Today, my best friend was crying because her boyfriend is a retard. I brought my thumb up to wipe a tear off her face, and somehow stuck it up her nose. FML
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Today, I woke up to my girlfriend wiping a booger off her finger and onto my lip. FML
Today, my boyfriend was telling me about accidentally punching his best friend in the face. As he was acting it out he ended up punching me and giving me a bloody nose. FML
Today, my boyfriend had his arm around me. He pulled me closer, so I looked up, thinking maybe he wanted a kiss. Turns out he was picking his nose over my head. FML
Today, I was holding my drunken friend's hair while she threw up in the toilet at a party. She said, crying, "Y'don't have to do this..." I told her that that's what friends are for. She replied, "Yeah, but I did sleep with your boyfriend..." FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. I started to tear up and told her I had something stuck in my eye. I was secretly thrilled as I had been trying to end it for weeks. Seeing me cry, she immediately took it back. I really just had something stuck in my eye. FML
Today, I went on a double date with my bestfriend. At the end of the night, her boyfriend gave her a long kiss, and texted her 5 minutes after we left to say he missed her already. My boyfriend picked his nose, then gave me a fist bump as a goodbye. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to pick his nose for him. FML
Today, I tickled my girlfriend, and her first reflex was to swing her elbow back and break my nose. FML
Today, I tried to give my friend a fist bump. He thought I was trying to punch him so he punched me in the face. FML
Today, my best friend decided she wanted to tell my boyfriend about the time I pissed myself laughing at her house. When she was telling the story I ended up laughing so hard, that I pissed myself again. FML
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Top comments
Blank_fml 0
lol You can pick your friends You can pick your nose But you can't (or atleast should not) pick your friend's nose!
Rayn4u_fml 0
Now she won't think her boyfriend's that bad anymore. You're done.
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Comments (65)
thecompromise 0
Saying retard is kind of offensive. Being retarded isn't bad. Being ignorant is.
purpleywhales 0
honestly I really doubt they meant it to be offensive and how bout people who just toss around the word gay?
tennisislove22 0
haha thats not so bad if i was the friend it would just make me laugh and i would feel better
soulsfirefly 8
Yeah, I agree with #20. You could have picked a less ignorant word. Really, it makes me hope you're banished to the friend ladder forever.
fuckkkkk_fml 0
#22 and 20 are right. using retard = not cool
singer101 0
smooth. this made me laugh ;-D
ely46 0
She had to of started laughing at you, I would. You must have cheered her up a little. This is not a FML, it is a Good Job! you cheered a friend up!
24788 7
lol, everyone makes mistakes like that.
falcon_paunch 0
Funny :D
EnchiladaTaco 0
Haha, what'd she do?
HaHa_Sux4_U 0
Epic fail!! U must be retarded