Miscellaneous: Today, me and my friend were following this hot lifeguard around... - FML

By klutz - United States

Today, me and my friend were following this hot lifeguard around a waterpark. In the wave pool, I decided to be cute and "accidentally" bump into him during the waves to start a conversation. As I prepared to do this, a large wave pushed me off my feet and I fell face-first into his butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14802

You deserved it

56614

Tweet

Share

Messed up

Late term

Expanding universe

By Jman6295 - United States

Today, while helping my father build a shelf, I suggested that we should probably use the instruction manual. He suggested I should probably shut the fuck up and do it his way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31916

You deserved it

15194

Tweet

Share

By didi - France

Today, at the supermarket everybody was staring at me. After ten minutes, I realized that my umbrella was still open. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17802

You deserved it

19485

Tweet

Share

By christinabear - United States

Today, I was woken up to my mom playing the piano awfully. I screamed down the stairs "you suck, stop playing!" Turns out it was my 5 year old cousin playing a recital. For my entire family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18836

You deserved it

88629

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a call from my son's second grade teacher. He happens to write and throw with both hands, and wanted to share this during show and tell. Apparently, he didn't know the word for this is ambidextrous, because his teacher told me, "Your son just told the whole class that he's bisexual!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

56873

You deserved it

5524

Tweet

Share

By fatty - United States - Madison

Today, I was chatting with the cute new receptionist at the gym. I told her that I would be going there more if she was there. She looked me up and down and said that I should go regardless. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38281

You deserved it

15767

Tweet

Share

By HarryBeast - Canada

Today, I pulled out three chips from a bag. There were two round ones, and a skinny one, making it look like a penis. I laughed. I'm 33. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9925

You deserved it

32719

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Redding

Today, my daughter had the words "Always classy, never trashy" tattooed across her lower back in crappy cursive lettering. She doesn't understand the irony. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37093

You deserved it

3845

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I am wearing a panda suit for the promotion of the restaurant I work at. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58215

You deserved it

15899

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I was rejected for a dream photography job that involves travelling all over the world, because according to the interviewer, half the photos in my nature portfolio were "blatantly photoshopped." I guess reality isn't realistic enough for some people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29609

You deserved it

1879

Tweet

Share

By mommiedearest - United States - Columbia

Today, I found a disturbing video on my 8-year-old's tablet. In the video, I was suffering from sleep paralysis. He's convinced I'm part demon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21733

You deserved it

1803

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, was the third day of my camping trip with my "friends". I woke up in my boxers with my hand glued to my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36288

You deserved it

5666

Tweet

Share

By disgusting - United States

Today, I walked past a girl in the cafeteria and she threw up. Naturally, a crowd was drawn. Her friend asked her what was wrong. She pointed at me and said, "Get him away from me!" I had never met this girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46466

You deserved it

2677

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Federal Way

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She got incredibly excited and started flapping her hands around. Then she suddenly went deadpan and said "But seriously... no." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27849

You deserved it

1881

Tweet

Share

By Eyebrowless - United States - Willingboro

Today, I decided to wax my eyebrows. My entire eyebrow came off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23938

You deserved it

13856

Tweet

Share

By noname - United States

Today, I dropped my 400 dollar iphone, that's been through toilets and 6 foot falls, on a walmart floor and shattered the screen. I managed, however, to catch the 2 dollar macaroni and cheese before it hit the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21599

You deserved it

32721

Tweet

Share

By why - United States

Today, I listened to my best friend describe having sex with her boyfriend in explicit detail. This would have been fine, but her boyfriend is my little brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57356

You deserved it

5480

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I told my dad that I have a very serious drinking problem and that I need to go to rehab because I can't stop on my own. He told me that I just need to make new friends and suggested I join a sorority. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37384

You deserved it

6485

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/8/2020 08:03

Unloved

Today, my dad lied and said he was busy working, all because he didn't want to see me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1333

You deserved it

106

Tweet

Share

By Lonely Gay - United States

Today, a first date with a guy went so badly that he actually paid me to never call him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32401

You deserved it

5353

Tweet

Share

By caterinette - Portugal

Today, it was my turn to open the bar I work at. As I walked into our terrace, I found our insane upstairs neighbour leaving the scene without a word. This was right before I spotted the steaming pile of dung she'd left behind. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30065

