Kids: Today, my 5 year old brother wanted to look through my phone....

By lebowski - 28/11/2010 01:57 - United States

Today, my 5 year old brother wanted to look through my phone. I know he can't read so I gave it to him. He was, however, able to get at my "private" photo album. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 765

You deserved it 41 489

Kids

Broken heart

Leave us alone

Exes from hell

By sorejecteditmakesmewannacry - 29/08/2013 10:44 - France - Poissy

Today, I asked a cute guy for his number but instead he gave it to my gay friend. When my friend later called him, it turned out that he'd given him his number just to get rid of me and wasn't expecting him to call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 101

You deserved it 3 791

By Anonymous - 04/04/2019 00:00

Today, my roommate served me with a two-week’s notice to vacate the apartment, the day before I leave for 10 days of working in a completely different city 150 miles away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 987

You deserved it 168

By Anonymous - 17/01/2014 23:52 - United Kingdom

Today, I overheard my mum tell my sister that she should make me a bridesmaid at her wedding. My sister scoffed, "She looks like Shamu, mum. I can't have THAT in my wedding pics." followed by laughter and my mum saying, "Touché." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 894

You deserved it 6 756

By unlucky neighbors - 06/12/2013 09:36 - China - Shanghai

Today, I was staying at a seedy apartment. A group of drunken idiots next door decided it would be fun to run into the wall simultaneously. They broke through the rotted wall and ran me over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 247

You deserved it 3 355

By Ouch - 15/08/2009 07:51 - United States

Today, I was very sick and kept throwing up. I took a shower after every time I threw up. While in the shower after I threw up, I had to throw up again, so I got out and ran to the toilet. I slipped on the tile, broke my nose on the floor, and then threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 508

You deserved it 11 091

'Tis the season to be jolly, falalala lala la la

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mom hung her new "Christmas Clock" on the wall. It plays a different Christmas carol every hour, on the hour. It's only December 2nd and I'm already starting to understand why suicide rates sky rocket this time of year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 652

You deserved it 2 871

Sexy morning

By Anonymous - 15/01/2020 00:00 - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, my sister woke me up panicking saying our kitchen was on fire, and we had to leave. She practically dragged me out of bed and all the way to the front door. When we got outside, she suddenly kneed me in the nuts and went back inside, locking the door behind her. I was only wearing boxers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 676

You deserved it 265

By Bawsack - 22/11/2016 09:45 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, I missed an important meeting at work because I was vomiting from painful cramps. Just last week I was recommending that everyone get the implant because I hadn't had symptoms in two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 609

You deserved it 1 317

By Crippled - 27/12/2009 05:35 - United States

Today, my parents bought me an alarm clock that runs away from you while beeping obnoxiously when you hit snooze. I just had ankle surgery and am unable to walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 606

You deserved it 2 882

Wuss

By Username - 01/12/2010 19:04 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend if there's a reason why he has never gone down on me. He responded, "Your back door is too close to your front door and it creeps me out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 923

You deserved it 5 103

By erianne - 07/05/2018 15:00

Today, the neighbors heard a blood curdling scream and called the cops, thinking I was being murdered. Nope. I just stubbed my toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 818

You deserved it 555

By Purple-jacket - 10/04/2019 04:00

Today, I graduated with a CS degree and a certification in networking, only to make $12/hr. Guess some trade jobs are worthless now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 800

You deserved it 316

By Anonymous - 20/12/2012 19:50 - Spain - Santa Cruz De Tenerife

Today, I was woken up by my dog scratching at my door. After a while of this, I finally got up to let her in. When I opened the door, she looked at me, threw up, and scurried away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 940

You deserved it 9 647

By StaceZN - 22/12/2016 08:52

Today, on site, my client was certain she had switched off her electric fence prior to me conducting an inspection of her boundary retaining wall. I overbalanced on my ladder and grabbed at the fence wires for support. The electricity was not switched off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 810

You deserved it 903

Classic brain fart

By Anonymous - 19/04/2021 05:30 - Australia - Ballarat

Today, I lovingly simmered a chicken carcass, vegetables and spices to make soup. Two hours it took. After all that, I mindlessly strained out the chicken bones and let the soup pour straight down the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 019

You deserved it 511

By Pang - 19/12/2018 16:00

Today was the last my last day of high school ever, to celebrate me and my friends were going to go into the city and hang out for a bit. I missed the bus they caught into the city so I caught the next one, when I got there I asked where they were. They didn't respond. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 456

