Work: Today, as I was leaving the office, I heard my very cute coworker... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Lightning Bolt

By LightningRod - 18/10/2021 11:00

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 250

You deserved it 29

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 496

You deserved it 134

01/10/2010 11:48

Today, as I was leaving the office, I heard my very cute coworker behind me say "Hey gorgeous, where are you off to?" I turned around with a smile and said "About to hit up happy hour." He was on the phone with his wife. I'm calling in sick tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 393

You deserved it 12 156

BO Central

Your cat, your problem

What a catch

It is weird

By huh? - 28/09/2020 05:02

Today, my wife called me a pervert and a degenerate for lusting after a teenage girl. I’d found some old pictures from high school and remarked about how sexy she’s always been. It was her I was talking about. I said she’d always been attractive, but liking her as a teen is now weird I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 417

You deserved it 220

Rollercoaster

By Anonymous - 05/03/2010 12:54

Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 586

You deserved it 3 638

17/09/2012 16:05

Today, my teacher told me that she couldn't find my hand-written essay on the Renaissance, and that I have to re-do it all by tomorrow. I later saw my essay on her desk, covered in a massive coffee stain that made virtually everything unreadable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 249

You deserved it 1 956

28/07/2009 12:27

Today, on my way to work I stopped at a winery and spent around $120 on 2 bottles of wine for my boss, since it was his birthday. When I gave him the gift, in exchange he let me know I am being laid off - his consolation was "if you can afford this wine I'm sure you'll be OK". FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 100

You deserved it 4 276

22/02/2010 21:43

Today, I found out that the acne under my arms was worse then the severe acne on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 809

You deserved it 3 669

All that time I'm never getting back

By Anonymous - 09/10/2020 11:02

Today, I ended up being wasting an entire week on a very important scholarship essay because I thought the requirements said “3500 words” when in reality, they said “3500 characters”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 850

24/03/2009 23:10

Today, I was trying to convince my boyfriend that I am NOT a dumb blonde. After screaming at the top of my lungs, I tripped over a bin and hit my head on a wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 993

You deserved it 87 962

06/01/2012 00:37

Today, I had shelves installed using a builder who came highly recommended by my co-worker. Turns out the builder is her friend, who has no actual qualifications or experience as a builder, but 'it's his dream'. I now have a gaping hole in my kitchen where the shelves should be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 715

You deserved it 5 306

07/10/2009 11:13

Today, it was my friend's paintball party and we were doing it in a forest nearby. When I arrived at his house, his parents said they already started, so I geared up and went out there to find that there was a note on a tree. It said 'Sorry', and then twenty people jumped from bushes and ambushed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 299

You deserved it 12 304

09/11/2012 16:07

Today, after dealing with infidelity in my marriage, I found myself looking for advice. This led me to the comments section of a tabloid article talking about Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson. I'm a 30-year-old man taking marriage advice from a bunch of vampire-obsessed tweens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 519

You deserved it 5 986

30/01/2012 02:36

Today, I arrived at the pizza place I work at to find that I'd been fired. Apparently, the class stoner came in last night and not only demanded a free pizza, but also claimed that I always gave him one. I've never talked to this kid in my life, but my boss still doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 085

You deserved it 2 063

14/05/2012 12:40

Today, I woke up after a long night of trying to catch a moth. I'd knocked down furniture and screamed up the house to do so, but I finally got it. What did I see first thing this morning? Another moth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 591

You deserved it 23 416

05/08/2009 05:15

Today, I was eating dinner with my family. My parents didn't want me to hear what they were talking about so they decided they would spell out the words so I wouldn't understand. I didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 399

You deserved it 58 657

03/02/2010 16:06

Today, I went for a job interview I scheduled 3 weeks ago. I spent $200 on a new suit to really impress them and practised like crazy every imaginable question they could ask. They already had filled the position 2 weeks ago and forgot to inform me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 326

You deserved it 2 792

04/08/2010 14:40

Today, I went to an elementary school for volunteer work. I was asked to read to a group of kids during one of the classes. Before I started reading, a girl raised her hand and asked me if I had a boyfriend and if I was single. I asked her why and she said "My daddy wanted to know." I'm 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 246

You deserved it 3 965

10/06/2013 05:09

Today, I was told by my grandfather that I was no longer allowed to visit him or to set foot in his house. Why? He found out I have been taking Japanese and German as electives in my degree, so I must be an 'enemy spy'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 906

You deserved it 5 223

12/08/2016 12:24

Today, I found out I and a coworker may get laid off soon, all because my boss's niece told him she can do both our jobs all by herself, and for less money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 548

You deserved it 1 057

15/02/2010 07:44

Today, I woke up thinking after wearing glasses and contacts all my life that I had miraculously been corrected to 20/20. Turns out I had just fallen asleep with my contacts in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 837