You deserved it

2233

Tweet

Share

By vkryss13 - Guam - Tamuning

Today, I accidentally sat on my sister's imaginary monkey. She then stabbed me with a pencil. I still can't get the piece of graphite out of my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27326

You deserved it

2500

Tweet

Share

By Paige - United Kingdom - Witham

Today, I found out my boyfriend regularly has his ex stay over. They even share a bed. He doesn't see a problem with this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63600

You deserved it

5706

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be amusing to sneak into my room and jump me in my bed. Too bad that when she jumped, one of her knees landed on my crotch. I haven't been able to walk properly since this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27556

You deserved it

3075

Tweet

Share

By dantheman - United States

Today, I just got a new assignment for the moving company I work for. Two weeks ago my fiancé dumped me and I moved out of the house. Almost all of the furniture was mine and it took forever. The new moving assignment I have is moving her new boyfriend into my old house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50214

You deserved it

2794

Tweet

Share

By Lookalike - United States - Nitro

Today, three different strangers stopped me on the street and asked if I was Brad Pitt. Either there's some kind of conspiracy going on, or I'm the world's ugliest woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56351

You deserved it

5493

Tweet

Share

By Bewildered - United Kingdom

Today, my teenage son called me at work and started screaming abuse at me. He told me how he never wants to see me again and hopes I die a gruesome death. Why does he feel this way? I beat his high score on Bejewelled 2. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53503

You deserved it

8602

Tweet

Share

By art_major - United Kingdom

Today, my dad came to my graduate art show wearing a t-shirt saying "My other daughter is a science major". He'd had it specially made. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43752

You deserved it

7586

Tweet

Share

By OutOfMyMind - United States - Port Richey

Today, I tried Ambien for the first time. I now have to apologize to most of my exes for excessively rambling emails about getting together for some naked Twister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35800

You deserved it

12021

Tweet

Share

By Buggy - United States - Atmore

Today, my brother robbed someone. The victim spoke with me and said that if his $1500 was paid back, he wouldn’t press charges. After I gave him the money, I questioned my brother until he admitted doing it. He only took $200. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3112

You deserved it

5006

Tweet

Share

By bear - Norway - Bod?

Today, it's been three weeks since I started using a hair-growth shampoo in the hopes of combating my balding. All it's done so far is make the hair I do have monstrously bushy, both upstairs and down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21870

You deserved it

4345

Tweet

Share

By mellielynnemily - United States

Today, at my apartment complex, I was carrying a bag of trash up to the dumpster. A guy stopped his car and helped me carry it the rest of the way. I thanked him and he asked me out. I explained that I was married. He grabbed the trash bag and carried it back to my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40572

You deserved it

4420

Tweet

Share

By heck

Today, I took a drug test. Not only did I fail the drug test, but I mostly missed the sample cup and got urine all over my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7125

You deserved it

18367

Tweet

Share

By sliceddice - Denmark

Today, I was crying because my cat died. My boyfriend cupped my face in his hands, looked me straight into the eyes and said, "I love seeing you cry." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39355

You deserved it

3716

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Las Vegas

Today, after saying I'd edit and revise a coworker's report so he could go home and spend his anniversary with his wife, he sent me a file. Upon opening it, it was pictures of men wearing strange fetish gear while being dominated. He has yet to send me the correct file and I'm scared to ask. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26786

You deserved it

1968

Tweet

Share

By imsadnow - United States

Today, I was having a bad day at work. Then, on my coffee break, a little boy walked up to me and told me I was the prettiest girl he'd ever seen. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38039

You deserved it

7269

Tweet

Share

By interviewed - United States

Today, I went to an interview for a job I really wanted and am qualified for. I've been looking for months. This job was perfect; close to home and great pay. Needless to say I spent quite a while preparing. Everything was going great until I had to sneeze, which forced out a loud, long fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50647

You deserved it

4162

Tweet

Share

By Bullet - United States

Today, I had to go along with my mom to meet some of her old friends from high school. When they asked her about how her life was going, she said she was married, always traveling, no kids, and introduced me as the neighbor's kid she babysits. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45142

