Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend and I were making love. I was really close...

By Kwalker3 - 06/05/2012 06:39 - United States - Tracy

Today, my boyfriend and I were making love. I was really close to climaxing, when he suddenly stopped, smirked, and said, "Hang on, I'm buffering." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 304

You deserved it 4 120

Intimacy

Good kid

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Batman

By Partyofthree - 06/06/2017 00:00

Today, I work at a private pool where I can get up to six people in for free. Naturally, I invited my crush. She brought her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 277

You deserved it 1 075

Scammed

By Anonymous - 13/05/2012 22:00 - Canada - Aldergrove

Today, after a little detective work, I found out the money that recently went missing from my college fund was transferred by my mother, to her own account. She claims it's to pay a parking ticket. Maybe I'm just stupid, but I didn't know they fined people over $3,500 for a parking violation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 320

You deserved it 2 218

No chance

By Anonymous - 21/02/2020 14:00

Today, my girlfriend of two years called me over late at night. I got excited, assuming she finally wanted sex. No, she just wanted me to make her mac and cheese and talk to her because she was ‘restless’. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 477

You deserved it 866

Malfunctioning equipment

By Alyxandrea Loffer - 24/09/2020 01:02 - United States - Ellsworth

Today, at work, my front-close bra popped open like an anime character, right in front of the two male coworkers I was talking to. My boobs flung around and I had to pretend nothing happened while subtly crossing my arms and waiting for them to leave so I could fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 422

You deserved it 264

By badtiming - 03/03/2015 17:18 - Brazil - Rio De Janeiro

Today, I received a rejection letter from a job I desperately wanted. Yesterday, the job offer I'd been stalling on in while waiting for news about this one expired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 270

You deserved it 9 914

By Anonymous - 20/02/2015 21:26 - United States - Moorpark

Today, some popped-collar wearing shitbird tried to pick me up with the line, "You look like Marilyn Monroe's corpse! Wanna fuck?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 939

You deserved it 2 751

By Anonymous - 11/04/2009 05:40 - Canada

Today, I was walking towards the bus. The bus was scheduled to leave at 3:20, and it was 3:19 so I decided to run for it. As the doors were closing, I managed to just slip my hand into the door, so it didn't fully close. The bus driver saw this, looked at my face, and then drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 147

You deserved it 5 249

By sadinmass - 13/11/2010 13:24 - United States

Today, it was my 21st birthday. I had a simple party with my boyfriend, with just a cake and a bottle of red wine. My boyfriend managed to get so drunk that he danced naked for 10 minutes, then told me I'm hideously obese but that he loves me anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 426

You deserved it 5 742

By xolaurennnn - 22/05/2015 15:55 - United States

Today, it was hot out, so I wore shorts. My dad took one look at me and said, "Your thighs are so pale, it's like staring into the sun". FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 201

You deserved it 3 287

The wrong sort of lock in

By Anonymous - 10/08/2021 09:59 - South Africa

Today, I gave my 10-month-old the house keys to keep her busy. I locked the burglar gate and left the door open. She can walk, and she threw the keys outside the gate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 200

You deserved it 1 221

By upsetandunjustified - 04/11/2010 05:19 - United States

Today, I got fired from my job where you build teddy bears. I got fired not because I did anything wrong, just because they don't like my personality. I'd never worked with my boss, and that means all the employees that work there had a meeting about me, and all confirmed they don't like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 789

You deserved it 6 344

By Herbiee - 18/08/2010 12:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I shaved off the beard I had been forced to grow over the past 3 weeks due to forgetting my razor when away. 15 Minutes in, with half my beard gone, I realised I had got a tan everywhere but my beard. I now have a large white patch on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 411

You deserved it 13 063

By luckycharmed - 17/06/2014 17:34 - United States

Today, my roommate played a "prank" on me. He taped a length of clear cellophane at ankle-height just outside my bedroom door, causing me to trip and faceplant the floor, and busting out a tooth. I now look like a hick, and my roommate is refusing to cover my dental bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 668

You deserved it 4 376

By Anonymous - 31/12/2013 07:52 - United States - Bend

Today, feeling too lazy to cook dinner, I bought a bagged salad from a low-end store. I dumped the contents into a bowl; the first thing that fell out was a dead mouse. Bon appetit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 448

