Health: Today, my boyfriend and I went to see his 72-year-old mom who...

By coeurdlucky - 19/10/2010 05:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went to see his 72-year-old mom who just had minor surgery on her abdomen. When we asked how she was healing, she lifted up her nightgown to show us a bruise near her belly button. She wasn't wearing any underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 129

You deserved it 3 559

Health

Our house, in the middle of our street

BO Central

Mind the handbrake!

By Anonymous - 02/10/2017 19:30 - United States - Stony Brook

Today, I went to the university pool. There was this cute lifeguard there, and every time I got out of the water I saw her looking at me so I walked up to her and asked if everything was okay. She told me she thought I was going to drown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 256

You deserved it 453

By awkwardpineapples - 08/01/2015 03:13 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I found my sister licking all of the silverware and putting it back in the drawer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 794

You deserved it 2 612

Watch your step

By the guy that didn't get his kiss - 25/06/2021 16:01

Today, while at a football game, I had my arm around my girlfriend. We were really close and I was just about to kiss her when suddenly her phone rang. It was her dad, telling her he's watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 114

By TheSacredTeddyBear - 31/07/2013 03:06 - United States - Independence

Today, I finally gave away all of the stuffed animals that I've been hoarding for years. Proud, I told my family. They congratulated me by buying me stuffed animals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 887

You deserved it 4 939

By Anonymous - 23/03/2013 00:34 - United States

Today, my psycho abstinence-only sex ed teacher claimed condoms give 50% protection at most against pregnancy. I couldn't help but correct her. She apologized for her "mistake", saying, "It's just that we're not ALL sluts, Kara." Now everyone thinks I'm a raging whore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 237

You deserved it 6 821

By Hmmmm - 20/09/2012 14:58 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I was made aware that my teenage son used "Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter" as a reference point in a class debate as if it was a biopic. Oh dear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 540

You deserved it 2 878

Dark

By bloomrosalind8976 - 02/05/2021 16:59

Today, I admitted to my SO that I wanted to kill myself. They told me it was abusive to tell them that, and claimed I was just using it as a tool to control them. What they don't know is I attempted it by overdosing the other day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 104

You deserved it 185

Pick your moments, dude!

By Anonymous - 11/10/2019 00:01

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a romantic night. As we were having sex, he decided to say, "Look mom, no hands!" and it totally ruined the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 785

You deserved it 306

By Anonymous - 08/11/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, I went through my spam folder. I found out that I'd received several emails telling me that I have been sending emails containing essays for a class of mine to the wrong address. The term ended yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 962

You deserved it 11 996

By katshay8 - 12/10/2018 17:30

Today, I went to the doctor for allergy testing. Apparently, one of my worst allergies is cats. I'm a "crazy cat lady" who loves anything cat-related and has 3 cats. Allergy shots, here I come. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 357

You deserved it 497

By anon - 28/04/2012 14:31 - United States - Washougal

Today, I rear ended a cop while talking on my cell phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 575

You deserved it 90 973

Tonight, on Idiots in Cars…

By STOPattheSIGNbitch - 05/04/2020 08:00

Today, a woman in an SUV rolled a stop sign and hit me, resulting in simultaneously twisting my foot in my bike and being knocked into oncoming traffic. Her excuse before I went to the ER? The sun was in her eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 625

You deserved it 128

By notaman - 11/02/2016 18:12 - United States - Marion

Today, I found out my insurance company denied my claim because they had me marked down as "male" and yet also pregnant. I now have to prove to them that I'm actually a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 415

You deserved it 1 368

By Anonymous - 16/08/2010 20:20 - United States

Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 833

You deserved it 6 663

By burnnnnn - 22/02/2010 01:31 - Ecuador

Today, I was walking with a friend after buying two cups of steaming hot coffee. While crossing the busiest street in town I tripped and fell, spilling the coffee all over me. My friend didn't notice I fell right in front of her and tripped over me spilling her coffee on me as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 403

You deserved it 2 801

By hdgyfjdzdfg - 16/04/2012 06:53 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like his grandma's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 006

You deserved it 4 888

By tiffany - 18/09/2012 18:24 - Canada

Today, after having lost 11 pounds following my pregnancy, I felt sexy and put on a cute outfit for my husband. When he walked into the bedroom, he ended up passing me three times, and then went to bed without a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 279

