Miscellaneous: Today, in the magazine section of a bookstore, an old dude asked... - FML

Today, in the magazine section of a bookstore, an old dude asked me politely to grab something that he couldn't reach. I did so with a smile, touched by his "nice old guy" demeanour, only glancing at the item in question as I handed it to him. It was a porn mag. FML

By Alan

Gib's illustrated FML

Hell is full of a certain type of person. The people who eat boiled eggs on trains. The people who cut their finger and toenails on...

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By beurk / Friday 6 February 2015 05:18 / France

Rock, hard place

Alexa, play "Boredom" by Buzzcocks

No smoking

By Jackassed - United States

Today, as a prank, a friend and I tied a 10 dollar bill to a fishing line, and yanked it away from people as they reached for it. It was going really well until one of our victims pulled a knife and chased us around the block. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Pontypridd

Today, my boyfriend told my four-year-old sister that "fatass" means "beautiful lady." I didn't know about this until I took my sister shopping with me. The woman at the till said she was adorable; my sister replied, "Thanks, fatass." FML

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By johnfrank - United States

Today, I was on a blind date with a girl my friend set me up with. We went to a fancy restaurant and she ordered the shrimp. I told her, "I'm allergic to shrimp, so you shouldn't order it in case I want to kiss you later." She looked at the waiter and said, "I'll have the shrimp." FML

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By Anon - United States

Today, I was driving behind a UPS truck. All of a sudden his back door opens up exposing some boxes ready to fall out. Like a good driver I speed up to drive beside him to tell him. He thought I was trying to cut him off so he accelerated. A box flies out and dents my windshield. FML

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By Weezylover - United Kingdom

Today, my wife and I watched a documentary film about a kid living with severe asthma. In one scene, the kid has a severe asthma attack, and is rushed to hospital. My wife started laughing hysterically at this and after apologising, goes "it's just he sounded exactly like you in bed." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were planning how to spend the day together. When I suggested we start off with some fun in bed, then get some pizza and play his favorite video game, he sighed, "Can't we just go straight to gaming?" FML

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By Singapore - United States - Shortsville

Today, my uncle gave me a lecture on how I eat too much "unhealthy" junk food, and that it can be very harmful for me. All the while smoking a cigarette. FML

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By irishbitch

Today, I went to go see my boyfriend of over two years in a play. I knew that he'd be kissing his female opposite at the end of the show and I was okay with that. I snuck into his dressing room at intermission to find him "rehearsing" with her half naked. FML

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By fack - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mom told me that when my sister and I were born, the first thing my dad said was, "I hope they don't turn out vegetarian." I did. FML

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By Sofi

Today, I canceled going to a party with my sisters because I had a secret plan to have a threesome. They left for the party, but soon returned thinking it would be no fun without me. By then we were already making a lot of indecent noise. They heard it all. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found thousands of ants in a secret nest in an unused corner of my apartment. They were feeding on the baking mix I forgot in a box from moving two months ago, and the queen has been laying her eggs on my wireless router. FML

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By Sucker - Canada

Today, after working another double shift because I want to buy my boyfriend a really expensive anniversary present, I get to his apartment to find him calculating in how many paychecks he'll be able to afford a Caribbean getaway. For himself. FML

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By lrgenesis - United States

Today, my mom friended all my friends on Facebook then thought it'd be a good idea to try and act like a teen so she'd be considered 'cool'. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Northbrook

Today, after trying to convince my girlfriend to have sex for almost 16 months, she finally said yes. I couldn't get it up the second she said it. FML

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By bigmouth - United States

Today, I met a really nice couple at a bar. We talked and the conversation eventually drifted towards online dating. I casually commented that hooking up through the internet was sad and pathetic. Turns out they met on Myspace. FML

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By really - United States

Today, my parents told me they don't think I'll ever find a boyfriend, and insist on referring to my future cats as their "grandkids". FML

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By whatadisappointmnet - United States

Today, while cuddling up on the couch with my boyfriend, I asked him if this was his happy place too. He said, "Nah, it's in pussies." FML

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By Too fast. - Uruguay - Montevideo

Today, I got told by my classmates to slow down because I put too much pressure on them. I'm taking a class in accounting for the first time in my life, we are all over 25 and so far we are doing basic math. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was the only girl in my lab class. The instructor was learning our names. When he came to me, I went to say "mine will be easy" and it came out as "I'm easy." FML

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By psychworker - United States

Today, while at work, I was asked if I wanted to leave early. I said no and let my co-worker go instead. Two hours later, I was punched in the face by one of my patients with absolutely no warning or provocation. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/10/2020 09:01 - Canada - Fredericton

Practical

Today, my 27-year-old boyfriend told me he hides our condoms in his Poké Ball. FML

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By p0isonOreo68 - 8/11/2020 08:03

Alexa, play "These Things Take Time" by The Smiths

Today, I broke my glasses, so I scheduled an appointment to get a new pair. The soonest available appointment? November 21st. FML

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By helpme - United States - Annapolis

Today, my anxiety cockblocked me. I was in the middle of a wank, about to come, when I suddenly freaked out and had to stop and check to make sure I didn't have any homework due tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Wembley

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered "cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML

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By brokenhome - United States

Today, my apartment got robbed. My 'book-in-progress' should keep them company. FML

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By ScaryBears - United States - Trumbull

Today, I went out and made build-a-bears that looked like my daughter and her new boyfriend. It turns out she had been insisting that I didn't for a good reason; upon sight of his, her boyfriend screamed and fled the house. Turns out he was nearly mauled to death by a bear. FML

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By Cinderstar95 - United States - Schererville

