail will leave his shell and pursuing his life purpose as a slug