You deserved it 278

Public surprise

By Pants-Girl - 24/11/2019 08:00 - Canada

Today, I was out walking downtown. A woman walking behind the thought that my pants were hanging too low. She came over to me and yanked my pants up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 014

You deserved it 2 442

Parental approval

By Conor Moreau - 18/08/2020 23:02

Today, I left my favorite hoodie in the kitchen. Not 5 seconds after I left the kitchen to go to my room, I overheard my dad say, "Any chance we can just throw that out before he notices?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 125

You deserved it 386

By Anonymous - 15/01/2015 11:35 - Australia

Today, at the train station a woman's baggage had gotten stuck in the ticket barriers, so I used my ticket to unlock the barriers for her but told her to wait so I could get through too. She didn't wait. And I got painfully stuck in the barriers whilst I watched my train go by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 942

You deserved it 3 797

By Frozen - 10/03/2014 14:23 - United States

Today, the heater went out at work. I was shivering so hard that someone thought I was having a seizure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 527

You deserved it 4 058

By sigsigsignify - 06/12/2018 14:00

Today, my 3 year old future niece was combing my hair while I was watching a movie with the future in-laws. She kept leaving saying she was going to "go get the comb wet". I assumed she meant in the bathroom sink. Turns out she was just going around behind the couch and licking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 387

You deserved it 382

By Anonymous - 03/11/2009 14:12 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a man I met on Halloween. It appears that his mullet wasn't actually part of his costume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 656

You deserved it 7 208

By grace - 13/08/2015 14:54 - United States - New York

Today, I had to ride in the back seat of a car, next to a large, hyperactive dog who experiences nervous bowel movements. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 455

You deserved it 1 644

By Creepedout - 25/06/2013 01:27 - United States - Clearwater

Today, I walked in on my dad's poker game. He didn't know I was there, and was telling his friends what he would do to my girlfriend if I wasn't dating her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 032

You deserved it 4 664

Fragility

By TooAccepting - 06/01/2021 23:01 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I explained to my boyfriend that I'm pansexual. I said attracts what me to him is his intelligence and personality, and would still love him whether or not he had a penis. Turns out a 100% straight cis man can prioritise his penis over his intelligence and personality, because he's really offended now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 705

You deserved it 1 024

By washed - 11/10/2009 23:30 - United States

Today, I learned that my boyfriend hides valuables in the washing machine under dirty clothes when leaving town for the weekend. I learned this AFTER I'd done a load of laundry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 972

You deserved it 3 366

By notadoorman - 25/07/2014 18:16 - United States - Elmont

Today, I held the door open for a woman and her kids on my way out of the bank. She started accusing me of patronizing her, and when I just let go of the door in protest, she deliberately leaned in so it hit her in the face. I felt the glares from the entire bank as she pretended to cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 047

You deserved it 4 001

By hopeyoushityourintestinesout - 08/06/2013 00:16 - United States - Everett

Today, I drove 2 hours to my sister's wedding, only to find out my invitation was sent to me by mistake. She had me kicked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 117

You deserved it 4 865

Generosity

By Anonymous - 22/08/2020 20:04

Today, my granny died. My aunt wants to throw away all her books and furniture. When I offered to take care of selling it, or giving it away, like granny would have wanted, my aunt said she would let me "keep a percentage" of the few bucks I’d get for my troubles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 413

You deserved it 109

By toobad - 29/11/2011 19:29 - Canada

Today, it's cold and rainy. I would like nothing more than to drink hot chocolate and watch a movie with the woman I love; the same woman who cheated on me and took the TV with her when she left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 299

You deserved it 4 002

By Lyingboyfriend - 24/07/2009 05:11 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend said he couldn't come to my grandfather's funeral because he was at his cottage and couldn't make it. Later that day, when driving home from the graveyard I saw him walking down the street, with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 632

You deserved it 3 329

By mother of piggies - 04/04/2018 15:00

Today, I learnt that my guinea pig can shoot poop across the room like a tiny brown torpedo. How did I find this out? It landed in my coffee. It wasn't until after I'd finished my coffee that I noticed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 024

You deserved it 396

By theseguysarewhipped... - 06/10/2014 15:05 - Canada - London

Today, as a limo driver, I had to drive 8 guys for a night-out from their wives. I put the Michigan/Rutgers game on the radio, thinking they would appreciate that. Apparently, they wanted to listen to their "pump-up" songs instead, which were mostly Katy Perry songs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 618

