Today, I had a CT scan done with contrast. My tech seemed competent... - FML

By pincushion - 31/12/2016 05:47 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had a CT scan done with contrast. My tech seemed competent in his job so I wasn't nervous, until he tried to start my IV. It took him 3 attempts to get it right. Not only was I stuck 3 times, he also blew one of my veins. I now have severely bruised arms and what look like track marks. FML

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Big baby man

White line fever

Not a cheating!

By Anonymous - 15/9/2009 10:53 - United States

Today, my best friend, the man who I've been in love with for nine years, finally told me he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Unfortunately, it was while he was using me to practice proposing to his girlfriend. FML

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By Kebabjoon - 29/4/2011 11:36 - Spain

Today, I had my first job interview for eight months. My interviewer noticeably yawned during my reply to the first question. FML

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By Concert Flatulent - 10/7/2012 04:44 - United States - Marshall

Today, I went to an orchestra concert. Halfway through the performance I had to fart really bad, so I decided to try and sneak it in while the orchestra was playing a loud exciting part. Just as I let it rip, there was a dramatic pause in the music. Everyone heard. FML

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By angel grace - 15/2/2018 15:00

Today, I woke up feeling ill. My mom sent me to school anyway, and grounded me for "lying" about being sick. As soon as I got to school, I began vomiting blood. FML

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By thirdwheel - 15/2/2010 18:08 - United States

Today, I found out that my best friend pays my boyfriend to this day to take me out. FML

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By allergic_to_bull - 8/10/2014 18:48 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I attended an assembly regarding senior graduation. The assistant principal told us to look to the left and right of us, because those people would be our friends for the rest of our lives. I was the only one in the entire row. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/7/2019 16:00

Today, I woke up with a carpet burn. From sleeping. Alone. In my bed. FML

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By bad son - 14/6/2012 17:42 - United States - Baldwin Park

Today, it's my mother's birthday. She received the ultimate gift from my brother, who told her he had just been accepted into medical school. I bought her scratch-offs. She won a dollar. FML

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By Akestarr - 2/12/2013 13:28 - United States - Georgetown

Today, I found out that my dad paid for my sister's friend's airplane ticket so she could attend my sister's wedding. I would have been there myself, but I couldn't afford the airplane ticket. FML

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By best_mom_ever - 19/10/2012 07:59 - United States - Mount Juliet

Today, my husband and I decided to tell our sixteen-year-old daughter that she's adopted. Her response was, "Thank God!" FML

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By Clauric - 24/3/2010 12:11 - Ireland

Today, the passport office informed me I won't get my passport in time to go on holidays. However, they took the money for the passport out of my account 2 months ago, causing me to go overdrawn, and not pay my travel insurance. The same insurance I needed to get the cost of the holiday back. FML

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By Brittany - 18/6/2012 14:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were kissing. Halfway through the kiss, he rubs his tongue along all my teeth and says, "You need to brush your teeth." FML

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By Anonymous - 14/1/2011 23:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I came home, turned on my laptop, and turned the TV on mute so I could check my email. My mom came home an hour later, took a look at me on the couch, then the TV, and asked what on earth I was watching. I looked up from my laptop and realized it was porn. FML

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By Van - 20/12/2009 06:32 - United States

Today, I was at work at Hollywood Video. A guy came in and left without renting anything. Minutes later, I find human feces between the "Kids" and "Comedy" aisles. FML

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By creedonfied - 6/11/2012 20:27 - United States - Billerica

Today, I was playing with my cat. I tried to put him on my stomach, but he refused to stay put. Ever since I lost weight, he won't lay with me or purr. I think my fat was the only thing he liked about me. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/11/2009 23:26 - United States

Today, I had nothing better to do than make a penis out of silly putty. FML

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By mickstinator - 25/6/2009 15:37 - United States

Today, I was parking my car outside of my apartment, but the big truck next to the spot went over the line. I squeezed in anyway. Later, I discovered the truck had left and someone keyed my car. They left a note saying, "Good parking job, asshole." FML

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By Gribby - 27/6/2013 23:56 - United States - Branson

Today, I was accused of shooting drugs at work. I was only feeding a baby bird that was tucked into my arm using a medicine syringe. I've been smuggling it to work because it has to eat every 2 hours or it will starve. Now everyone there thinks I'm a hardcore dope fiend. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/9/2018 23:00 - United States - Perrysburg

