Miscellaneous: Today, me and my friend were following this hot lifeguard around... - FML

By klutz - United States

Today, me and my friend were following this hot lifeguard around a waterpark. In the wave pool, I decided to be cute and "accidentally" bump into him during the waves to start a conversation. As I prepared to do this, a large wave pushed me off my feet and I fell face-first into his butt. FML

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Triage

Mix and match

Whackjobs 'R Us

By whoknows?! - France

Today, I decided to change my boyfriend's background on his phone. As I was in the process of changing it, I noticed his most recent picture is of a naked girl. The naked girl happens to be my 18 year old sister. FML

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By Anonymous - Germany

Today, I worked in a clinic as a intern. A nurse was called to dry a woman's hair. I followed her, trying to be a good intern. After the nurse was done, the 72 year old woman took off her bathrobe. While looking at me she sat down, her legs wide open. And, yes, she knew she was naked. FML

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By Elcam - Belgium

Today, I replaced a usually fun collegue's picture of his kids with a picture of my face against glass, so it looked I was inside the screen. Everyone laughed, but he reported me because I tried to "erase his children" and "if anything happens to them" it's now my fault. FML

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By ugh - United States

Today, at the rescue group I volunteer at, we finally adopted out a dog that has been with us for a few years now. This was an amazing thing for us because we never thought he'd get adopted. As we were getting excited and hugging each other, the dog ran away. FML

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By Joshua Diamond - 14/12/2020 19:02 - United Kingdom

Ed Sheeran-lite

Today, I phoned my ex, who I only broke up with a week ago. I then told her about the song I'd written about her. I have written a song, but it is shite and I would die of embarrassment if I ever had to play it to her. I’ll have to play it to her and confess my simpy, wet ways. FML

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By Anonymous

That escalated quickly

Today, I chipped my front tooth trying to pick up my cat. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while at the laundry mat, an old man kept putting extra quarters in my dryer. I didn't realize until a while later what he'd done, just so he could keep watching me bend over to see how much time was left. FML

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By Ouch - 18/1/2021 08:02

Fragile

Today, I'm 3 days post-partum and my husband accidentally jabbed into my side while flopping onto the couch. FML

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By ashbeat - Australia - Sydney

Today, I can hear my flatmate masturbating loudly and asking himself if he likes it. And replying. FML

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By Anonymous

Dared

Today, I was dared to stand and hold a sign saying, "Free Hugs." This girl I'd never seen before gave me a crushing hug and cried hysterically on my shoulder in the blazing afternoon sun. I couldn't get her off. FML

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By JadeDemolition - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had my driver's permit in an envelope to keep it safe and a letter to mail out. I drove away from the post office with the letter in my hand. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my mother-in-law told my husband that I cannot stay in her house unless I can bring proof from a doctor that my allergy to cats is not contagious. FML

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By Ashley Rocha

Today, after my washing machine broke yesterday in the middle of a cycle, I went and spent $1400 on a new one. Also today, my dryer started to smoke and almost caught my clothes on fire. There goes another $1000. FML

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By kattydoo07 - United States

Catch 22

Today, I found out I have a restraining order against me from my ex boyfriend. Apparently, I drive by his house too much and it is considered stalking. He forgot that I live 2 houses down, and MUST drive by his house to get home. FML

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By Rellies

Today, my husband is finally fully recovered from getting decompression sickness during our scuba diving vacation. Today is also the day I snapped my femur in half while skiing. FML

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By missedfistbump - United States

Today, I was talking to my boss and he said I was awesome. He went to fist bump me and I missed. FML

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By shiney100893 - Ireland - Dublin

Going well

Today, I was at a party with my crush. The collar on his shirt was sticking up so I fixed it for him. He gave me a hug and said, "Aww you're so good to me. You're like my mother. You can be my college mother." I got mother-zoned. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I realized my boyfriend's family love and respect me more than my own family. FML

