Love: Today, I got a birthday present from my boyfriend's mom. It was...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a birthday present from my boyfriend's mom. It was ProActiv acne solution. He tried to make me feel better by explaining it's because she wants to be able to include me in family pictures. FML

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40110

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Love

Proactive

Messed up

Sorry…

By joe - United States - Ellicott City

Today, I bought a new armband to hold my iPhone while working out so I can listen to music and I was excited to start getting in shape. Unfortunately, when I tried it on, my arm was too big and it didn't fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22939

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By Anonymous - South Africa

Today, my boyfriend gave me a poem saying "Roses are red, violets are blue, rubbish is dumped and so are you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51980

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4360

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By Ohshit - United States

Today, I woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis, and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear. "Mom?" I called out instinctively, recalling how she always smells like peppermint. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking girlfriend of three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32340

You deserved it

92516

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By bigbuldge

Roommate From Hell

Today, my roommate whipped my face with a frozen chicken cutlet. My cheek is now the size of the chicken cutlet, and now he won't drive me to the hospital because it's "too funny to look at." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1574

You deserved it

136

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By sarah - 6/6/2020 20:00

Respect should be earned

Today, while out in public, my stepmom turned and screamed at me for a good while for “walking through a door before an elder.” People stared. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1363

You deserved it

202

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad forgot me at cross country practice. When he got there two hours late, instead of apologizing, he said, "Hey, that's only the third time I've forgotten you at practice. You should be congratulating me." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31668

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By defectivesuperhero

Today, I couldn't get my car hood to open to check the fluids. A few miles down the highway, though, it popped right open. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2284

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315

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By Crazy Crazy Crazy - Canada - Burlington

Today, my fiancée called off our wedding, because she found out I had sex with another woman. Three years before we even met. FML

I agree, your life sucks

73936

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7954

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By sysadmin:~# rm -rf / - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my self-esteem sank so low that I sabotaged my workplace's corporate network, then fixed it, just so I could feel needed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44616

You deserved it

7388

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By Maleficia

Today, the government froze my bank account for not paying college debt, and now I can't access my 0.30 cents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6801

You deserved it

1453

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By Ouijake

Today, I tried out the new VR headset I got for Christmas. I downloaded a 'Moon Walk' app and went for a walk around my basement. I felt adventurous and tried to climb my stairs, took a nice large step ready to ascend the lunar hill, and found myself standing in my cat's litter box. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7463

You deserved it

3456

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By Anonyme - France - G?anges

Today, our 8-month-old son had a big cold and his nose was blocked. I couldn't find the baby nose pump in it's usual place, so I went to ask my husband. He had it in his hand, and was using to decorate the cake that was going to be served to tonight's guests, my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29428

You deserved it

2594

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By stupid drunk bitch - United States - Cobleskill

Today, my roommate made out with this guy I kind of had a thing for. It wasn't a big deal to sober me, but drunk me wasn't having it. I drank half a bottle of vodka, punched a hole in a wall, and cried while laying on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18441

You deserved it

5432

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out how it feels to get your nut-sack caught in a belt buckle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30893

You deserved it

5742

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By Unknown - United States

Today, I decided to wear a tight, long-sleeved shirt that showed off my body. As I was trying to roll up my sleeves, I realized how tight this shirt really was. It wouldn't budge past my elbow and I tugged to hard I ended up punching myself in the eye. I now have a swollen, black and blue eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9623

You deserved it

36827

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By "crawforda350"

Today, while stocking up in preparation for Hurricane Irma, an old lady hit me over the head with her walker. She wanted the loaf of bread I'd grabbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3471

You deserved it

241

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By Anonymous - 24/1/2021 08:01 - Canada - Toronto

Truth

Today, I recently started seeing a girl and I slept over at her house for the first time. Apparently, I still talk in my sleep. This morning she told me I whispered, "I love you so much." FML

