Today, my boyfriend and I got into a fight about a clogged toilet.... - FML

By brokeandsad - 3/1/2010 20:21 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a fight about a clogged toilet. He was yelling about not having enough money to buy a better plunger and so I stormed out to buy one myself. While pulling his truck into traffic, a car hit me causing $1000 in damage. FML

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Rock, hard place

Alexa, play "Paranoid" by Black Sabbath

Great boyfriend

By graduate - 6/6/2009 13:17 - United States

Today, I got a computer. When I opened it, I found out that my dad had made himself the administrator. He made it so everything shut off after 11 o'clock, and made it so I couldn't download anything without his password. FML

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By Le Dookie - 19/10/2018 15:00 - United States - Sugar Land

Today, I got denied a refund for my dream coffee machine. I've overdrafted my bank account to buy it on Offer Up for an excellent price, but USPS delivered the package to a wrong address. Someone got it for free. Offer Up won't refund me because it says "delivered" on the tracking page. FML

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By Alex - 7/10/2010 10:10 - United States

Today, I noticed that my wife changed her status on Facebook to "widow" and a lot of strange guys commented saying stuff like "Finally." Last I checked, I'm not dead. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/6/2009 11:05 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend of over a year finally told me he loved me. This revelation was quickly followed by "at least, I think this is how people feel when they say that." FML

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By Emmz91 - 17/6/2019 23:03

Today, I tried keeping a surprise secret from my fiance. Turns out, under the influence of my sleeping tablets, which after I take them, I forget everything I've said, I spilled the beans. So much for the surprise. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/12/2011 01:17 - Australia

Today, I finally found the words to describe how I felt after 2 years of depression. I asked on Yahoo Answers what I should do next. The most 'helpful' answer told me to go on a picnic. FML

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By last time I drive stoned - 8/12/2012 17:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I was stuck at a red light on an empty road for ten minutes before I finally realised that not only was I looking at the wrong traffic light, it was also broken. FML

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By Jopes - 10/5/2009 12:44 - United States

Today, I cut down a dead tree in my yard. The top hit the ground and the base seesawed up in the air and came down on my head. I hit the ground like a sack of flour. Fortunately, the wood was rotted and soft. Unfortunately, the chainsaw was still running. 28 stitches in my calf. FML

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By oops - 31/12/2020 05:00

My chocolate

Today, I was being playful with my boyfriend and put a chocolate between my legs. He bit the chocolate. My lips too... FML

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By Unknown - 7/7/2011 15:12 - United States

Today, while at the beach, I was mistaken for Snooki. FML

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By n - 4/4/2015 18:23 - United States

Today, my boyfriend made me breakfast because I had a cold. Because my nose was so stuffed, I couldn't tell that our milk had gone bad. I had two cups. And now I'm stuck on the toilet. FML

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By Elis - 1/3/2009 08:49 - United States

Today, my mom bought me a t-shirt from the store. It has the U.S. Marines logo on it and says "Marines' Girlfriend". I'm a straight 16 year old boy and my mom only reads and speaks Spanish. FML

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By dramaqueen15 - 16/10/2015 02:38

Today, I was working out in the gym when a fitness trainer came up to me and said it wasn't safe to be exercising while this far along in a pregnancy. I was too ashamed to tell them that I'm not pregnant, so I went along with it. Time to find a new gym. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/6/2018 01:30

Today, I decided to not hang in the library after school like I usually do. When I got home, I found my father cheating on my mother with my girlfriend, who said she was gay. FML

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By stupid - 7/7/2009 14:34 - United States

Today, I lost my cell phone. Since I sleep on the couch, I started looking through the cushions. I didn't find my phone, but after 6 months of uncomfortably sleeping on the couch, I find out I'm sleeping on top of a pull out bed. FML

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By StupidBerk - 17/9/2012 23:25 - United Kingdom

Today, my nitwit son infected our family computer with some sort of mad bastard virus after getting fooled by the promise of some non-existent Hannah Montana nudes. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/1/2011 07:22 - Germany

Today, my class went to Berlin. At the subway station, our teacher told us to get on the next train. I was the first one to get on and the only one who didn't hear her saying: 'Wait, that's the wrong one!' I'm lost in a city I've never been before. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/1/2018 09:00 - United States - New Hyde Park

Today, I was fired from a job I didn't know I had. That is to say, the company hired me but didn't tell me, so when I didn't show up for work two days in a row, they called and claimed job abandonment. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/1/2013 13:06 - United States - Tampa

Today, I realized my girlfriend makes the same exact noises in bed and when she eats. I don't know if I'm a really good cook or a really bad lover. FML

