Kids and Health: Today, my mom went into a full war against dirt and plastic-wrapped...

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 92

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 144

You deserved it 1 261

27/05/2018 20:30

Today, my mom went into a full war against dirt and plastic-wrapped our entire house. The floor, furniture, even our feet now have to be covered in plastic. Everything squeaks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 486

You deserved it 237

Kids Health

This Charming Man

Age difference

What?

07/11/2008 12:47

Today, I crawled into bed at 2 in the morning. At 6 am, the telephone rang, waking me up. It was a wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 833

You deserved it 13 339

Packaging

By Anonymous - 01/09/2020 17:01

Today, I was cleaning up after my mom visited with her dogs. She'd left a little pill-jar on the kitchen counter. Had she forgotten her medicine? It made a weird, soft sound when I shaked it. I opened the lid to shake some pills into my hand, only it wasn't pills. It was two fat ticks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 370

You deserved it 207

18/01/2014 08:33

Today, I bought a new, expensive dress for a date. I left the tag on and hidden in hopes of returning it later. Someone saw it and ripped it off for me to "save me from embarrassment." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 528

You deserved it 57 494

16/02/2009 21:09

Today, I was hooking up with a girl in my apartment when I told her I didn't have a condom. She started laughing and upon realizing my look of confusion, said "Oh, you actually thought I was going to have sex with you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 431

You deserved it 17 923

10/07/2013 14:18

Today, I found out my boyfriend regularly has his ex stay over. They even share a bed. He doesn't see a problem with this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 624

You deserved it 5 708

09/12/2012 15:29

Today, I came home to find all of the wood in my house either broken or gone. On the now legless table there was a note from my mother, saying that she needed the wood to build a boat, and that I will thank her when the world ends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 956

You deserved it 1 945

22/12/2013 17:22

Today, it's been a little over a month since my dad started taking yoga lessons. We always joked around behind his back that he was just doing it so he could get flexible enough to suck himself off. Well, that joke was confirmed as reality when I walked in on him trying just that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 544

You deserved it 7 671

Helpful

By Anonymous - 17/08/2021 18:01

Today, I had a conversation with my doctor about how I am neurologically incapable of feeling happiness like a normal person, and he doesn't know what to do about it. His words, not mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 68

#blessed

By Loney - 22/04/2018 19:00

Today, I had to let my nosy landlord into my apartment to ensure I didn't have an unapproved guest over. Why? Because she overheard me sneeze, and then bless myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 473

You deserved it 575

16/03/2009 20:51

Today, is my 16th birthday. Thinking that my parents would be out of town for it like they had every other year, I decided it would be fun to tan nude in my backyard. Apparantly my parents set up a surprise party for my sweet 16. I was standing naked infront of half my school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 127 192

You deserved it 46 350

16/03/2015 04:10

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I thought everything went well, until I got a text from him later saying, "Come on mom, she isn't THAT bad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 676

You deserved it 2 569

01/10/2009 06:43

Today, I came home from work and found my house egged, and bricks thrown through my windows. I called the police, and submitted a report. Later that night, I heard the doorbell ring. Nobody was at the house, but there was a note saying "Sorry, wrong house". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 070

You deserved it 2 248

17/09/2010 06:30

Today, we were in the car with my puppy, who favours my sister. She had been sat on her lap for a while, when she stood up and climbed onto my lap. I was really pleased until she peed on me and then went straight back to my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 580

You deserved it 3 501

16/12/2012 00:03

Today, my car is still in the shop, so I asked my psycho brother to drive me to the mall. He sped up to nearly 20km over the speed limit, so I shouted for him to stop before he got us both killed. He hit the brakes in the middle of an intersection, and wouldn't move again until I got out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 210

You deserved it 8 136

18/02/2011 21:36

Today, after volunteering all day at the homeless shelter, I was mugged on my way to my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 907

You deserved it 3 554

05/09/2013 11:02

Today, I got home from work and found my dog missing. When I asked my neighbor if she saw what happened, I saw my dog sleeping on her couch. She tried to say it was hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 405

You deserved it 3 031

27/08/2016 08:47

Today, my husband told me that, "a girl's orgasm serves no purpose". FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 599

You deserved it 1 510

09/02/2010 15:43

Today, I returned home to my girlfriend after being away for 6 weeks of work. I decided to take a shower and change before having a nice dinner with her. Without looking I grabbed a random pair of jeans from my closet to put on. They were Levis. I don't own or wear any Levis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 573

You deserved it 2 953

15/11/2009 17:55

Today, I was really depressed so I talked on the phone with my best friend. She was telling me how a guy she really liked complimented her. I told her it was be nice to get at least one compliment. After a long silence she says, "You're really good with computers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 349

You deserved it 5 876

25/03/2011 11:55

Today, I had to dig into my savings to help my parents pay for their divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 635

You deserved it 4 170

30/08/2009 18:09

Today, I was at my favorite Mexican restaurant when I realized my really cute waiter, along with his buddies kept looking at me and smiling. Trying to be cool, I took a bite of my burrito, choked, and spilled ground beef down my new shirt and in my bra. They laughed the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 503

You deserved it 38 556

20/03/2017 12:00

Today, my baby brother learned to remove his nappy. He immediately used this new skill to shit all over my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 750

You deserved it 393

27/05/2012 21:53

Today, on Facebook, my sister posted a ton of photos of herself wearing a skimpy bikini, commenting that she looked hideous and fat. I can't stand attention-seeking fuckballs, so I called her on it. My mother then condemned me for "mocking" my sister, and grounded me for an entire month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 103