You deserved it 5 215

By don't cry over spilled milk - 23/11/2016 14:33 - United States - Elmendorf Afb

Today, after struggling with breastfeeding and trying to build up my milk supply, I was finally able to pump a full 6 oz! I celebrated by immediately spilling it all over my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 159

You deserved it 1 409

By mustachioed - 29/09/2012 05:06 - United States

Today, I tried to bleach my upper lip hair. I now have a bright red mustache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 029

You deserved it 18 769

By GillyPirate - 10/11/2009 23:04 - United States

Today, I received a call offering me a job with the census bureau. I applied for this job 6 months ago while I was still fighting tooth and nail to stay where I was. Since I didn't get the job, I was evicted from my apartment, got on public assistance, and moved from North Carolina to Florida with my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 626

You deserved it 2 534

Great day out

By Anonymous - 14/09/2013 19:32 - Iceland - Reykjav

Today, I went to the movies with my husband and our 6-year-old son. My husband kept stealing popcorn from the guy next to him, to the point where the guy punched him in the face. The movie was stopped, the police were called, and my son is now inconsolable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 923

You deserved it 5 850

By caryl101698 - 09/06/2016 01:40 - United States - Medford

Today, after spending $850 on having our siding, roof and windows powerwashed, a 5-minute storm blew the siding clear off the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 575

You deserved it 1 080

Sneaky sneaky...

By Snowflakepandi - 01/09/2017 13:00

Today, while on vacation, I found out that my boyfriend moved out. He had claimed that he couldn't come with me because his boss messed up his time off request, and for the last two days he said he'd been "cleaning". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 403

You deserved it 270

Supportive

By Burden - 12/03/2021 06:31 - India

Today, once again, my mom ranted about how she sacrificed so much for me by moving to a better city. I said it was for my education and to stop making me feel like a burden. She scoffed, "Right, you never should've been born. My mistake." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 155

You deserved it 128

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Top comments

bamagrl410 31

Sunday 28 November 2010 9:24

YDI for having that type of album on your phone for people to get hold of.

SamSayzRAWRZ 0

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Sunday 28 November 2010 9:41

why do people *insist* on taking naked photos of themselves?

bamagrl410 31

Sunday 28 November 2010 9:24

YDI for having that type of album on your phone for people to get hold of.

TheRealFamilyGuy 5

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Sunday 28 November 2010 9:36

now he just needs to learn how to MMS and iv hit the jackpot!

Draminicaus 0

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Sunday 28 November 2010 9:55

Put the password protect on your photo app. Oh wait, you gotta jailbreak before you can do that. :P Disregard.

SamSayzRAWRZ 0

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Sunday 28 November 2010 10:05

haha ^

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Sunday 28 November 2010 10:08

Ydi ορ. email me those pictures and I'll make sure they're safe! *wink wink* ᎠᏌᎠᏋ ᏩᏌᎩᎦ ᏞᎤᎤᏦ ᎪᎢ ᎢᏥᎥᎦ ᎦᏌᏡᏋᎡ ᏣᎤᎤᏞ ᏔᎡᏆᎢᏆNᏀ!!!! ᎩᎪᏝᏝ ᎪᎡᏋ ᎦᎤᎤᎤ ᏠᏋᎪᏞᎤᏌᎦᎦ!!!!

Tessa39 0

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Sunday 28 November 2010 10:59

or just get a photo vault that saves photos in a completely different area.

desigirl2010 0

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Sunday 28 November 2010 11:00

17 - not anymore - there's an app for that now!

LosAngelesSon 8

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Sunday 28 November 2010 11:20

It's called private photo app by David Earnest. Get it.

icecreamdriveby 5

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Sunday 28 November 2010 14:04

#26, "dude guys"?

Shaebug12 0

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Sunday 28 November 2010 14:54

57- stfu and 26- I am jealous!

mitri_fml 3

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Sunday 28 November 2010 15:04

I'm jealous of 26's poor grammar."dude guys"

nocanhaz 4

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Sunday 28 November 2010 15:34

How did 26 do that? F***en Internet genies.

attatood 7

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Sunday 28 November 2010 17:22

¡sıɥʇ sɐ looɔ sɐ ʇsoɯlɐ s,ʇI

attatood 7

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Sunday 28 November 2010 20:05

so, ummm... how does upside-down text not comply with the rules??

