Health: Today, I had a CT scan done with contrast. My tech seemed competent... - FML

By pincushion - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had a CT scan done with contrast. My tech seemed competent in his job so I wasn't nervous, until he tried to start my IV. It took him 3 attempts to get it right. Not only was I stuck 3 times, he also blew one of my veins. I now have severely bruised arms and what look like track marks. FML

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Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

Don't give up

Mind your own beeswax, Amanda

By pregz - United States - Vancouver

Today, while grocery shopping, I was having such terrible abdominal pains I could hardly walk. As I'm 8 months pregnant, I told my husband we should head home. He thought a better idea was to run through the store and hide from me, hoping to induce labor by making me chase him. FML

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By knee2tak - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend "we need to talk". He said "i know". So we met after school, and he said he was ok with me breaking up with him, that he wasn't that into me either. He said all that before I could tell him that my parents wanted to meet him. FML

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By Brandon Butler

Today, I was riding my motorcycle on the highway and wearing all of my gear - boots, gloves, jacket, and full-face helmet. Somehow a bee found the only spot not covered on my body and stung my neck. I'm allergic to bees. FML

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By catsofly7 - United States

Today, I had a job interview at 9:00am. I left at around 8:30am, and as soon as I got in the car to drive to the interview, I checked my phone again, and it said 10:33. My boyfriend had decided to change the time on my clock as a "joke." FML

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By unwanted - Canada - Dollard-des-ormeaux

Today, I drove over an hour to my grandma's house for her birthday party. When she answered the door, her eyes went wide and she said angrily "No, not you!" and slammed the door shut in my face. FML

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By lyfisdyno - United Kingdom - Malvern

Today, I had sex with a guy wearing a KFC uniform. Hat included. FML

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By khood - United States

Today, I bought a coral colored hooded sweatshirt, which my girlfriend told me was "hot". I wore it to a baseball game tonight. When it got cold I put the hood over my head, only to hear everyone behind me laugh. The back of the hood said "Boy crazy". It was a teen girls sweatshirt. FML

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By dumped and dusted - United States

Today, 3 weeks after my girlfriend told me she was pregnant, she admitted it was a lie. Turned out it was just a test to see if I'd break up with her or not. I didn't, but I did just break the bank buying all the things we'd need for an actual kid. FML

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By GeeThanks - Canada - Toronto

Today, while making a grand show of his generosity, my boss gave me my own commissions as a wedding gift. FML

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By hannaholic - United States

Today, I went on an excellent first date. After the 'end of the date kiss' came, "I suppose this is where I tell you that I'm married." FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was on the bus when I felt a big yawn coming on, one so big that my mouth stretched and my eyes closed. It was at this point that the strange man beside me decided to lean over at lightning speed and put his tongue in my mouth. Technically it was my first kiss. I'm 21 years old. FML

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By KelseNM - 5/7/2020 14:02

Just No

Today, my future sister-in-law, who hasn’t even been engaged a week, informed everyone that the wedding is December 19, which is the due date of my first child. My brother won’t change the date and is making my family choose between his wedding or being at the hospital with me. FML

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By Anon - United States

Today, I thought my mom and I could put aside our differences and open our Christmas presents. When she opened mine, she turned to my dad and said she didn't want the present, so I could give it to someone else. 'Tis the season. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Spokane

Today, I tried to surprise my husband by wearing something sexy to bed. He didn't say anything, just laughed and left the room for 10 minutes. The little confidence I had disappeared, so I changed, feeling stupid for thinking I could pull off sexy. He got mad at me for being confusing. FML

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By the boogieman mom

Today, I found out that eating too much cheese really can cause nightmares. I had a cheese sandwich before bed and woke up later to the nightmarish sight of my mother-in-law standing over me with a suitcase. She had a big argument with her husband and wants to stay with us for a few weeks. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was going through my mom's old yearbook. There was a page long note from her friend talking about my mother's crazy drunk sex stories and describing multiple sexual encounters she had while on a pool table. I am deeply scarred forever. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/1/2021 07:30 - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Golden child

