Today, my boyfriend and I went to see his 72-year-old mom who...

By coeurdlucky - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went to see his 72-year-old mom who just had minor surgery on her abdomen. When we asked how she was healing, she lifted up her nightgown to show us a bruise near her belly button. She wasn't wearing any underwear. FML

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Health

Rock, hard place

Last dates

Billy no-mates

By slingshot - United States

Today, I was waiting to speak to a customer service salesman in a store. To pass time, I was playing with a rubber band. The rubber band shot off and hit the salesman smack in the face. FML

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By jentea - Canada

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting for him to get out of the shower. Bored, I sent my friend a picture of myself pretending to make out with his bear rug. After the photo shoot, I looked in the doorway to find his dad staring at me. FML

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By dileigh - United States

Today, I received my graduation gift, a bath robe, from my parents. My have two older sisters also graduated. The first one got a Tiffany's bracelet, the second one got a plane ticket to Europe. FML

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By dahlia87 - United States

Today, I got an email from the Law School Admissions Council saying that they received my request for my LSAT cancellation and they are confirming that it has been cancelled. The email also said the score will not be reinstated for any reason. I never requested for my score to be cancelled. FML

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By Kolkata - Canada

Today, my son surprised me on my birthday with tickets to a concert I really wanted to see. I was excited, especially since I planned to buy them but couldn't due to the fact it was too expensive. I was ecstatic, until I found out he'd stolen my credit card to buy them. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/4/2020 05:00 - United States

Drama abounds

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years threatened to break up with me because when she came by my work, she saw me talking to another girl. The girl was a trainee. I'm the boss of the company, so it's my responsibility to train new people. FML

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By fatman - United States

Today, I was on a plane. The person sitting next to me was using the plane's wifi, and was on Facebook. They joined the group 'I hate sitting next to fat people on airplanes'. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Redlands

Today, my mother informed me that she sold my dog to pay off some bills. FML

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By bingalingading - United States - Owosso

Today, I was working at a donation center. I was having a really rough day, so my fiancée dropped me off some cookies. At the end of my shift, the manager told me I couldn't take them home because they were donated and therefore they were "company property." FML

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By Dumped

Today my boyfriend of one year dumped me. When I started crying, he said, “want to know something that will make you hate me so you won’t be so sad?” and then told me he’s been cheating on me with multiple women, the entire time we’ve been dating. He thought that would comfort me. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/12/2019 14:00 - United States - Houston

Watch movies

Today, I hired a babysitter to take care of my newborn. When I came home, she was having sex with her boyfriend in the crib while the baby sat and watched them. FML

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By connor1701

Today, I went to put my coat on to go out. I put my hand in my pocket, not knowing there was a mouse sleeping in there. I squeezed it, it bit me and ran off. FML

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By Samaritan - United Kingdom

Today, I was given a ticket for running a red light. The reason? I was moving out of the way of an ambulance. The police officer watched it go by. FML

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By screw_this27

Today, I received a book about sailboats. I'd ordered a book about makeup. FML

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By chelsay05 - Canada - Kamloops

Today, I had to go to work on my day off to suspend someone. Afterwards, I got a call saying I can't suspend the person in question because the supervisor who told me to suspend them was wrong. FML

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By busmanhoe - Norway

Today, I was sitting on the bus to the gym. I saw that an old woman needed help to get off the bus, so I got up, and helped her off. When I had finally got her down the stairs the bus closed the doors and drove away. I was in the middle of nowhere and the bus drove away with all my things. FML

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By Anonynonynon - United States - Kansas City

Today, I'm working for a company that makes over a million dollars a year, yet leaves me with no choice but to pee in a cup because they won't pay to fix the only toilet in the building. FML

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31679

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By brokenhearted - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my boyfriend sent me so many nice texts that he made me fall in love with him that little bit more. It turns out he was sweetening me up before telling me he cheated on me the night before. FML

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By TheSickness - United States

Today, the girl that I fancy was sick and I offered to hug her, but she protested saying that she didn't want to get me sick. I told her, "If hugging you gets me sick, then I'll just have to deal with being sick." She gave me the biggest hug she could. I haven't stopped puking since. FML

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By facepalming all the way - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I had to explain to my incredibly sheltered 15-year-old brother that no, you don't wear condoms on your balls, and that they don't work by squeezing your balls so the sperm are blocked from coming out when you ejaculate. FML

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By Mack - Canada

Today, I was at the book store when a book caught my eye: Overcoming Anxiety For Dummies. I wanted to look through the book but I was too nervous to pick it up, thinking everyone in the store would look at me. FML

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By Anonymous - Germany

Today, my class went to Berlin. At the subway station, our teacher told us to get on the next train. I was the first one to get on and the only one who didn't hear her saying: 'Wait, that's the wrong one!' I'm lost in a city I've never been before. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was undressing for my girlfriend. I thought I was being all smooth and sexy, until I went to sit on the side of the bed and beckon her over. Instead, I sat heavily on my balls, screamed, then fell off the bed sobbing like a girl. FML

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By Ice cold - Australia - Cheltenham

Today, my girlfriend decided to break the news that she wanted us to be "just friends." However, she did it not in just any old way - while ice-skating. I'm currently in hospital getting stitches in my arm after I tripped in shock and she ran me over. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pardeeville

Today, my dad might be dead. I'm basing this solely on the fact that he hasn't called recently to verbally abuse me as he often does. He constantly beat me as a child, yet now I'm kind of worried for the piece of shit. FML

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By halloweenless - United States

Today, I spent over $160 and 2 hours preparing for a Halloween party I was throwing. The only person who showed up was my sister, who helped me decorate. FML

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By forgetable

Today, I offered to stay late at my delivery job because it was snowing and several people called out. An hour later I got rear ended. FML

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By Michael - 14/10/2020 23:02 - United States - Kearny

Stahp!

