Health: Today, I had a CT scan done with contrast. My tech seemed competent... - FML

By pincushion - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had a CT scan done with contrast. My tech seemed competent in his job so I wasn't nervous, until he tried to start my IV. It took him 3 attempts to get it right. Not only was I stuck 3 times, he also blew one of my veins. I now have severely bruised arms and what look like track marks. FML

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Messed up

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

OCD

By really? - United States - Highland

Today, I was stuck home with a cold when my boyfriend's best friend sent me a text saying, "You doing alright?" I replied, thinking he was talking about my health. He replied, "I'm surprised you're taking the breakup so well." What breakup? Mine. He was ten minutes too soon. FML

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By bdayboy - United States

Today, some of my classmates brought cupcakes to celebrate my birthday. I took the leftovers with me after class, and when my mom picked me up from school, she asked, "What are the cupcakes for?" FML

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By justplainsad - United States

Today, I finally figured out that when a man says "Maybe some other time, I'll be busy then" more than once, he really means "I don't really want to see you again. I didn't think you'd actually USE my number." FML

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By howinthenameofholyfuck?! - 16/7/2020 17:01

Thanks for the miracle

Today, after being diagnosed with breast cancer, enduring months of tortuous chemo, having painful radiation treatments and having had my tubes tied, I realized I’ve become the butt of an incredibly cruel cosmic joke. I got pregnant from the one-night stand I had to celebrate beating cancer. FML

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By SwedishBozo - United States

Today, my family and I were at a restaurant. We're Swedish and love talking about people in our language because no one ever understands here. I decided to comment about how ugly the girl at the next table was. She turned around and goes "Dra åt helvete." That's Swedish for "Go to hell." FML

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By Anonymous - 21/4/2021 20:00 - Canada - Toronto

Sick board!

Today, it was my first time trying to longboard. I ended up going down a steep hill and didn’t know to how stop. I wound up in the hospital with a fractured knee and bruises all over from trying to stop myself. FML

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By Scorned

Today, as things were getting hot with my girlfriend, it came up that I'm a virgin. She broke up with me. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my little sister thought it would be funny to send my girlfriend a text saying I cheated on her and wanted to break up. Her response was "lol whatever I've been fucking Steve for like a month anyway". Steve is my brother, and he won't admit or deny it. FML

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By 3somer

Ménage à nope

Today, I received a text from the woman with whom my boyfriend and I recently had a threesome. After years of fantasizing, I finally experienced what it was like to be with another girl. Now we also get to experience what it's like to have gonorrhea. FML

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By PLU - Canada

Today, I met my boyfriend's brother. When he saw me, he whispered into my boyfriend's ear, "So, this is your bitch eh? Nice!" FML

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By jan420 - Norway - Moss

Today, I paid a surprise visit to my parents, after having moved out for university last year. My room had been stripped bare and all the family photos featuring me were missing from the wall. When I asked why, my mom asked me in return why I was asking stupid questions. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my fiancé admitted to me that he only found big girls attractive, and that's why he could never cheat on me with my friends. FML

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By solyana vr1 - United States

Today, my husband started getting frisky, but I wasn't in the mood, so I said I'd just like to cuddle and talk. He decided a good topic of conversation was whether or not it would be physically possible to smoke my grandma's ashes from the cremation urn. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/4/2021 05:00

Stay safe, everyone

Today, I found out that one of my workmates had passed away due to Covid-19. He was among five other workmates who were calling me a "pussy" for going back and forth to work in car, instead of public transport. These five guys were eventually infected by someone in the public transport. FML

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By blegh - United Kingdom

Today, my 18-year-old son asked me if I was a virgin. I still don't know what to say to him. FML

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By Poor Student - Canada

Today, my mother "borrowed" money from my stash to help pay for her vacation to the Dominican Republic. The same trip I'm not allowed to go on. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, I walked ten miles to pick up my car from the towing station. Turns out there was enough change for the parking meter in the glovebox after all. FML

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By waiting till marriage, she said - United States - Pasadena

Today, my apparently insane and now ex-girlfriend actually claimed she didn't technically cheat on me, because she set her Facebook relationship to "single" before screwing my brother. FML

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By elevator-troubles - Australia

Today, I was in an elevator with my brother and a woman. He signs to me that she has a 'damn fine ass'. I chuckle and then shake my head. He shrugs. A second later the woman signs to us, 'Rick, don't you remember me?' Turns out she helped teach my brother sign language when he was six. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Belle River

Today, at a house party, I finally got the guy I've been seeing alone in his room. We started making out, and I got on top of him to take control. He responded by saying he couldn't do it because he needed to go make pizza for his friends, and then bolted out of the room. FML

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By billjoebob424 - Canada - Erin

Today, I walked in on my younger cousin trying to find Minecraft porn. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Parker

Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my grandma and I were watching the Ranger's playoff game. As Henrik Lundqvist received a standing ovation from the crowd after blocking 38 shots, she says to me, "Check out his equipment!" My 80-year old grandma just commented on Henrik Lundqvist's package. FML

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By Misskittygal14

Today, I decided to go through my younger brother's browser history. I found out he goes regularly on PornHub. He's only 10. FML

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By RAZR MeowMix - 30/1/2021 21:30

Kids these days…

Today, my youngest started playing Fortnite. My oldest has been playing competitively for a couple of years. My youngest is now addicted and needs a new computer to run it at max settings. I hate Fortnite. FML

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By AmPatt - United States - Grand Junction

Today, despite driving extremely slowly and cautiously, we slid off the road due to ice and snow. The car hit a rock and the airbags deployed. We were in my 3-month-old car because the engine in my husband's truck blew last week. Merry Christmas to us. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a movie where a girl proposed to a guy. He said "I would hate it if that happened to me, obviously I don't want to get married if I haven't proposed myself." I was planning on proposing later. FML