Today, I found out my junkie brother broke into my home, and stole mine AND my children's belongings whilst we were on holiday. I rang my mother to vent, only for her to blatantly defend him and insist I got it wrong. We caught him on camera, and now I'm being scolded for even thinking he would do such a thing. FML

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By Ineedjustice03 - Singapore

Today, I had to dig into my savings to help my parents pay for their divorce. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Clive

Today, at my local amusement park, I decided it'd be fun to meet someone on the roller coaster by sitting alone and hoping that someone nice would sit next to me. I rode the roller coaster 7 times. I sat alone each time. FML

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By OL2R - United States - Somerville

Today, my best friend texted me saying she is determined to find out what skank her brother is sneaking around with. I've been secretly dating her brother for months; apparently I'm the skank. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

The cliché is true

Today, I went to a restaurant for lunch. I began to eat when I noticed a blond hair in my food. When that happened, I went up to the counter and began complaining about their hygiene. When the manager insisted no one that works there had long blond hair, I realized that it was my hair. FML

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By alexbobalex - Aland Islands

Today, my mom found a pack of cigarettes in my pocket. She hates smoking, so she tore every single cigarette to pieces, then emptied a bag of kitty litter on them. On my bed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my lovely amazing boyfriend likes to pee in everything other than the toilet. This includes: Hawaiian punch jugs, the sink, empty cans/bottles and out of my window. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bremerton

Today, my ex told me that she's 3 weeks pregnant with my child. Not only was she on her period when I broke up with her last week, her friend let me know that the positive pregnancy test she showed me was a fake that she'd bought online. FML

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By Luke - United States - San Antonio

Today, after all of the business cards for the car dealership that I work for were printed, the phone number was wrong, and the lady got so pissed about getting so many calls that she told them that they had won a free car. I had to tell dozens of ecstatic customers that they hadn't. FML

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By welted - Canada

Today, my fiancé and I decided to engage in some erotic food play. She covered every region of my body, including my genitals, with strawberry sauce. Today also happens to be the day that I found out I'm allergic to strawberries. FML

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By spiderbaby - United States - San Francisco

Today, I opened a window that had been shut for a couple of months. As soon as I did, dozens of tiny baby spiders blew in with the breeze, and dispersed in my kitchen. FML

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By who_cares - United States - Garden Grove

Today, I told my coworker who I have been crushing on for a while, that I really enjoyed our time last night. I immediately realized that the time we spent last night was in my sex dream. FML

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By TheMysteriousTsundere

Today, my dad threw out all my food because a fly landed on a loaf of bread still in its package. He claims the bread and everything else that touched it is "contaminated". That was all the food I had for the rest of the month. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend snuck into my house and hid in my closet. Knowing that I have a phobia of people jumping out of closets, he nonetheless thought it would be funny to see how I'd react. I had a panic attack and was taken to the hospital. FML

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By ke - United States

Today, I did something clever at work and I was telling one of the other girls about it. I said "Just using my noodle" and went to tap my temple but instead I jabbed myself in the eye. FML

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By 12MONTHLEASE - United States

Today, my new upstairs neighbors moved in. Within ten minutes of getting in the door they were screaming and arguing about everything, practically handing out death threats to each other. I then heard them having even louder makeup sex for about three hours afterwards. FML

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By Anonymous - Iraq

Today, I was at work, finishing a presentation for my boss. Five minutes after I presented it to him, his boss walked in and asked for the same presentation I had just given. My boss presented it. His boss then turned to me and asked me "what use are you around here?" FML

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By Deadpool434 - Ireland - Dublin

Well played

Today, I found a book in my attic that I always read when I was a kid. For old times' sake I read it again. On the very first page, child me had written, "Go to page 15" so I did. On page 15, in big red letters, it said, "Get bent." I got pranked by myself. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - New Hyde Park

Today, I was fired from a job I didn't know I had. That is to say, the company hired me but didn't tell me, so when I didn't show up for work two days in a row, they called and claimed job abandonment. FML

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By that was mine - United States - Cherry Hill

Today, my mom cleaned out my bank account, saying my "no-good dad" owes her child support and that she'll get it one way or another. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, the weather was beautiful, so I decided to go out skating. I guess I took a wrong turn into a bad neighborhood, because I ended up being chased several blocks by a group of jacked-up thugs wielding baseball bats and taunting, "Skate or die, homie!" FML

