Today, my best friend was crying because her boyfriend is a retard. I brought my thumb up to wipe a tear off her face, and somehow stuck it up her nose. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend wiping a booger off her finger and onto my lip. FML
Today, my boyfriend was telling me about accidentally punching his best friend in the face. As he was acting it out he ended up punching me and giving me a bloody nose. FML
Today, my boyfriend had his arm around me. He pulled me closer, so I looked up, thinking maybe he wanted a kiss. Turns out he was picking his nose over my head. FML
Today, I was holding my drunken friend's hair while she threw up in the toilet at a party. She said, crying, "Y'don't have to do this..." I told her that that's what friends are for. She replied, "Yeah, but I did sleep with your boyfriend..." FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. I started to tear up and told her I had something stuck in my eye. I was secretly thrilled as I had been trying to end it for weeks. Seeing me cry, she immediately took it back. I really just had something stuck in my eye. FML
Today, I went on a double date with my bestfriend. At the end of the night, her boyfriend gave her a long kiss, and texted her 5 minutes after we left to say he missed her already. My boyfriend picked his nose, then gave me a fist bump as a goodbye. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to pick his nose for him. FML
Today, I tickled my girlfriend, and her first reflex was to swing her elbow back and break my nose. FML
Today, I tried to give my friend a fist bump. He thought I was trying to punch him so he punched me in the face. FML
Today, my best friend decided she wanted to tell my boyfriend about the time I pissed myself laughing at her house. When she was telling the story I ended up laughing so hard, that I pissed myself again. FML
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Top comments
Blank_fml 0
lol You can pick your friends You can pick your nose But you can't (or atleast should not) pick your friend's nose!
Rayn4u_fml 0
Now she won't think her boyfriend's that bad anymore. You're done.
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Comments (65)
rocker8877 0
Don't be mean, number 30
Guyoverhere 0
Ur friend has low standards And you have no eye hand cordination
ballawithswag 0
you don't need a comma after "my best friend". maybe you're the retard.
purpleywhales 0
what r u the grammar police?
xSusannah 0
LMAO!!! naww hahaa that was cute lmaoo
karmicincident 2
hahahahahahahahahahahaha...hahahahahahahahahahahaha. Awesome ;->
mochiko 0
YDI for failing
Kupokupupo 0
lol great way to make an awkward silence
bigred1963 0
I have a son that is mentally retarded so when you are using words to describe your best friend's boyfriend, choose your words a little more carefully, you stupid ****.
b182link 0
owned...
miss2kute31 0
#38 is right. OPs diction is totally offensive to those who are mentally retarded. And #39, stfu you piece of animal shit..you're an insensitive, ignorant ******** who should go die! People getting offended by words make you sad? Does being a jerkoff make you sad as well? Its dumb ***** like you who don't care about shit unless you we're in that persons shoes. If someone you loved was mentally retarded you would have got mad just as well as #38 did. Or maybe you wouldn't since you don't care about anyone else but yourself. Go **** yourself with a very long *****, dipshit.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
#38: Most people don't use the words "retard" or "retarded" to describe an -actual- mentally handicapped person. The ones who do, of course, are rude, but you need to stop being so sensitive. She didn't mean anything by it, and as long as you're not making fun of someone with an actual disability, there's really nothing wrong with using the term. "Retarded," after all, just means "not functioning properly." I'm also not trying to be insensitive in any way to your son's and your situation.
cookie2342 0
Oh good lord. Stop being so PC. People who are offended by words make me sad. If someone called me a Jew-Dyke (Which they have!) I wouldn't be offended! And furthermore, when you are telling someone to choose *their* words wisely, perhaps you shouldn't end it by calling them a stupid ****.
jimmyjimmeh 0
Lololll just imagine the scenario lololl