You deserved it

3348

Tweet

Share

By SeeBrendenBurn - United States

Today, I went to a rock concert and met this amazing girl. We started talking and then swapped cell numbers. Five minutes later, she asks to see my cellphone, so I gave it to her. Once I got home I went to text her and saw that she deleted her number. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35684

You deserved it

5644

Tweet

Share

By f'ed_over - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend's mom tried to bribe him with an iPhone to dump me. He accepted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36251

You deserved it

2411

Tweet

Share

By Mandy - United Kingdom

Today, I was drunk at my nan's birthday party. My boyfriend texted me asking if I could go out, to which I replied "No, I'm at my nan's house." He then dumped me, calling me a 'cheating whore.' I was confused, until I realised I'd misspelt nan and said "No, I'm at my man's house." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24824

You deserved it

46667

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By jackalope104 | 0

#474654 - Monday 10 August 2009 20:05

YDI for being a creeper

By gayfish_fml | 0

#474645 - Monday 10 August 2009 20:02

Poop face.

COMMENTS

By gayfish_fml | 0

#474645 - Monday 10 August 2009 20:02

Poop face.

Reply

MastaHorse | 0

#477619 - Tuesday 11 August 2009 20:58

wow what a conversation starter lol

Reply

Jojo08_fml | 0

#2682460 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 0:21

Hahah you shoulda just had the lady balls to talk to him

By jackalope104 | 0

#474654 - Monday 10 August 2009 20:05

YDI for being a creeper

Reply

zrhcrx | 0

#474956 - Monday 10 August 2009 23:03

Totally deserved it...please leave us lifeguards alone, I'm at work for money..not score a date with a patron.

Reply

Julioyobaby | 0

#475433 - Tuesday 11 August 2009 1:53

LOLOLOLOL.

Reply

#476099 - Tuesday 11 August 2009 8:38

wow, it only took me as far as "following this hot lifeguard" and i pressed YDI
fucking stupid people

Reply

emilykstar | 0

#2801374 - Saturday 2 July 2011 0:37

Hahaha your so retarded

Reply

roflrawrlol | 0

#2991214 - Friday 29 July 2011 5:35

you're*

Reply

teentee401 | 36

#6051036 - Friday 29 August 2014 4:50

I clicked YDI immediately after reading the first sentence.

By stuipdthing | 0

#474658 - Monday 10 August 2009 20:05

LOL YDI for being a stalker

Reply

Theguybehindyou | 0

#475141 - Monday 10 August 2009 23:59

#3,#4 how many comments say this?

Reply

gigi37 | 0

#475979 - Tuesday 11 August 2009 6:59

Seeing how they are the third and fourth person to comment, it looks like it would be just the one, commentator #2, to say that

By crumblemumble | 0

#474661 - Monday 10 August 2009 20:07

YDI creeperrrrrrrr.

Reply

RR05 | 0

#604463 - Monday 5 October 2009 8:35

duh she's from texas

Reply

UziTopete | 0

#806726 - Friday 29 January 2010 8:35

WTF does YDI mean!!???

Reply

Matias_Says_FML | 4

#973449 - Saturday 3 April 2010 6:32

YDI means "you deserve it".

Reply

volleyballgirly | 0

#4052015 - Saturday 18 February 2012 16:09

Haha i thought it was you did it :} lol i fail

By RandomBlonde | 0

#474662 - Monday 10 August 2009 20:08

YDI. Idiot.

If he wanted you at all than you wouldn't have had to "bump" into him.

By ohhshit_asian | 7

#474665 - Monday 10 August 2009 20:09

haha,
Hawaiian falls, eh?
nice job,
you could've just approached him,
and create some small talk.

By Tchernov9 | 0

#474674 - Monday 10 August 2009 20:14

Just cause he's hot doesn't mean you should jump him. YDI for being a stupid idiot.

By a2495 | 0

#474678 - Monday 10 August 2009 20:15

YDI for stalking him, creep.

By Kiwi_Splash | 0

#474691 - Monday 10 August 2009 20:21

HAHAHAHHA. What a stalker. Please keep away from humanity.

By kaelendra | 0

#474693 - Monday 10 August 2009 20:21

you were following him round his job... you wanted him to take time away from watching fir trouble to flirt with you.... just wow.

Reply

slasher29 | 0

#480911 - Wednesday 12 August 2009 22:40

#10 nicely put. u should be a prosecuter or school admin or something.