Today, I had to babysit my dying grandmother, so I brought up my guitar. She hadn't said anything to anyone today, and the first thing and only thing she said was, "Stop. Make it stop" to me when I played. FML

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By madd_dizzle - United States

Today, my crush finally let me drive his truck for the first time in a empty parking lot, after he told me he liked me. It was so dark that I ended up driving into and pole and totaled his car. Now he hates me. FML

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By Colby - Canada - Saint John

Today, I watched my mother tell a man that the holocaust was "a good thing" and "necessary for population control". That man was my girlfriend's father. Who is Jewish. FML

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By oopsididitagain - United States

Today, at the coffee shop where I work, my supervisor smelled "something weird, like sulfur." I spent the next ten minutes pretending to look for the source of the smell with her, rather than admit that it had come from me. FML

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By Markeesha - United States - Eaton

What happens in Vegas doesn't stay there?

Today, I got a letter from the state that I'm being divorced. I've never been married. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in my psychology class taking the hardest test ever. After I spent most of the period trying to fill in the few answers that I knew, I looked up to see everyone with their notebooks on their desks. It was an open-note test. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I returned from vacation overseas to find I'd lost my job. The manager approved my leave, but forgot to put it in the system, so I was written up repeatedly for not showing up. If I want my job back, I have to wait 90 days and apply to start over. FML

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By jsquared - United States

Today, my twin sister sent a nude picture to her boyfriend, who then forwarded it on to everyone else. Everyone else thinks it's me. FML

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By EMT_Koulianos - United States

Today, I was performing CPR on a woman on her floor while her internal defibrillator kept firing, making her whole body jump. When it fired, her hand went straight up into my nuts. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my co-worker came back from Thailand with big new breasts. She told me to go ahead and touch them because they have a funny texture for the first few months. When our GM entered the room, I had both hands down my co-worker's shirt, agreeing that they were unnaturally firm. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pittsburg

Today, I witnessed some greasy twat trying to chat a girl up by negging her, which is basically insulting a woman to lower her self-esteem so she's more likely to put out. "Goddamn negger", I muttered. "The fuck did you just say?!" yelled a black guy standing beside me. FML

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By Danou - France

Today, I was waiting for the bus while wearing my FML shirt. A passer-by stopped, stared at me for a moment, and said, "I agree, your life sucks." FML

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By Anonymous - Denmark

Today, my roommate let out a blood-curdling scream in the bathroom. I ran in to see what was going on, only to find her sitting on the toilet, topless. Turned out she'd tried to pierce her own tit using a clothespin and a needle. FML

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Top comments

By aussie_babe91 | 5

#1570444 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 11:49

in her defence she was probably on a lot of pain medication, but people in the hospital never care who sees any part of their body, its just how it works.

By FFML_314 | 11

#1570448 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 11:49

Just think of it as a glimpse into the future.

COMMENTS

By aussie_babe91 | 5

#1570444 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 11:49

in her defence she was probably on a lot of pain medication, but people in the hospital never care who sees any part of their body, its just how it works.

madarchod | 0

#1570501 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 11:56

Get over it, old people are like that

KingDingALing | 9

#1570777 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 12:43

She's a couger!! ;D

zakkyzebra | 11

#1571101 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 13:57

15 you made me XD. literally...

Einstein714 | 0

#1571137 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 14:01

ya gotta love old ladies, you go girl!

bubbarific | 0

#1573699 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 22:01

WINCEST!!!!!!!!!

By FFML_314 | 11

#1570448 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 11:49

Just think of it as a glimpse into the future.

debbiess | 0

#1570523 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 11:59

Exactly! LOL

ilovemydoodle123 | 0

#1570805 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 12:48

hahahahhahahah so true!

aback | 4

#1572130 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 17:18

You can bet that 50 years ago she wasn't flashing that about. I don't know why they want to wait till it's curdled to show everybody.

thecrazyasian | 3

#1575760 - Wednesday 20 October 2010 8:39

that's y u don't date guys with 72 yr old moms

iivann | 0

#1803312 - Monday 6 December 2010 19:12

Jajaaa gross but tru!!!

galt | 13

#4606360 - Sunday 24 June 2012 3:51

Omg I know you :)

By fits138 | 0

#1570470 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 11:52

It could be worse, no biggie.

By ladybuuggy | 0

#1570474 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 11:52

that's an image that will never leave your mind! haha poor old lady doesn't know what's wrong, though :/

randiZ25 | 0

#2601107 - Wednesday 1 June 2011 20:18

You are exactly right. A client of mine ( I'm a hairdresser) decided she wanted to show me her rash under her fat roll on her stomach, she too was not wearing any underwear.

By debbiess | 0

#1570495 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 11:55

At least she's comfortable enough around you to show her goodies
I'd take that as a good sign that she likes you?

By Kitten16 | 0

#1570510 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 11:57

That is gna Haunt u 4 the rest of ur life!

mimii92_fml | 0

#1574159 - Wednesday 20 October 2010 0:17

omg that's something I didn't wanna picture. bleh :P

By airsplat | 0

#1570526 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 11:59

nothing like waking up to 72 year old tacos... that really sucks

By NoodleBurger | 0

#1570557 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 12:04

Haha, oh GOD. I would've screamed! that's horrible.

By T_X_P | 2

#1570585 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 12:10

Boo-F'n-Hoo. The woman is elderly and in the hospital. Try thinking of someone other than yourself for a change, princess.

fits138 | 0

#1570694 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 12:30

^this

DocBastard | 38

#1571483 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 15:09

I tried, but I could not come up with a response better than this one. Well said. I will only add that OP is a woman (girl?) also, so she hasnothing to complain about. Selfish little bitch.