Miscellaneous: Today, my 6-year-old cousin came to my door, demanding canned... - FML

By Stumble - United States

Today, my 6-year-old cousin came to my door, demanding canned food. I asked him what for, and he said, "Dad said I needed them for a school project." I said all right, and he started raiding my pantry. I was left with only green beans. He stole all my Spaghetti O's. FML

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Understandable

They're everywhere

Roommate from hell

By anonymous1 - United States

Today, my sister and I got fitted for bridesmaid's dresses. It was pretty sheer material, so I took off my bright pink thong and left it on the changing room hanger. As I was looking at myself in the mirror, a woman came out of the room holding my thong. She had tried it on. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, scarcely having time to look at myself, I quickly got dressed and went to work. Only when I got there and saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror did I notice that the colour and detail of my black lacy bra could easily be seen. I work for a construction company. Full of men. FML

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By Anonymous - Taiwan

Today, I went to a club and my friends and I went up on the stage, then the security told me to get down and said the stage was only for girls. I'm 23. I'm a girl. FML

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By Colby - Canada - Saint John

Today, I watched my mother tell a man that the holocaust was "a good thing" and "necessary for population control". That man was my girlfriend's father. Who is Jewish. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I met my brother for the first time in 20 years. Everything was going great, until he tried to make out with me. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was headed towards the unisex bathroom at physical therapy when another patient looked up at me and quickly looked away. I knew instantly and prepared for the smell, but I wasn't expecting remnants still floating in the toilet. FML

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By nothesisforme - France

Today, I asked my professor for his opinion on the subject I plan to study in my thesis. Turns out, he likes it so much that he's going to steal it from me. FML

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By wow - United States - Cape Coral

Today, my mother told me that I was "made" in the bathroom of the store I work at now. She even pointed out which stall. FML

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By L.Lime05 - United States

Today, I found a pile of animal skeletons scattered in my backyard. It appears that last night, mother nature decided to rain so hard, that the graves of my childhood pets floated back up to the top, and covered half of my field. I now have to pick all of it up before my dog sees them. FML

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By acincollege - United States

Today, I jokingly told my mom that I was having sex with my Professor. Her response was, "As long as you're getting A's, honey!" FML

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By right - United Kingdom - Weymouth

Today, after giving me my very first orgasm, my boyfriend sat me down and had a serious chat with me about my orgasm face. Apparently it reminded him of the scene in the Exorcist with the possessed girl, and it really freaked him out. FML

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By WellFineThen - United States - Cedar Falls

Today, at work, a woman screamed at me and called me a bitch because I refused to refund something we give away for free. FML

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By Emily - France

Today, I woke up to a good friend of mine leaving my bed. The very friend I've had a crush on for months, and knows exactly how I feel about him. Everything was great until he said, "Yeah, about last night... It's just that you were there, and I was weak. See ya." FML

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By EpicMayonnaise - United States

Today, I went to a club. The only guy who asked me to dance introduced himself as "Bird Dog." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Cheyenne

Today, I was making out with a girl I've liked for a long time. At one point she stopped kissing me and said, "You kiss like my brother". I sat there dumbstruck as she went back to kissing me. FML

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By whatproject - United States

Today, I was offered to attend a Buddhist ceremony by one of my regular customers. Not wanting to offend the couple, I made an excuse about have a project for oceanography. Surprise, the husband is an oceanographer and wants to help me with my imaginary project. Karma much? FML

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By jackzz - Vietnam - Hanoi

Today, at the restaurant I work at, my own mom refused to give a tip and complained to my boss. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Addlestone

Today, I received a panicked email from one of my university students on my course on Russian history, stating that he'd "always thought Stalin was fake, like the moon landing". FML

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By young grandpa - United States - Statham

Today, I found out I'm going to be a grandfather. I'm 29, my son is 13 and the girl in question is 16. FML