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By afraid of flying too - 24/6/2013 23:24 - Canada - Fort Saint John

Today, I'm left with two non-refundable tickets to Jamaica, because my now ex-boyfriend said his Quidditch tournament is more important than seeing my "fat ass in a bikini". FML

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By snottyface - 26/9/2009 03:47 - United States

Today, I was trying to sneak up my husband while he was playing a computer game. As I was getting behind the chair, he paused the game and sat up straight. I stopped. He turned around and sneezed violently and blew a bunch of snot into my face and eyes. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/3/2013 10:43 - United States - Kalamazoo

Today, there was a new girl in one of my classes. We both corrected a classmate on his grammar, so, trying to make a new friend, I leaned back to her and said, "Haha, fellow Grammar Nazi?" She gave me a disgusted look and told me she was Jewish. FML

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By ReallyUniverse?? - 18/3/2018 19:00

Today, at work as a dog groomer, two dogs gave me bloody bites, completely unprompted. I went home in tears, so my family got Chinese takeout to cheer me up. My fortune cookie read, "It is not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog that counts." FML

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By newmoongirl1036 - 13/7/2015 02:03 - United States - Chicago

Today, I went on a date with a guy that I really like. At the last minute he informed me a friend would be tagging along. To keep his friend from being a third-wheel, I kept up a conversation, and managed to piss my date off. He thought I would be a better match for his friend. FML

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By aireeahna - 20/5/2016 06:04 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, I went on a date with a guy I've been talking to. We ended up at his house around 4 a.m., but as we walked through the front door, his ex girlfriend was sitting on the couch, apparently waiting for him to get home. They still live together. FML

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By Cogibbt - 3/8/2019 12:00 - Canada

Today, my mom found out that paper is made from trees. She read it on a garbage truck. I then had to explain to her how it's made. FML

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By Kikinovak - 13/12/2008 12:06 - France

Today, a driver stole the parking space I was about to pull into. I politely asked him to move. He had a go at me, so I kick his car twice, in front of a few witnesses. The car is fine. I ripped two ligaments in my foot and I'll have a cast for a month. FML

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By locked out - 27/11/2017 18:30 - United States - Marion

Today, I called a locksmith to unlock my car. He got it unlocked, but broke the handle so the door wouldn’t open. We had to break a window to get in. He still charged me his usual fee. FML

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By myennechee - 18/3/2009 05:22 - Germany

Today, I asked my boyfriend while he was eating potato chips if he wanted to eat me. He looked at the potato chips, he looked at me and said "Unless your vagina turns into a potato chip, I'd rather eat these." FML

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By Fuckit - 28/5/2011 05:51 - United States

Today, the girl I love made me text my best friend how much she loved him. This because her phone died. I was at the movies with her on our date. FML

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By anonymous - 18/9/2009 17:48 - France

Today, I wasn't feeling too good, and took my temperature. I had a fever, which I told my boyfriend who was laughing hysterically when I told him. I asked him what was so funny, turns out he's been using the thermometer to take our dog's temperature sometimes. Rectally, of course. FML

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By FawnPrincess - 17/11/2017 15:00

Today, my boyfriend bought my favorite doughnuts for our anniversary. After settling down and pouring a glass of wine, I grabbed a doughnut and quickly realized the filling inside wasn't jelly. He thought it would be funny to replace it with toothpaste. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/3/2013 03:14 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I met a guy in a bar. He was sweet and funny so I asked him out for coffee later. He quickly turned me down, saying that I didn't even meet his first requirement. His first requirement was "looks like a girl." FML

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By Should have stayed in the closet - 7/6/2018 06:00

Today, I was leaving college when my yearlong roommate said that he "needed me inside him" before I left. Having just accepted that I’m gay, we had sex. Only later did I learn about the floor-wide bet about me being gay. I still don’t know if my roommate fucked me for fun or for 5 cases of beer. FML

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By anonymous - 24/9/2016 13:10 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I was told I needed to start carrying bandaids with me at work because practically every day I hurt myself. FML

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By wow - 25/11/2010 07:32 - United Kingdom

Today, I learned that I wasn't really allergic to chocolate. My parents made it up when I was a child because they didn't want me to get fat. FML

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By Dejected - 7/12/2009 19:16 - United States

Today, I finally got a hold of my husband who I haven't actually talked to in 2 and 1/2 weeks since he is deployed and it's hard to chat. He told me he couldn't talk because he was in an epic battle, in Call of Duty. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/4/2014 23:16 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after months of busting our asses and working round the clock on our latest project, I and the whole office just got bad news: when our boss promised extremely generous bonuses for doing all this, he was point-blank lying, and intended to take credit for our work all along. FML

