Money: Today, I was overdrawn $15 at the bank. I paid in my last $80...

By witt75 - United States

Today, I was overdrawn $15 at the bank. I paid in my last $80 in cash, only for them to inform me that I've been slapped with $90 in overdraft fees. FML

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Money

Proactive

And today, on Dr Phil…

Life is unfair…

By helpme

Today, my gay best friend slept over, as he has many times during the past three years of our friendship. This time, however, he confessed to me that he's only pretended to be gay to get closer to me because he's in love with me. I've allowed my stalker to sleep in my house and in my bed for three years. FML

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By pyrogypsy - United States - Seattle

Today, I was the weird girl on the city bus who falls asleep then makes a loud, weird noise and wakes herself up. FML

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By vegeta

Today, I’ve been getting sexy messages from an unknown number. First I told her to stop multiple times, then I blocked her. I can only assume that she changed her number and managed to find me and message me again. My girlfriend saw the messages and told me flatly “It’s over.” FML

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By Dani - Australia

Stranger danger

Today, I happened to make eye contact with a stranger standing on a balcony of the apartment building across the train tracks from mine. He ran his finger across his neck like a knife and winked at me. I'm afraid to go out again. FML

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By Fartfail - Hong Kong - Corozal

Today, while vacuuming my new apartment, I farted a few times. After my last fart, I turned to find my super-hot neighbor standing at the door. Panicking, I asked in a "I-didn't-just-fart-my-ass" tone, "Oh hi! Been standing there for long?" She replied, "Since your initial rip." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, while at work, I was trying to locate the source of the really bad BO wafting around, when I realized I'd forgotten to put on deodorant this morning. I have 5 hours of shame left to go. FML

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By Rory - Canada - Toronto

Today, despite the fact that I'm really sick, my mom insisted that I come home and help babysit my cousins this weekend. When I got there, everyone else took off to do "errands," leaving me with three hyperactive, howler monkey-like children to deal with. FML

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By Username - United States

Wuss

Today, I asked my boyfriend if there's a reason why he has never gone down on me. He responded, "Your back door is too close to your front door and it creeps me out." FML

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By Anonymous

Back-seat parenting

Today, I yelled at my oldest son for picking his little brother up by the throat. Only to then be yelled at my my mother-in-law for hurting his feelings. FML

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By betray the betrayer - 10/10/2020 17:02 - United States

Blabbermouth

Today, after a lifetime of my mom being a huge gossip, even about her own kids, and lying about being the one spreading it around, my siblings and I have decided to stop telling my mom things. Now she lays these huge guilt trips on us, just because we don’t want the world to know our business. FML

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By liz - United States

Today, at work, I had toast thrown at me by an old Vietnam vet. Who also happens to have a dead cat in his freezer. I love retirement homes. FML

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By ohbiebjetaime - France

Today, a guy asked for my number at a party. As I was entering my number into his phone, my name and a picture of me popped up. I'm afraid I just met my stalker. FML

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By sorrydad - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had our parents over to our new apartment for the first time. We spent hours cleaning, cooking, and making sure everything was "parent-appropriate." Apparently we didn't notice the S and M catalog in the pile on our coffee table... but his mom sure did. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a mass text message from a friend saying she's sorry she can't meet up with our group of friends for drinks because she's busy tonight. This is the first I've heard of any bar-crawling. FML

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By mastel07 - United Kingdom - Stevenage

Today, I found a very light blonde long hair on my marital bed's pillow. I confronted my husband about it and after hours of arguments and me throwing his stuff out of the house, I found another. Attached to my head. My husband isn't having an affair, I'm just going grey. FML

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By eww657 - United Kingdom

Today, it's the first evening that my husband and I will have without the kids in 8 months. We had been looking forward to it for ages, and my husband had even bought me some lovely new lingerie for the occasion. Guess what? I just got diarrhea. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I took my daughter on her first visit to the zoo. While we were watching the lemurs, some kid thought it would be funny to start shouting "MONKEY CUNTS" at them at the top of his voice. Now my daughter refuses to stop repeating the same phrase. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my brother thought he would take my key and steal my shoes from my football locker while I was at practice. What he didn't think about was him leaving my locker unlocked for the 3 hours of practice. Someone stole my iPod, my cell phone, my wallet, and all of my clothes. FML

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By jonboy - United Kingdom

Today, I got a new comfy duvet and pillow and was looking forward to a good night's sleep. I got into bed and was followed by my dog, who then threw up the tub of butter he had just stolen from the kitchen onto my brand new bed spread. FML

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By Dickhead - Lebanon

Today, I found a condom on my bed with a note written by my girlfriend that said, "Since you started acting like a dick, you might as well dress like one." FML

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By Declan - 4/12/2020 21:58 - United States - Miami

A case of Keemstar beard?