I agree, your life sucks

744

You deserved it

126

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By pinkrazorsare4men

Today, whilst taking a shower, I noticed my razor wasn't in its usual spot. Upon inspecting it closer, I noticed that there were tiny white hairs in it. When confronting my father about it, he claimed the "pink razors" are his. We've been sharing the same razor this entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9795

You deserved it

860

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By Katherine - United States

Today, I was talking to a friend about how many germs live on the average cell phone. My five year old son apparently overheard me talking, and decided to give my cell phone a bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29531

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By Anonymous

Sad sad sad

Today, I caught two kids passing notes to each other in my class, so I told them to see me afterwards. When one of the kids eventually came up, I noticed he was crying. He looked up at me and sobbed out, "I was trying to make my first friend!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

28497

You deserved it

7699

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By Amb - United States

Today, I realized my boyfriend makes the same noises in bed as he does when he's winning in Call of Duty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39937

You deserved it

6167

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By scarredforlife - United States - Bethesda

Today, I realized why my sister refuses to let me clean her side of the room. She's secretly been trying to revive dead ants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26753

You deserved it

1863

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By Tyler Smith - United States

Today, my girlfriend thinks my house is filled with ghosts. She can only hear them when I fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28328

You deserved it

5703

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By KismetSiren - United States - Hoffman Forest

Today, I told my mother I got engaged. Her reply was a great heaving sigh, followed by ,"OK… So how's work going?" She showed more excitement last week when my brother managed to properly make Kraft macaroni. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9698

You deserved it

654

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By bigbill - Canada

Today, I was presented with a bill for $27,601 by my single, alcoholic, deadbeat father. Why? "For having to raise your goddamn lazy ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39265

You deserved it

3014

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By #201 - United States

Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52394

You deserved it

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By Aimee Lutz

Cat Burglar!

Today, I found my lost cat. As I was hooking it up to a leash to get it in my car, a man approached and asked what I was doing. His kids alerted him that there was a woman stealing their cat from their front lawn. It was not my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3041

You deserved it

1056

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By Bladerunner - United States

Today, my car was towed. After taking a cab all the way to the lot for $45 and paying the $250 fee to get my car back, my car broke down in the impound lot and needed to be towed to the nearest shop, where it took another $200 to fix, and $50 for the towing. I still have a 3 hour drive home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34057

You deserved it

3510

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By ouch - United States

Today, I had to rush to school to avoid being late. Unfortunately, I forgot to put a bra on beforehand, and as soon as I got to gym class, the first thing my teacher said was: "Okay folks, let's get outside, we're running the mile." FML

I agree, your life sucks

26775

You deserved it

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By Anonymous

Today, I accidentally superglued my hand to my grandmother's ornate fan while trying to fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3371

You deserved it

795

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By badessaymyass - United States - Phoenix

Today, I had my teacher look over my essay before turning it in. He said it was extremely well-written, so I handed it in. When I got it back, the feedback he left said it was one of the worst essays he'd ever read. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53002

You deserved it

4572

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years decided to buy a $2500 taxidermied wolf on eBay. This is the same guy who refuses to get engaged because it would "cost too much right now." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36847

You deserved it

5745

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By concertqueen - United States

Today, I went to a concert. The music was great, but the drunk guys behind me made it hard to pay attention. Half way through the second act, one of them took it upon themselves to start peeing on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34446

You deserved it

2747

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By ouch - United States - Sioux City

Today, I found out that my lover and boyfriend of over 5 years has me listed in his contacts as "Vagina". FML

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52413

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7266

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By jessica238 - Canada

Today, I bought a new purple shirt and decided to wear it to this charity function I was going to. I thought I looked pretty good in it. Then I got home and realized I left the sticker on. I had an "XL" sticker on my boob all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21944

You deserved it

47237

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By Anonymous

Today, I was put on academic suspension only to find out my professor entered my grade wrong. I lost my financial aid and have to explain to my parents why I’m not in college anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5442

You deserved it

262

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By Anonymous - Reserved

Caught

Today, I had to escort some dumbass teenager from Home Depot after I found him masturbating in one of the model washrooms. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43453

You deserved it

3393

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By dajfleasd - United States