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By Heidi Jeanette

Today, I learned that my insatiable appetite and sex drive is because I'm 5 months pregnant. I'm married to a woman. We had a threesome one drunken night. FML

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By vetstudentdream - Australia - Bellbowrie

Today, I found out what it feels like to have a cow take a large, flatulent shit with my arm still elbow-deep inside their rectum. FML

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By Cat lover

Today, after 25 years living with my dad, who is highly allergic to cats, I was finally able to adopt two kittens to live in my new place, just like I have always wanted. Guess who else is highly allergic to cats? Me, it seems. FML

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Top comments

By theblondeone | 16

#6497836 - Thursday 31 December 2015 12:42

As a phlebotomist in a major hospital, this is extremely common and unavoidable, especially if you are dehydrated or have crappy veins. It's not necessarily the tech's fault.

By MrsPegg | 45

#6497809 - Thursday 31 December 2015 11:46

Try warm packs if you have bumps and cold packs for the bruises with some tylenol or ibuprofen and the bruises and bumps should clear up quickly. Hang in there OP and I hope your CT results come out ok. - Nurse Becca

COMMENTS

By BlackHawkSavior | 28

#6497805 - Thursday 31 December 2015 11:42

Looks like he'll needle some more practice, IV willing to train him, but we'll need to track his progress

Reply

TrippingOnAcid | 29

#6497828 - Thursday 31 December 2015 12:28

Why the downvotes guys?

- too easily impressed

Reply

Silver7827 | 14

#6497967 - Thursday 31 December 2015 16:56

OP wouldn't look so out of place in NJ

Reply

blazingshot147 | 19

#6498108 - Thursday 31 December 2015 19:45

I don't C T problem, experience always helps, but you gotta give the newbies a break. Sucks for you OP, hope you get better.

By acps199610 | 12

#6497806 - Thursday 31 December 2015 11:44

wow, that's sucks. Hope you will have a speedy recovery!

By emmeelgee | 10

#6497807 - Thursday 31 December 2015 11:45

Two comments in and there's always a shit ton of puns- something to laugh at while you get over your current situation?

By MrsPegg | 45

#6497809 - Thursday 31 December 2015 11:46

Try warm packs if you have bumps and cold packs for the bruises with some tylenol or ibuprofen and the bruises and bumps should clear up quickly. Hang in there OP and I hope your CT results come out ok. - Nurse Becca

By sidpool912 | 14

#6497811 - Thursday 31 December 2015 11:47

3rd times a charm

By Whatapuffchild | 23

#6497816 - Thursday 31 December 2015 12:04

Hey it happens. Some nurses or doctors have a hard time pinpointing where to prick you and it taked a good eye to get it just righht. Speedy recovery OP.

Reply

TheGreatPotato | 19

#6498117 - Thursday 31 December 2015 19:57

I can verify that this happens for other nurses/doctors. It took 3 different nurses and 8 attempts of what felt like Satan taking a piss in my veins for them to change out my IV when I was in the hospital.

By weird_adult | 27

#6497822 - Thursday 31 December 2015 12:15

I smell a lawsuit

Reply

ShirtlessWonder | 17

#6497850 - Thursday 31 December 2015 13:38

If you would file a lawsuit over something like that, you might have a bigger issue than the bruises on your arm.

Reply

MariaGiovanni | 25

#6498512 - Friday 1 January 2016 6:11

lmao that you and OP actually think this is a big thing. this is SO common.

Reply

kittenspoons | 1

#6499958 - Sunday 3 January 2016 0:40

your american is showing...

By vlad79 | 9

#6497825 - Thursday 31 December 2015 12:23

Sorry to hear it happened. It's not easy to hit those veins sometimes and it's a natural part of the job. You'll be fine.

By Ramb0 | 20

#6497827 - Thursday 31 December 2015 12:28

I'm really scared of needle so I cant imagine how you felt!

By sweetbliss3 | 37

#6497829 - Thursday 31 December 2015 12:30

sometimes the perfect vein isn't so perfect after all. hope the results come back fine. and you'll be fine, the bruises will go away in about 3 days. good luck