You deserved it 2 897

By accident - 14/02/2014 22:41 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my dad gave me the sex talk. After telling me all the stuff I already knew, he told me never to use Durex condoms. He said, "They break a lot. That's the only reason you're around today, really." then chuckled to himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 925

You deserved it 5 786

Freedom of speech

By Powerless111 - 15/10/2019 20:00

Today, I got yelled at for 30 minutes while on a date for using the word "bitch." I used it to describe my friend's wife, who will also yell at you for 30 minutes for using a word she doesn't like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 991

You deserved it 1 817

By Anonymous - 30/09/2013 10:30 - United States - Shreveport

Today, I was in a public bathroom with the runs when I noticed my stall didn't have any toilet paper. I was the only one in the bathroom, and I thought I could make it to the stall next to me and grab some with my pants down. I wasn't actually the only one in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 523

You deserved it 9 132

Seize the means of production!

By Anonymous - 21/10/2019 00:01

Today, there was a gas leak at work. We called the fire department, who advised us to evacuate the building. We called our manager to let her know, and her response was "Oh, don’t do that." My boss would rather let us die of carbon monoxide exposure than lose out on 3 hours of work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 677

You deserved it 100

Nope, not me

By mycar - 20/08/2013 17:40 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I was showing a new girl around at school. As we were walking through the parking lot she noticed a green jeep and commented "I heard the person who drives that is a total creep. Is he?" I said I didn't know who it was. It was my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 795

You deserved it 6 258

How could you?

By PoorJudgeOfCharacter - 25/05/2020 08:00

Today, I found out that before I met my boyfriend of one year, he slept with his twin brother's ex girlfriend who his twin had dated for two years before ending things. Am I dating a monster? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 192

You deserved it 248

By fuckspellcheck - 28/04/2009 18:47 - United States

Today, I realized the senior thesis I turned in last week uses the word "asses" instead of "assess" 17 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 673

You deserved it 62 065

By youonlyneed2squares - 24/09/2014 04:10

Today, as I was lying in my bed eating my dinner, my roommate says to me: "I don't know how to say this, but we need more towels. The room is flooding." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 085

You deserved it 2 893

By failuretolaunch2 - 26/02/2015 03:31 - United States

Today, my boyfriend managed to orgasm by humping my leg. I'm beginning to think I am dating a puppy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 434

You deserved it 4 865

Burn

By Swedishsummer - 08/05/2016 21:54 - Sweden - Floda

Today, we finally got some signs of summer in Sweden and I went to hang out in the sun with some friends. I was wearing sunglasses so I only put sunscreen on my nose and forehead. I now have a dick-shaped area in my face where I didn't completely burn my face off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 309

You deserved it 5 492

Nice neighborhood

By Frustrated - 03/01/2014 02:24 - United States - Tustin

Today, my neighbor's sons decided it would be funny to throw rocks at my house. I went outside to scold them and saw my other neighbors gathered around, watching. They didn't stop them because they thought I wasn't home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 447

You deserved it 3 676

By gdog10122 - 12/01/2013 09:52 - United States

Today, I found out that my dad, thinking it was an advertisement, threw away a letter from the college I applied to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 132

You deserved it 2 658

By me - 25/01/2012 03:40 - Canada

Today, I attended an elderly man's funeral. As I approached the casket his wife said, "Thank you for coming." I replied with, "No, thank you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 009

You deserved it 30 247

By MrZhang - 23/06/2009 03:34 - Australia

Today, I had an interview with IBM. For a week I did extensive research and preparation for the interview. At first the interview was going really well. I was hitting all the marks. Then just as a final casual question she asked with a smile "What does IBM stand for?". I didn't know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 357

You deserved it 26 469

By WTF? - 12/08/2013 04:49 - United States - Mesa

Today, I asked my girlfriend if she had ever broken up with anyone. She said, "Yes. You." and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 256

You deserved it 6 532

By anonymous neighbor - 30/01/2009 14:42 - United States

Today, I went on a date with my really attractive neighbor, and at the end, when I leaned in to make out with her, she shook my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 710

You deserved it 6 589

By Anonymous - 26/11/2009 19:11 - United States

Today, I hit a deer. The worst part? Papa deer saw me hit mama deer, and proceded to ram into my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 196

