By couch potato

I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my bike

Today, I argued with my mom that I deserved enough independence to ride my bike to school. Halfway there, I realized I was so out of shape that I had to call her for a ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks

490

You deserved it

1687

Tweet

Share

Understandable

This Charming Man

Late term

By blackcat37 - United States - Independence

Today, at 6 in the morning, I sneezed so hard I fell off my bed. I guess I'm up for the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41520

You deserved it

4895

Tweet

Share

By superdriver - Mexico

Today, I was driving with my parents while explaining that young people like myself are better drivers because we have better reflexes. My explanation was suddently interrupted with the sound of me crashing the car against a parked car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8173

You deserved it

50549

Tweet

Share

By TooYoungForThis

Benjamin Button

Today, my father was helping me move into college. When we arrived, the students helping people move in mistook me for one of the parents. I’m 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1472

You deserved it

124

Tweet

Share

By oh great - United Kingdom - Doncaster

Today, my brother let me fly his two day old, expensive drone. Within a minute I had crashed it into a potato field. Four hours of searching and we still haven't found it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22397

You deserved it

11378

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my dad decided I was too hairy and taught me to shave. This would be a great bonding experience if I weren't a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21786

You deserved it

2335

Tweet

Share

By Notre_Dame_714 - United States

Today, I went to the gun range for a birthday and got shot in the foot by my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33376

You deserved it

4413

Tweet

Share

By mothtal - Bulgaria

Today, my boyfriend picked me up to take me on a date. Just as we were about to drive away, my dad ran out of the house in his underwear and started yelling that he'd kill my boyfriend if I wasn't back home within the hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27445

You deserved it

2247

Tweet

Share

By TheComedyAudio

Today, I surprised my girlfriend of 3 years with Stone Sour and Korn tickets, since I knew how badly she wanted to go. She responded by asking if we could go as just friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4654

You deserved it

319

Tweet

Share

By apaterra - United States - Washington

Today, I had to come up with a new rule for my library's patrons: If you, your child, or your dog has thrown up on our books, we DON'T WANT THEM BACK. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23297

You deserved it

1509

Tweet

Share

By ForeverAlone - Ukraine

Today, there was a big party at my workplace. The only person that was socializing with me in any way was my co-workers 4-year-old daughter. Before leaving, she drew smiley faces on plastic plates and napkins and gave them to me so I "will have some friends and not be all alone". FML

I agree, your life sucks

25345

You deserved it

1939

Tweet

Share

By KO - United States

Today, in the middle of sex, my husband accidentally headbutted me, almost knocking me unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39704

You deserved it

4358

Tweet

Share

By tj85 - United States

Today, I received a letter in the mail. The letter was from a woman who explained to me every single detail of a three month affair she had with my husband. She included pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44778

You deserved it

2587

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 4 years thinks my chemotherapy sessions are the perfect opportunity to sleep with other girls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7276

You deserved it

285

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/2/2021 14:01 - Australia

Thanks, I hate it

Today, I received my first dick pic from my boyfriend. Problem is, we broke up 3 weeks ago and his next message said, "Oops, sorry, wrong person." FML

I agree, your life sucks

935

You deserved it

138

Tweet

Share

By mommymo - Australia

Today, while tearfully telling my closest friends that I had miscarried my first pregnancy, the first thing out of their mouths was, 'So, does this mean you're going to start drinking with us again?' FML

I agree, your life sucks

43072

You deserved it

4385

Tweet

Share

By MissBeEyeTeeSeeH - Canada

Today, It was pretty nice out, so I decided to walk to work. Not twenty minutes after leaving, it started to pour. I was soaking when I got there and had to change. My boyfriend works next door, so I asked him if he could give me a ride. His reply? "Sorry Babe, I just can't be seen with you like that." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35531

You deserved it

4405

Tweet

Share

By Goody2shoes - India

Today, my mom found my pack of cigarettes. She's now making me go to rehab. I had only smoked one cigarette ever just to try it. I didn't even like it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20743

You deserved it

47041

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at my psychologist's. We were talking about creative outlets and I told him that I wanted to start playing Dungeons and Dragons again. He starts chuckling, and then says, "Oh, you were serious." FML

I agree, your life sucks

15707

You deserved it

22146

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Bulgaria - Batanovci

Today, I was riding my bike home from the store. Wanting to impress some passers-by, I tried to do a trick on a sharp turn. I hit a pole with my balls. As I was lying on the ground in agony, a guy pulled over, took a picture, and took off laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26395

You deserved it

50975

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - London

Today, even though I'm overweight, I was feeling alright about the way I looked in the historical costume I'm required to wear by my job. A little kid came in and asked me if I was having a baby. Guess I don't look as good as I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11615

You deserved it

1389

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to hack my Facebook and "like" everybody's statuses. This includes my boyfriend's about his grandmother dying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41246

You deserved it

6125

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I found out that one of my colleagues believes that aliens built the pyramids. No amount of logical reasoning or evidence has had any effect on his argument of, "but you can't prove they didn't." FML

I agree, your life sucks

10418

You deserved it

1419

Tweet

Share

By Imnotfromhere - 22/4/2021 17:01

Sorry grandma

Today, my grandma called me to see how my oral surgery went. She gave me a kiss over the phone, but when I tried to make the kiss sound back to her, the bandages got in the way and it came out as a fart sound. FML

