Love: Today, my boyfriend informed me that sharing a bed with me was...

By meow - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that sharing a bed with me was like sleeping with a seizing cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26698

You deserved it

4479

Favorite

Love

Understandable

Crossword anxiety

Detection

By jaym42013 - United States - Clovis

Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had to stop at Starbucks to get my boss a drink. His son, who is at least 30 minutes late to work every day, was just walking in as I was walking out with all of my stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16782

You deserved it

1092

Favorite

By rosabelle91 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I realised that my boyfriend calls me "bitch" more often than he calls me by my actual name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32342

You deserved it

14755

Favorite

By Leashaness - United States

Today, my doctor informed me that the pea-sized bump under my arm is a "third breast". That is not what I meant every time I said I wanted more tits. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27265

You deserved it

2739

Favorite

By anashaalmajiid - United States

Today, my dad and a construction worker were having a long talk. I heard the door slam, and assumed that this worker had left. So I yelled out "Hey dad what were you talking about? Did you talk slowly so the idiot could understand?" Turns out my dad was the one who had walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7865

You deserved it

67954

Favorite

By WasntWorthIt - United States - Concord

Today, my husband thought it would be romantic to pick me up and fall on the bed with me while we were kissing. Our faces smashed together as we hit the bed, and my tongue is still bleeding on and off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49593

You deserved it

5850

Favorite

By rusty2020 - United States

Today, we got our yearbooks for school. I opened to my profile to see that they misspelled my first name which is James. They wrote Lames. FML

I agree, your life sucks

163317

You deserved it

13195

Favorite

By macaroni17 - United States - New Oxford

Today, we had a speaking assessment in Spanish class. When it was my turn, I yawned in the middle of a sentence, said "excuse me" and finished my sentence. She took points off because I hesitated and I spoke in English, not Spanish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40910

You deserved it

12752

Favorite

By fuckcops - United States

Today, I got my paycheck. I was really excited since I've been broke for the last two weeks. On my way home, I got pulled over and got a ticket for expired tags. The $90 for new tags plus $135 for the citation will leave me with enough to buy a burger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22743

You deserved it

29599

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my lovely boyfriend decided to make grilled cheese on his own for the first time in months. Apparently, within that time span he forgot that plastic doesn't go well with prolonged heat. Goodbye favorite pan and spatula. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5642

You deserved it

510

Favorite

By Anonymous - Belgium

Today, what started with me forcing a shit a little too hard ended up with me being rushed to the hospital with appendicitis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31439

You deserved it

2875

Favorite

By knzknz - Canada

Today, I was asked if my bellybutton was an 'innie' or an 'outtie.' My bellybutton has been hidden by fat for so long that I couldn't remember. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12687

You deserved it

41665

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I came home from work and turned on the computer. I logged onto Facebook and saw I had a bunch of notifications. Turns out, everyone on Facebook knew I was single before I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1897

You deserved it

104

Favorite

By crap - United States - Mansfield

Today, I realized that if you are dreaming that you have diarrhea, you probably have diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47942

You deserved it

4403

Favorite

By Miserable person

Choosing Beggars

Today, after spending 5+ hours of my life painting a portrait of someone's cat for them, I finally finished it, perfect condition, no mistakes. I was supposed to be paid 300 bucks for it. Got 50 bucks because it was too "vibrant." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1669

You deserved it

208

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was supposed to start my vacation in Italy. I guess not everyone heard that I canceled it due to health problems, because this morning I caught two of my "friends" unplugging my TV after breaking into my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28929

You deserved it

1719

Favorite

By coffee - United States

Today, after my coworker bought coffee for me for the fifth time, I thanked him and asked him why. Apparently it's the only way to get me to shut up in the morning so he can get work done. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13021

You deserved it

36996

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - South Salem

Today, my sister came to stay with me in my apartment for the last few weeks of her difficult pregnancy. However she didn't tell me she was bringing her two dogs, her jackass of a husband, my bratty nephew and an inflatable kiddie pool so she could have a natural water birth in my living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61685

