Today, my roommate came home from work and yelled at me for my dinner being too spicy. The same dinner he denied stealing. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, tired of my roommate’s constant stealing of my food, I decided to get back at him by hiding a small amount of hot sauce in his sandwich, thinking it would be a funny prank. When he took a huge bite, he immediately started choking and running to the bathroom. I later found out he's allergic to spicy food. FML
Today, I knew my coworker was stealing my lunch, so I made a sandwich with tons of incredibly spicy peppers. He took a bite, shrieked in pain, and ran off sobbing. Unfortunately, he was also in an emergency meeting with an important client, so now my whole department looks like a bunch of morons. FML
Today, my roommate and I were watching TV, and he ordered a pizza. After it was delivered, I took a slice. He yelled at me for taking his food and told me to stop mooching off him. I had to cover his rent last month and he still hasn't paid me back. FML
Today, my roommate came home and instantly began raging, cursing, and threatening to kill me. While I was cowering in my bedroom, the police had to settle the situation. All I'd done was rearrange some furniture. FML
Today, for what has seemed to be the hundredth time, my labeled bagged lunch was stolen from the fridge at my workplace. I stormed into my boss's office ready to complain, only to find him eating it. FML
Today, I ate dinner sitting on the floor. My petty roommate got pissed off during the weekend and decided the appropriate action would be to lock all the furniture in her room and refuse to give it back. FML
Today, my roommate broke into my spice cabinet so he could get high off of my nutmeg. FML
Today, I was helping my uncle clean his house. He's a bit of a hoarder, so I suggested donating some of his pots. We got into a fight and I left. He then called my mom to claim that I stole his pots. After being yelled at he realized that they were in his dishwasher. FML
Today, to keep me from "getting fatter", my roommate raided the kitchen. She ate everything from cookies and ice cream to deli meat. The only thing left in the house are vegetables. FML
Today, I got a talking-to at work from my new manager for eating other peoples' lunches. Immediately afterwards, I watched my manager leave the room, take MY lunch, and begin eating it. Apparently my new manager is the thief, and I'm now the office pariah who gets the blame. Nobody believes me. FML
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Top comments
Drai Gray 8
you tell him to f off and that he got what he deserved? least you know to make all your food spicy now
RichardPencil 32
He didn’t steal it because it was too spicy.
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Comments (4)
RichardPencil 32
He didn’t steal it because it was too spicy.
Henry8cooper 15
If you make dinner too spicy you actually deserve having it stolen - and as such you're to blame for both subjects. No need to admit anything since it's really all your fault anyway 😂 or something 😂
Hempseed 27
Spicy or not, nobody deserves to have their dinner stolen.
hereforfmls 17
I know if someone stole my dinner the next day I'm gonna have at least 2 of the hottest sauces I can find mess with my food your gonna get a very very hot meal the next day
ihatecondoms 12
what? you’re actually retarted
Alan Staff 60
I'd usually remove such childish insults, but seeing as you can't even write "retarded" properly ("retarted", seriously? Are you 12?) I'm going to leave up so everyone can mock you, throw mouldy fruit and let you feel like a very naughty boy.
Henry8cooper 15
I think of this as a successful reply. I started out thinking to myself - how can the roomie justify this. and I wrote as I thought and giggled all way through. I then get a lot of thumbs down from the usual bunch of people without any sense of humour or imagination - that's okay with me - I value that a lot more than higher numbers of thumb ups I can get for really boring replys.
Drai Gray 8
you tell him to f off and that he got what he deserved? least you know to make all your food spicy now
Ubehage 32
Make your food extra spicy. Find out if there's something he is allergic to. Take this to the end, teach him a lesson.
Vesi 30
No. You do not ever knowingly put an allergen in food you know someone is going to take. That can result in death all to easily and a charge of manslaughter. Spicy or something to make it taste foul is one thing but what you suggest is dangerous.
Ubehage 32
Fair enough.