I agree, your life sucks

710

You deserved it

106

Tweet

Share

By notthenaughtymaid - United States - Cedar Bluff

Today, I posted an ad online for house cleaning services. So far, all fifteen responses have been solicitations for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38468

You deserved it

4328

Tweet

Share

By Completely Innocent - United States

Today, a coworker told my manager that I and another girl were plotting to get her fired at the end of the month. She actually believed her. Now we're suspended without pay for two weeks for conspiracy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30480

You deserved it

2807

Tweet

Share

By boned - United States

Today, I checked my university financial account to discover I owed them over $1000. The reason? They had apparently given me too much money when I applied for a loan and now want it back. Oh, and I spent my loan money on books and a laptop for school. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29335

You deserved it

3293

Tweet

Share

By PolarBear2020 - 16/4/2021 23:05

Return to sender

Today, I was notified by my bank that the government stimulus check I had deposited last week had been returned. FML

I agree, your life sucks

783

You deserved it

56

Tweet

Share

By arch maester shavayalsharashion - United Kingdom - Surbiton

Today, I was pouring my heart out to my dad about how I'm such a loser and how I have no friends. He listened sympathetically, until his phone buzzed with a text message. He said "Balls, the guys from work wanna get shitfaced." and took a rain check on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25605

You deserved it

2893

Tweet

Share

By notcool - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend upset because my best friend has begun stripping to pay for school. His response was, "Where and what time does she work?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

35413

You deserved it

8806

Tweet

Share

By We raised that fool - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I went for a romantic, anniversary meal with my wife. It was amazing, until we had to rush home halfway through because our daughter rang, informing us that her 20-year-old sister had broken her wrist trying to jump from the roof, onto the trampoline and into the pool. She 'miscalculated'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45223

You deserved it

4020

Tweet

Share

By NickDrakeFan - United States

Today, I overcame my stage fright and got up in front of a café audience with my acoustic guitar to sing a few of my songs. Some asshat kept yelling stuff like "NEEDS MORE COWBELL!" and "FREEBIRD!", which made me lose my nerve and flee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42593

You deserved it

4532

Tweet

Share

By xacked - United States

Today, I was designing a newspaper page with a story about an aggressive female bird that was defending its nest and attacking students near some stairs. In the article were photos of victims who were attacked. We had a good laugh over it. Later, I was walking there and the bird attacked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12397

You deserved it

61530

Tweet

Share

By homeless4Christmas - New Zealand

Today, I flew my wife, myself and three kids to pay a surprise visit to my parents who were going to be alone for Christmas. When we arrived, we found out they decided to go on vacation. We have nowhere to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13332

You deserved it

27940

Tweet

Share

By rita

Today, my 10-year-old daughter hid in her closet all day and did not come out. The reason? She didn't want to eat my pot roast. I didn't realize my cooking was that bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3726

You deserved it

740

Tweet

Share

By wookieewhosshe

Today, I woke up on the floor with my feet still in the bed. I had passed out while vomiting into a bucket, since I couldn't make it to the bathroom in time. The bucket had spilled all over my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1385

You deserved it

580

Tweet

Share

By faen - Norway - Marifjora

Today, Muse cancelled their upcoming show in Oslo. I bought my sold-out tickets on the black market for double the retail price, and have no way of getting my money back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13040

You deserved it

40873

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Chelmsford

Today, I finally got proof of my theory when the dog came downstairs at 2 in the morning, looked me dead in the eye, pissed on the rug and took my socks before disappearing back upstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40487

You deserved it

4274

Tweet

Share

By myhairgetsfrizzywhenwet - Australia

Today, my sister drove past me while i was walking home in the rain, she honked to let me know she was there, and kept on driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40667

You deserved it

3503

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my birthday. My parents got me a box of cupcakes. My brother got me a deck of cards. My aunt got me a brochure on how to quit smoking. I have diabetes, I don't play cards, and I don't smoke. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46256

You deserved it

3533

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/10/2020 14:01

Bye bye love

Today, according to my emotionally distant boyfriend, stopping by a whorehouse on his way home several nights a week for a quick blowjob isn’t cheating, because it involves cash and no intimacy afterwards. Dumped his ass real quick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1680

You deserved it

155

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By sarsuela | 25

#7889943 - Monday 16 March 2020 10:00

I hope your mom sees she should have let you ride your bike long ago

By Chen Zhibang | 8

#7889932 - Monday 16 March 2020 9:07

There's independence and there's inertia.

Inertia wins.

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 30

#7889885 - Monday 16 March 2020 3:14

And I'm sure your classmates liked sitting next to the fat, sweaty kid.

Reply

TheGestalt97 | 11

#7891089 - Saturday 21 March 2020 5:02

where does it say fat

By Chen Zhibang | 8

#7889932 - Monday 16 March 2020 9:07

There's independence and there's inertia.

Inertia wins.

By sarsuela | 25

#7889943 - Monday 16 March 2020 10:00

I hope your mom sees she should have let you ride your bike long ago

By WistayShlaio82 | 13

#7890063 - Tuesday 17 March 2020 0:15

I bet you have a large amount of trophies on your Xbox Huh

By bloopaloop | 27

#7890077 - Tuesday 17 March 2020 4:25

I hope you feel bad. Then feel like getting in better shape. Then feel good.

By BrotherPhil | 32

#7890251 - Tuesday 17 March 2020 22:54

That sucks, but well done for trying. Keep up the good work.