Today, my boyfriend and I went to one of the United States Mints since he enjoys coins. He looked at the money and seriously said, "I have such a hard on". He did. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my boyfriend got a raging boner while looking around at a gun store. He hasn't had any sexual interest in me in months. FML
Today, I was at my job where we buy precious metals. A man came in and said, "Here, I have something special for you." He then pulled a tooth out of his mouth that had dental gold on it and placed in it my bare hand. Yeah, special indeed. FML
Today, my "boyfriend" told me that he loves money more than me and would date it if he could. FML
Today, I went into hysterics and started crying when my boyfriend pulled out a Tiffany's box at dinner. Then I found out he'd used the old box to make the $15 earrings he bought seem more "special." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were looking at engagement rings. When the store owner asked about our budget, my boyfriend said with a straight face, "Nothing too expensive, I have a big penis so I don't have to overcompensate by buying a big diamond." FML
Today, I went to the bank to get a jar of coins exchanged for cash via a fancy counter machine. After 30 minutes I was handed a bag of rolling sleeves and was told to do it myself. Good news, I have a lot more money than I thought. Bad news, I have A LOT more coins than I thought. FML
Today, per my boyfriend's request, I bought some lingerie. He got so excited when he saw me, he ripped it off me right away. After we were done he used it to clean up. I essentially bought a $40 cum rag. FML
Today, I was at the store, when I saw my boyfriend in line in front of me. I looked to see what he was purchasing; it was a pack of condoms. When I questioned him, he said that, "They're for us, babe!" We already have an unopened pack at home, and it's my time of the month. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he'd drive me to the jeweler's to pick out a ring. We drove there, I picked the ring, and the sales person rang it up. I glanced at my boyfriend, only for him to reply, "Well don't look at me!" FML
Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opened my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretended not to know what it was. FML
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Top comments
ThatGuyWhoTalks 10
He gets turned on by money, now you know what to use to get him to have sex with you. Oh wait that's prostitution
niftyismybitch 21
maybe its just a roll of coins...
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Comments (95)
RedPillSucks 31
Damn. Is he like Scrooge McDuck, jumping into the piles of money?
horneyhic 15
I would so do this If I could
xzeldax3 18
Idk, it seems like it would be pretty painful.
Enslaved 36
Are you sure it wasn't just a roll of silver dollars in his pants? ;)
kayydb7 14
Or a roll of dimes.
Enslaved 36
Ugh! Sucks when you think your comment is so witty and original only to find out others beat you to the punch! ): So what about. . . Head or tail must be a real-- toss up!
londoner86 13
7 didn't beat you to the punch, he made a much funnier joke.
grghillis96 15
I bet you showed him a good dime
baba01_fml 17
Put a $20 bill in your ****** and tell him to enjoy himself.
Welshite 39
That is vile. Just thinking a about the amount of germs on a single bill makes me shudder. Please don't insert something like that into your body.
Pleonasm 35
Appropriate measures can be taken to clean it.
Welshite 39
Licking bills clean for essence of stripper is neither hygienic nor practical, Pleonasm. I know you're an expert at that sort of thing, but we mustn't encourage such behavior.
JRFaceless 8
Say Welshite, how much would you have to be paid to lick George Washington's visage off that dirty money?
esines 9
There's a girl at my local strip club who will put dollar bills into her ****** and breathe with it... Like suck them in and out.. It disturbs me.
perdix 29
Penny for your thoughts ;)
xxsakuraxx 29
Wow. Thats really freaking weird.
dingleberrysteve 6
Wait, the treasury is closed
finalyearsofhate 22
It takes a few days for these things to get posted on here. It wasn't literally today.
buckdharma 37
He sounds D-minted.
Lili_love 14
So you're dating Mr. Krabs?
Kataclysm97 32
I like money too but ...not quite to that extent. o.o