Sirin_fml 46

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Sunday 28 November 2010 20:15

It's an annoyance to the other commenters.

cowboys277 1

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Sunday 28 November 2010 20:25

go brewers

jawman 0

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Tuesday 8 March 2011 6:32

17-u just expect that it's an iphone

hunt3009 16

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Saturday 26 April 2014 8:09

You can of course get apps that store your photos and password protect them, which sounds like a good idea in your case.

fireheart1029 10

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Friday 5 August 2016 5:20

Not on Android

SamSayzRAWRZ 0

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Sunday 28 November 2010 9:24

YDI for having those pictures. Nothing is private!!!

EffinAhole 0

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Sunday 28 November 2010 11:30

YDI for giving a child a phone with pornographic pics on it. He may not be able to read but those little guys can navigate through electronics like a mother fucker!

12596 0

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Sunday 28 November 2010 20:56

5 yr olds can't read

TheIrishJaneDoe 8

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Sunday 28 November 2010 22:15

Speak for yourself, 78. By that age, I'd already been reading for nearly half my life.

wwerulez14 6

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Sunday 28 November 2010 9:26

Hey OP, pun intended?

tummalon 0

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Sunday 28 November 2010 10:28

That makes me wonder...hmmm...

aadk 0

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Sunday 28 November 2010 11:17

sorry if I'm slow but where's the pun in the post? help me out please haha

timtamslam 19

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Sunday 28 November 2010 12:13

i can't see a pun either! :/

Serec 0

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Sunday 28 November 2010 12:25

Ooh I see it. "Private" Haha.

wwerulez14 6

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Sunday 28 November 2010 21:23

OP's brother found her (I'm assuming OP is female) "private" pictures, which obviously involve OP's "private" parts. Got it?

jakegryan 0

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Sunday 28 November 2010 9:27

mommy why is daddy kissing you in there?

deannoz 0

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Sunday 28 November 2010 9:50

^ This >;{D Ooh , a moustache.

jakegryan 0

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Sunday 28 November 2010 9:55

what was that about haha i dont have a moustache

AthinaMarie 0

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Sunday 28 November 2010 10:39

Haha gooood ooone.

jakegryan 0

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Sunday 28 November 2010 11:38

hmmm?

carcinogan 0

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Sunday 28 November 2010 12:44

they are jealous of the USMC status bro oorah

TheIrishJaneDoe 8

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Sunday 28 November 2010 22:19

If the kid found that on OP's phone, OP's got bigger issues to work through.

im_the_smoshiest 0

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Monday 16 January 2012 3:13

Incest? She said her brother LOL not son

Freeze_fml 16

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Sunday 28 November 2010 9:27

You were aware that he couldn't read. What did you think he was going to do?

persianjr 15

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Sunday 28 November 2010 9:28

first haha I personally hate it when people say first but I can't help myself 

Freeze_fml 16

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Sunday 28 November 2010 9:29

Nice speech. You fail.

Tikwichka 5

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Sunday 28 November 2010 9:39

It's the ones that never learn that bother me. *sigh*

oarisimo 4

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Sunday 28 November 2010 10:01

you're not even first, dummy.

sam455_fml 0

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Sunday 28 November 2010 9:30

ydi for keeping a private photo album on your phone where anybody can see it

scottovious 0

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Sunday 28 November 2010 9:33

my kids play with my phone all the time. we keep the "good" pictures elsewhere.

SamSayzRAWRZ 0

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Sunday 28 November 2010 9:41

why do people *insist* on taking naked photos of themselves?

Tikwichka 5

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Sunday 28 November 2010 9:56

It is almost as incomprehensible as those who *insist* on taking photos of themselves in the bathroom.

Beagle91196 0

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Sunday 28 November 2010 10:01

hahaha win^^^

Freeze_fml 16

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Sunday 28 November 2010 10:05

Nice bathroom picture.

Gloritank 8

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Sunday 28 November 2010 11:45

Idiots do it to get people they just met to like them. people in long term relationships do it cause it spices shit up every now and again.

junkboy 4

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Sunday 28 November 2010 18:56

Freeze... You're losing your touch...

Tweetyy_fml 0

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Sunday 28 November 2010 22:47

Welllll cuz cerrrrtainnn people find mehh sexyy((; especially withouttt clothes !

phirestarter 0

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Monday 29 November 2010 1:56

because naked photos are fun XD

YouMentalFreaks 3

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Sunday 28 November 2010 9:41

YDI Op. Sorry, but seriously, keep your private pictures elsewhere. You should've remembered they were on there.

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 8

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 9

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 430

You deserved it 104

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 650

You deserved it 83

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