You deserved it

5819

Favorite

By neverdatingagain - United States - Lake Oswego

Today, after three years of dating, my boyfriend finally proposed. To my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11621

You deserved it

746

Favorite

By fishoutofwater - United States - Radcliff

Today, in an attempt to broaden my horizons in another sport besides swimming, I succeeded in getting a frisbee spiked into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16840

You deserved it

1532

Favorite

By EarScentedCandle - United States - Philadelphia

Shrek is love. Shrek is life.

Today, after watching Shrek, my little brother started collecting his earwax to make it into a candle like Shrek did. I can’t get him to throw it away even after bribing him with bags of candy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3079

You deserved it

313

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Lancaster

Today, I was volunteering at a gift-wrapping booth to raise money for autism, and helping others takes my mind off the fact that my mom died at Christmas. While carefully wrapping a present, offering bows, ribbons, and a gift tag, a snobby bitch said to me, "You're not doing a very good job." FML

I agree, your life sucks

26018

You deserved it

2122

Favorite

By aoliver03

Today, I spilled my guts out to my fiancé about some insecurities I've been having. I then turned to look at him through tears at his expressionless face as he texted someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3110

You deserved it

299

Favorite

By :| - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I was assigned to fill in for a French teacher who was out sick. I had asked the class to name some French-speaking countries. I called on one girl and she replied, "Uh, Europe. That's, like, the only other one, right?" Nobody disagreed. I'm filling in for the rest of the month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46074

You deserved it

2995

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got into my first car accident. Extremely upset, I called my parents, because it was their car and I didn't know what to do. I told them what happened, and asked if they were on their way to where I was. My dad's response was "Hell no, we're eating dinner." FML

I agree, your life sucks

48962

You deserved it

8884

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/7/2020 23:00

The sweet smell of unsuccess

Today, it marks the 3-month anniversary of adopting the 'I don't have the slightest chance at success' attitude at work. In those 3 months, my boss, my coworkers and my boss's boss have all agreed and our relationships have greatly improved. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1099

You deserved it

178

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Thornbury

Today, the only "Happy birthday!" I got was from the cake I bought for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1702

You deserved it

136

Favorite

By German;)

Street art

Today, I came outside to see someone had written on my car, "I love your hairy butt, pubes, and fat girlfriend!" multiple times. I wouldn't have been bothered if all those things weren't true. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1288

You deserved it

210

Favorite

By ClairvoyantVamp - United States - Raleigh

Today, I found out my aunt posted a picture of my butt in a bikini bottom on Facebook. I didn't even know she had taken that picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11721

You deserved it

1009

Favorite

By Chefinblack - Australia

Today, at my prestigious sous chef job, I was preparing to plate up expensive entrees for a function of 150 people. After arriving to work 2 hours early to finalize finishing touches, they call the restaurant 5 minutes before their booking stating, 'We can't be bothered anymore, sorry.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

25840

You deserved it

1512

Favorite

By BellaBabii32 - 27/4/2021 02:01

Time to scramble

Today, I went to get coffee. While I was at the drive-thru window, I went to pay with my card but dropped it right out the window. It went under my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

723

You deserved it

143

Favorite

By thesmartone - United States

Today, I let my imbecile of a brother borrow my car. The keys to his car are now jammed into the ignition of mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25935

You deserved it

4811

Favorite

By babydoll - United Kingdom

Today, I was traveling by bus. There were no spare seats, so I stood next to a seated lady. When she got off at her stop, I was amused because her bum made the shape of a mushroom on the seat. I went to sit on it. So I'm sitting there when I realise the seat is really warm... and wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34936

You deserved it

8328

Favorite

By Lucas - 14/12/2020 13:02 - United Kingdom

Smells like victory

Today, during oral sex, my wife squirted, which she’s never done before, and I was so surprised I accidentally breathed it straight up my nose. It’s been 3 hours and it’s still all I can smell FML

I agree, your life sucks

1060

You deserved it

327

Favorite

By Bortenssen - Australia - Perth

It was either an expensive event, or learn to manage your money.