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By sari14 - United States

Today, I was standing at the top of the stairs petting my dog. The doorbell rang and my dog bolted down the stairs, tripping me. I fell down the whole flight of stairs backwards. Turns out the person at the door was my brother who had locked himself out. I almost died for no reason. FML

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By JT - Canada

Today, I saw my unemployed 29-year-old son, who still lives with us, reading the work section of the newspaper and prayed that he was looking for a job. He was looking for the comics. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Lawrenceville

Today, my boyfriend wrote me a love letter saying about how much he cares for me, how he'd die for me and how he wants to spend his life with me. What really took my breath away was the confession at the end about how he "accidentally" cheated on me with my best friend. FML

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By Anonymous - Kazakhstan

Today, I received a text from my girlfriend to break up with me. I was upset. One minute later another text from her said "sorry, wrong person." FML

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By Anonyme - France - Lyon

Today, Murphy's law didn't check out: my piece of toast didn't fall on the side containing the spread of jam. However, when I leaned against the corner of the table to pick it up, I knocked a full ashtray on top of it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was texting while making dinner. I went to pour the noodles into the boiling water and I dropped my phone in. Not thinking, I went to retrieve it from the water. I now have a completely useless phone and a useless hand. FML

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By sendhelp

Today, my mom asked me to take my dad's mail to him. The "mail" was divorce papers. FML

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By x_o - Hungary - ?ttev?ny

Today, it was my first day at my new job. I had to break up two fistfights, then leave work early with a black eye. This is not what I had in mind when I applied to work at a retirement home. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Montr?al

Today, my band and I played at our first ever real gig. Our drummer turned up high out of his damn mind. After ruining our act with his godawful performance, he screamed "HELL YEAH!" then ran and dove off the stage into a nearly non-existent audience. We were told to never come back. FML

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By I need cuddles

Today, I realized that the only time my boyfriend is physically affectionate with me is when he wants to have sex. When I suggested we just cuddle, he looked at me and said, "What’s the point in that?" FML

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By sue

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By starboi - United States - Weaver

Today, I heard a girl say, "Darth Vader is that black guy from Star Trek, right?" FML

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By taylortotscx - United States - Ocala

Today, I went to Busch Gardens. Trying to cool off, I got on a ride that soaked me to the bone. For the rest of the time I was there, my bra was visible through my clothes, along with the "Hell Yeah" printed on my underwear. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I got an e-mail from a guy I'd had a one night stand with. He wanted to get together to talk about it. Turns out he's in rehab and he wanted to address the biggest mistakes he'd ever made in his life. I am a on a drug addict's list of regrets. FML

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By anonymouschicka - United States

Today, I finished doing a resume that I had spent three hours on. I e-mailed it to the business I was applying for, satisfied. I decided to look it over. The first thing I notice, I spelt my own name wrong. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad interrupted my job interview with a phone call, just to say "I fucked your mom." No shit, dad. FML

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By Jex - United Kingdom - London

Today, I wanted to surprise my long distance girlfriend by flying to her unannounced. When I arrived at her house, her family tells me that she herself boarded an unannounced flight to where I lived hours ago. Surprise. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I found an enormous raccoon in my backyard. After a couple of nasty scratches, I finally managed to capture the filthy animal. After calling animal control to relocate it, I waited for hours to learn that "relocating" actually means releasing it into my front yard 10 feet away. FML

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By unemployed - United States

Today, I was at a second interview for a job that I really need as I got laid off last month. Midway through the interview, I went to cross my legs and realized I had 2 different shoes on. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/3/2021 05:01

Lookin' good

Today, I was sitting in the bus station when an old woman looked over at me, then said to her friend, "Young women are so pretty these days." Her friend looked up at me and said, "That's because makeup is so cheap these days." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally decided to tell my mother, a former Miss North Carolina winner, that I was several weeks pregnant. She immediately burst into tears and hugged me. She kept saying, "Thank god, thank god." At first I was relieved. Then she said, "I thought you were just getting fat." FML

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By Anonymous - 10/8/2020 20:01

It's good to learn!

