Transportation: Today, my boyfriend and I got into a fight about a clogged toilet.... - FML

03/01/2010 20:21 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a fight about a clogged toilet. He was yelling about not having enough money to buy a better plunger and so I stormed out to buy one myself. While pulling his truck into traffic, a car hit me causing $1000 in damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 527

You deserved it 9 571

The smell detective is on the case

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

The virus claims another victim

21/06/2009 02:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, I took my girlfriend's virginity. A few minutes in she remarked, "If this is what sex is normally like then I'm seriously disappointed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 080

You deserved it 17 184

14/02/2012 12:39 - Australia

Today, I walked into two things. The first was a spiderweb. The second, due to blind panic, was oncoming traffic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 869

You deserved it 5 812

02/06/2013 18:10 - United States

Today, I witnessed a large woman pee on a pregnancy test in the middle of a Walmart parking lot, clean herself off, then wander around with the test hanging out of her mouth, waiting for her result. Where in the name of Christ do these people come from? FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 176

You deserved it 4 605

24/07/2013 18:03 - United States - Sterling

Today, I spontaneously got my ear pierced. By spontaneously, I mean my 12-year-old sister stabbed one of her earrings into my ear while I was sleeping. She claimed the freckle on my earlobe looks "exactly the same" as the hole from her ear piercing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 264

You deserved it 3 295

15/10/2014 01:06 - United States - Loomis

Today, my boyfriend told me that he'd feel like a failure if he went to community college. I'm planning to go to community college next year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 297

You deserved it 4 970

29/11/2009 14:18 - United States

Today, I was wrapping Christmas presents for various people; 17 to be exact. It wasn't until I placed the last present on top of the stack that I realized I didn't put gift tags on any of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 003

You deserved it 40 690

15/12/2016 22:49 - Canada

Today, I turned off my boyfriends Xbox while he was playing because I wanted to talk to him about getting more serious with our relationship. As I did so, he said, "that's not the only thing you just turned off" and promptly broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 760

You deserved it 14 090

Stolen valor

By Anonymous - 09/04/2020 08:00

Today, I was on Facebook when I saw a picture a popular girl I don't talk to had posted of her fake ID. She had used my full name and identical signature. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 744

You deserved it 105

21/03/2009 04:46 - United States

Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 377

You deserved it 687 683

Bad omen

By CastAway - 24/05/2009 00:16 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I went down to the pier. I brought an empty bottle and some paper, and we both constructed a massive letter expressing our passionate love for each other. We stuck it in the bottle, and threw it out to sea, only to see it explode in slow motion on a protruding rock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 628

You deserved it 15 091

Skipped

By how?!?! - 07/06/2021 00:01

Today, I found out that I’m pregnant even though I've had the implant for a couple of years. I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that I got knocked up after only seeing the guy for a few weeks, or the fact that I had a boyfriend for five years and it never happened. The new guy thinks I lied and bailed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 902

You deserved it 263

09/03/2011 22:27 - United States

Today, I bought my fiancée a dress for her birthday. She accused me of saying she was fat, because I bought it in medium rather than small. After trying on the dress, she's now not only mad at me for buying it, but also because the dress fits perfectly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 305

You deserved it 4 536

24/04/2015 23:58 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, while getting ice cream with a friend, her car got broken into. Nothing was taken except my backpack, which contained assignments making up 50% or more for grades in four separate classes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 069

You deserved it 2 896

20/04/2009 04:11 - United States

Today, I wanted to change out of my bikini for the ride home from the beach. There wasn't a bathroom near, so I went to change in front of a suburban, parked far away from all the people. I took off my suit, hear the car's horn honk, only to find that the car was completely packed with old men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 530

You deserved it 68 948

04/12/2010 01:09 - United States

Today, I found a schedule in my dorm room that I share with three other guys. Looking at it closer I realized it was my schedule with notes written in all around it. My roommates have planned their entire days around mine so we won't have any interaction at all. I thought we got along great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 642

You deserved it 3 922

14/01/2012 17:32 - United States

Today, my family and I were burning our Christmas tree. For a laugh, my dad jokingly pushed me toward the fire. I tripped, and my doctor says the burns are probably going to scar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 492

You deserved it 3 175

23/09/2017 23:15

Today, I woke up extremely hung over on a friend's couch after a night of heavy drinking and partying. To my horror, I discovered that, in my drunken state, I'd allowed said friend's six-year-old daughter to trim my hair. I now have a bowl cut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 877