Today, I got random constipation followed by diarrhea. It's 1:30am and my sleeping medication is making me fall asleep, but every time I try to get off the toilet I get another diarrhea spasm. Either I fall asleep on the toilet or shit myself in my sleep. FML

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By Notabum - 31/8/2009 04:30 - United States

Today, I received official notification that my license was being suspended for multiple DUIs. Apparently, my brother is a drunk and has been using my ID. FML

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By daddyrobyn - 17/4/2017 04:00 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I met an important figure in my line of work who also happens to know my dad, Alan. Upon meeting said person, I let my social anxiety get the best of me and I greeted him by saying, "Hi! I'm your Alan!" FML

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By Anonymous - 28/2/2013 22:33 - United Kingdom - Newtownards

Today, I fell down a flight of stairs at college. I was taken to hospital with a fractured ankle and had to call my parents to drive me home. They constantly made passive-aggressive remarks on the way home, because I'd "totally ruined" their plans to eat out at a fancy restaurant tonight. FML

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By WhatTheBleep - 9/4/2011 04:02 - United States

Today, I found out that my now-ex slept with his not-so-ex the day before our wedding. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/4/2020 08:00

It never rains…

Today, I was at work when I got a call to say my grandad died. When I was walking out to my car, I realised someone had stolen all my hubcaps. FML

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By Dumped - 6/4/2017 14:00

Today, at work, I went to place a small item on a shelf. The shelf fell on me, trapping my hand. While lifting it, the top shelf fell against my chest and the products all dumped on my face. I then realized the shelves were only held up by zip ties. FML

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By Jim - 25/1/2011 08:27

Today, during PE I got hit in the face with the ball. Everyone cheered because we got 5 extra points. No one asked if I was okay. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/3/2011 18:25 - United States

Today, as I couldn't get the airplane seat buckle to buckle, I faced the fact that I've been in denial about how fat I have become. The people in my row faced it too as I began to sob uncontrollably. FML

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By Anon - 21/2/2017 16:00 - Canada - Calgary

Birthday Bitch

Today, I received an angry phone call from a friend whose birthday party I missed last night. Yesterday, I gave birth to my son. She claims that I ruined her party and demands I still bring her a birthday gift. FML

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By thanks gramps - 19/4/2013 07:27 - Canada - Whitehorse

Today, I posted a video of a dance I choreographed on Facebook. I got a notification a few hours later telling me that my grandpa had also shared it. His caption? "My granddaughter dances like a gay baboon and this dance sucks balls. Throw grapes at her." Thanks grandpa. FML

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By KatVanGogh - 26/8/2013 01:16 - United States - Drexel Hill

Today, my mom is convinced that my cat is the reincarnation of Vincent van Gogh. Why? He sleeps under my sunflowers and is a ginger tabby cat. FML

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By what... - 15/9/2013 18:47 - United States - North Port

Today, my boss took me to one side and said, "Cross me like that ever again, and you're fired." I have no clue what he was talking about, and he denies ever having said a word to me. FML

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By drop dead single - 22/11/2014 13:44 - United States

Today, on our third date, my date tried to get me drunk and kept trying to touch me up. When I said he was moving too fast, he sighed and soon left. Just minutes later, he posted on Facebook saying "Just got friendzoned -_-". One of his friends commented: "I hate bitches, man." FML

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By anonymous - 12/10/2010 03:06 - France

Today, I woke up to a broken window and 3 guys sitting in my living room watching TV. FML

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By milkymoo - 30/5/2011 01:45 - Cyprus

Today, I was catching the bus to my new job. While waiting at the lights, I decided to play the staring game and ended up staring at a woman in the car next to the bus for ages, really creeping her out. It turns out she's my new boss. FML

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By anonymous - 18/1/2012 05:06 - United States

Today, I discovered that my new landlords must meet and approve guests of mine before they come over, and guests are not allowed when they aren't home or past 11pm. I'm 25 years old and just moved out of my parents' home to get away from my controlling mother. FML

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By PUA - 15/3/2012 01:06 - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her huge, ex-Marine father took me out back, saying he wanted to show me something. That something was a machete. He savagely buried it in a tree stump and said, "Son, if you break my daughter's heart, that'll be your dick." FML

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By eebie jeebies - 30/5/2016 15:31 - United States - Cypress

