Today, my 11 month-old son started viciously biting whatever part of my anatomy he can sink his teeth into. He thinks it is hysterical to latch on while I scream helplessly in pain for him to let go. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, when I called my 2-year-old son over for a hug, he giggled and squealed as he ran over to me. He then stopped in front of me, punched me in the bollocks, and walked away quite happily whilst I was doubled over in pain. FML
Today, one of the children at my daycare came up to me and bit me on the face. He laughed so hard at my scream, that he threw up in my lap. FML
Today, my 2-year-old son put his hand on my face, gave me a sweet kiss, and put his cheek against mine. Then he slapped me hard enough to leave a mark, laughed, and scrambled away. FML
Today, I was playing with my 2-year-old Siberian Husky, when she figured that since she couldn't get to my hand, she'd try to bite me in the genitals. She was successful. FML
Today, my two month-old continued teething. Her mouth is too small for teethers and pacifiers because she’s small for her age, she only thing giving her relief is using my breast as a teether. I’m cut and bruised, and there's no end in sight. FML
Today, my 10-month-old kept me up all night after a gruelling day. I finally fell asleep with her at about 2 a.m., and I woke up half an hour later to her hands on my throat, and her biting my nose. Startled, I took a big breath through my nose and snorted an ungodly amount of slobber. I’m awake now. FML
Today, my 5 month old son decided that my lip ring was a toy. Thinking it would be ok, I let him touch it. He got his finger caught and pulled his hand back. The lip ring is still in, but now I have a huge gaping hole in my face. FML
Today, my four-year-old daughter started screaming and lashing out at me as I was getting her ready for a bath. It seems my idiot husband told her she was still small enough to be feasted on by the "drain monster". FML
Today, my four-year-old son decided to bite my butt during prayer at church. The entire sanctuary heard me instinctively swear at him. FML
Today, I woke up to my 7 year old son angrily trying to smother me with a pillow. FML
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Top comments
magicman13 9
Spank him.
AxNxNxIxEx12 7
Spanking is discipline. I was spanked when I was little and I love and respect my parents. It's to help them learn right from wrong not hurt them
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Comments (216)
ScarlieC 25
Oh OP! That's horrible for you! Are you getting any help/advice from friends or a forum? My kids used to chomp down on me too, but that stopped very quickly. A loud and stern 'No' and unlatching the baby always worked. They'd get upset and cry because they wanted to nurse, but after a few times they understood that they weren't allowed to bite. It took us about 3 days to stop with the biting and unlatching routine. Or if you want to wean, now might be a good time for you both? Good luck.
wvcheesehead 13
Is he purple... does he say ginnap?
truckers_wife 23
my brother bit me so hard it would draw blood. my mom had to bite him to teach him how much it hurt. it might not sound right, but if the child doesn't know the pain they're causing it makes sense...
Muttley9 13
Real simple basic parenting: you hurt me, I hurt you. Not break them, but pain for pain. And let them cry.
Aluen 6
Bite him back, it seems mean but if you don't he will just keep doing it
Fesyna 4
This is hilariously worded! Sometimes a kid could use a spanking or two, OP.
Electricsoap 2
DEMON BABY... jk
Knappster 6
I first read this as 11-YEAR old son. Definitely makes a difference...
robj118 10
That's when you bite him back dipshit
AgentPlatypus73 8
Bite him back and see how he likes it! Kids are such brats!