Miscellaneous: Today, in the magazine section of a bookstore, an old dude asked... - FML

Today, in the magazine section of a bookstore, an old dude asked me politely to grab something that he couldn't reach. I did so with a smile, touched by his "nice old guy" demeanour, only glancing at the item in question as I handed it to him. It was a porn mag. FML

By Alan

Gib's illustrated FML

Hell is full of a certain type of person. The people who eat boiled eggs on trains. The people who cut their finger and toenails on...

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By beurk / Friday 6 February 2015 05:18 / France

Taking stock

Dangling modifier

Packaging

By LadySteveMartin - United States - Woonsocket

Today, I finally had the best sex I've ever had with this really hot guy I've been hanging out with lately. I thought everything was all well and good until he turned to me and said, "You know, your orgasm face kinda reminds me of Steve Martin, but in a good way." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally built up the courage to quit my job. I waited an hour to speak to the boss; I finally sat down with her, and she told me I had to be let go because I'm not "reliable enough." The only time I missed work was when I had the stomach flu. I was fired before I could even quit. FML

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By anotherdayfml

Strong incel vibes

Today, I told a guy that I was on birth control. He decided that it would be best for us not to continue speaking with each other. I never would've thought taking care of myself would be a deal breaker. FML

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By idiot - United States

Today, I was sitting in my car waiting my shift to start. I must've fallen asleep because I woke up to a call from my boss firing me. I was in the parking lot. FML

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By Abyssal - United States

Today, I was making love to my wife from behind. As we both reached climax at the same time, she threw her head back in ecstasy just as I buckled forward with pleasure. We slammed our heads together, effectively ending our orgasms. FML

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By do you want a bag - Canada - Surrey

Today, after 3 weeks of my new job, I'm already having work-related dreams. I'm having troubles differentiating between the 8 hour shifts in real life and the 8 hour shifts in my dream. I'm doubly exhausted. FML

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By thefrightening1 - United Kingdom

Today, I'm getting kicked out of my flat because my drunk friends stole a pony and left it tied outside. FML

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By married life - Canada - Coquitlam

Today, I had to explain to my husband why I was assuming that he was planning to attend my graduation ceremonies for my PhD next week. He still doesn't understand why he has to be there, and is pissed that he will miss his weekly pub crawl with his friends. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Edmonton

Today, it's my birthday. I worked late, so I was looking forward to spending a quiet evening with my husband. When he suggested we go grocery shopping, I got excited thinking he had organized a surprise party or something. He actually just took me grocery shopping. FML

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By deuceaddict

Today, I was confronted by my superiors for spending a "suspicious" amount of time in the bathroom every day. Not only did I have to take the test, but I also had to send in a doctor's note proving that I have a bowel condition I'd hoped to keep secret. FML

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By liynda - Canada

Today, I knocked on the door of the bathroom to make sure nobody was in there before I walked in. Then I remembered I live alone. FML

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By TLJ321

Today, I tried to swallow a spoonful of cinnamon. I ended up vomiting chunks of burgers, all while bleeding from the nose and suffering throbbing testicles. I then had to clean it all up. FML

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By BakedBat - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I walked into my apartment and smelled something extremely repugnant. I asked my roommate what had happened and she said, "I didn't know how else to kill it!" She'd trapped a bat that was in our apartment, put it in the oven, and set it to 400 degrees. FML

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By LonelyAngel22

Today, out of curiosity, I took an online test to see if I have ADHD. Halfway through, I got so distracted and bored that I gave up. Guess I know the answer. FML

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By mee - 24/11/2020 08:02

Knock off

Today, I overheard my six year-old step-son playing with his sister and cousin. His sister was the baby, cousin the step-dad, and he got to be “the best one” because he was the "real dad." FML

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By limeychefboy

Today, I was on my motorbike 200km from home in the middle of nowhere when I needed to poop, so I found a wooded area and did my thing. As I was climbing back up, I knocked my helmet from its perch and watched it roll right into what I’d just left. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, while taking a shower, I was enthusiastically singing one of my favorite songs. When I got out, I noticed a bunch of things missing, and a note on my desk saying "shut the f*ck up, you suck." I was robbed and judged by a thief. FML

