Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the...

By syl - 11/02/2010 06:18 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 305

You deserved it 5 219

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Same thing different taste

By BDSM4Jesus - 20/01/2015 04:42 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, while trying some new kinky things with my boyfriend, he cried out, "Call me Jesus!" Yeah... I think we're done with that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 139

You deserved it 4 547

By WWJD - 01/03/2017 12:00 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and I lustfully requested we try doggy style this time. He responded, "No, Jesus wouldn't like that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 308

You deserved it 1 594

Weird flex, but OK

By mrwilly - 02/01/2015 03:22 - United States - Corona

Today, as usual, my boyfriend referred to his penis in the third person as "Mr. Willy". Even during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 883

You deserved it 4 896

By FlyingFist - 04/12/2012 00:38 - United States

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying I needed to come home immediately. When I got there, he informed me that the reason I needed to rush home from work was because he wiped a booger on the wall and it was in the shape of a penis. He said it's a sign, like when people see Jesus in toast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 133

You deserved it 3 452

By CALIdime_15 - 05/05/2012 05:42 - United States

Today, I watched my boyfriend have a full on conversation with his penis. He also talks to his penis nicer than he talks to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 347

You deserved it 4 912

By INside - 02/08/2011 04:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided it'd be funny to create a "place" on Facebook for my vagina. Now he "checks-in" every time we have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 044

You deserved it 10 732

By anon - 18/01/2012 18:29 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend referred to his penis as 'The Eye of Sauron'. It didn't help when he pulled down his foreskin, pointed it in my direction and said 'I see you'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 557

You deserved it 5 599

By Anonymous - 28/11/2011 03:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided that vaginal, oral, and anal sex are starting to get boring. Let's just say that my armpit is now drenched in lube. I'm afraid of what he's going to want to try once he gets bored of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 289

You deserved it 10 505

Repetition

By Fuck - 25/02/2015 21:39 - United States - Fowler

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 736

You deserved it 4 429

By O_O - 12/07/2013 20:15 - United States - Columbus

Today, my boyfriend insisted that I start calling him "Professor Fucktard" in the bedroom. He seems to be dead serious about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 625

You deserved it 5 819

elodea_fml 0

Thursday 11 February 2010 12:14

... he seems cool o_O

quelbaby 0

Thursday 11 February 2010 12:14

hahaha that sounds like something my bf would say as a joke lol.. I hope u took it lightly and mucked around with him bak lol

Comments

razorp 0

Thursday 11 February 2010 14:56

maybe next Jesus will spit on you, then make you kiss his feet, oh I meant balls

Rickymonkeypants 0

Thursday 11 February 2010 15:01

...Win

blackstatic 0

Thursday 11 February 2010 15:04

it will forgive your sins go for it

Ateaney13 0

Thursday 11 February 2010 15:06

I will pray to Jesus so that he will help you with your problem. HA.

funkey3 0

Thursday 11 February 2010 15:09

I can get where he is coming from

sublime93 0

Thursday 11 February 2010 15:13

that's pretty hilarious

twistedavalon06 0

Thursday 11 February 2010 15:15

lame.

thedivinecomeD 0

Thursday 11 February 2010 15:25

MAY THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELL YOU!!!

LforLove 0

Friday 12 February 2010 2:28

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahHahaha

Wasted_Elmo 6

Thursday 11 February 2010 15:26

my girl named my penis Jesus never knew why untill she screamed it out many times in bed (go fig)

thedivinecomeD 0

Thursday 11 February 2010 15:27

WAIT!!! I GOT IT!!! tell him his penis is like Jesus... nonexistent. XD

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I agree, your life sucks 403

You deserved it 74

Today, my parents used to tell that me life gets way better after high school. Yeah, for everyone else at my school. They’re partying it up in college or travelling during gap years, meeting all sorts of people. I have to work more than full time because my parents kicked me out the week after I graduated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 471

You deserved it 96

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 34 380

You deserved it 3 650

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I agree, your life sucks 857

You deserved it 1 447

Today, I was working in the yard and took off my shirt. My neighbor yelled, "Nice tits!" I'm a dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 305

You deserved it 437

Today, I got pulled over. Suspicious that I'd been drinking, the police officer made me walk a straight line and recite the alphabet. I failed both. I was completely sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 288

You deserved it 26 516

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I agree, your life sucks 48 713

You deserved it 3 541

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I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 112

Same thing different taste

Weird flex, but OK

Repetition

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