You deserved it 3 419

17/11/2015 00:21 - United States - Concord

Today, I called my boss to ask if my paycheck had been deposited yet. He said no, that my grandmother came in to work and picked it up. Confused, I called her. She is holding it ransom until I start calling home every day. I do, but she gets so drunk, she doesn't remember. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 145

You deserved it 1 898

16/01/2012 08:19 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my 65-year-old mother that it is inappropriate for her to walk around in front of me in her underwear. Her response? "Too bad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 793

You deserved it 13 657

15/02/2017 23:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, after getting out the car and closing the door, I began walking and slipped on some black ice. In the moment of panic, I grabbed onto my car wing mirror. Luckily, I didn't hit the deck. Unluckily, the wing mirror broke off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 129

You deserved it 645

09/06/2009 23:12 - United States

Today, I was late to work and couldn't get my gas tank open. Panicking, I asked the only person around to help me who happened to be a very large man. He was able to open it for me and seemed really nice. That is until he pulled out a knife and robbed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 210

You deserved it 4 224

04/07/2012 16:40 - Canada - Charlottetown

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend and sister fooling around in the shower together. Supposedly, she was sleepwalking, and he was trying to wake her up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 578

You deserved it 3 271

02/02/2013 11:21 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, a male employee at a shoe shop helped me try on shoes. Once I found a pair, I went to pay for them. I was telling the cashier about how great of an employee he was when she told me there were no male employees. A guy with a foot fetish helped me find shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 426

You deserved it 4 549

OK, well, goodbye

By Anonymous - 04/11/2020 14:02

Today I ordered an anchovy pizza without the mushroom. Instead, I got a mushroom pizza without the anchovy. Then, when I went to take it back, the store had closed. Permanently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 035

You deserved it 183

12/08/2014 20:24 - United States - Chandler

Spicy

Today, I hooked up with a girl at a club, and we had sex. She just lay there like a corpse the whole time. It got so bad, I ended up faking an orgasm and blaming the lack of semen on a botched vasectomy. She actually believed it. What the hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 140

You deserved it 11 940

27/05/2010 14:06 - Australia

Today, I found out that my best friend was having a birthday party and I wasn't invited. I had just finished planning a surprise party for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 749

You deserved it 3 309

23/02/2010 12:54 - Germany

Today, I was making schnitzel at our kitchen so I had to get rid of all the oil. So I decided it would be best to put the hot pan on our porch so the oil would cool down and then I could get rid of it. Unfortunately the ground is sealed with tar, so the tar melted and now the pan is stuck to the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 322

You deserved it 30 571

15/11/2009 23:26 - United States

Today, I had nothing better to do than make a penis out of silly putty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 833

You deserved it 37 692

She'll be single for a looong time...

By keiler - 06/08/2018 01:30

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she found out I play video games. No, not that I play too many video games or have an addiction to video games. Just that I play them, period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 619

You deserved it 342

My precious

By Anonymous - 26/12/2020 14:02

Today, I had some flagstones put down to fix a muddy place where my horses stand, in a part of the woods that is only accessible on foot. The flagstones weigh about 30 kilos apiece and you can easily get them for free on the internet, yet someone went to the trouble to steal them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 57

23/12/2015 15:48 - India - Mumbai

Today, I threw a punch at my sensei like he told me to, except he failed to block it like he assured me he would. Now I'm banned from his classes and I'm pretty sure he's going to get the police involved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 042

You deserved it 1 819

03/12/2008 05:04 - France

Today, I said thanks to a man who got up for me in the bus. He angrily said "no, not you!". The old lady who sat down is now staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 128

You deserved it 7 917

20/04/2012 17:58 - United States - Folsom

Today, I was pumping gas, when my daughter called me. After I hung up, I put my phone on the car roof while I grabbed my bag. I completely forgot about it and only realized when it shot off the roof as I braked at a traffic light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 541

You deserved it 25 114

26/06/2013 20:33 - United States - Gilroy

Spicy

Today, while I was working the drive-thru, a couple came through. As I was handing back their change they began giggling. I looked down to see the man's sex-nose fully erect. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 655

You deserved it 5 081

06/09/2017 14:00 - United States - Clermont

Today, I crashed into a pole on purpose as a cop pulled me over for speeding. I figured the officer would feel bad for me and that the cost of fixing my car would be less than a ticket. He gave me one anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 066