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By jessinono - United States

Today, while walking home with my boyfriend, he jokingly slapped my butt. A man as old as my dad drove by, yelled "Wooo, spank that ass! DAMN!" and kept leering at me before finally driving off. FML

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By BoldMoveCotton - United States - Pleasant Hill

Today, I put in my two-week notice. My boss responded by saying, "Okie dokie" and hanging up. Guess they were glad to be rid of me. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my father told me that it wasn't that I was written out of his will, it's that he never thought to include me in the first place. FML

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By Jimbo - United States

Today, I came home on leave after a seven month deployment in the middle of the ocean for the Navy. My entire region got hit by the worst flood in recorded history. I need a speedboat to go to the Quick-e-mart. FML

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By newly single teetotaler - 23/10/2020 23:01

Cute trick, asshole

Today, the guy I've been seeing decided to "test the theory" that I can't drink alcohol due to a liver condition by mixing some into my drinks. He then complained that my ceaseless vomiting made his bathroom smell bad, and only took me to hospital when I started having a seizure. FML

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By parentalnightmare - United States - Laurel

Today, I was diagnosed with a chronic pain condition. My parents seemed very sympathetic and my mother even cried. When we got home, though, they started laughing and asked if I really believed all the shit the doctor was talking about. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, between my cats scratching every surface they can find, my boyfriend's snoring, and the dog barking at every slight noise outside, I'm unlikely to ever get more than 3 hours of sleep at a time. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, a friend of mine came to my house with tears in her eyes. I thought she was finally single so I could ask her out. Actually, her mother found out she was dating a girl, so she wants me to be her fake boyfriend as a cover-up. At least we're "dating" now. FML

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By Kere - Sweden

Today, my phone decided to delete all my numbers. I posted on Facebook that people should message or text me if they felt like I should have their number. I didn't get a single reply. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my ex-girlfriend was having lunch with my parents. Believing she was in love with me and feeling the same, I dropped by. My parents told me that she’s their friend and that she has a boyfriend that they approve of, all while telling me I was never good enough for her. FML

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By Nicky13Na

Today, I hit the six-year mark for daily vomiting. All the doctor can say is that it's psychological. FML

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By iharethissomuxh - Canada

Today, I played a volleyball game at my school. Not only did I miss the winning point, the ball hit my face in the process, which resulted in popping a big fat zit on my nose. FML

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By chynna - United States - Evansville

Today, I paid $325 to have the vet tell me that my 19-year-old cat ISN'T dying, she just had anxiety shits because we were gone on vacation for so long. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was going through my mom's old yearbook. There was a page long note from her friend talking about my mother's crazy drunk sex stories and describing multiple sexual encounters she had while on a pool table. I am deeply scarred forever. FML

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By Told_You_So - United States

Today, I was in the car with my mom and dad. My mom turned around and asked, "Have you had sex yet?" I said no, which is true. My dad cracked up and said, "Told you so!" My mom frowned, took out her wallet, and handed him $20. My parents bet on my nonexistent sex life. FML

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By JimmySmoothBeans - Australia

Today, I had my 21st birthday party. My friends told me to have the party even though it had been 5 months since my actual 21st birthday. They asked me why I didn't have one originally and I jokingly told them it was because I didn't think anyone would come. Turned out nobody came after all. FML

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By condiments - United States

Today, I went shopping with my mother, when someone snuck a pack of condoms into our cart while our backs were turned. When we got to the register, my mom, whose wealth makes me ineligible for financial aid, noticed the condoms and she announced that she wasn't paying for the college I got accepted to next year because she doesn't want a promiscuous daughter. FML

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By Maxx - United States

Today, I was so bored at work that I put a zip tie on my finger just for the excitement of trying to get it off. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was pushed over and robbed in a parking lot by a man in an ugly Christmas sweater. When I looked up, I was too distracted by the sweater to even look at his face. FML

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By SNBBFF - United States

Today, it was my birthday. We had a huge family dinner and everyone was invited, including my boyfriend. My family is kind of stuck-up, so I was very nervous about him meeting them. He got into an argument with my uncle over how "awesome" Van Halen is, and ignored me all night. FML

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By Anonymous

Overreaction much?