Today, my dad and brother found a Christmas present that they'd "forgotten" to give me. Expecting a joke, I apprehensively opened it. But I still wasn't prepared to unwrap the neck of the Christmas turkey. It had been rotting in the living room for 2 days. The smell was indescribable. FML

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By Anonymous - Japan

Today, my friend and I dressed up as dice for Halloween. The rest of the night consisted of us, harassed by drunks asking, 'Can we roll you around?' and constantly being shaken. FML

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By so racist - 25/6/2020 02:02

No, of course she's not…

Today, my mother burst into tears when I told her I was engaged. They were not tears of joy, however. She was crying because although she insists she’s "not" racist, she was crying because none of her grandchildren would be "pure." My fiancé is black. FML

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By anon - United Kingdom - London

Today, I tried to motivate my 9-year-old sister to clean her room. She said she'd only agree if she could kill me. Thinking she was just kidding around, and not a total psychopath, I said sure. She ran to her room shouting, "Yes! I'm gonna use the big knife!" She's still cleaning now. FML

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By S - Singapore

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He decided to make gun sound effects as he came. FML

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By lame - Canada

Today, I ate a chocolate bar before getting my morning coffee. While waiting for it, a good looking guy starts talking to me, then suddenly loses interest. Afterwards, I see the chocolate on my face in my car mirror. FML

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By weeks - United States

Today, my mom explained to me that looking up gay porn on the internet is bad. I didn't look up gay porn. The only other person who uses the laptop is my dad. I couldn't tell her the truth and had to pretend I enjoy gay fanfiction. FML

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By lauren555 - United States

Today, after finishing a huge French essay, I realized my printer wasn't working. So, I emailed it to a guy in my class to print and then give to me. When I get to French, he said he had already turned his in early and never got my email. It turned out he used mine. I got an F on the essay. FML

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By heartbroken - Australia - Chatswood

Today, my boyfriend was in the shower and his phone was buzzing with calls and texts. Concerned as his nan is in ICU, I picked it up to find he's been secretly sexting his ex-girlfriend. FML

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By Bozo - United States - Saukville

Today, I got a perm in an attempt to prove to my family that I'd been doing well with my life since I last saw them almost a year ago. I ended up going over for dinner looking like Bozo the Clown thanks to my idiot stylist, and my brothers wouldn't stop mocking me about it. FML

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By Off_Road - United States - North Pole

Today, while on the highway, a guy in a truck sped up to pass me. He was hauling a trailer, which hit me and ran me off the road. I called the cops and followed him all the way into town, where the cops pulled him over. They let him go without even a ticket, because, "He didn't know he hit you." FML

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By cocacoola - Iceland

Today, the couple downstairs decided they wanted to try a home birth. FML

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By whattheheck - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I found out that my new girlfriend breastfeeds her dolls. FML

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Top comments

By RabbitOfAurora | 28

#6194413 - Friday 6 February 2015 11:50

Hey, old people need porn just like everyone else.

By Cass_x | 22

#6194415 - Friday 6 February 2015 11:51

Well who cares? If they sell it, people are gonna buy it. Let the old man have some fun.

COMMENTS

By RabbitOfAurora | 28

#6194413 - Friday 6 February 2015 11:50

Hey, old people need porn just like everyone else.

Reply

patrickalamo | 47

#6195439 - Saturday 7 February 2015 17:27

Need is a strong word...

Reply

LikeYouGiveAShit | 27

#6196613 - Sunday 8 February 2015 21:38

That's why 1 used it.

By Jasim | 17

#6194414 - Friday 6 February 2015 11:51

Hey, a good deed is a good deed.

Reply

HDMi127 | 10

#6206493 - Thursday 19 February 2015 5:30

seriously?

By Cass_x | 22

#6194415 - Friday 6 February 2015 11:51

Well who cares? If they sell it, people are gonna buy it. Let the old man have some fun.

By Exodiafinder687 | 58

#6194417 - Friday 6 February 2015 11:53

Hey, just because there's snow on the roof doesn't mean that he doesn't need to rub one out every now and then...........at least I think that's how that saying goes.

Reply

VbPretend | 7

#6199072 - Wednesday 11 February 2015 5:07

Eh close enough

By camerongrace92 | 9

#6194419 - Friday 6 February 2015 11:54

let the ol man have his fun. when I'm 80 I'm still gonna buy porn.

Reply

RabbitOfAurora | 28

#6194422 - Friday 6 February 2015 11:56

I don't know about buying it, I'll definitely still be looking at it though.

By phaelnb | 26

#6194420 - Friday 6 February 2015 11:55

You are complaining because and old gentleman politely asked you a favor? People that buy porn can't be polite? Is that why you felt awkward?

Reply

Mr_Guy_Dude | 17

#6217671 - Sunday 1 March 2015 7:30

Idk about you but I would feel pretty awkward if I saw an old man buying porn magazines.

Reply

deathshead | 19

#6350367 - Tuesday 14 July 2015 13:50

old people are still people, they can and will buy porn if they feel like it.

By Pink185054 | 16

#6194424 - Friday 6 February 2015 12:00

I don't see how this is an FML for you considering it doesn't directly affect you. But if you're going to judge the old man for reading porn then YDI.

By fsomelife | 26

#6194428 - Friday 6 February 2015 12:02

The item he asked you to grab could've been way worse. Be glad he chose to use the magazine.

By albertozeta_fml | 9

#6194433 - Friday 6 February 2015 12:08

Ah, the dear old school. Nowadays young men have internet and the only thing they have to grab is... the mouse!

Reply

jojimugo | 20

#6194686 - Friday 6 February 2015 17:26

That's not the only thing they grab

By acommonman | 23

#6194434 - Friday 6 February 2015 12:09

perhaps he wanted to destroy it, to rid the world of porn in a small way?

nah. old men have desires as well, OP.