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By Anonymous

Triage

Today, while at my job as a nurse in the ER, someone came in with a hangnail. They threw a fit that they had to wait because we were managing a heart attack, a man with colon cancer and a kid with appendicitis. FML

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By Foufinator - France

Today, I ordered a chicken sandwich. I was starving and it was the fastest thing to order. Half way through it, I found something which does not belong, and removed it. It was half a cockroach, and I don't know where the other half is. FML

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By katiebell

Crossed purposes

Today, while I was walking home, a homeless man saw me and didn't ask for change, but how much I charged. FML

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By notcool - United States

Today, I learned that my anxious and obsessive mother is going to drive three hours every weekend to attend a Johns Hopkins medical course on stress reduction. Why is this bad? I just left home for college and have enjoyed my last two weeks of freedom without her around. I attend Johns Hopkins. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Conover

Today, a woman at work was complaining about her weight. She looked pretty thin, so to make her feel better, I said that she looked small. She said "Well, you haven't seen me naked." For some reason, I replied, "Not that you know of." FML

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By katerina - United Kingdom

Today, I overheard my parents talking about me and discussing how I've never had a boyfriend. My mum laughed that maybe they should pay someone to go out with me, and my dad replied, "Heh, not enough money in the world." FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, it was sunny and bright so I woke up feeling great. I pulled back the curtains in my room and saw my cat dead on the lawn. FML

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By Jon - United States

Today, after masturbating in the shower, I heard my phone go off outside the bathroom. After my mom saw me get my phone to check my messages she said "I think you're addicted to that", to which I said "but it feels so good and every guy does it." She was talking about how I text people a lot. FML

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By "Lifefail887"

Today, after buying a new pair of prescription glasses, I went to the beach. The ocean now has a new pair of glasses. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/11/2020 03:31 - India - Bangalore

Don't hate the player…

Today, I went on a Tinder date with a guy who insisted that I go with him to his friend's house party to meet people and socialize, as I'm new to the city. When I got there, I realised he had invited two other girls as his date as well. FML

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By Rejected - United States - Lynnwood

Today, I told my wife that she gets 100% of me and I keep nothing from her. She told me she doesn't want it and that I should get counseling. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/1/2021 00:31 - India - Bangalore

We feel for you, bruh

Today, I realised that I wasted my teenage life just to be a parent pleaser. I'm in the final months of high school and while everyone is enjoying the last days, I'm sat here being a "good" son, listening to my parents argue, maybe divorcing. I'm in tears and can't go out as I'm not invited to anything anymore. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I called my mum, crying because of my low self-esteem. She interrupted my sobs by saying, "Can I hang up now? The phone's getting hot." FML

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By confused - Australia

Today, my boyfriend told me that having sex with me was as good as eating crispy bacon. I don't know if I should feel complimented. FML

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By ac32 - Canada

Today, I bought myself a brand-new 52" flatscreen. It was only in my house for 2 hours before my toddler had a tantrum, threw a toy right into the screen and wrecked it beyond repair. I paid to have a nice TV for 2 hours. FML

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By Anonymous

Tonight, on Asshole Bosses…

Today, I went to pick up my last paycheck, since I was fired last week. My boss said he wasn't going to give it to me. I told him it's illegal not to, and he told me with a shit-eating grin, "What are you gonna do? Arrest me?" FML

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By charliemann_ - United States

Today, a woman came into the gas station where I work, yelling because her credit card wouldn't read at the pump. I politely told her that I could set the pump up for a set amount, and she could swipe the card at the register. Her response: "You need Jesus." FML

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By KillingMeSlowly

Today, I realized that my two year old likes to help with the groceries. And by help I mean hide a bag of chicken. It's been two weeks since I went grocery shopping and I still can't find it, but it smells like something died in my house. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was kneeling down at work to do some cleaning. My co-worker said, "Oh don't your knees hurt, kneeling like that for so long?" Without thinking how it sounded, I said, "Oh no, it's not a problem. I'm on my knees all the time." He's yet to stop hitting on me. FML

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By sleepy125 - United States