You deserved it 6 829

Stay at home

By Nataly - 24/12/2020 23:02 - United States - Rahway

Today, after I bought a ticket to Colombia back in April this year to travel in December. I was waiting for my passport to get mailed. My flight was on December 17; I received my passport on December 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 310

By wtfman101 - 28/08/2009 14:56 - United States

Today, I woke up to find the entire driver's side of my car wrecked. Front door, back door, front and rear bumper smashed to shit. A drunk driver had hit it the previous night and ran. Don't worry though, he stopped and left his insurance information. He keyed it into the undamaged side of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 949

You deserved it 2 700

By Anonymous - 15/06/2009 01:23 - Japan

Today, I had a horribly realistic dream where I was being robbed and had to swallow my wedding ring to save it. After waking up, I realized my wedding ring is in fact gone. The doctor assures me that I will have it back in a day or two. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 399

You deserved it 4 048

Missing BFF

By HerNameWasRose - 06/05/2021 11:01

Today, it's my best friend's birthday. She went missing almost five years ago. My parents tell me to just "get over it", as if missing her is wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 311

You deserved it 61

By Juliet - 10/03/2011 12:36

Today, I auditioned for my school's production of Romeo and Juliet. When they announced that I got the part as Juliet, all the guys auditioning for Romeo suddenly disappeared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 895

You deserved it 5 910

By Taylor Page - 19/02/2015 16:24 - United States - Gainesville

Today, my boss used the restroom at work. She returned and told me I needed to go clean the toilet because "someone left a mess in there." It was her mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 550

You deserved it 2 524

By robbyrabbit - 11/11/2010 07:41 - United States

Today, I went to the place I signed for yesterday to pay the first month's rent and get my keys. I looked around before I left, and used the toilet. I went back later to show my boyfriend and found the place flooded an inch with water coming from the toilet. It had been flooding for 7 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 958

You deserved it 4 698

In my day…

By thanks dad - 01/08/2020 02:02

Today, we were slowly introducing my daughter to the pool to help her get over her terrible fear of water. My father-in-law scoffed, called us pussies, and tossed my daughter straight into the water. When I threw him out, he insisted he was just trying to teach her to swim "the right way." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 871

You deserved it 247

By Anonymous - 03/06/2012 05:50 - United States - Egg Harbor Township

Today, I had an unbearable itch on my foot that I could not make go away with my nails, so I grabbed the stapler in my drawer to scratch it with. Bad idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 748

You deserved it 48 968

A tale as old as time

By flopsy - 03/12/2010 16:19 - Australia

Today, I was about to lose my virginity. I couldn't get it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 298

You deserved it 11 326

By brizzle - 05/04/2009 20:15 - United States

Today, my parents came home after being out of town for the weekend. I stayed home, did homework and completely cleaned the house, thinking I could earn some brownie points with them. They saw how clean the house was and accused me of covering up a party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 349

You deserved it 6 339

By -bird-poop- - 10/10/2009 12:52 - Germany

Today, I finally plucked up the courage to propose to my girlfriend of 7 months. I took her out to the park where we had our first kiss, I got down on one knee, and before I could say "Will you marry me" a bird shat on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 854

You deserved it 7 519

By Arachnaphobe - 03/06/2016 22:14 - United States - Bloomington

Today, a large spider climbed inside my lunchbox while my mom was making me sandwiches. She didn't tell me about it until after I got home from school, though, and only because I mentioned a strange aftertaste in the sandwiches. She said she didn't want me to worry over lunch because she knows I hate spiders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 458

You deserved it 1 052

By Anonymous - 20/05/2019 18:00

Today, I saw my ex-girlfriend. She dumped me because she was moving to Wyoming. I guess Wyoming is code for my friend's apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 137

You deserved it 126

By Abandoned - 09/03/2009 05:50 - United States

Today, I tried to surprise my parents by coming home from college for Spring Break. I arrived to find a dark house, with all the doors bolted shut. After calling them, I found out that they have gone on a vacation to Hawaii for a week. I am now locked out of my own house, with no where to stay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 720

You deserved it 13 459

By saynotochrispine - 28/07/2009 04:15 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that we would be living out one of his fantasies. When I showed up, ready to go, he began playing the theme song to Star Trek and asked me to call him Mr. Spock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 156

