Miscellaneous: Today, I had a dream that I was making pancakes. I need to get...

By Anonymous - United States - Orlando

Today, I had a dream that I was making pancakes. I need to get out more. FML

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Miscellaneous

Mother of the year

Dementia or hate? You decide

Still pining

By NathanA - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was verbally abused by a customer because her entrée was too fishy. I'm not the chef, just the waiter and I work at a fish grill. FML

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By welp24

Today, at the age of 25, for the first time in my life, I was lying mostly naked in front of a man while he was inserting something in my body. Too bad that man was a doctor and that thing was a colonoscopy. FML

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By jensoulstealer

The Omen 4

Today, my year and a half old daughter has discovered the joy of temper tantrums. She is now throwing them constantly. Everywhere. Anytime. FML

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By AintEasyBeinWheezy - United States

Today, while driving me to the hospital because I was having an asthma attack, my mother lit a cigarette. FML

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By Anonymous

Jot that down

Today, I wrote my phone number on a Post-it note and gave it to a cute girl at work. She immediately threw it away. In front of me. FML

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By Anonymous - Singapore

Today, I took a nap because I've been sick for the past week and I was exhausted. When I woke up, my hair, shirt, pillow, and bedsheets were soaked. I threw up all over myself in my sleep. FML

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By toazt - United States

Today, after my marching band's performance, the girls had to change out of our uniforms in a very dark school bathroom. Someone turned on the lights and I realized that more than a dozen roaches had crawled into my skinny jeans. FML

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By imanidiot - United States

Today, I ordered take out, and paid with a credit card. The cute cashier gave me the receipt to sign, and under 'tip' I gave a couple of dollars. I realized that I had given too much, crossed it out, and changed it. Unaware she was watching, She then responded, "Did you just lower the tip by $1?" FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Regina

Today, I found out the girl I met online, who I spent hours talking to every day for the past 2 months, and who I fell in love with is actually my gay roomate. He says if I could fall in love with "her", I can fall in love with him. It doesn't work that way, dickhead. FML

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By 1357katie - Canada

Today, I told my mom about the couple times that I'd skipped classes during high school. She got really mad and grounded me for a month. That would usually be normal except for the fact that I'm 27 and live in my own apartment. FML

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By GasFromThePast - United States - Cambridge

Today, I smelled gas when entering my apartment. I checked everything and then left to seek help. I was told to call 911, which resulted in two firetrucks and 10+ firefighters, one of which was my high school sweetheart, entering my messy apartment and finding nothing wrong. FML

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By Voice29 - United States

Today, I bought my girlfriend two tickets to a Broadway show that was coming through town she really wanted to see. I couldn't attend with her due to work so she said she would take her mom. I found out later she took her ex. Now they're back together, and I paid for the date that made it happen. FML

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By Congrats to me - United States - Canton

Today, the only person in my entire family to show up sober and on time to my graduation was my grandma. FML

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By Laloose - France

Today, I send a text message to my ex-boyfriend, who dumped me four months ago, telling him to come back. His answer: "feeling-wise I won't come back to you, but sexually, why not". FML

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By feelthesting - Mexico - Aguascalientes

Today, I found out that my "mosquito bite" was in fact a jellyfish sting I got in Mexico, which has caused me to break out into horrendous hives in the airport waiting for the flight home. It's okay though, the plane is only delayed for 7 hours. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I discovered that I've lost thirty pounds since having my second child. However, I still weigh just as much as I did when I was full-term with my first child. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to go to the dentist to have a cavity filled. Around halfway through the procedure, something broke the silence in the room. It was my dentist, who had farted. I had to smell his rancid flatulence for around the next five minutes. All the while, I had to keep my mouth wide open. FML

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By Lucky - United States

Today, I recieved a phone call from a cruise line I had travelled on with my parents a year ago. After being told I had won a free $2,000 cruise from a sweepstakes I had entered while on the cruise. After celebrating loudly they informed me that you have to be 23 or older to collect it. I'm 17. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/11/2020 22:02 - United States - Anchorage

Get the message, dude

Today, after telling my boyfriend of 8 years on Monday that I'm unhappy and don’t want to be in a relationship anymore, he said to me just now, "So, I’m thinking of proposing to you in December." FML

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By iwannagotomiamitoo - United States - Brookline

Today, I found out that apparently I'm in Miami. I am also enjoying a five-star hotel and all of its services. Only one problem: I'm still here, stuck in a small suburban town. F*ck identity theft. FML

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By happyshit - United States

Today, I was driving when I saw someone pulled over on the side of the road. Wanting to help, I pulled over. In so doing, I ran over a nail, which popped my tire. The guy had just pulled over to pee. FML

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By checkthelabel - United States - Fremont

Today, I had a throbbing cluster headache. It didn't help matters when an angry customer yelled at me because a dress was "defective." Why was it defective? It didn't fit her. Why didn't it fit her? It was the wrong size. FML

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By organizse - United States - San Antonio

Today, I went to a job interview, and my father in law's house. As soon as I got home I went to the bathroom and noticed my bloody pantyliner had fallen out at one of these places. I don't know which one is worse. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, a dog attacked me. Its owner, instead of apologizing and helping me, said it was my own fault for making it think I was an attacker by running past them. We were on a jogging track. FML

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By bitchasaurusrex - Canada

Today, I was driving with my mother. The ride was 2 hours long. For the first hour, she talked about how uncomfortable sex is the first time. For the second, she talked about how I should take accordion lessons. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Burbank

