Today, my boss suspended me for laughing too hard at my desk...

By hangman - 1/8/2013 18:25 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boss suspended me for laughing too hard at my desk and causing a big scene in front of our customers. I was laughing because he'd forwarded me a hilarious email. He was practically smirking as he handed me my official warning. FML

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Work

Understandable

Goodbye Bill

Fairytale ending

By lex31 - 14/2/2012 13:24 - United States

Today, I received my first Valentine's day present ever: a dead mouse from my cat. FML

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By inalotofpain - 16/4/2011 12:46 - United States

Today, while relaxing in the kitchen drinking coffee, my dad suddenly rushed in, knocking me over and causing me to spill boiling hot coffee all over myself. Then, my dad thought it would be a good idea to grab the sprayer from the sink and douse me with cold water in order to "put me out." FML

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By kenz - 6/12/2010 08:18 - United States

Today, I returned from a week-long vacation. My landlord told me he had let my boyfriend in my apartment to get something. I don't have a boyfriend. Everything in my apartment is gone. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/1/2010 05:30 - United States

Today, I was drinking from a water fountain. I bent over to sip the water and felt a HUGE slap on my ass. Completely confused, I turn around to see some guy with a horrified look on his face. Apparently he thought I was his girlfriend. And then I saw his girlfriend standing behind him. Giving me the evil eye. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/5/2017 00:10 - Netherlands - Wageningen

Today, I got written up with a final warning because I ''drink alcoholic beverages'' at work. I was drinking Root Beer. FML

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By :( - 27/1/2014 22:31 - Algeria

Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/9/2018 22:00

Today, my lazy, obese mother took the last motor cart at the grocery store. My leg is in a cast. She told me to "use the shopping cart to help with the limp" as she rolled away. FML

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By Sorrymom - 11/8/2017 01:30

Today, I had to watch as my deeply religious mother broke out in tears of joy, as she said how happy she was that I was waiting until marriage to have sex. I didn't have the heart to tell her that my fiancé and I fucked on the first date. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/7/2009 07:00 - United States

Today, I saw an elderly man struggling to make it across a busy street. I jumped up from my table at Starbucks to help him, leaving my things behind. When I got back to my table feeling good, I found that my coffee had disappeared. So had my wallet. FML

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By NeverDrinkingAgain - 9/12/2010 12:31 - Canada

Today, I learned that what happens in Vegas doesn't always stay in Vegas. This includes my one night stand who turned up outside my front door with a suitcase in her hand. FML

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By bitchonia - 28/3/2020 17:00 - Canada

Sign your name across my…?

Today, I asked my boyfriend what he'd think of me getting his initials tattooed over my heart. "That's awesome, babe," he answered enthusiastically. "But could you get them on your ass instead?" FML

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By BoogieCandy. - 23/10/2009 08:56 - Canada

Today, at work, I was standing at the till helping an attractive man. I have a cold and could feel the snot bubbling up. He orders and we flirt for a bit. Just as I'm about to hand him his product, I sneeze quite loudly and forcefully all over his face. Guess I won't be getting that number. FML

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By kaybear13 - 5/8/2015 08:39 - United States - San Mateo

Today, I got written up because apparently leaning on the counter at work is unprofessional, even if you're about to pass out and the counter is the only thing keeping you on your feet. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/8/2011 19:35 - United States

Today, a hooker refused my custom. According to her, "Even whores have standards." FML

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By faulty plumbimg! - 31/8/2013 12:14 - India

Today, I got my period 2 days early, while being interviewed for my dream job. Let's just say that I don't have very high hopes after walking backwards to the exit door and falling down upon colliding with the wall. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/9/2019 04:00 - United States - New York

Oops, I Did It Again

Today, I had to explain to my mom that the bruises I have all over my body are not due to abuse, but because I'm into really rough sex. FML

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By daddyslittlegirl250 - 5/5/2009 02:41 - United States

Today, we watched a movie in French class. I went on a French exchange last year, so I wanted to sound all impressive and cultured for my crush who is in the same class. I said that it was my favorite movie and I couldn't wait to watch it with everyone. The movie turned out to be about incest. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/1/2018 19:00

Today, after having been off due to the holidays, I awoke to several missed calls and texts from my supervisor asking where I was. Fearing losing my job, I drove the entire 2-hour commute thinking I’d missed a day. I hadn't; he was just trying to get my weekly reports early. FML

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By Rjlup - 11/6/2013 14:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I took my pet rabbit to the vet because I had noticed his genitals looked swollen compared to my other rabbit's. It turns out he's just "gifted". The vet laughed at me. FML