You deserved it 7 887

By aasatt22 - 08/06/2009 06:05 - United States

Today, I bought my girlfriend an iPhone. I preloaded it with a bunch of cool apps and stuff and spent a lot and money. She used it to send a text to me 3 hours later saying that she thought we should break up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 784

You deserved it 8 665

Captain Dumbass

By Anonymous - 26/05/2020 05:00

Today, after my husband spent several days in his shed welding, he showed me his completed Captain America shield. It looked shit. I warned him not to throw it, but he threw it anyway, missed his target, bounced it off the garage and smashed the kitchen window, showering our kids in glass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 868

You deserved it 548

By iLuvsIt - 06/11/2012 09:32 - Australia - Belmont

Today, my friend joked to my co-workers that my kitty-cat of a husband was going to beat me for spending $200 on shoes. Later on, my rather large dog was so excited to see me when I walked in the door, he split my lip. Somehow, I don't think they'll believe me when I get to the office tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 724

You deserved it 3 268

By Anonymous - 05/11/2009 00:40 - United States

Today, I stepped away from my desk for a few minutes only to return to find the general manager installing updates on my computer. This wouldn't have been an issue had I not pulled up a website explaining in great detail the effects and causes of vaginal yeast infections. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 928

You deserved it 30 664

By Anonymous - 29/12/2018 12:00

Today, has been a very long day, so I shall simply say there is a car in my bedroom. Yes a car. It's entirely my husband's fault, we have no idea how we're supposed to remove it, and there's oil all down my favourite pyjamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 562

You deserved it 304

By fmcsl - 13/04/2019 20:00

Today, a customer bought a luggage tag and asked what it was for. I explained and she asked if she had to hang it around her neck. I explained again and she said she didn’t have her luggage with her so did she have to hang it around her neck? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 809

You deserved it 156

Reverse Uno

By Anonymous - 15/12/2020 20:01

Today, while trying to be sexy for my fiancé by going to change his background photo to a naughty pic of myself, I found out he's been actively cheating on me. For almost a year, with multiple women. When confronted, he tried telling how hard me finding out was for HIM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 356

You deserved it 120

By Ashleigh - 22/04/2011 18:43 - United States

Today, I was on a three hour flight to Los Angeles for a corporate meeting. The woman next to me instantly fell asleep and snored louder than a freight train, while the kid behind me made a hobby of thashing my seat from behind. When I peered over and asked him to stop, he spat in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 665

You deserved it 3 472

By kelkline - 31/08/2009 16:45 - United States

Today, my friend got a babysitter for the kids and told me she was taking me to a party. My son told me his band was playing at a party. I will be 40 tomorrow, so I thought this would be the best surprise birthday party ever. It WAS a surprise birthday party – for a friend of ours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 950

You deserved it 3 509

By Username - 28/02/2011 05:44

Today, after we'd let an author rent out our cabin, we read in the book of poems he wrote while staying that he'd described how he enjoyed sitting on our table naked. The same table we often eat off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 344

You deserved it 5 149

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Top comments

llamafish 25

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Sunday 6 May 2012 15:43

He must have learned from online porn.

Hon3y_schnucums 1

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Sunday 6 May 2012 15:48

The next time your ontop and he's close go "If you'd like to see more buy a subscription for only 59.99 for two months" ahah

godisnowhere41 5

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Sunday 6 May 2012 15:41

High maintenance?

MrKlutch 1

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Sunday 6 May 2012 16:23

Buy 4g

doctorhook86 24

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Sunday 6 May 2012 17:26

Just switch to one of your other boyfriends while this one is loading.

nado13579 12

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Sunday 6 May 2012 17:48

You can tell someone's been watching too much online porn when...

thiscrazything 1

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Sunday 6 May 2012 19:24

That darn buffering, always ruining a good thing, by happening at the worst possible time.