Today, I noticed the only time my husband stops snoring like a drunken horse is so that he can fart. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/6/2020 14:00

Unsanitary

Today, I demanded to know why my boyfriend takes so long in public toilets. He admitted his ex was such a nasty ho, she would drag him into public toilets whenever she wanted dick in public. So now every time he goes in one, he gets a boner and has to "get rid of it" before he can come out. FML

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By klutz - United States

Today, me and my friend were following this hot lifeguard around a waterpark. In the wave pool, I decided to be cute and "accidentally" bump into him during the waves to start a conversation. As I prepared to do this, a large wave pushed me off my feet and I fell face-first into his butt. FML

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By Joe thomas - United States

Today, I was riding on my bike when I saw a homeless guy holding a sign saying, "Need money, stranded from Oklahoma." I decided to be nice, and hopped off my bike to give him $2. He took the money, and then jacked my bike. FML

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By a chick in California - United States - Ceres

Today, all my guy friends kept hugging me tightly and then softly and then tightly again. I later found out they just wanted to feel my boobs on their chests. FML

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By oops.

Today, my wife had a nip-slip. At my family reunion. In front of everyone. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/4/2021 05:00

Stay safe, everyone

Today, I found out that one of my workmates had passed away due to Covid-19. He was among five other workmates who were calling me a "pussy" for going back and forth to work in car, instead of public transport. These five guys were eventually infected by someone in the public transport. FML

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By notexactly - United States

Today, I didn't wear my contacts. Determined to prove to my friends I didn't need them, I read all the signs in sight. I couldn't read a particular one, so I began to walk closer. Suddenly I fell on my face, bruising my cheekbone. The sign said: "Caution: Watch Your Step." FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I had to get my hair chopped off for a role that I'm playing in a show. I was staring at the floor while the woman cut my hair, and I suddenly heard her start crying. Her tears were immediately followed by "It's okay! I have a friend in New York who can fix it. We won't charge you." FML

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By Wells Fargo Worker

Well shit.

Today, at work, we were told by Wells Fargo that we'll be training our foreign replacements from India. After we train them, we're gone. FML

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By ugly - United States

Today, I attended my 10-year high school reunion. My ex-husband's new wife showed up in the same dress as mine. I guess both the dress and my ex-husband look better on her. FML

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31103

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By IHateSchool-.- - United States

Today, I asked my teacher how old he was, and jokingly I said, "50?" Then he chuckled, so I laughed and said, "I was kidding… 42, 43, 44?" He then looked at me and said, "Are you trying to guess my age, or your grade percent in this class?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I missed a call from my mom. It's my birthday, and glad she remembered, I called back to thank her. She was surprised when I brought up going out for dinner, and asked me what the occasion was. FML

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36589

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By stinkypants - India

Today, I went to a dinner party. I had a bad stomach, so I made a dash to the bathroom and forgot to lock the door. While I was in, I heard some voices outside. In a panic, my reflex was to get up and lock the door. I did so, while simultaneously shitting all over myself. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my one year anniversary with my boyfriend. We had dinner reservations to an expensive restaurant and planned to see a movie after. At least, we did, until he called to tell me he'd volunteered to work tonight. He won't get off until 2am. FML

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Top comments

By tbro47 | 23

#6230146 - Thursday 12 March 2015 18:12

Turn that dream into a reality and unlike most people you'll be able to say that you followed your dreams.

By IWishIWasObama | 12

#6230144 - Thursday 12 March 2015 18:11

Time to make this dreams a reality!

COMMENTS

By Deku_Cutie | 12

#6230141 - Thursday 12 March 2015 18:11

did you at least get to eat them?

By IWishIWasObama | 12

#6230144 - Thursday 12 March 2015 18:11

Time to make this dreams a reality!

xleanne_aLly | 23

#6230375 - Thursday 12 March 2015 23:07

Yes! I dreamt about smearing peanut butter over warm toast one night.

That's ALL I dreamt. Woke up the next day and made my dreams come true. :3

Mauskau | 35

#6230445 - Friday 13 March 2015 0:25

The other day, I had a dream that I was buying some more cereal, but found some in a box half the size of me and I got so excited. :(

By tbro47 | 23

#6230146 - Thursday 12 March 2015 18:12

Turn that dream into a reality and unlike most people you'll be able to say that you followed your dreams.

By cathleenn | 9

#6230149 - Thursday 12 March 2015 18:12

I thought that was normal!
Well, it is for me. ?

By bethanyhopkins | 49

#6230156 - Thursday 12 March 2015 18:14

I've had dreams about texting people before, it's not that bad OP

By jpsullivan | 36

#6230157 - Thursday 12 March 2015 18:14

Sounds like a pretty good dream to me

rachelfromtarget | 14

#6230183 - Thursday 12 March 2015 18:32

My thoughts exactly

iPixiee | 23

#6230331 - Thursday 12 March 2015 21:47

Not if you're alergic for pancakes. :p

By WhoopteDo | 26

#6230158 - Thursday 12 March 2015 18:14

Well on the flip side, at least you weren't having a nightmare.

By Miss_Chevious | 37

#6230160 - Thursday 12 March 2015 18:15

did you wake up before you got to eat the pancakes?

igive | 29

#6230188 - Thursday 12 March 2015 18:37

Then that would have been a nightmare.

By suszyy | 9

#6230167 - Thursday 12 March 2015 18:18

food = life

By bearstyle22 | 11

#6230170 - Thursday 12 March 2015 18:20

Did the pancakes try to eat you!