Today, my boyfriend's mum yelled at me for, "nagging Stephen to get married when he isn't ready." I mentioned marriage once. At my sister's wedding. When prompted by my grandmother. FML

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By awwshit - Canada

Today, I told the man I've been in love with for 3 years, who also happens to be my boss, how I felt. He responds by filing sexual harassment charges against me. FML

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By foreverAlone - United States - Chesapeake Beach

Today, I met a cute girl. She seemed really sweet and I was heartbroken to find out that she had fallen on hard times and was living in a shelter. I asked her if I could take her out to lunch. She said, "No." I can't even get a date with a homeless girl. FML

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Top comments

By RabbitOfAurora | 28

#6194413 - Friday 6 February 2015 11:50

Hey, old people need porn just like everyone else.

By Cass_x | 22

#6194415 - Friday 6 February 2015 11:51

Well who cares? If they sell it, people are gonna buy it. Let the old man have some fun.

COMMENTS

By RabbitOfAurora | 28

#6194413 - Friday 6 February 2015 11:50

Hey, old people need porn just like everyone else.

Reply

patrickalamo | 47

#6195439 - Saturday 7 February 2015 17:27

Need is a strong word...

Reply

LikeYouGiveAShit | 27

#6196613 - Sunday 8 February 2015 21:38

That's why 1 used it.

By Jasim | 17

#6194414 - Friday 6 February 2015 11:51

Hey, a good deed is a good deed.

Reply

HDMi127 | 10

#6206493 - Thursday 19 February 2015 5:30

seriously?

By Cass_x | 22

#6194415 - Friday 6 February 2015 11:51

Well who cares? If they sell it, people are gonna buy it. Let the old man have some fun.

By Exodiafinder687 | 58

#6194417 - Friday 6 February 2015 11:53

Hey, just because there's snow on the roof doesn't mean that he doesn't need to rub one out every now and then...........at least I think that's how that saying goes.

Reply

VbPretend | 7

#6199072 - Wednesday 11 February 2015 5:07

Eh close enough

By camerongrace92 | 9

#6194419 - Friday 6 February 2015 11:54

let the ol man have his fun. when I'm 80 I'm still gonna buy porn.

Reply

RabbitOfAurora | 28

#6194422 - Friday 6 February 2015 11:56

I don't know about buying it, I'll definitely still be looking at it though.

By phaelnb | 26

#6194420 - Friday 6 February 2015 11:55

You are complaining because and old gentleman politely asked you a favor? People that buy porn can't be polite? Is that why you felt awkward?

Reply

Mr_Guy_Dude | 17

#6217671 - Sunday 1 March 2015 7:30

Idk about you but I would feel pretty awkward if I saw an old man buying porn magazines.

Reply

deathshead | 19

#6350367 - Tuesday 14 July 2015 13:50

old people are still people, they can and will buy porn if they feel like it.

By Pink185054 | 16

#6194424 - Friday 6 February 2015 12:00

I don't see how this is an FML for you considering it doesn't directly affect you. But if you're going to judge the old man for reading porn then YDI.

By fsomelife | 26

#6194428 - Friday 6 February 2015 12:02

The item he asked you to grab could've been way worse. Be glad he chose to use the magazine.

By albertozeta_fml | 9

#6194433 - Friday 6 February 2015 12:08

Ah, the dear old school. Nowadays young men have internet and the only thing they have to grab is... the mouse!

Reply

jojimugo | 20

#6194686 - Friday 6 February 2015 17:26

That's not the only thing they grab

By acommonman | 23

#6194434 - Friday 6 February 2015 12:09

perhaps he wanted to destroy it, to rid the world of porn in a small way?

nah. old men have desires as well, OP.