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By wow - United Kingdom

Today, I learned that I wasn't really allergic to chocolate. My parents made it up when I was a child because they didn't want me to get fat. FML

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By NeedaNosePlug - United States

Today, I had to have a discussion with my 54-year-old mother about showering. She thinks it's perfectly OK to shower only once a week. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my girlfriend named our daughter Aspen. Ass. Pen. When I hear her name I will always think of a pen in a butthole. No doubt her future classmates will too. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I explained to my boss what clickbait is and why it's bad practice to use it when writing online. After my explanation, she ordered me to go ahead with it, saying it's "exactly what we need". This person is the marketing communications director for a major multinational company. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my brother hugged me for the first time. Turns out he was patting me down to make sure I didn't have cigarettes. Love you too, bro. FML

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By anon - United States - Germantown

Today, I have learned a lot of "big" words from reading so much, but can actually only pronounce about half of them correctly. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML

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By WelcomeWagon - United States

Today, I unpacked in my new, non-air conditioned apartment wearing nothing but underwear, a tank top and an apron to stay cool. Later, I realized I'd crossed through the complex to my car and the dumpster many times, and arranged my deck overlooking the parking lot, without ever donning shorts. FML

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By mikeissad - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, at work, I was forced to nod and smile as a pregnant, fifteen-year-old, brain-dead Jersey Shore wannabe cussed me out for being rude by using words from a "foreign language" during our conversation. I used the word "pretentious." FML

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By shallowvomit1013 - United States

Today, my girlfriend came over to my house. Hoping to get a little action, i started to make out with her. Unfortunately I was wearing basketball shorts so when I got an erection all she did was bat it back forth like a cat toy. FML

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By Anonymous - Denmark

Today, was the first time my boyfriend slept over. He was hard, so I woke him up by whispering in his ear, "If you could get me to do anything right now, what would it be?" His response, "Can you get me a bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream?" He was hard, for ice cream. FML

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By outofluckatcollege - United States - Lewisville

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. It wouldn't be so bad if we weren't stuck rooming together for the rest of a semester that hasn't even started yet. FML

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By Finding Kemo - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to school with a bad haircut. I got about 50 cancer jokes so far. FML

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Top comments

By theblondeone | 16

#6497836 - Thursday 31 December 2015 12:42

As a phlebotomist in a major hospital, this is extremely common and unavoidable, especially if you are dehydrated or have crappy veins. It's not necessarily the tech's fault.

By MrsPegg | 45

#6497809 - Thursday 31 December 2015 11:46

Try warm packs if you have bumps and cold packs for the bruises with some tylenol or ibuprofen and the bruises and bumps should clear up quickly. Hang in there OP and I hope your CT results come out ok. - Nurse Becca

COMMENTS

By BlackHawkSavior | 28

#6497805 - Thursday 31 December 2015 11:42

Looks like he'll needle some more practice, IV willing to train him, but we'll need to track his progress

Reply

TrippingOnAcid | 29

#6497828 - Thursday 31 December 2015 12:28

Why the downvotes guys?

- too easily impressed

Reply

Silver7827 | 14

#6497967 - Thursday 31 December 2015 16:56

OP wouldn't look so out of place in NJ

Reply

blazingshot147 | 19

#6498108 - Thursday 31 December 2015 19:45

I don't C T problem, experience always helps, but you gotta give the newbies a break. Sucks for you OP, hope you get better.

By acps199610 | 12

#6497806 - Thursday 31 December 2015 11:44

wow, that's sucks. Hope you will have a speedy recovery!

By emmeelgee | 10

#6497807 - Thursday 31 December 2015 11:45

Two comments in and there's always a shit ton of puns- something to laugh at while you get over your current situation?

By MrsPegg | 45

#6497809 - Thursday 31 December 2015 11:46

Try warm packs if you have bumps and cold packs for the bruises with some tylenol or ibuprofen and the bruises and bumps should clear up quickly. Hang in there OP and I hope your CT results come out ok. - Nurse Becca

By sidpool912 | 14

#6497811 - Thursday 31 December 2015 11:47

3rd times a charm

By Whatapuffchild | 23

#6497816 - Thursday 31 December 2015 12:04

Hey it happens. Some nurses or doctors have a hard time pinpointing where to prick you and it taked a good eye to get it just righht. Speedy recovery OP.

Reply

TheGreatPotato | 19

#6498117 - Thursday 31 December 2015 19:57

I can verify that this happens for other nurses/doctors. It took 3 different nurses and 8 attempts of what felt like Satan taking a piss in my veins for them to change out my IV when I was in the hospital.

By weird_adult | 27

#6497822 - Thursday 31 December 2015 12:15

I smell a lawsuit

Reply

ShirtlessWonder | 17

#6497850 - Thursday 31 December 2015 13:38

If you would file a lawsuit over something like that, you might have a bigger issue than the bruises on your arm.

Reply

MariaGiovanni | 25

#6498512 - Friday 1 January 2016 6:11

lmao that you and OP actually think this is a big thing. this is SO common.

Reply

kittenspoons | 1

#6499958 - Sunday 3 January 2016 0:40

your american is showing...

By vlad79 | 9

#6497825 - Thursday 31 December 2015 12:23

Sorry to hear it happened. It's not easy to hit those veins sometimes and it's a natural part of the job. You'll be fine.

By Ramb0 | 20

#6497827 - Thursday 31 December 2015 12:28

I'm really scared of needle so I cant imagine how you felt!

By sweetbliss3 | 37

#6497829 - Thursday 31 December 2015 12:30

sometimes the perfect vein isn't so perfect after all. hope the results come back fine. and you'll be fine, the bruises will go away in about 3 days. good luck