You deserved it 32 766

25/07/2013 10:55

Today, my sister backed out of my wedding because it was becoming too much about me. After I begged her to reconsider, I had no choice but to pick a new bridesmaid. When my new bridesmaid posted on Facebook how excited she was, my sister commented, "See, you made HER feel special." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 492

You deserved it 3 967

28/07/2015 01:27

Today, my brother was telling me about my "sweet" and "pure" ex-girlfriend. Three stab wounds have already proven otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 007

You deserved it 1 882

21/07/2009 21:38

Spicy

Today, I was lying in bed, trying to sleep, when I heard my parents having sex, so I put on my headphones. After listening to music for a good long while, I figured they were done by now, so I took off the headphones just in time to hear them finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 466

You deserved it 5 669

17/08/2017 17:15

Today, I was meeting my girlfriend's parents for the first time. She warned me they were a little weird. Right when we walked in the door, her parents were there to greet us...in the nude. Apparently this constitutes as a LITTLE weird. They both hugged me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 065

You deserved it 311

01/08/2010 02:28

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking through an old photo album of mine. I turned to a page with a picture of me on my last day of college. I thought the picture was quite nice. He turned to me and said, "Don't worry, I take bad pictures too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 431

You deserved it 3 471

08/06/2009 10:39

Spicy

Today, I was at a 21st birthday party. It got to the bit where they blow out the candles and the girl hosting blew out her candles. While she was blowing I whispered to the fella next to me, "That's not the only thing she'll be blowing tonight". The guy next to me was her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 958

You deserved it 92 505

07/03/2013 11:51

Today, I went to the store for a warranty claim on my prescription glasses due to little spots that had appeared on the lenses, covering both. It took 2 seconds for the employee to determine that it was hairspray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 526

You deserved it 43 657

08/10/2013 02:08

Today, being so desperate for money, I accepted a job in which I get shot at with paintballs for 6 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 107

You deserved it 5 271

28/07/2012 22:15

Today, my grandpa told my mom that he needs to rewrite his will soon. I jokingly said that I was going to be stinking rich when he passes away. He retorted that he's never forgiven me for rear-ending his car six years ago, and because of this, I'll never see a penny of his money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 219

You deserved it 33 968

29/11/2018 12:00

Today, it's my wife's birthday. Since I had work, I gave her $200 to spend on herself and left. When I came back with dinner and the movie she wanted, I found her with a dog. She is very attached to him because the shelter was going to put him down. I love him, but I'm allergic to dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 028

You deserved it 445

What did I do?

By mislabeled - 27/08/2020 20:05

Today, two friends of almost ten years told my husband they had concerns about our marriage, and basically said they can no longer be friends with me. My husband and I never fight, and have other people tell us they are jealous of our relationship. The worst part is they still want to be friends with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 905

You deserved it 165

14/07/2016 00:56

Today, I fell off the top of my bunk bed in my sleep onto a running fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 111

You deserved it 1 555

23/08/2014 18:16

Today, I found out my girlfriend doesn't really take flute lessons after all. In related news, every time my best friend supposedly drives her to flute lessons, he's actually taking her to his house for a different kind of activity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 479

You deserved it 6 610

29/09/2015 17:06

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He did it over Snapchat because he said he didn't want to hear me sad over the phone and wanted to save data. Three years down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 253

You deserved it 2 175

31/08/2019 02:05

Today, my phone cut out during a call for a job interview. I tried calling them back, but there was no answer. Later, I got an email from the interviewer, saying I was no longer being considered for the position due to my being "rude and unprofessional." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 780

You deserved it 138

07/11/2015 05:02

Today, my 9 year old shitblossom of a sister decided to wake me up by hocking a loogie into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 670

You deserved it 1 829

07/07/2013 21:57

Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 397

You deserved it 9 840

27/09/2009 05:00

Today, I had lunch with friends I hadn't seen in years. We took a few group shots with my camera, and I went home and downloaded them to my computer. Seeing them on my monitor, I noticed a yellow spot on my black shirt, so I looked down. A big, dried booger was stuck there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 119

You deserved it 10 773

27/02/2010 16:06

Today, my boyfriend and I were asleep. Evidently, he was dreaming about being a UFC fighter, because, out of no where, he grabs the back of my head and punches me in the nose. I haven't been able to breathe right out of my nose all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 498

You deserved it 3 093

26/08/2019 20:00

Spicy

Today, I realized that the only time my boyfriend is physically affectionate with me is when he wants to have sex. When I suggested we just cuddle, he looked at me and said, "What’s the point in that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 955

You deserved it 310

14/04/2011 18:28

Today, I confronted my husband about him being unfaithful. He said his reasons were because he's just not attracted to me anymore and my current weight repulses him. I'm six months pregnant with his child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 025

You deserved it 4 507

12/01/2016 15:44

Today, I am so unused to physical activity that I got exhausted and fell asleep on my yoga mat not even halfway through the DVD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 765

You deserved it 5 311

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Friday 1 October 2010 16:05

Noo, he obviously picked up the phone and pretended to be speaking to his wife... heck he probably made up the wife thing to because he was embarrassed. Cause you know, everyone must think you are as good looking as you obviously do. :-P

tpea 1

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Friday 1 October 2010 16:02

This seems to happen to me a lot. :$

Comments

tpea 1

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Friday 1 October 2010 16:02

This seems to happen to me a lot. :$

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Friday 1 October 2010 16:07

hahahaha poor you!!!