Today, I’m living in China and I asked my native boyfriend to read me the names of all the different goods at the bakery, so I can do more than just point next time. I realized why he doesn’t see the point, when he translated : "Bread, bread, bread, bread and… bread." FML

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Top comments

By jackalope104 | 0

#474654 - Monday 10 August 2009 20:05

YDI for being a creeper

By gayfish_fml | 0

#474645 - Monday 10 August 2009 20:02

Poop face.

COMMENTS

By gayfish_fml | 0

#474645 - Monday 10 August 2009 20:02

Poop face.

Reply

MastaHorse | 0

#477619 - Tuesday 11 August 2009 20:58

wow what a conversation starter lol

Reply

Jojo08_fml | 0

#2682460 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 0:21

Hahah you shoulda just had the lady balls to talk to him

By jackalope104 | 0

#474654 - Monday 10 August 2009 20:05

YDI for being a creeper

Reply

zrhcrx | 0

#474956 - Monday 10 August 2009 23:03

Totally deserved it...please leave us lifeguards alone, I'm at work for money..not score a date with a patron.

Reply

Julioyobaby | 0

#475433 - Tuesday 11 August 2009 1:53

LOLOLOLOL.

Reply

Person_Man | 0

#476099 - Tuesday 11 August 2009 8:38

wow, it only took me as far as "following this hot lifeguard" and i pressed YDI
fucking stupid people

Reply

emilykstar | 0

#2801374 - Saturday 2 July 2011 0:37

Hahaha your so retarded

Reply

roflrawrlol | 0

#2991214 - Friday 29 July 2011 5:35

you're*

Reply

teentee401 | 36

#6051036 - Friday 29 August 2014 4:50

I clicked YDI immediately after reading the first sentence.

By stuipdthing | 0

#474658 - Monday 10 August 2009 20:05

LOL YDI for being a stalker

Reply

Theguybehindyou | 0

#475141 - Monday 10 August 2009 23:59

#3,#4 how many comments say this?

Reply

gigi37 | 0

#475979 - Tuesday 11 August 2009 6:59

Seeing how they are the third and fourth person to comment, it looks like it would be just the one, commentator #2, to say that

By crumblemumble | 0

#474661 - Monday 10 August 2009 20:07

YDI creeperrrrrrrr.

Reply

RR05 | 0

#604463 - Monday 5 October 2009 8:35

duh she's from texas

Reply

UziTopete | 0

#806726 - Friday 29 January 2010 8:35

WTF does YDI mean!!???

Reply

Matias_Says_FML | 4

#973449 - Saturday 3 April 2010 6:32

YDI means "you deserve it".

Reply

volleyballgirly | 0

#4052015 - Saturday 18 February 2012 16:09

Haha i thought it was you did it :} lol i fail

By RandomBlonde | 0

#474662 - Monday 10 August 2009 20:08

YDI. Idiot.

If he wanted you at all than you wouldn't have had to "bump" into him.

By ohhshit_asian | 7

#474665 - Monday 10 August 2009 20:09

haha,
Hawaiian falls, eh?
nice job,
you could've just approached him,
and create some small talk.

By Tchernov9 | 0

#474674 - Monday 10 August 2009 20:14

Just cause he's hot doesn't mean you should jump him. YDI for being a stupid idiot.

By a2495 | 0

#474678 - Monday 10 August 2009 20:15

YDI for stalking him, creep.

By Kiwi_Splash | 0

#474691 - Monday 10 August 2009 20:21

HAHAHAHHA. What a stalker. Please keep away from humanity.

By kaelendra | 0

#474693 - Monday 10 August 2009 20:21

you were following him round his job... you wanted him to take time away from watching fir trouble to flirt with you.... just wow.

Reply

slasher29 | 0

#480911 - Wednesday 12 August 2009 22:40

#10 nicely put. u should be a prosecuter or school admin or something.