Today, I'm finally recovering from surgery to fix my severe underbite, which included breaking my upper and lower jaw, forcing my teeth to line up properly, then pinning them until the bone healed. My wife can’t mentally cope, because I no longer look like the man she loves. She wants a divorce. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend got her wisdom teeth removed. I really want to help her out while she recovers, but her swollen cheeks combined with her natural buck teeth keep making me crack up every time I see her. I can't help it and I'm now in the doghouse. FML
Today, I lost a tooth and got my jaw wired shut after my toddler managed to break my jaw by whacking me with a plastic toy. Hello at least 8 weeks of being unable to talk while only eating meals that have been thoroughly blitzed into a liquid form first. FML
Today, after having my jaw wired shut for 2 months, I finally got to eat. During the first bite of my sandwich I pulled my jaw out of place. FML
Today, my wife woke up from dental surgery still stoned off her box. She was asking for me, but when she saw me she said, “Ew, you’re ugly, I asked you to go get my husband, he’s goofy looking but you’re just plain ugly so you’re not my husband.” Not sure how to feel about that. FML
Today, I finally kicked my awful nail-biting habit. All it took was a fractured jaw. I haven't been able to chew anything for two weeks. FML
Today, I went to the dentist after not being there for 3 years. I was told that I had loads of cavities and that I would need to pay $3,000 for a serious mouth surgery. The reason I hadn't been to the dentist in 3 years: I've been married to a dentist for 3 years that said my teeth were "perfect." FML
Today, my wife filed for divorce because I gained 170lbs due to an accident that paralyzed me in one part of my body, rendering me unable to work out regularly. According to her, I deserve to be “desired” and “there’s nothing there anymore.” Nice to know the past 12 years were nothing but a lie. FML
Today, I went to see my orthodontist. He informed me that I have an underbite and I will probably need braces again. I just had them taken off last year, after five and a half years of oral hell. FML
Today, my girlfriend of two years dumped me, because I'd changed too much for her to bear, and I was breaking her heart. How did I change? I got braces. FML
Today, I woke up from my wisdom tooth surgery… while they were still sawing my jaw. I had such a bad panic response that they also cut my lip, so I have stitches inside and outside of my mouth, as well as the haunting crackle of bone being removed from my skull stuck in my head. FML
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Top comments
poopface82 25
Wow. What a bitch. Anyone who wants a divorce or threatens divorce or consequences over someone’s self-improvement is a terrible person.
tarababy24 5
I get the feeling that she was already planning on leaving you and used this as an excuse
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Comments (5)
poopface82 25
Wow. What a bitch. Anyone who wants a divorce or threatens divorce or consequences over someone’s self-improvement is a terrible person.
RichardPencil 32
I had the same surgery! I looked a lot better. Still not great, but better. Don't worry, you're going to do a lot better with your new face!
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
Why waste a new face on an old wife?
RichardPencil 32
Exactly! He's going to be able to date from a much larger pool of women now that he has his surgically-improved face.
tarababy24 5
I get the feeling that she was already planning on leaving you and used this as an excuse
Crowned Sataness 12
she's using this as an excuse. if she loved you she wouldn't be leaving because your appearance changed. I say good riddance. what if you had a disfiguring accident? what happens if you... get older?
Hangryko 32
To hell with that C.