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By mcase - 31/7/2012 05:36 - United States - Compton

Today, my 17-year-old daughter's friend told her that superglue works well as lip gloss. She tried it. FML

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By Jerrrr - 27/5/2009 00:22 - United States

Today, I wanted revenge on the rabbit who ate my garden's plants. When he returned, he was standing next to my brand new above-ground swimming pool. I pull out my 22. rifle and shot at it, but the bullet missed and popped a hole in my pool. 15,000 gallons of water flooded my basement. FML

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By Sebastian20 - 8/5/2013 11:05 - Netherlands - Groningen

Today, after a night of heavy drinking, I woke up handcuffed to my bed. My friends who are responsible for this think it's hilarious and claimed not to remember where they put the keys. They took pictures, then left. FML

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By someone - 2/9/2009 11:00 - Denmark

Today, I went to the dentist to get a hole in my tooth filled. After the dentist had injected the anesthetic into my gums, she realized that none of the electrical equipment were working. She sent me home. My entire right side of my face is completely numb and swollen for no reason. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/12/2017 15:00

Today, after 4 years of college to get a BA in Marketing and 2 years to get an MBA, I landed a great job as a receptionist. My boss likes to fist bump when I buzz him through the security door correctly. FML

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By Savannah - 1/8/2011 21:20 - United States

Today, my dad confessed that the only reason I'm alive today is because he couldn't afford to pay for an abortion. He couldn't afford it because he'd splashed out on brand new furniture at IKEA shortly before discovering my mom was pregnant. FML

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By md - 25/11/2009 04:08 - Canada

Today, I got an alarm installed in my car, and was having problems with it not going off when the car was hit. To demonstrate this to the installers, I bumped my car with my hip, which left a dent, and set the alarm off. FML

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By perfectmoment - 30/11/2009 00:47 - Canada

Today, I called my boyfriend to have a shoulder to cry on because my grandpa died. As soon as I told him, he started crying and telling me how much he missed his grandmother, who died six years ago. I spent the majority of the phone call listening to him wail. FML

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By juliearis - 6/7/2013 19:45 - United States - Westport

Today, my husband received the "antique" samurai sword that he bought on Craigslist with $399.99 of our money. He only shared my outrage at the waste of money when he opened the package, only to find a toy sword along with a note saying, "HAHA, TROLLED." FML

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By Idiot - 22/2/2017 04:00 - United States - Anchorage

Today, while working at the bar, I had a beautiful woman squeeze my bicep and tell me I was in amazing shape. Instead of flirting like any normal human being, I awkwardly said, "Thanks…" and then walked away in shame. FML

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By buttsmcgee - 22/11/2016 07:05 - United States - Roseburg

Today, we finally got paperwork saying we were approved for a loan to buy a house! The only problem? It's not eligible for the county we live in. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/4/2009 11:49 - Malaysia

Today, my family and I went to a beach where you could swim with dolphins. I was a little scared to swim with them so the trainers had a 5 minute chat to me about how they were harmless creatures. Once I got in, the dolphin attacked me and bit me. FML

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By Andrew - 31/10/2011 04:04 - United States

Today, my fiancé and I got married. We both promised to remain abstinent until our wedding day. She's on her period. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/9/2012 05:08 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I had to go into the school for the third time this week because my son is claiming he's on bath salts and biting all his classmates. My son is 16. FML

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By new 2 twitter - 10/1/2017 23:23

Today, I had to make a Twitter account, because that is apparently the best way to get news from our new president. FML

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By mrWrong - 25/3/2009 01:20 - United States

Today, my rescue squad unit responded to a 911 call from a woman who felt she was going to pass out. We knocked on her locked door a couple times with no answer. Fearing she might be unconscious, I kicked in the door. She was about to open it and only passed out from the concussion I gave her. FML

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By deadbeatdad - 15/11/2015 22:35 - United States - Edmond

Today, I popped two tires hitting a curb. I called my dad hysterical, and he told me to call my mom and hung up. My mom's been dead for seven years. FML

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By I will find you and I will fucking fuck y - 5/1/2014 20:39 - United Kingdom - Falmouth

Today, I woke up from a short nap, only to find two waxing strips stuck to my eyebrows. I now have very little of my eyebrows remaining, and just as little idea which idiot in my family pulled this stupid excuse of a prank. FML

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By Noname - 8/3/2009 07:11 - United States

Today, I was driving on the freeway in the back seat of my friends car. I looked over to the left and was greeted by a van full of adolescent boys waving and making the "call me" hand gesture. I then happened to looked down and realized that my right boob was completely out of my top. FML

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By will3000 - 12/1/2011 13:28

Today, I was on my way to work behind a very slow car. At a red light, the lady came over and punched me in the face for following her too closely. We are coworkers and our desks are next to each other. FML

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By BadLuckLad - 22/10/2014 22:38 - United Kingdom - Portsmouth

Today, I walked in on my girlfriend cheating on me. The guy turned around and said, "Sorry, I borrowed your condoms." FML

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Top comments

By love_rose18 | 9

#5609243 - Friday 2 August 2013 5:32

Your boss is a dick.

