Love: Today, my boyfriend informed me that sharing a bed with me was...

By meow - 14/01/2010 04:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that sharing a bed with me was like sleeping with a seizing cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 776

You deserved it 4 496

April Pisces: Traps and Laughs
Laugh at the best (and worst) April 1st jokes. Watch out, you could be next! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Thrashing

By bad sleeper - 19/05/2021 08:00 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he never wants to sleepover anymore. He said he loves me, but that sleeping next to me is like sleeping next to someone reenacting the crucifixion while being mauled to death by squirrels. So much for cuddling through the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 904

You deserved it 218

Hold me close

By chachi - 28/09/2009 18:25 - United States

Today, I awoke in bed with my boyfriend and his dog. After some pushing and prodding, I thought my boyfriend was trying to move the dog out of the way to cuddle with me. It turns out, he was moving the dog closer to him. My boyfriend would rather spoon with his dog than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 138

You deserved it 6 761

By Anonymous - 06/08/2009 11:11 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend stacks things on me while I sleep. Apparently his record is 4 pillows, a textbook, and the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 919

You deserved it 22 985

By Brinty - 16/09/2009 02:43 - Australia

Today, I was napping with my boyfriend and his dog. The dog was making odd coughing noises, but my boyfriend refused to kick him out of the bed. A few moments later, I rolled onto my stomach, into a pile of dog vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 685

You deserved it 4 563

Don't make me choose

By Ames - 23/05/2009 16:07 - United States

Today, after being diagnosed with cat allergies, I explained to my cat-loving boyfriend that the doctor strongly recommended not allowing the cat in the bedroom. At 1:30 a.m. my boyfriend got out of the bed to go sleep in the spare room because, "the cat is sad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 680

You deserved it 9 056

Bed of nails

By JoanT - 31/08/2020 20:01 - United States - Kailua Kona

Today, my boyfriend’s bed is so uncomfortable that even after six months of not seeing him, I’m sleeping on the floor so I can actually get some sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 232

You deserved it 206

By Carowl - 05/08/2015 02:33

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't like cuddling in bed because he hates rebreathing his own carbon dioxide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 221

You deserved it 2 916

By Anonymous - 31/08/2013 20:52 - Norway - Nesoddtangen

Today, I had an asthma attack while in bed with my boyfriend. He interrupted my desperate coughing only to tell me to shut up. He then rolled over to go back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 939

You deserved it 4 021

By laundry day again... - 08/09/2013 13:07 - United States

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend, who has frequent night terrors, also sleepwalks. And apparently sleep-pisses on the bathroom rug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 741

You deserved it 3 541

Boo!

By nenette - 12/11/2014 22:50 - France

Today, as my kitten was sleeping on my lap, my boyfriend crept up on us and yelled, "BOO!" to make me jump. I wasn't scared, but the cat was. He tensed up and jumped to the floor. He also apparently had the runny shits, spraying me and the couch on his way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 750

You deserved it 3 582

Mortgaged 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 10:44

That's funny! Hurtful but funny. I am the same way. I'm a thrasher. Maybe you should consider a sleep number bed?

CallMeHush 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 10:14

Well me and the rest of the football team did try to warn him...

Comments

_TheSmallThings_ 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 9:29

first

SarcasticAvenger 9

Thursday 14 January 2010 9:41

Who F*cking cares moron!

littlemisshottie_fml 0

Tuesday 13 April 2010 22:15

ha. learn to actually write things that people actually care about.

lizliz07 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 9:30

first!

24788 6

Thursday 14 January 2010 9:42

Nope you guys weren't first. OP was first you got here a little late.

jair_lhao 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 9:30

lmao well ydi for snoring weird and #2 you fail

Okinawa95 2

Thursday 7 July 2011 2:21

^ Agreed. Get that shit fixed. =|

lizliz07 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 9:32

haha so close!

Advacora 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 9:33

Take the hint. Stop getting buckwild in the bed.

Lessychan 4

Thursday 14 January 2010 9:33

And yet so far...

israelnotjacob 20

Thursday 14 January 2010 9:33

You'll live.

_TheSmallThings_ 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 9:35

You put up a good fight! :D

SarcasticAvenger 9

Thursday 14 January 2010 9:42

Maybe he was getting freaky with that cat while you were asleep.

ilovefatcats 12

Wednesday 24 March 2010 2:14

nobody likes a vibrateing pussy xD

abcnonamecba 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 10:05

WOW

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Dogs Love Money Divorce AITA Kids Housework Awkward Health Embarrassing Poopoo peepee Alcohol Ironic Work Public freakouts Fight Parenting Intimacy Weird Underwear Sex Miscellaneous Cats Keys Landlords Break-ups Relatable Cooking Food Technology

The Top

Today, I worked up the courage to tell my supervisor that it makes me feel uncomfortable when my coworker teases me by saying a special needs client is in love with me at the residential facility I work at. Her response was, “Well, he is obsessed with you. He writes your name down hundreds of times and watches you out his window." FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 82

Today, I noticed my husband was acting moody, and I asked him what was wrong. He replied that he didn't know, so trying to lighten the mood, I facetiously said, "It's 'cause you're stuck with me, isn't it?" He nodded, trundled off, and hasn't shown his face since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 599

You deserved it 4 547

The Top

Today, I spent seven dollars to find out I’m allergic to kiwi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 098

You deserved it 188

Today, 98 year-old mom with dementia thought she was talking to one of my dead sisters and not my wife, telling her she'd better never tell me who my real father really, that I ruined her marriage. She won't have me ruining her reputation, so her getting pregnant with me from an affair was my fault apparently. None of my siblings ever told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 381

You deserved it 141

Today, my mom had been in a really bad mood. She got in the car to take me to work, and without thinking, started backing up. The garage door was only half open, and now has a huge dent in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 121

Today, I was at the gym trying to impress a hot girl, so I put an extra 30 pounds on the bar, I lowered, pushed... and pooped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 865

You deserved it 47 665

Today, I caught my boyfriend wearing yoga pants and taking pictures of his butt to post on a "Girls in yoga pants" site. He saw my expression and said, "Nah, it's cool, I hid my junk so they'll think it's a chick!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 010

You deserved it 5 995

Today, as usual, without fail, every time I wake up earlier than 10 AM, I vomit blood. No doctor can figure out why, and my parents think I'm lying, spoiled little princess who just wants to be lazy and sleep in every day. If I don’t wake up at 6 AM every day from now on, I’m grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 231

You deserved it 140

Same thing different taste

Thrashing

Hold me close

Don't make me choose

Bed of nails

Boo!

Top comments

Comments