Today, my boyfriend and I went to see his 72-year-old mom who...

By coeurdlucky - 19/10/2010 05:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went to see his 72-year-old mom who just had minor surgery on her abdomen. When we asked how she was healing, she lifted up her nightgown to show us a bruise near her belly button. She wasn't wearing any underwear. FML

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Health

Time don't heal nothing

British Broadcasting Corporation

Rich people problems

By moonbears - 22/10/2015 16:46 - United States - Portland

Today, as I tried to parallel park at a busy spot downtown, a group of teens jumped in front of my car and started a slow clap. FML

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By makayta - 8/10/2016 06:20 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, a coworker asked me how I was because I looked down. I said, "You don't want to know." They replied, "You're right, I don't," and walked off. FML

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By caphis - 3/5/2009 06:17 - United States

Today, I got a cross-country job promotion. I decided to plan my Going-Away-Forever party, and bought a pack of 100 invitations. After mailing them out to all my friends, I have 92 left. FML

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By haqL - 15/11/2013 22:51 - Mexico - Quer?taro

Today, my girlfriend brought a 12-pack of beer to my mother's wake. FML

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By MarkQ95 - 21/7/2013 23:58 - Ireland

Today, trying to flirt with a girl, I was trying to make it out as if I had a great sex life. I got stuck between saying "100% customer satisfaction" and "no complaints" and blurted out "100% customer complaints." FML

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By Sady_Ct - 15/5/2019 12:12

Be careful what you wish for…

Today, I caught my husband trying on the sexy bra I bought to wear just for him. For shits and giggles, I made him try on my dress too. He looked better in it than I do. FML

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By soccer_bball - 14/10/2013 19:32 - United States - Frisco

Today, I was at the dentist. I ended up having some work done and left with a numb mouth. I have school pictures in less than 2 hours and I can neither smile nor stop drooling everywhere. FML

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By LostSoul - 10/7/2019 02:06

Today, I found out my daughter was planning a wedding and invited everyone but me. FML

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By poormum - 17/11/2016 11:41 - Australia - Carlton North

Today, I was unsuccessful in getting a job at a supermarket. The same supermarket I used to work at. I now have a degree but can't even get a job at a place I used to work. FML

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By Satver7 - 10/3/2017 22:00

An Inconvenient Thief

Today, after meeting a girl for the first time and having sex with her, I found not only my wallet missing but also the 128 GB pen drive that had my project I've been working on for 6 months on it. I have to give the presentation in 3 days. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/4/2009 05:40 - Canada

Today, I was walking towards the bus. The bus was scheduled to leave at 3:20, and it was 3:19 so I decided to run for it. As the doors were closing, I managed to just slip my hand into the door, so it didn't fully close. The bus driver saw this, looked at my face, and then drove away. FML

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By andy - 1/1/2010 14:12 - United States

Today, my 4 year old daughter was looking at a magazine cover with a well endowed model showing off her clevage. She looked at me and said, "Mommy, when I grow up will I have big round boobies like her or tiny pointy ones like you?" FML

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By Anonymous - 24/5/2019 06:14

Today, I worked a long shift at my job while feeling like crap, anticipating getting a promotion. As my boss was leaving work, he informed me that because I also go to college, the promotion was being given to another employee that I trained a month ago. This is the second time this has happened. FML

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By chase - 25/1/2013 00:54 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, feeling lonely after my recent breakup, I put on my nicest clothes and went out clubbing with a few friends. I brought a guy back to my place, and we got intimate. It was going well, until he took off my push-up bra, then panicked and drunkenly asked, "Where'd they go?!" FML

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By bundie - 28/12/2009 07:02 - France

Today, my cat didn't quite manage to eat the whole turkey because it was frozen. He just licked it all over. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/11/2011 00:01 - United States

Today, I found out where a few of my favorite outfits went. My mother had taken them out of my closet, wrapped them, and given them to my cousin as a gift. FML

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By David H. - 23/12/2010 08:18

Today, I saw my first boobs ever, at 18, volunteering at a retirement home. FML

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By please don’t - 8/6/2020 02:00