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Friday 1 October 2010 16:53

WTF is happy hour?!

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Friday 1 October 2010 17:11

cheaper drinks = happy hour

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Friday 1 October 2010 18:08

YDI for knowing he was married and thinking he would talk to someone besides his wife like that.

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Friday 1 October 2010 18:35

38..how did she know it was his wife? maybe she SAW him on the PHONE and thought it was his wife.

cantfightfate 0

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Friday 1 October 2010 18:38

yeah that's embarressing. I hate when I respond to people who weren't talking to me in the first place. damn you bluetooths!!

MissErikaHart 0

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Friday 1 October 2010 19:16

41, if the man is married his ring is usually a dead giveaway so I agree with 38, that she prob knew and shouldn't be trying to talk to sum1 like that

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Friday 1 October 2010 19:57

not all couples wear there rings.

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Friday 1 October 2010 21:29

I worked at a store and people would always come through my line on their bluetooths and it always took me a minute to realize it. People who use bluetooths always look crazy like they're talking to themselves. This FML is totally something that would happen to me though :/

TheIrishJaneDoe 8

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Friday 1 October 2010 22:12

Beth, your proposal is possible, but not probable. People don't typically make the jump from "sweet talk on the phone" to "wife" without some other evidence; I'd think guessing that he was speaking to a girlfriend or significant other is more likely, in that case. Maybe she didn't know he was married beforehand, though. OP could've overheard some reference to, say, picking up the kids, after she'd embarrassed herself. That would give her reason to think he was speaking to his wife, and still excuse her misunderstanding as innocent rather than conniving.

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Friday 1 October 2010 22:21

did someone ask what happy hour is? lol. oh my lord. I'm surprised how little some people know

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Saturday 2 October 2010 4:42

28 ..,

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Saturday 2 October 2010 5:20

71 - I know right? I'm not even old enough to drink and even I know what happy hour is. :D

hawaiiroots808 0

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Sunday 26 December 2010 15:50

haha me too (:

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Friday 1 October 2010 16:04

loser..

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Friday 1 October 2010 20:01

i live in sydney, been to newcastle plenty of times D: small world...

Thawn 0

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Friday 1 October 2010 20:17

I live an hour from newy. been there heaps also. I ain't a creeper though

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Saturday 2 October 2010 7:38

hmmmkk

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Friday 1 October 2010 16:04

second

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Friday 1 October 2010 16:06

Fail. Twat.

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Friday 1 October 2010 23:05

XD u fail

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Saturday 2 October 2010 3:46

you were close

z620 0

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Sunday 3 October 2010 8:26

your third but you said second, therefore you lose. Go to hell.

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Friday 1 October 2010 16:04

lol :b

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Friday 1 October 2010 16:05

Noo, he obviously picked up the phone and pretended to be speaking to his wife... heck he probably made up the wife thing to because he was embarrassed. Cause you know, everyone must think you are as good looking as you obviously do. :-P

Smyth 3

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Friday 1 October 2010 16:06

it's times like those where you just run. as fast as you can. no, don't look back keep running.

Currentlyonfire 4

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Friday 1 October 2010 18:45

I'm sure you would know all about that buddy.

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Friday 1 October 2010 19:52

45- you, sir, win.

deafeningsilence 8

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Friday 1 October 2010 21:46

56- your picture is amazing<3

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 11:46

lol

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Friday 1 October 2010 16:06

loo

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Friday 1 October 2010 16:12

lol your profile picture

alexbeathalo2 4

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Friday 1 October 2010 16:06

#5 your an idiot

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Friday 1 October 2010 16:32

maybe you shouldn't call him an idiot when sarcasm flies over your head. :)

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Friday 1 October 2010 18:38

Agreed.

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Friday 1 October 2010 18:40

my agreed was for 22

Trollz4daLULZ 1

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Friday 1 October 2010 21:27

...OR when you confuse "your" and "you're". It's not rocket science, you tardling.

TheIrishJaneDoe 8

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Friday 1 October 2010 22:14

Hehe, tardling.

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Friday 1 October 2010 16:06

You shouldn't skip work because of your fail.

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Friday 1 October 2010 16:07

hahaha should hav look behind