Today, a spider crawled across my arm. After a quick dance in a fit of panic, I managed to scramble onto my bed. I thought I would stand up to see if I could spot the spider and maybe kill it. I was then promptly knocked unconscious by my ceiling fan. FML

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By ohmaigawd - 14/9/2011 16:59 - Argentina

Today, my boyfriend proposed by painting his chest with "marry me?" and an arrow going down. The ring was attached to his penis with a string. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/5/2012 11:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to the orthodontist's to get my braces tightened, and I chose baby blue bands. Turns out they make my teeth look extremely yellow. Only a month and a half to go. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/1/2011 04:24 - United States

Today, I found out that I have to reschedule my upcoming honeymoon because my office will be understaffed that week, due to the boss going on vacation right after my wedding. Oh, yeah, and he's in my bridal party. FML

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Top comments

By theblondeone | 16

#6497836 - Thursday 31 December 2016 12:42

As a phlebotomist in a major hospital, this is extremely common and unavoidable, especially if you are dehydrated or have crappy veins. It's not necessarily the tech's fault.

By MrsPegg | 45

#6497809 - Thursday 31 December 2016 11:46

Try warm packs if you have bumps and cold packs for the bruises with some tylenol or ibuprofen and the bruises and bumps should clear up quickly. Hang in there OP and I hope your CT results come out ok. - Nurse Becca

Comments

By BlackHawkSavior | 28

#6497805 - Thursday 31 December 2016 11:42

Looks like he'll needle some more practice, IV willing to train him, but we'll need to track his progress

Reply

TrippingOnAcid | 29

#6497828 - Thursday 31 December 2016 12:28

Why the downvotes guys?

- too easily impressed

Reply

Silver7827 | 14

#6497967 - Thursday 31 December 2016 16:56

OP wouldn't look so out of place in NJ

Reply

blazingshot147 | 19

#6498108 - Thursday 31 December 2016 19:45

I don't C T problem, experience always helps, but you gotta give the newbies a break. Sucks for you OP, hope you get better.

By acps199610 | 12

#6497806 - Thursday 31 December 2016 11:44

wow, that's sucks. Hope you will have a speedy recovery!

By emmeelgee | 10

#6497807 - Thursday 31 December 2016 11:45

Two comments in and there's always a shit ton of puns- something to laugh at while you get over your current situation?

By MrsPegg | 45

#6497809 - Thursday 31 December 2016 11:46

Try warm packs if you have bumps and cold packs for the bruises with some tylenol or ibuprofen and the bruises and bumps should clear up quickly. Hang in there OP and I hope your CT results come out ok. - Nurse Becca

By sidpool912 | 14

#6497811 - Thursday 31 December 2016 11:47

3rd times a charm

By Whatapuffchild | 23

#6497816 - Thursday 31 December 2016 12:04

Hey it happens. Some nurses or doctors have a hard time pinpointing where to prick you and it taked a good eye to get it just righht. Speedy recovery OP.

Reply

TheGreatPotato | 19

#6498117 - Thursday 31 December 2016 19:57

I can verify that this happens for other nurses/doctors. It took 3 different nurses and 8 attempts of what felt like Satan taking a piss in my veins for them to change out my IV when I was in the hospital.

By weird_adult | 27

#6497822 - Thursday 31 December 2016 12:15

I smell a lawsuit

Reply

ShirtlessWonder | 17

#6497850 - Thursday 31 December 2016 13:38

If you would file a lawsuit over something like that, you might have a bigger issue than the bruises on your arm.

Reply

MariaGiovanni | 25

#6498512 - Friday 1 January 2016 6:11

lmao that you and OP actually think this is a big thing. this is SO common.

Reply

kittenspoons | 1

#6499958 - Sunday 3 January 2016 0:40

your american is showing...

By vlad79 | 9

#6497825 - Thursday 31 December 2016 12:23

Sorry to hear it happened. It's not easy to hit those veins sometimes and it's a natural part of the job. You'll be fine.

By Ramb0 | 20

#6497827 - Thursday 31 December 2016 12:28

I'm really scared of needle so I cant imagine how you felt!

By sweetbliss3 | 37

#6497829 - Thursday 31 December 2016 12:30

sometimes the perfect vein isn't so perfect after all. hope the results come back fine. and you'll be fine, the bruises will go away in about 3 days. good luck