Dr0reos 8

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Sunday 6 May 2012 23:01

That what you get for having Dial up OP

22cute 17

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Monday 7 May 2012 2:21

The BF is high maintenance for sure!

nofearjenshere 12

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Wednesday 9 May 2012 22:21

This comment thread made my day. (:

oOxMERROxOo 0

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Sunday 6 May 2012 15:42

YDI you need to get better boyfriendnet

Branflakes78 13

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Sunday 6 May 2012 16:05

what's a boyfriend net?? never heard that before! and shut up i thought this was pretty funny

_ebbonyy 11

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Sunday 6 May 2012 16:24

2- you need to get better typingskillsnet

n3rdzgotskillz 29

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Sunday 6 May 2012 16:28

'boyfriendnet' is clearly a a bad pun of 'internet.' it's nothing to do with their typing, unless i'm missing something...

_ebbonyy 11

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Sunday 6 May 2012 16:42

I'm missing a brain apparently because his pun went right over my head! I apologise :-)

therealslim 15

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Sunday 6 May 2012 22:58

Don't worry 35, it was just a totally shit pun

Z03y 7

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Sunday 6 May 2012 22:59

Or even Fringe... Walternet.

silverhelms 5

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Monday 7 May 2012 14:49

Nice cleavage

llamafish 25

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Sunday 6 May 2012 15:43

He must have learned from online porn.

CaliGali 9

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Sunday 6 May 2012 18:37

That's really funny

Yerg 0

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Sunday 6 May 2012 20:08

Nice one

TarieBoo 2

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Monday 7 May 2012 0:12

58-thats why people thumbed the comment up...

Heinousness 0

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Monday 7 May 2012 1:38

This FML made me laugh. But sorry to hear. On the bright side, .... Wait, there is no bright side. Sorry!

uJelly24 1

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Monday 7 May 2012 3:09

'online porn'... Is there any other kind of porn?Unless... No I took that thought too far.

bitchwhore 20

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Monday 7 May 2012 5:22

Back in the days before the Internet, there were ancient means of viewing sexually explicit content, coined "pornography magazines", or "porno mags" for short.

ohSNAPyall 26

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Monday 7 May 2012 14:10

Your mom threw away your best porno mag. Busted!

WhyAmUHere 19

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Sunday 2 September 2012 4:46

What do you think people did before the Internet? Squeeze their asscheeks together to make them look like boobs? C&H reference aside, they have porn magazines.

jemmers 13

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Sunday 6 May 2012 15:43

You need to get him out of the house. He's watching way to much Netflix or Hulu. Or tell him the connection has slowed and he needs to go fix it and go faster.

phantumgrey 6

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Sunday 6 May 2012 16:11

Whoa whoa whoa she doesn't want him "going to fast"

XxDevilxXGt 26

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Sunday 6 May 2012 16:31

No it's ok he was just buffering it happens to the best of ..(loading, please wait)... us. Phew. And no one uses Hulu. ^^

Angitia 8

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Sunday 6 May 2012 18:36

33, speak for yourself.

FlotatiousTurd 1

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Sunday 6 May 2012 22:11

I use Hulu they get stuff faster then Netflix

KiddNYC1O 20

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Monday 7 May 2012 6:13

Am I the only one who noticed these two used to instead of too?

Bonkerss 4

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Monday 3 March 2014 15:15

you sir/ma'am... are awesome for your comment! lol

Lukeloveshugs 8

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Sunday 6 May 2012 15:43

Men have this problem when watching porn all the time. You just have to stay focused and in extreme circumstances you may need to refresh.

RealReasons 0

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Sunday 6 May 2012 16:20

I see what you did there...

therealslim 15

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Sunday 6 May 2012 22:59

Did you? Did you really?

Yaen 18

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Sunday 6 May 2012 15:43

You have an awesome boyfriend... kind of.

shannonjnae2706 0

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Sunday 6 May 2012 15:44

HA!! I literally laughed myself to tears after reading this one. FML, indeed.

shannonjnae2706 0

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Sunday 6 May 2012 15:58

That should say FYL. I was distracted. :)

hahayourmom101 5

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Sunday 6 May 2012 19:28

No, your right. FYL for laughing yourself to tears over this. That, is just sad. I laughed, yes, but to tears? A little much, eh?

therealslim 15

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Sunday 6 May 2012 23:01

15- it was because you had tears in your eyes, you couldn't see the keyboard

shannonjnae2706 0

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Monday 7 May 2012 1:25

71- if you knew half the shit that randomly comes up in conversations between my boyfriend & myself (strangely relating to this very FML topic), you'd laugh at this FML post until you cried, too. :)