Today, my 6-year-old cousin came to my door, demanding canned... - FML

By Stumble - 17/1/2010 04:43 - United States

Today, my 6-year-old cousin came to my door, demanding canned food. I asked him what for, and he said, "Dad said I needed them for a school project." I said all right, and he started raiding my pantry. I was left with only green beans. He stole all my Spaghetti O's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12275

You deserved it

27544

Tweet

Share

Dangling modifier

Gas giant

TMI

By brokebackanus - 18/12/2015 14:15 - United States - Detroit

Today, while jailbreaking my dad's phone, I found out the hard way that it's jam-packed full of my mom's nudes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23450

You deserved it

7758

Tweet

Share

By TheyHaveMyAddress - 6/3/2014 05:52 - United States - Jackson

Today, my boyfriend and I went to a restaurant so I could apply for a job, and we decided to eat there. After we finished, I went to start the car. When we got home, I asked him how much the bill came to. Apparently he didn't pay. I had already given them my completed application. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47526

You deserved it

7295

Tweet

Share

By ClothMom - 8/12/2009 07:02 - United States

Today, I was visited by Child Protective Services. Seems someone on my street reported me for neglect because I cloth diaper my children. I moved in less than 6 months ago, so I guess this is how they say, "welcome to the neighborhood" about these parts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36121

You deserved it

3698

Tweet

Share

By jigglypluff - 19/11/2014 05:27 - United States - Omaha

Today, my wife and I decided to try out role playing. She ended up having an anxiety attack when I said she wasn't turning in her homework. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42085

You deserved it

4904

Tweet

Share

By mike4444 - 12/2/2010 18:11 - France

Today, I bought myself a flower for Valentine's Day to be delivered to myself from "Anonymous". FML

I agree, your life sucks

13611

You deserved it

30365

Tweet

Share

By Igor - 19/12/2012 05:16 - United States - Lansdale

Today, I have a very uncomfortable cyst in my armpit and a sprained ankle both on my right side, resulting in me limping and keeping my arm awkwardly plastered to my side. My fiancé keeps walking like me and calling me Igor, saying "Yes, Master" whenever I ask him for something. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34226

You deserved it

4076

Tweet

Share

By jazzterchic - 29/12/2016 15:03 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I found out that my boyfriend's mom doesn't believe you can get food poisoning from food that is cooked. She gave us food that had sat out all day/night and then got angry when I said we could get sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5497

You deserved it

375

Tweet

Share

By dentinpalevo - 29/12/2010 07:29 - Cyprus

Today, it's my first day-off for the holidays. Today is also the day they decided to start building a house next to mine. I can't sleep beyond 7 am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27844

You deserved it

2350

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/12/2016 02:14 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, after living in my new apartment for barely three weeks, I found mice living under my dish washer. When I brought it up to the managers, they said I'd have to pay for an exterminator myself since they weren't there when they cleaned. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20261

You deserved it

1402

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/4/2016 21:01 - United States - East Orange

Today, I asked a customer for a number we could call her at to let her know when we'd finished fixing her PC. I'm so desperately lonely that when she wrote it down for me, I got a raging boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18341

You deserved it

5427

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/10/2015 06:39 - Canada - Victoria

Today, my wedding celebration came to an awkward pause when my dad slapped my mom across the face and called her a whore after she admitted to having an affair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31939

You deserved it

1849

Tweet

Share

By Emma Five - 14/3/2012 03:22 - United States

Today, my dad was driving me to college. I'd cracked a joke about how old people like him shouldn't be allowed to drive, and I guess he took it personally, what with him speeding straight up to the parking lot wall, and only braking after I started shrieking in terror. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8554

You deserved it

32120

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/11/2019 03:00

She missed everything

Today, my girlfriend fell asleep 3 min into the 25 min TV show sex that we waited all week to watch together. FML.

I agree, your life sucks

1423

You deserved it

221

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/8/2013 21:36 - Sweden - Falun

Today, my mom's dog saw a cat in our yard. I watched as he tried to jump at it, only to smack face-first into the window. He did this twice more before curling up on the floor and whimpering pitifully. When my mom came in and saw him there, and me laughing, she accused me of beating him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49601

You deserved it

7298

Tweet

Share

By Reebee - 27/9/2017 01:30

Today, I got off late from my bartending job, which is close to my house, but my boyfriend begged me to come to his place half an hour away. I decided the sex would be worth the drive. He was sound asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3103

You deserved it

506

Tweet

Share

By - 10/11/2019 05:00

Love sex

Today, I flew home to Germany to see my wife before I'm deployed, only to find her in bed with another guy. She explained that she wants us to stay together, but she can't take a year without being intimate with someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3943

You deserved it

288

Tweet

Share

By angie24w - 7/8/2018 23:30

Today, I had no choice but to use a porta potty. I was happy to get a clean one. I wasn't happy when a young child tried opening the door and used enough force to break the lock, showing me sitting on the toilet to the world. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2711

