Miscellaneous: Today, my crazy mother-in-law threatened to camp out outside...

By Anonymous - 19/09/2012 14:43 - United States

Today, my crazy mother-in-law threatened to camp out outside my house so she will "never get left out" of our lives, all because we called instead of sending a written invitation to my three-year-old's birthday party. I actually believe she's crazy enough to do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 088

You deserved it 1 847

Miscellaneous

This Charming Man

Taking stock

Classic switcheroo

By TheAngryBird - 28/06/2012 04:51 - Canada - Grimsby

Today, my girlfriend gave herself a graduation gift: a new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 335

You deserved it 2 698

By jazzie7719 - 28/09/2014 19:26 - United States - Arlington

Today, I went into an exam room to do a check-up on one of my patients. I told the little girl's mother that she needed her flu shots. When the girl heard this, she took an apple out of her pocket and threw it at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 945

You deserved it 4 305

By nopethanks - 31/10/2014 12:05 - United States - Eden Prairie

Today, I woke up really early to get ready for an interview. I guess it was too early because my mom thought someone broke into our house and now I have two bruised ribs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 845

You deserved it 2 757

By Blöde Gans - 25/11/2014 16:14 - United States - Ormond Beach

Today, my mom booked a family trip to Sweden. This would be great, if she hadn't asked me to tell our former German exchange student that we were coming to visit her in Germany. She was thrilled. Now I have to be the one to let her down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 607

You deserved it 2 690

By Anonymous - 27/11/2011 22:46 - United States

Today, my boyfriend picked me up bridal-style to carry me to our bed. As he carried me through the bedroom door, the dog ran between his legs and sent us both crashing to the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 388

You deserved it 3 586

By hitchcock2013 - 07/05/2013 17:10 - United States - Taylor

Today, I did my small part to help the environment by hanging my clothes outside to dry rather than using the dryer. The birds showed their appreciation by crapping on the majority of my clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 662

You deserved it 13 281

By Anonymous - 28/11/2010 23:08 - United States

Today, my boyfriend's mother found out that I'm three months pregnant. She told my boyfriend to put it up for adoption, and now wants a paternity test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 756

You deserved it 5 566

By zac545 - 19/02/2009 06:14 - United States

Today, I was looking after a hamster for a friend. My dog ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 879

You deserved it 11 195

By Midge - 16/03/2010 23:03 - United States

Today, as I was pulling out of the school parking lot I was blasting my music and feeling pretty awesome, I got a few honks and felt even cooler. Until some lady pulled up next to me and told me I had left my binder on the roof and all my papers were all over the road behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 165

You deserved it 44 025

Nice try

By fyourlife - 21/10/2009 19:53 - United States

Today, while working as a cashier, I was flirting with this cute girl. When I asked her if she had her store card she said, "No", paused, then said "Can I give you my number?" I said, "Sure, that would be awesome, do you want mine?" She said no. I didn't know I could just enter the card number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 865

You deserved it 37 099

By dry spell - 02/07/2013 16:17 - United States - Belfair

Today, my mom stole the condoms out of my room and gave them to my little brother because I "won't be needing them anytime soon". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 173

You deserved it 4 775

By bureaucracy - 29/01/2017 13:00 - United States - Bellingham

Today I went to the bus station to pick up a lost phone. Even after calling ahead the day before, I was turned away because I hadn't e-mailed. The website says to call and doesn't list an e-mail. I still don't have the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 564

You deserved it 438

By Hollywoodanonymous - 31/10/2011 06:57 - United States

Today, I had a relaxing night watching movies with my room-mates. Everyone but I had a girl over to lie with during the movie. The closest I got all night was the multiple times my room-mate's dog tried to mount me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 503

You deserved it 3 906

By Monty Python's Flying Circus - 19/05/2017 04:00

Today, it's been three weeks since my son found my old red dress and hat outfit in the attic, and like every day since then, he has been putting it on and bursting into rooms without warning and shouting, "NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!" He's almost 18 and going to college in September. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 009

You deserved it 939

By Carmen - 11/04/2011 16:57 - United States

Today, I realized that my boyfriend does not stop by my apartment to give me a kiss between classes. He is actually stopping by between his classes to steal my condoms because he is too cheap to pay for them when he cheats on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 320

You deserved it 5 640

How you remind me

By heartfelt - 02/08/2014 03:23 - Sweden - Uppsala

Today, I was rejected by a company I applied to. When I was writing my application, I spent so much time on their website researching that the ads on my browser are almost all for their products. It's like getting rejected again with every click. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 423

You deserved it 4 073

By Retarded - 05/09/2013 06:57 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, I was asked to dumb myself down so the people I was training could comprehend what I was saying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 710

You deserved it 6 974

By dEpPrEsSeDgIrL - 11/11/2009 11:28 - United States

Today, my dad decided to clean my 20 gallon fish tank. I had 6 fish. One of them was called a transparent fish, clear with a bright orange tail, which was my favorite. My dad didn't see it, and dumped the water out along with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 836

You deserved it 3 910

By bigmouth - 02/08/2009 07:35 - United States

Today, I was working as a host at a pasta dinner. The hostess I was working with was very attractive and we were flirting quite a bit. A large woman walked in to be seated, and I leaned over to her and dared her to ask the woman if she wanted two chairs. She leaned back and said, "That's my mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 670

You deserved it 74 781

By Anonymous - 30/07/2016 17:45 - Mexico - Saltillo

Today, I now know how it feels to have a splinter of wood hammered a full inch underneath your fingernail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 632