The Big Book of Baby Names

Today, I had to explain to my sister in law why it’s a terrible idea to name her baby Aryan just because she likes the way it sounds. We’re all African Americans, but she still doesn’t see the issue with it. FML

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By sandyhome - 11/4/2011 15:20 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a girl. We drove separately and met at the restaurant. Over the course of two hours she drank a gallon and a half of beer, then her boyfriend picked her up because she was too drunk to drive home. FML

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By Noname - 2/2/2012 10:41 - United States

Today, I got an email from the local D and D meet up group that the next meeting will be on Feb. 14th. I don't know what is more sad: that the group is meeting on Valentine's Day, or that I have nothing better to do but go. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/1/2011 01:04 - United States

Today, my step-mom asked if I was having some eating issues. I admitted that maybe I've picked up some bad habits from friends and school. Now she won't stop bombarding me with self-help books and therapy websites. FML

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By nomfuck - 9/9/2014 15:53 - United States - Fremont

Today, I overcame my debilitating seasickness long enough to have a shower and take a breath of fresh air on the cruise ship balcony. Then as a reward, a passing seagull shat on my head. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/12/2011 08:12 - United States

Today, after telling my parents just exactly what I thought of them and that I was moving out, the person I was supposed to move in with called to say they'd decided they would rather live alone. FML

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By anuszopekanus - 14/6/2020 14:02

No money, though

Today, after 3 months of quarantine being totally broke, I was finally glad to get back to work. I found out that they no longer need me because "there's no money" to pay me. As I was leaving, I saw freshly renovated rooms, a huge new plasma, and a crowd of workers busy expanding the summer terrace. FML

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By barbie - 18/5/2009 05:48 - United States

Today, I was at the water park with my boyfriend. We were getting on a two-person tube slide. As I went to sit in the front I noticed the lifeguard looking me up and down, what I assumed was him checking me out. I found out I was wrong when he said, "Heaviest in back." FML

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By Bill - 18/8/2011 23:44 - United States

Today, I discovered that my new college roommate not only makes casual conversation about his bowel movements, he also names them. FML

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By ewww - 30/7/2011 14:07 - United States

Today, while using the restroom at McDonald's, a hand reached under my stall and took the remaining toilet paper. FML

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By Matt - 12/8/2011 00:46 - United States

Today, I informed my family of my plans to divorce my wife after catching her cheating on me twice. They bitched me out because I will not be able to survive financially or emotionally without her support. I'm a doctor. She's been unemployed for 2 straight years. FML

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By anonymous - 16/9/2011 17:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a graded performance in my drama class. I had to play a murderer in an interrogation room. I got really into it and started pounding on the windows to try to "escape". The thin glass smashed. Four hours in casualty, stitches and plastic surgery pretty much sum up my mood. FML

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By bizzyizzy0121 - 21/11/2011 06:28 - United States

Today, I was called by a restricted number. The man on the phone then explained to me in detail what I was doing at every second that I was on the phone with him. I'm scared to leave my house. FML

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By lizownsvirgy - 7/7/2011 19:49 - United States

Today, I was woken up by my step brother trying to put his tongue in my mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/2/2015 15:10 - India - Tuticorin

Today, my fiancé and his family accused me of being with him only because he's rich, refusing to go ahead with the wedding. I accepted his marriage proposal 4 years ago, when he was penniless and unemployed. FML

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By FamilyLoving - 19/8/2013 16:00 - United States - Patchogue

Today, I was out jogging. As I took a rest to have a drink of water, a car pulled onto the sidewalk and bumped into me. Not just any car; my dad's car. He then drove away. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/7/2014 09:56 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my wooden floor gave me a splinter on the bottom of my foot. I don't have the flexibility nor the eyesight to find it. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/3/2015 05:01 - United States - Wentzville

Today, I was pulled over by a police officer because he thought I was skipping school. I'm 24 and we graduated high school together. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/10/2017 19:30 - United States - Stony Brook

Today, I went to the university pool. There was this cute lifeguard there, and every time I got out of the water I saw her looking at me so I walked up to her and asked if everything was okay. She told me she thought I was going to drown. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/4/2012 02:07 - United States - Lincolnton