You deserved it

166

Tweet

Share

By greenroses92 - 19/8/2019 12:00

Today, I was called stupid by a customer, after I supposedly got his order wrong. He then threw his ice cream cone on the floor, tracked it around the store, and left. While I was cleaning it up, he came back and tripped me right into the mop water, spilling it everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1783

You deserved it

101

Tweet

Share

By Kutakito - 15/4/2013 20:18 - Sweden - Saltsj?baden

Today, my 25 year old brother dumped all my underwear into the fireplace for interrupting him while he was playing WoW. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46297

You deserved it

12255

Tweet

Share

By baconman86 - 3/10/2010 22:24 - United States

Today, I put my good shoes out the window and on the roof to dry out because they were sopping wet. When I went to check them later on, they were still wet. And soaked in bird poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12110

You deserved it

26953

Tweet

Share

By FML - 21/6/2009 21:41 - United States

Today, I spent 4 hours carefully cleaning the inside and outside of my car. Fairly proud of the job I had done, I parked my car safely in my garage. Later, I opened my garage to find bird shit all over my car. Apparently birds get nervous when they get trapped in garages. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42582

You deserved it

5360

Tweet

Share

By SwoopingEagle - 9/6/2017 20:00

Today, my co-workers were laughing at me because I couldn't throw paper into the bin, regardless of how close I was. Annoyed, I tried to prove then wrong by angry throwing paper into the bin that was no less that 1 cm away from me. I missed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2771

You deserved it

1263

Tweet

Share

By pointlessperson - 6/2/2009 14:28 - Canada

Today, I hung out with a friend who has been too busy to hang out with me in a few months. I decided to make the day super special with fun plans and spent a lot of money doing so. When I got home, her facebook status said "Pointless day, gone to bed". FML

I agree, your life sucks

40672

You deserved it

2974

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/12/2010 20:49 - United States

Today, my family and I went Christmas tree shopping. My husband and I were walking around when I saw the perfect tree. Excited, we immediately bought it. When we got home and set it up, I realized it came with a present: termites. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33205

You deserved it

5014

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/12/2010 02:58 - United States

Today, my daughter and husband decided to surprise me at work. A whole bunch of my co-workers were standing around me when she ran up and hugged me. Her face is level with my crotch. She immediately jumps back from the hug and says "ewwww smells like fish." FML

I agree, your life sucks

44615

You deserved it

16902

Tweet

Share

By Username - 22/4/2011 14:42

Today, I have a new boss. She claims to be a professional Angry Birds player. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35019

You deserved it

5215

Tweet

Share

By stupid - 24/11/2014 19:21 - United States - Middleton

Today, I realized that customers at my work ask me "Are you new or just stupid?" just as often as they did when I first started. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31175

You deserved it

8083

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/12/2009 12:09 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years confessed that he was sleeping with me and 5 other girls while we first started dating. He told me he numbered us and rolled a die to see which one he would date. I guess I won. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39429

You deserved it

3812

Tweet

Share

By okaythen - 2/3/2016 23:50 - United States - Arcata

Today, I got written up by HR after my new coworker told them I had an ignorant, offensive caricature of Native American people decorating my desk. It was a framed photograph of an actual Native American tribe that belonged to my history buff grandfather. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22204

You deserved it

1524

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/3/2019 22:00

Today...I started my day with a head cold and sore throat. I am ending the day with my period and explosive diarrhea. Oh and to top it all off, I live in the midwest, where the wind chills are going to be -50 tomorrow...FML

I agree, your life sucks

1935

You deserved it

144

Tweet

Share

By kylie - 15/11/2010 21:17 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were in my backyard goofing around when he tried to pick me up. He couldn't. I jokingly tried to lift him. I did so without much effort. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33364

You deserved it

7177

Tweet

Share

By c.hip - 19/8/2011 03:22 - United States

Today, I picked off what I thought was a small bug feeding on my skin. I was wrong. It was a mole. I spent the last 30 minutes trying to stop the continuous bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27695

You deserved it

10829

Tweet

Share

By Oy Vay - 14/11/2016 06:09 - United States - Sparkill

Today, my daughter, whom I consigned a credit card for, told me she was in a bit of financial trouble. It turns out that she was trying to pay off her credit card with the same credit card her bill was for, and couldn't figure out why it wasn't working. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9794

You deserved it

1145

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/8/2013 00:48 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother yet again went on a long rant about how much of a loser I am as I have "never had boyfriend" and I'm 26. Truth is, I've been in the same relationship for over five years but it "doesn't count because he's black." FML

I agree, your life sucks

66660

You deserved it

7299

Tweet

Share

By 8to10days - 5/8/2010 11:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I received a new debit card, so I cut the old one into pieces. I then picked up my remaining card, and realized I'd cut up the wrong one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11844