By flashback.miss | 28

#5609241 - Friday 2 August 2013 5:31

Sorry you were set up for that OP. At least you're still employed.

Comments

By flashback.miss | 28

#5609241 - Friday 2 August 2013 5:31

Sorry you were set up for that OP. At least you're still employed.

daniel_0084 | 14

#5609268 - Friday 2 August 2013 5:39

What the hell is wrong with your profile picture.

tiernang | 21

#5609291 - Friday 2 August 2013 5:49

7, i have seen it so much lately, im numb to it now.

friedpwnadge | 25

#5609333 - Friday 2 August 2013 6:12

It's an eye leech, commonly used in many cultures to drain bad blood and help with infections.
The more you know :)

Zynris | 10

#5609346 - Friday 2 August 2013 6:19

Looks a lot more like grape jelly to me.

DJisHere11 | 19

#5609368 - Friday 2 August 2013 6:48

It looks really fucked up to me. I don't even like reading her comments because of that picture.

TheCanucklehead | 22

#5609477 - Friday 2 August 2013 8:30

Set up like a girl on a blind date with a 40yr old virgin

UglyFatGirl | 9

#5609510 - Friday 2 August 2013 9:05

what?!..

tjv3 | 10

#5610558 - Saturday 3 August 2013 2:48

Well check the company policy on acceptable use for the computer/Internet/email then report him to HR and smile

ohSNAPyall | 26

#5611241 - Saturday 3 August 2013 14:23

Don't encourage HR to be dicks.

Do print it with the time stamp so that they know it was right before same dude wrote you up, just in case.

By love_rose18 | 9

#5609243 - Friday 2 August 2013 5:32

Your boss is a dick.

PterodactylMan | 23

#5609308 - Friday 2 August 2013 5:58

A big one at that, hey at least your not fighting for your job like the other FML

_parth | 20

#5610062 - Friday 2 August 2013 19:29

Or a hilarious boss.

By herh1996 | 6

#5609250 - Friday 2 August 2013 5:34

Wow, you should send him an equally funny email next time he has a meeting or something.

KingReppin956 | 15

#5609408 - Friday 2 August 2013 7:29

Umm no because his boss is the boss & can fire him.

By ryanthecheeseguy | 18

#5609254 - Friday 2 August 2013 5:34

Your boss is an ass.

By narkill | 13

#5609256 - Friday 2 August 2013 5:36

Just plant some weed in his desk next time.
Actually no, don't do that.

Fluffasuars_Rawr | 15

#5609270 - Friday 2 August 2013 5:40

Haha, he would probably take the weed and just smoke it xD

electricshock19 | 12

#5609303 - Friday 2 August 2013 5:56

Why not?...

subiedude08 | 17

#5609533 - Friday 2 August 2013 9:35

Because that's just wrong that could get him arrested he only suspended her

By thatgirlkat | 9

#5609267 - Friday 2 August 2013 5:39

This man is the definition of a dick.

By hcollins1 | 18

#5609273 - Friday 2 August 2013 5:41

If there is anyone in management that is in a higher position than your boss, show them the email the he had sent you. I can't stand people who take advantage of their power!

By kjones99 | 11

#5609280 - Friday 2 August 2013 5:42

Your boss is a jerk, and take this as a hint and possibly find someone better to work for.

By whyisitme12 | 19

#5609281 - Friday 2 August 2013 5:42

Be happy you still got job, any other boss would of just fired on spot. Still FML

alycion | 38

#5609307 - Friday 2 August 2013 5:58

I know the economy sucks and good jobs can be hard to come by, but we shouldn't be happy about having a job if companies and bosses continue to treat us like shit. If people keep that attitude, things will never change.

Shade1982 | 20

#5609535 - Friday 2 August 2013 9:36

Exactly. In no way should we accept this kind of intolerable behavior just because we should be happy to have a job!

By perdix | 29

#5609287 - Friday 2 August 2013 5:44

The email was likely mildly amusing and the fact you found it "hilarious" showed you to be a shameless suck-up.

Justy101 | 23

#5609628 - Friday 2 August 2013 12:45

Doubt it.