You deserved it 6 135

19/04/2015 13:08

Today, I found out my best friend's girlfriend is cheating on him with his own brother. I went over to his place and told him everything while his girlfriend was in the same room. He called me a jealous liar who wanted to break them up, and kicked me out while she looked on, smirking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 853

You deserved it 3 398

12/05/2016 02:50

Today, my parents posted nasty comments about each other on Facebook. I think they might secretly be 12 year-olds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 340

You deserved it 911

04/07/2013 16:27

Today, I actually had to teach my 9-year-old brother how to pour himself a glass of milk, after he burst out in tears when my sister told him to do it himself. His astonishing ignorance also extends to basic hygiene. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 950

You deserved it 4 883

06/11/2014 19:09

Today, I took a video of a fellow employee doing nothing but watching YouTube videos at work. When I showed the video to my boss, hoping he'd be reprimanded, I got fired for operating video equipment on company grounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 520

You deserved it 38 150

Miss Pissy

By Anonymous - 03/10/2019 02:00

Today, I was protesting for animal rights. On my way home, I accidentally hit a pig with my car. I freaked out and got out to check to see if it was OK. It knocked me over, spraining my wrist, and it pissed all over my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 842

You deserved it 1 789

16/10/2012 00:04

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend and best friend making out. His explanation was that he was trying to stop her from having an allergic reaction to peanut butter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 293

You deserved it 1 994

05/08/2010 05:18

Today, I discovered that my mom is having an affair... with her cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 510

You deserved it 4 337

14/04/2017 22:00

Today, my neighbor's kid started learning the violin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 338

You deserved it 472

Empathy

By jess - 29/07/2020 20:02

Today, my friends were showing me infomercials and laughing at how clumsy and stupid the people were. I could relate to every single one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 112

You deserved it 238

02/08/2018 19:00

Today, I accidentally showed up 5 minutes late for my shift. My boss mercifully declared that I would not be fired if I called my mother and told her I love her. My mom died 11 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 928

You deserved it 230

02/02/2011 14:44

Today, during a snowstorm, I opened my car door to get out. The wind snapped it wide open, then immediately changed course and swung it back at me just as I stepped out, spilling an entire hot cup of coffee all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 189

You deserved it 4 347

05/06/2009 17:57

Today, I was working as a waitress at a wedding. I was trying to clear the tables as quickly as possible and decided to place a half bowl of soup on top of the pile of plates I was carrying. As I was hurrying back to the kitchen I tripped and spilt the soup all over the bride's ivory dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 831

You deserved it 27 175

03/09/2013 19:50

Today, I had to visit a client because his printer had broken down. After driving for an hour, then being screamed at about how horrible my company's service is, I walked over to his printer and found the problem: there was no paper loaded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 301

You deserved it 3 113

07/09/2014 01:57

Today, my daughter's teacher called me, very concerned, because my child told the whole class she's not virgin anymore. The word is "vegan", honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 522

You deserved it 4 201

18/08/2012 20:34

Today, I found out that my six year old cousin has a raging crush on my boyfriend. She lives across the street and watches from her window for his car to appear in front of my house. She's indicated that she'll stop at nothing until he's hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 460

You deserved it 2 331

08/08/2010 23:27

Today, I found a pile of animal skeletons scattered in my backyard. It appears that last night, mother nature decided to rain so hard, that the graves of my childhood pets floated back up to the top, and covered half of my field. I now have to pick all of it up before my dog sees them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 852

You deserved it 3 802

02/03/2017 10:00

Today, my first grade student apologized for cutting his bangs off in class, and explained that it was his mom's birthday and he had wanted to make her an origami flower. Out of his hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 048

You deserved it 652

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Top comments

interesting33 36

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Friday 6 April 2018 13:24

this sounds slippery and dangerous. And an extreme reaction. Is your mum ok?

Sinshine 27

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Sunday 27 May 2018 22:31

Hope you already made an appointment with the psychiatrist for her.

Comments

interesting33 36

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Friday 6 April 2018 13:24

this sounds slippery and dangerous. And an extreme reaction. Is your mum ok?

jwade11 12

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Tuesday 5 June 2018 19:15

it's kinda random.. or has she done extreme stuff like this in the past?

Kurliez408 32

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Sunday 27 May 2018 21:42

does she not realise plastic gathers up dirt at well, or is she just trying to keep dirt away from the furniture?

RichardPencil 30

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Sunday 27 May 2018 22:00

On the plus side, all that squeaking will cover up the noise from the mice and rats.

eyepuppy 31

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Monday 28 May 2018 1:42

Stop. Just stop.

John Nemeth 14

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Sunday 27 May 2018 22:30

Sheila?

Sinshine 27

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Sunday 27 May 2018 22:31

Hope you already made an appointment with the psychiatrist for her.

thatslifeiguess7 16

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Monday 28 May 2018 0:51

My question too. maybe she's going retro

acmariner99 25

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Sunday 27 May 2018 22:43

Um ... that ain’t normal

tranced_ 44

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Sunday 27 May 2018 23:41

Why do you put up with her .. Tell her she's being too paranoid.. Help her out, looks like she needs your support!

dexter420 21

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Monday 28 May 2018 3:49

She’s planning on killing someone

INDYSTRUCTABLE 43

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Monday 28 May 2018 5:38

I wanna see pictures!

Lobby_Bee 17

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Monday 28 May 2018 8:12

What's her plan? To remove and throw away the siran wrap every time it gets dusty?