Today, my boyfriend and I were having dinner with my family. He killed a bug and ate it. FML

Today, I walked into my bedroom to find my boyfriend clipping his toe nails into my pillow case. FML

He prefers the dog

Today, my boyfriend kicked me out of bed so the dog could get under the covers. FML

Today, my boyfriend informed me that sharing a bed with me was like sleeping with a seizing cat. FML

Night terror

Today, it was my first time sleeping at my boyfriend’s house. I happened to have an incredibly realistic nightmare in which I woke up to thousands of centipedes crawling all over my body. My boyfriend got to watch me scream and slap myself repeatedly. FML

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend shrieking at the top of his lungs. I ran into the dining room where he was, to find him standing on the table screaming "Kill it!" while pointing at an unmoving spider the size of a Tic Tac on the wall. FML

Today, my boyfriend came over while I was babysitting my little brother. He wouldn't stay in bed, so my boyfriend told him,"If you don't stay in bed, the monster will eat you!" I now have to wash my brother's bedsheets, because he was too afraid to get up and go pee. FML

Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML

Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend pulling off scabs and eating them. My scabs. FML