You deserved it 20 914

By Anonymous - 03/03/2010 05:08 - United States

Today, I was perusing my mom's Facebook. I noticed she has an album of pictures for each member of the family, except me. The dog has an album. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 532

You deserved it 2 734

Strange flex, but OK

By Jpah - 24/06/2009 00:08 - United States

Today, I was talking to this girl who I thought was really nice. We were having an amazing conversation, and as we stared deeply in one another's eyes, she asked me, "Has anyone ever seen you take a shit?" She then began telling me the story of when someone watched her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 827

You deserved it 3 896

Love costs a fortune

By Philip Seth Camps - 22/05/2021 11:01

Today, I found out that my now ex-fiancé was still married to her ex throughout the entire relationship. What I didn't realize was that I ended up paying for the divorce, and 3 months later she got married to someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 075

You deserved it 120

By JRock - 22/02/2009 20:41 - United States

Today, at my softball game, there was one spot left for center field. The coach had to choose between me or the girl who forgot her glasses and was blind without them. He chose her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 833

You deserved it 4 853

Boundaries

By Sfg_926 - 26/06/2016 05:02 - United States - Newberg

Today, I told one of my coworkers that she looked really cute today. Later she sent an email to me and cc'd the entire office saying, "It really makes me feel uncomfortable when you say things like that to me. And I shouldn't have to feel that way at work." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 840

You deserved it 3 518

Blackout

By Anonymous - 21/08/2021 16:01

Today, I woke up from a night of serious depression, drinking by myself at home, to find a USB stick wrapped in plastic up my vagina, with "Top secret" written on it. There was nothing on the stick when I checked. I may need to give tequila a rest and switch back to gin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412

You deserved it 1 507

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Top comments

aussie_babe91 5

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 11:49

in her defence she was probably on a lot of pain medication, but people in the hospital never care who sees any part of their body, its just how it works.

FFML_314 11

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 11:49

Just think of it as a glimpse into the future.

aussie_babe91 5

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 11:49

in her defence she was probably on a lot of pain medication, but people in the hospital never care who sees any part of their body, its just how it works.

madarchod 0

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 11:56

Get over it, old people are like that

KingDingALing 9

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 12:43

She's a couger!! ;D

zakkyzebra 11

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 13:57

15 you made me XD. literally...

Einstein714 0

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 14:01

ya gotta love old ladies, you go girl!

bubbarific 0

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 22:01

WINCEST!!!!!!!!!

FFML_314 11

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 11:49

Just think of it as a glimpse into the future.

debbiess 0

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 11:59

Exactly! LOL

ilovemydoodle123 0

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 12:48

hahahahhahahah so true!

aback 4

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 17:18

You can bet that 50 years ago she wasn't flashing that about. I don't know why they want to wait till it's curdled to show everybody.

thecrazyasian 3

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 8:39

that's y u don't date guys with 72 yr old moms

iivann 0

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Monday 6 December 2010 19:12

Jajaaa gross but tru!!!

galt 13

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Sunday 24 June 2012 3:51

Omg I know you :)

fits138 0

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 11:52

It could be worse, no biggie.

ladybuuggy 0

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 11:52

that's an image that will never leave your mind! haha poor old lady doesn't know what's wrong, though :/

randiZ25 0

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Wednesday 1 June 2011 20:18

You are exactly right. A client of mine ( I'm a hairdresser) decided she wanted to show me her rash under her fat roll on her stomach, she too was not wearing any underwear.

debbiess 0

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 11:55

At least she's comfortable enough around you to show her goodies I'd take that as a good sign that she likes you?

Kitten16 0

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 11:57

That is gna Haunt u 4 the rest of ur life!

mimii92_fml 0

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 0:17

omg that's something I didn't wanna picture. bleh :P

airsplat 0

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 11:59

nothing like waking up to 72 year old tacos... that really sucks

NoodleBurger 0

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 12:04

Haha, oh GOD. I would've screamed! that's horrible.

T_X_P 2

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 12:10

Boo-F'n-Hoo. The woman is elderly and in the hospital. Try thinking of someone other than yourself for a change, princess.

fits138 0

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 12:30

^this

DocBastard 38

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 15:09

I tried, but I could not come up with a response better than this one. Well said. I will only add that OP is a woman (girl?) also, so she hasnothing to complain about. Selfish little bitch.