You deserved it

54755

Tweet

Share

By Detroitman125 - 10/11/2018 03:00

Today, my parents told me that they think I've gone off the deep end. I don't drink or take drugs. What did I do? I got McDonald's a couple times after school. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2577

You deserved it

211

Tweet

Share

By Shoeless - 20/1/2010 20:16 - United States

Today, after I drank way too much, my friend pulled the car over so I could throw up. Next to my pile of puke was a discarded shoe that looked remarkably like one from my favorite pair. When I got home, I realized that my left shoe was missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7334

You deserved it

35205

Tweet

Share

By blinded - 11/2/2011 16:14 - United States

Today, I went to get a facial. I forgot my contact case so I put them into paper cup. My beautician thought it was leftover water from someone else, and threw my only pair of vision aid away. I scuttled home half blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16127

You deserved it

26688

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/4/2015 18:29 - United States - South Burlington

Today, I found out that turkeys can fly. I also found out how much a new windshield costs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33046

You deserved it

2910

Tweet

Share

By contracted - 22/8/2016 05:49 - United States - Concord

Today, I received a letter telling me I'm not qualified for a job I've been unofficially doing for the last three years. It's the fourth letter I've gotten since applying. I guess it wouldn't be too bad if I didn't have to train the new person who got the job instead of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11923

You deserved it

875

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By FerrariCake | 2

#779399 - Sunday 17 January 2010 10:32

Ummmm... what? You're surprised because a six year old took Spaghetti-O's and left the green beans?

Really?

By waspbr | 4

#779388 - Sunday 17 January 2010 10:29

technically he didn't steal anything since you said it was alright.

COMMENTS

By elrojogrande9 | 0

#779379 - Sunday 17 January 2010 10:22

first

Reply

areveillonen | 4

#779496 - Sunday 17 January 2010 11:33

poor dad

Reply

areveillonen | 4

#779499 - Sunday 17 January 2010 11:35

poor dad

Reply

areveillonen | 4

#779520 - Sunday 17 January 2010 12:12

poor dad

Reply

areveillonen | 4

#779523 - Sunday 17 January 2010 12:14

poor dad

By bibi2223 | 0

#779380 - Sunday 17 January 2010 10:24

poor kid

Reply

Mustardnight | 3

#779430 - Sunday 17 January 2010 10:49

Hmm maybe im looking too far into this but perhaps the father was too embarrassed to ask for food if he couldn't afford it and sent his kid?

Reply

sarcasticbitch | 7

#779570 - Sunday 17 January 2010 12:41

Isn't it the father/mother's responsibility to bring food? Moreover what example does he gives to the child? It's like saying: Sure go and lie. Therefore I don't want to know what will grow up from that kid. Because that shit will be messed up.

Reply

saranottelling | 7

#780664 - Sunday 17 January 2010 23:17

#42 Maybe he didn't lie and told the kid, "You need canned food for school, go ask your cousin for some." Then they ate the food and told the kid they didn't need the cans after all.

Reply

saranottelling | 7

#780671 - Sunday 17 January 2010 23:22

Sorry my past comment was confusing and I couldn't edit it.
I meant maybe the kid didn't lie because his father did... blah blah blah

By redliner10 | 0

#779382 - Sunday 17 January 2010 10:25

Duped by a 6 yr old... for shame.

By fmlloverrct | 0

#779385 - Sunday 17 January 2010 10:27

sneaky kid :)

By waspbr | 4

#779388 - Sunday 17 January 2010 10:29

technically he didn't steal anything since you said it was alright.

Reply

vassal44 | 9

#4396558 - Sunday 6 May 2012 7:20

Technically he still stole. Whether you have permission or not, if you take something that you don't have the legal ownership to, it is stealing.

Reply

brand125 | 17

#5934542 - Sunday 4 May 2014 12:36

#109 doesn't get what having permission means, it seems. you tell someone they can have something, they can have it?

By Trollz0rz | 0

#779394 - Sunday 17 January 2010 10:31

Uh Oh my Spaghetti o's!

By Nic_hole | 0

#779398 - Sunday 17 January 2010 10:32

spaghetti o's are yummy :D

By FerrariCake | 2

#779399 - Sunday 17 January 2010 10:32

Ummmm... what? You're surprised because a six year old took Spaghetti-O's and left the green beans?

Really?

Reply

mickmac | 0

#3377553 - Sunday 2 October 2011 16:53

Exactly what I was thinking. A kids gonna pick what they like to give to other kids in need. What poor kid wants to hear "you're poor so you have to eat green beans and asparagus"?

By Katface | 0

#779401 - Sunday 17 January 2010 10:34

I'm sorry, was this supposed to be an FML?

By Freeze_fml | 16

#779408 - Sunday 17 January 2010 10:35

What? This FML was tragic. Don't diss.