You deserved it 11 706

10/02/2010 12:30 - United Kingdom

Today, while lying in bed, my boyfriend reached over and pinched my love handles and said "Where did this muffin top come from?". Then he sang "Do you know the muffin man?" to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 736

You deserved it 8 123

21/11/2018 13:30

Today, my uncle is on vacation with his friend, who sent us a video of their hotel room. He captured a glimpse of my uncle in the shower. Naked. This can't be unseen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 975

You deserved it 283

09/09/2016 20:01 - Germany - Starnberg

Today, I was on a date with a guy I really like. Everything went well, and then he wanted to kiss me. As he leaned towards me, I got slightly panicky and ducked out of the way, causing him to headbutt the car behind me. Now we know why I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 356

You deserved it 3 026

28/02/2011 03:23

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for not letting her keep the 75 cents that she stole from my truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 154

You deserved it 50 848

Not now

By Anonymous - 25/02/2013 23:00 - United States - Marlton

Today, at my mother's funeral, as everyone was around her casket for the viewing, my 5-year-old son in cluelessness of what was going on shouted, "Grandma is more fun when she isn't sleeping." Everyone cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 416

You deserved it 3 954

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Monday 4 January 2010 2:14

Who would have thought one giant crap could end up costing around $1,000?

Send a private message

Monday 4 January 2010 2:18

The car hit you, or you pulled out in front of someone illegally?

Comments

Send a private message

Monday 4 January 2010 1:55

first again!

Send a private message

Monday 4 January 2010 6:24

Wait, if a car hit you then it's most likely not your fault.....so while it's inconvenient, their insurance will cover it all. Not a true FML ______________________________ www.myspace.com/rapid99

ihateallpeople 0

Send a private message

Monday 4 January 2010 6:31

She pulled out into traffic. Traffic would have the right of way. Therefore it is her fault and she has to pay.

Send a private message

Monday 4 January 2010 6:52

Oooo good call. ________________________ www.myspace.com/rapid99

Send a private message

Monday 4 January 2010 12:17

no necessarily. It may have been a driveway out onto a main road. Across the road is a minor road with a stop sign. OP tries to turn out into traffic and another car runs the stop sign and hits her.

Send a private message

Monday 4 January 2010 21:45

It is doubly her fault because she drove while mad (at her boyfriend) and most likely recklessly went into traffic with no clue in the world.

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 January 2010 3:09

Who cares if she has insurance how the hell does she have a license!

Send a private message

Saturday 10 July 2010 5:22

it would seem that she's (puts on sunglasses) in a sticky situation.

Send a private message

Monday 4 January 2010 1:55

first...nd you had to try nd prove him wrong..wow

Send a private message

Monday 4 January 2010 17:31

Gonna prove you wrong, you're second.

Send a private message

Sunday 31 January 2010 18:26

well then i must be first

randomaccountnam 0

Send a private message

Monday 4 January 2010 2:08

YDI for not being insured.

Send a private message

Monday 4 January 2010 2:09

that's messed up. plungers can't be THAT expensive.

StingMunFizzy 0

Send a private message

Monday 4 January 2010 12:09

Yeah this sounds fucking redneck as hell.

Send a private message

Monday 4 January 2010 2:11

Lol agree with #4

Send a private message

Monday 4 January 2010 2:11

who clogged the toilet?

Send a private message

Monday 4 January 2010 2:14

Who would have thought one giant crap could end up costing around $1,000?

Send a private message

Friday 24 February 2012 5:24

Plus the cost of the plunger!

Send a private message

Monday 4 January 2010 2:14

The plunger, the plunger!! Why can't people finish their story?? Did you get the plunger? The guy clogged the toilet. No self-respecting man would try an unclog a woman's dukie-clog.

Send a private message

Friday 13 January 2012 3:44

I thumbed this comment down because they said "dukie" I mean, are you five?

Send a private message

Monday 4 January 2010 2:15

ughhh thats a shitty situation... hehe

Send a private message

Monday 4 January 2010 2:46

that was pun-ishment.

flgirlwguitar 2

Send a private message

Monday 4 January 2010 5:19

LMAO! Good ones, both of you :-)

Send a private message

Monday 4 January 2010 2:18

The car hit you, or you pulled out in front of someone illegally?

Send a private message

Monday 4 January 2010 5:50

Yeah, that's what it sounds like to me.

grajax 24

Send a private message

Thursday 16 June 2016 20:18

Well technically the car still hit her illegal or not.

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 356

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 69