Today, my best friend was crying because her boyfriend is a retard. I brought my thumb up to wipe a tear off her face, and somehow stuck it up her nose. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend wiping a booger off her finger and onto my lip. FML
Today, my boyfriend was telling me about accidentally punching his best friend in the face. As he was acting it out he ended up punching me and giving me a bloody nose. FML
Today, my boyfriend had his arm around me. He pulled me closer, so I looked up, thinking maybe he wanted a kiss. Turns out he was picking his nose over my head. FML
Today, I was holding my drunken friend's hair while she threw up in the toilet at a party. She said, crying, "Y'don't have to do this..." I told her that that's what friends are for. She replied, "Yeah, but I did sleep with your boyfriend..." FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. I started to tear up and told her I had something stuck in my eye. I was secretly thrilled as I had been trying to end it for weeks. Seeing me cry, she immediately took it back. I really just had something stuck in my eye. FML
Today, I went on a double date with my bestfriend. At the end of the night, her boyfriend gave her a long kiss, and texted her 5 minutes after we left to say he missed her already. My boyfriend picked his nose, then gave me a fist bump as a goodbye. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to pick his nose for him. FML
Today, I tickled my girlfriend, and her first reflex was to swing her elbow back and break my nose. FML
Today, I tried to give my friend a fist bump. He thought I was trying to punch him so he punched me in the face. FML
Today, my best friend decided she wanted to tell my boyfriend about the time I pissed myself laughing at her house. When she was telling the story I ended up laughing so hard, that I pissed myself again. FML
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Top comments
Blank_fml 0
lol You can pick your friends You can pick your nose But you can't (or atleast should not) pick your friend's nose!
Rayn4u_fml 0
Now she won't think her boyfriend's that bad anymore. You're done.
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Comments (65)
shlits 1
#58 u mad bro?
Bladian 5
It has entered into common usage as such a synonym. I agree it shouldn't be, but at this point it really is, proper or not.
iPeterPan 8
He's an actual retard?
amhort 4
I don't get how FMLs like this manage to get posted
WhatsUrNumber 0
If she doesn't like him then she should just break up with him.........
IndieApathy 21
I laughed at this one. Well done!
what_ever2007 11
lol I can so see this happening to my best friend and I!!!! LOL
Hiimhaileypotter 53
The word retard means "not working properly." I call my friends retarded all the time, but when it comes to those who are actually mentally challenged, I am very respectful and, obviously, don't call them retarded. I don't think of mentally handicapped as being the same as being an idiot. Everyone should stop being so damn PC and realize that not everything is meant offensively, nor should it be taken that way.
fantasyworld 39
I laughed at this.
morgporg 8
I think it is not cool to say or think he is a retard. I am trying to get the hate out of people's mouths. thanks