You deserved it 1 035

By birthdayboy - 19/06/2019 16:22

Today, it was my birthday. My only birthday present was a cake that my dad bought from Walmart. Well, it sure looked tasty. The only problem: it had nuts on it. Guess what I'm highly allergic too? At least my dad told me he'd "tell me how it tastes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 830

You deserved it 130

By teea - 15/11/2012 23:34 - Australia - Saint Lucia

Today, my boyfriend and I cleaned his parents' whole house while they were out, just to be nice. When they came home, they assumed we only did it because we'd made some huge mess that we needed to hide. I'm now banned from their house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 396

You deserved it 2 554

By Anonymous - 21/05/2018 15:00

Today, I found out I have a new allergy: the sun. My face is so swollen that it has started to bleed to relieve the pressure. Today is also day 6 of the 3-month European trip that I spent all year saving for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 306

You deserved it 307

By Anonymous - 25/11/2012 02:35 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I fell off my boyfriend's motorcycle. I had a few scrapes and bruises, and my boyfriend called for an ambulance as a precaution. The paramedics managed to drop me on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 680

You deserved it 2 166

By [email protected] - 03/01/2009 08:38 - France

Today, I was eating at a nice restaurant. Feeling curious, I daringly asked for the surprise "Maiden's Dream" dessert. The waiter came back with a banana between two balls of ice-cream on a plate, and no spoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 618

You deserved it 8 220

Ed Gein vibes

By emeraldapostle - 17/05/2019 01:59

Today, both a coworker of mine and my boss agreed that I fit the profile of a serial killer. I don't know what's worse, the fact that they think that low of me, or the fact that this isn't the first time someone's said I remind them of a serial killer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 708

You deserved it 249

By Anonymous - 28/06/2019 16:03

Today, I told my supervisor how awful my coworker was at her job. I then got fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 441

You deserved it 489

By Anonymous - 23/11/2014 17:10 - United States - San Diego

Today, I have to deal with being laughed at by my mother and sister, because they keep making sharp movements towards me, causing me to flinch. This is because I got mugged and beaten last night. They think it's hysterical. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 750

You deserved it 3 048

Surrounded

By Alyce - 10/10/2020 17:01 - United States - Lewistown

Today, my significant other woke at 4:30 a.m. to me crying about a spider in the bathroom. I have an intense fear of spiders; he was super nice and took care of it for me. He even walked me out to my car. I started to calm down driving to work, but when I got there what do I see on the door handle but a spider. I'm still shaking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 872

You deserved it 385

By Anonymous - 05/07/2013 14:26 - United States - Chicago

Today, I got home from work early and discovered why my 17-year-old daughter's sprained elbow isn't getting any better after weeks of treatment. She can't stop giving handjobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 255

You deserved it 8 688

By dad - 29/06/2009 16:38 - United States

Today, my daughter had just left for a date with her boyfriend. All of a sudden, she runs back in the house screaming "I forgot to take my birth control!" That is not something a father wants to hear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 489

You deserved it 8 293

By notarobber - 15/05/2013 07:20 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was wearing a black shirt, black pants, and a black beanie at a grocery store. I came around a corner, bumped into a woman and she screamed, "Murderer." I was immediately thrown out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 628

You deserved it 10 096

Pray the pain away

By bad religion - 28/05/2021 17:01

Today, I was crying to my sister that my therapist office messed up and didn’t schedule my appointment. My mom overheard and yelled, "You don’t need that mess anyway! Just pray about it!” Being raised with her religious fanaticism is what led to my insomnia, anxiety, depression, and guilt complex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 138

You deserved it 135

By slingerslasher - 05/07/2016 19:09 - United States - New York

Today, I was using the short urinal when I heard someone say, "Ahem!" in a loud voice. I looked back to see an angry little kid. He made me switch urinals so he could use the short one. I got urinal-evicted by a little boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 249

You deserved it 6 846

By thetallone - 23/02/2010 08:05 - United Kingdom

Today, on the way home from a night out, I crossed the main road in my town via the traffic lights. As I got to the other side, a guy turned to his two friends and 'whispered' with a look of disgust, "I would have run that one over." Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 543

You deserved it 2 674

By News to Me - 21/10/2018 15:30

Today, I went to switch my phone number to a new carrier. During the credit check, I was told that I couldn't because I already had an active account. This came as a surprise, as I've never had an account with that carrier. Time to file a fraud claim. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 197

You deserved it 155

By Wrongword - 17/04/2012 10:52 - China - Shanghai

Today, I congratulated a bride standing in front of a church in a white dress. Turns out she'd been stood up at the altar. She thrashed me with her bouquet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 541

You deserved it 4 083

By deserved - 29/10/2009 14:27 - United States

Today, after feeling fat and ugly and a bit depressed, I logged on to Facebook to see my boyfriend had posted "I have the most beautiful girlfriend in the world!" I 'liked' it and commented "Aww thank you baby!" I logged in later to see that he commented back saying "I didn't mean you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 313

You deserved it 5 173

By Punk - 07/06/2011 20:07 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on for the first time. Just as I was about to climax, I spotted my greatest fear, a big wasp, only a few inches away from me. I shuddered and made a very unmanly orgasm wail. She now refuses to have sex because she says I "turned her off forever". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 326

You deserved it 11 803

By sickandtiredofit - 24/01/2012 19:50 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife has been having an affair with the guy who's been trying to get our relationship back on track. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 187

You deserved it 3 090

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