Today, the first guy I've ever loved is going to a fancy rush party with my best friend. He did tell me he needed space to think about us this whole weekend. I guess I know what he's been thinking. FML

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By Sweeney - United States

Today, I decided to finally use the gym membership I got a few weeks ago. After I returned to the locker room, the locker I used was opened with all my stuff, including my iTouch, cell phone, and my wallet with cash stolen. It turns out I left the sticker that tells you your combo on my new lock. FML

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Top comments

By FerrariCake | 2

#779399 - Sunday 17 January 2010 10:32

Ummmm... what? You're surprised because a six year old took Spaghetti-O's and left the green beans?

Really?

By waspbr | 4

#779388 - Sunday 17 January 2010 10:29

technically he didn't steal anything since you said it was alright.

COMMENTS

By elrojogrande9 | 0

#779379 - Sunday 17 January 2010 10:22

first

Reply

areveillonen | 4

#779496 - Sunday 17 January 2010 11:33

poor dad

Reply

areveillonen | 4

#779499 - Sunday 17 January 2010 11:35

poor dad

Reply

areveillonen | 4

#779520 - Sunday 17 January 2010 12:12

poor dad

Reply

areveillonen | 4

#779523 - Sunday 17 January 2010 12:14

poor dad

By bibi2223 | 0

#779380 - Sunday 17 January 2010 10:24

poor kid

Reply

Mustardnight | 3

#779430 - Sunday 17 January 2010 10:49

Hmm maybe im looking too far into this but perhaps the father was too embarrassed to ask for food if he couldn't afford it and sent his kid?

Reply

sarcasticbitch | 7

#779570 - Sunday 17 January 2010 12:41

Isn't it the father/mother's responsibility to bring food? Moreover what example does he gives to the child? It's like saying: Sure go and lie. Therefore I don't want to know what will grow up from that kid. Because that shit will be messed up.

Reply

saranottelling | 7

#780664 - Sunday 17 January 2010 23:17

#42 Maybe he didn't lie and told the kid, "You need canned food for school, go ask your cousin for some." Then they ate the food and told the kid they didn't need the cans after all.

Reply

saranottelling | 7

#780671 - Sunday 17 January 2010 23:22

Sorry my past comment was confusing and I couldn't edit it.
I meant maybe the kid didn't lie because his father did... blah blah blah

By redliner10 | 0

#779382 - Sunday 17 January 2010 10:25

Duped by a 6 yr old... for shame.

By fmlloverrct | 0

#779385 - Sunday 17 January 2010 10:27

sneaky kid :)

By waspbr | 4

#779388 - Sunday 17 January 2010 10:29

technically he didn't steal anything since you said it was alright.

Reply

vassal44 | 9

#4396558 - Sunday 6 May 2012 7:20

Technically he still stole. Whether you have permission or not, if you take something that you don't have the legal ownership to, it is stealing.

Reply

brand125 | 17

#5934542 - Sunday 4 May 2014 12:36

#109 doesn't get what having permission means, it seems. you tell someone they can have something, they can have it?

By Trollz0rz | 0

#779394 - Sunday 17 January 2010 10:31

Uh Oh my Spaghetti o's!

By Nic_hole | 0

#779398 - Sunday 17 January 2010 10:32

spaghetti o's are yummy :D

By FerrariCake | 2

#779399 - Sunday 17 January 2010 10:32

Ummmm... what? You're surprised because a six year old took Spaghetti-O's and left the green beans?

Really?

Reply

mickmac | 0

#3377553 - Sunday 2 October 2011 16:53

Exactly what I was thinking. A kids gonna pick what they like to give to other kids in need. What poor kid wants to hear "you're poor so you have to eat green beans and asparagus"?

By Katface | 0

#779401 - Sunday 17 January 2010 10:34

I'm sorry, was this supposed to be an FML?

By Freeze_fml | 16

#779408 - Sunday 17 January 2010 10:35

What? This FML was tragic. Don't diss.