Today, I was getting ready for a date. I spent extra time getting ready in the shower, making sure I was all shaved. I was shaving my upper lip to make sure I didn't have a mustache. I cut my lip really badly, leaving the most noticable razor cut on my face for my date. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39983

You deserved it

27673

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By BoldMoveCotton - United States - Pleasant Hill

Today, I put in my two-week notice. My boss responded by saying, "Okie dokie" and hanging up. Guess they were glad to be rid of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11909

You deserved it

1969

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By lababy - United States

Today, my son asked me where babies come from. I told him, "From god." He came back with, "Daddy said it was from fucking." FML

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41648

You deserved it

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Top comments

By caroline081287 | 0

#708036 - Monday 7 December 2009 3:11

Why are there so many people saying she deserves it? Some people wash their faces every day and still get acne because of bad genes or other factors.

By mattk13555 | 0

#707980 - Monday 7 December 2009 2:43

wow lol thats mean!

COMMENTS

By hXcsoccerplaya | 0

#707971 - Monday 7 December 2009 2:40

guess you need it then.

dcbog123 | 0

#708164 - Monday 7 December 2009 4:36

Stop being ugly

Achall91 | 17

#5713123 - Saturday 12 October 2013 8:56

Wow it seems like you both have really ugly hearts. No need to be an asshole.

QUACKATTACK27 | 8

#6009813 - Wednesday 16 July 2014 16:20

That stuff ain't cheap though. So thank her for paying a lot of money for your ugly ass

By mattk13555 | 0

#707980 - Monday 7 December 2009 2:43

wow lol thats mean!

Starchild21 | 3

#708379 - Monday 7 December 2009 9:09

Hey pizzafaces are not cool

____________________________
www.myspace.com/rapid99

PurpleSquirrel | 0

#835998 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 0:44

people who advertise their myspace on every comment they post are not cool.

By minitrini_89 | 0

#707984 - Monday 7 December 2009 2:44

That's a needlessly cruel way to spread the Christmas cheer...

youreanidiot | 0

#707999 - Monday 7 December 2009 2:54

birthday present...

lostfaithinpppl | 19

#708000 - Monday 7 December 2009 2:55

I agree. Sorry, OP.

HelloAllieKitty | 2

#708051 - Monday 7 December 2009 3:17

♥ who says her birthday isn't near Christmas? lol.
xoxo ♥

minitrini_89 | 0

#708062 - Monday 7 December 2009 3:25

Birthday present, yes. Still, unneccesary bitch move so close to Christmas. You know what this leaves room for? Revenge on Christmas morning.

redbluegreen | 40

#708149 - Monday 7 December 2009 4:26

Having birthdays near Christmas can be the very worst, trust me.

But it always leaves room for revenge, I'll say.

By baby_gurl2405 | 0

#707986 - Monday 7 December 2009 2:48

wow bitch much!?!?!?! I know! send her a "proper dress attire for your age" book :P

By TC1_fml | 0

#707996 - Monday 7 December 2009 2:53

Well, apparently you dont take care 'bout your face, at least she does. YDI & stop bitching.

crazytoaster | 2

#708202 - Monday 7 December 2009 5:13

#33 = Win!

MysteryJoker | 5

#708360 - Monday 7 December 2009 8:14

#33, you are awesome

By blakehilli8 | 0

#708001 - Monday 7 December 2009 2:55

ydi for not fucking taking care of your face. filthy americans

DeathShad0 | 0

#708015 - Monday 7 December 2009 3:01

Filthy Americans? Fall down a fifty foot well and rot there.

myfriend_youfail | 3

#708096 - Monday 7 December 2009 3:46

Here's a very simply word equation for you.

I'm an American + I wash my face twice a day + I also use spot treatment cream four times a week + I still have acne problems because my skin is naturally oily and my hormones fluctuate greatly during That Time of the Month = I'm a hygienic yet still-pimply American and you're still a metaphorical herpes sore on the metaphorical arsehole of the human race.

Thanks for playing!