Today, my boyfriend told me that he'd never made a girl orgasm. I didn't think much of it until he decided to go down on me. Every time he got me close to orgasm, he'd stop and ask, "Are you about to come?" or "Does that feel good?" Now I can see why he's never made a girl orgasm. FML

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By Aliya - 1/3/2009 14:14 - United States

Today, I was eating nacho chips with my nieces when I started to feel that some were wet. I look at my niece and notice she was sucking on the chips, and putting them back in the bag. FML

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By merp. - 2/2/2013 06:57 - United States - Wausau

Today, I spun off the road and into a ditch. The insurance company told me I'd have to wait an hour, as they had other cars to tow first. I had to pee so badly that I resorted to using the only thing I had in my car: a plastic bag. That's when I got a knock on my window from the tow truck driver. FML

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By tigerfiend - 17/2/2009 21:53 - United States

Today, I went to a plastic surgeon's office with a friend. The doctor walked in and before he could look at the consult papers, he started explaining the lipo suction procedure to me. I had to interrupt him and tell him that I was only there for support for my friend's nose job. FML

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Top comments

By aussie_babe91 | 5

#1570444 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 11:49

in her defence she was probably on a lot of pain medication, but people in the hospital never care who sees any part of their body, its just how it works.

By FFML_314 | 11

#1570448 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 11:49

Just think of it as a glimpse into the future.

Comments

By aussie_babe91 | 5

#1570444 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 11:49

in her defence she was probably on a lot of pain medication, but people in the hospital never care who sees any part of their body, its just how it works.

madarchod | 0

#1570501 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 11:56

Get over it, old people are like that

KingDingALing | 9

#1570777 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 12:43

She's a couger!! ;D

zakkyzebra | 11

#1571101 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 13:57

15 you made me XD. literally...

Einstein714 | 0

#1571137 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 14:01

ya gotta love old ladies, you go girl!

bubbarific | 0

#1573699 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 22:01

WINCEST!!!!!!!!!

By FFML_314 | 11

#1570448 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 11:49

Just think of it as a glimpse into the future.

debbiess | 0

#1570523 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 11:59

Exactly! LOL

ilovemydoodle123 | 0

#1570805 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 12:48

hahahahhahahah so true!

aback | 4

#1572130 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 17:18

You can bet that 50 years ago she wasn't flashing that about. I don't know why they want to wait till it's curdled to show everybody.

thecrazyasian | 3

#1575760 - Wednesday 20 October 2010 8:39

that's y u don't date guys with 72 yr old moms

iivann | 0

#1803312 - Monday 6 December 2010 19:12

Jajaaa gross but tru!!!

galt | 13

#4606360 - Sunday 24 June 2012 3:51

Omg I know you :)

By fits138 | 0

#1570470 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 11:52

It could be worse, no biggie.

By ladybuuggy | 0

#1570474 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 11:52

that's an image that will never leave your mind! haha poor old lady doesn't know what's wrong, though :/

randiZ25 | 0

#2601107 - Wednesday 1 June 2011 20:18

You are exactly right. A client of mine ( I'm a hairdresser) decided she wanted to show me her rash under her fat roll on her stomach, she too was not wearing any underwear.

By debbiess | 0

#1570495 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 11:55

At least she's comfortable enough around you to show her goodies
I'd take that as a good sign that she likes you?

By Kitten16 | 0

#1570510 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 11:57

That is gna Haunt u 4 the rest of ur life!

mimii92_fml | 0

#1574159 - Wednesday 20 October 2010 0:17

omg that's something I didn't wanna picture. bleh :P

By airsplat | 0

#1570526 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 11:59

nothing like waking up to 72 year old tacos... that really sucks

By NoodleBurger | 0

#1570557 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 12:04

Haha, oh GOD. I would've screamed! that's horrible.

By T_X_P | 2

#1570585 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 12:10

Boo-F'n-Hoo. The woman is elderly and in the hospital. Try thinking of someone other than yourself for a change, princess.

fits138 | 0

#1570694 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 12:30

^this

DocBastard | 38

#1571483 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 15:09

I tried, but I could not come up with a response better than this one. Well said. I will only add that OP is a woman (girl?) also, so she hasnothing to complain about. Selfish little bitch.