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By crappy_day - 9/1/2010 02:09 - United States

Today, as I went to the bathroom in a port-a-potty at a park, I forgot to lock the door. A little girl opens the door and then slams it right away. As she walked away I heard her say "no, there's a man in there". I'm a woman. FML

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By notapedobear - 13/1/2011 08:21

Today, I was in a shopping centre when a little girl was running up and down the aisles. She started to fall over so I put my hand out to catch her. Her mother then ran up to me and screamed about me 'touching her child' so loud that everyone could hear. FML

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Top comments

By LetsGoSox | 0

#753727 - Monday 4 January 2010 2:14

Who would have thought one giant crap could end up costing around $1,000?

By turdburgers | 0

#753732 - Monday 4 January 2010 2:18

The car hit you, or you pulled out in front of someone illegally?

Comments

By tomc666 | 0

#753688 - Monday 4 January 2010 1:55

first again!

Reply

Starchild21 | 3

#754201 - Monday 4 January 2010 6:24

Wait, if a car hit you then it's most likely not your fault.....so while it's inconvenient, their insurance will cover it all.

Not a true FML
______________________________
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Reply

ihateallpeople | 0

#754211 - Monday 4 January 2010 6:31

She pulled out into traffic. Traffic would have the right of way. Therefore it is her fault and she has to pay.

Reply

Starchild21 | 3

#754236 - Monday 4 January 2010 6:52

Oooo good call.

________________________
www.myspace.com/rapid99

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newsgit | 0

#754584 - Monday 4 January 2010 12:17

no necessarily. It may have been a driveway out onto a main road. Across the road is a minor road with a stop sign. OP tries to turn out into traffic and another car runs the stop sign and hits her.

Reply

VraelVhalen | 0

#755180 - Monday 4 January 2010 21:45

It is doubly her fault because she drove while mad (at her boyfriend) and most likely recklessly went into traffic with no clue in the world.

Reply

Sinisin2010 | 0

#755775 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 3:09

Who cares if she has insurance how the hell does she have a license!

Reply

astarwarsfan | 0

#1076446 - Saturday 10 July 2010 5:22

it would seem that she's (puts on sunglasses) in a sticky situation.

By allen20 | 0

#753690 - Monday 4 January 2010 1:55

first...nd you had to try nd prove him wrong..wow

Reply

Kingdutch | 3

#754892 - Monday 4 January 2010 17:31

Gonna prove you wrong, you're second.

Reply

chaos753159 | 4

#813049 - Sunday 31 January 2010 18:26

well then i must be first

By randomaccountnam | 0

#753709 - Monday 4 January 2010 2:08

YDI for not being insured.

By causeimfly | 0

#753714 - Monday 4 January 2010 2:09

that's messed up. plungers can't be THAT expensive.

Reply

StingMunFizzy | 0

#754576 - Monday 4 January 2010 12:09

Yeah this sounds fucking redneck as hell.

By FrenchFry321 | 0

#753721 - Monday 4 January 2010 2:11

Lol agree with #4

By redshortsx | 0

#753723 - Monday 4 January 2010 2:11

who clogged the toilet?

By LetsGoSox | 0

#753727 - Monday 4 January 2010 2:14

Who would have thought one giant crap could end up costing around $1,000?

Reply

Honda288 | 2

#4080672 - Friday 24 February 2012 5:24

Plus the cost of the plunger!

By FarSide | 22

#753728 - Monday 4 January 2010 2:14

The plunger, the plunger!! Why can't people finish their story?? Did you get the plunger?

The guy clogged the toilet. No self-respecting man would try an unclog a woman's dukie-clog.

Reply

mstayner97 | 8

#3875316 - Friday 13 January 2012 3:44

I thumbed this comment down because they said "dukie" I mean, are you five?

By Caayouteepie | 0

#753729 - Monday 4 January 2010 2:15

ughhh thats a shitty situation... hehe

Reply

devendra_fml | 0

#753812 - Monday 4 January 2010 2:46

that was pun-ishment.

Reply

flgirlwguitar | 2

#754100 - Monday 4 January 2010 5:19

LMAO! Good ones, both of you :-)

By turdburgers | 0

#753732 - Monday 4 January 2010 2:18

The car hit you, or you pulled out in front of someone illegally?

Reply

kozmikstarz | 0

#754151 - Monday 4 January 2010 5:50

Yeah, that's what it sounds like to me.

Reply

grajax | 24

#6629595 - Thursday 16 June 2016 20:18

Well technically the car still hit her illegal or not.