Today, I found out that the reason I couldn’t buy a commemorative jacket to wear at my rugby club's 50th anniversary was because the event had already happened. I paid in full for the event, and it cost me most of my savings. FML

I agree, your life sucks

782

You deserved it

1363

Favorite

By Amy (grossed out) - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my long-distance boyfriend got extremely drunk and insisted that we ran the Skype call all night so it was like I was there with him. I woke up to the sound of him vomiting loudly at 3am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43499

You deserved it

6010

Favorite

By owmyhead - South Africa

Today, I woke up with a fever and a migraine. I work at an audiology clinic and my day consists of being shouted at down the phone by practically deaf people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30275

You deserved it

3129

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Mahwah

Today, while attempting the Italian Chandelier with my girlfriend, I heard a popping noise, and then had a sharp pain in my dick. Turns out I "broke" it. Instead of calling 911 immediately, my girlfriend remarked how my now black and blue penis looked like a Smurf. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33287

You deserved it

6587

Favorite

Today, my bird learned how to mimic the fire alarm after my dad has been testing them for the last few months. He now enjoys sounding like a fire alarm anytime I turn the lights off with the other bird joining in. They live in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1922

You deserved it

256

Favorite

By anon - United Kingdom

Today, I heard that there's a rumour going around that I was caught masturbating while crying at a party after the girl I liked got with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28469

You deserved it

3541

Favorite

By nomegusta - United States

Today, I unknowingly used my shampoo thinking it was leave-in-conditioner. While walking to work, it started to rain. I started to produce suds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12266

You deserved it

27987

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Mortgaged | 0

#773579 - Thursday 14 January 2010 10:44

That's funny! Hurtful but funny. I am the same way. I'm a thrasher. Maybe you should consider a sleep number bed?

By CallMeHush | 0

#773553 - Thursday 14 January 2010 10:14

Well me and the rest of the football team did try to warn him...

COMMENTS

By _TheSmallThings_ | 0

#773500 - Thursday 14 January 2010 9:29

first

SarcasticAvenger | 9

#773526 - Thursday 14 January 2010 9:41

Who F*cking cares moron!

littlemisshottie_fml | 0

#979500 - Tuesday 13 April 2010 22:15

ha. learn to actually write things that people actually care about.

By lizliz07 | 0

#773502 - Thursday 14 January 2010 9:30

first!

24788 | 6

#773527 - Thursday 14 January 2010 9:42

Nope you guys weren't first. OP was first you got here a little late.

By jair_lhao | 0

#773504 - Thursday 14 January 2010 9:30

lmao well ydi for snoring weird and #2 you fail

Okinawa95 | 2

#2835139 - Thursday 7 July 2011 2:21

^ Agreed. Get that shit fixed. =|

By lizliz07 | 0

#773510 - Thursday 14 January 2010 9:32

haha so close!

By Advacora | 0

#773511 - Thursday 14 January 2010 9:33

Take the hint. Stop getting buckwild in the bed.

By Lessychan | 4

#773512 - Thursday 14 January 2010 9:33

And yet so far...

By israelnotjacob | 20

#773514 - Thursday 14 January 2010 9:33

You'll live.

By _TheSmallThings_ | 0

#773518 - Thursday 14 January 2010 9:35

You put up a good fight! :D

By SarcasticAvenger | 9

#773529 - Thursday 14 January 2010 9:42

Maybe he was getting freaky with that cat while you were asleep.

ilovefatcats | 12

#967055 - Wednesday 24 March 2010 2:14

nobody likes a vibrateing pussy xD

By abcnonamecba | 0

#773545 - Thursday 14 January 2010 10:05

WOW