Today, I finally got my boyfriend to go get his lockdown beard trimmed. He came back with the kind of pointy monstrosity you see on people like Keemstar. I'm tempted to prune it in his sleep. FML

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By beer guy

Today, I got punched in the back by elderly woman because she thought I was mocking the way she walked as I passed her. I was walking funny because I have a brace-boot on my foot due to the fact that it got run over. FML

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By flowerchildd2 - United States

Today, a creepy old guy on the bus asked me if I wanted to "lick it." When I said no, he tried to convince me by telling me that "it tastes good." FML

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By MaeMoss - United States

Today, I used a man's shirt as a pillowcase and sprayed it with cologne so I wouldn't feel alone in the night. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I made the mistake of sneezing in front of a hyper religious customer, who for ten minutes blamed the incident of shifting weather patterns that signaled the return of Jesus, who was as she explained, upset about the abortion rates in America and President Obama. FML

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By Username

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he was growing a mustache, as he had whiskers. He looked at me and said "No, but apparently you are." FML

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By gb - Australia

Today, I was dancing with the 4 hottest girls I've ever seen at a club, and I fainted. FML

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By Reliena - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were in the shower, we began to get a bit frisky. That was until I lifted my arms and he immediately made one of his "Chewbacca Calls." He was referring to my armpits that I had forgotten to shave. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my second roommate in less then a week got a DUI. Both roommates are demanding that I drive them around for free until they get their licenses back, or else they won't have the funds to pay their rent. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Nanaimo

Today, I started my job as a driving instructor. My first client showed up piss drunk. FML

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By Ophelia - United States - Hudson

Today, a realtor came to take a look at my house. I had worked all morning to make it look lovely. When they took pictures, I explained a number of ways I could change things so everything would look as good as possible. After the house tour, they told me it should be bulldozed. FML

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By backtosquareone - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, after months of searching, I was offered a job. After hearing how excited I was on the phone, HR docked the initial salary offer by 40% in the written contract. She said it was non-negotiable. Guess I'm back to job hunting. FML

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By Urinator - United Kingdom - Inchture

Today, I invited a girl back to my house and she seemed cool. I then left to go to the toilet. When I came back, there was a giant wet patch on the rug. The girl then blamed it on my dog, whose picture is on the wall. My dog died last week. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned that if I don't clean out the litter box everyday, my cat will resort to shitting in the laundry basket. FML

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By clearkim - 8/4/2021 17:00

We all grieve in our own ways

Today, it’s the anniversary of my mother’s death. My stepmom decided that since I’m not unusually sad or crying, it must mean I didn’t care that my own mom is dead, and am therefore a psychopath. Anniversaries mean nothing to me. FML

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By wherermypants - United States - Austin

Today, I discovered that when I'm drunk, I hate wearing clothes. And it doesn't matter who is around to see it, not even my soon-to-be father-in-law. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I noticed I have more alcohol in my fridge than I do actual food. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my best friend was having a birthday party and I wasn't invited, so I asked her why. She replied, "what birthday party?" It was a surprise birthday party. FML

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By Arcanin3Boss - United States - Portland

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to eat dinner with his parents. Everyone wanted me to start the family prayer, and although I hadn't done one in years, I accepted. It went well until I remembered you say "Amen" at the end, not "Uh... Bye." FML

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By SkeetinKeaton - United States

Today, I let my step-father know exactly what I thought of him. After a few moments of awkward silence, he leaned towards me and quietly whispered, "Well you're adopted. Your parents never loved you." FML

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Top comments

By ImaginaryFoe | 0

#2116413 - Thursday 24 February 2011 0:19

I've been there so I can say from experience that it is 100% your fault. If you had the cash, you should've dropped it into your account before cheques came in. Also, why didn't you just deposit $20? Then you'd at least have $60 in your pocket.

If you've never overdrawn your account before, you could ask the bank to reverse the fees as a one-time courtesy.

By kiwi00 | 0

#2116348 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 23:52

Time to start hookin'.

COMMENTS

By Alekyork | 0

#2116341 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 23:50

First

breena25 | 0

#2116567 - Thursday 24 February 2011 1:53

pickles1994 | 18

#2117558 - Thursday 24 February 2011 8:36

that's why op should stop using an overdraft account

tashaburr | 0

#2117591 - Thursday 24 February 2011 8:53

BoA

fuzion50 | 6

#2118805 - Thursday 24 February 2011 18:54

ure every1luvsbonerz from the one after this one

By kiwi00 | 0

#2116348 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 23:52

Time to start hookin'.

meowmeowwkitty | 0

#2117656 - Thursday 24 February 2011 9:14

like fish? from a line?
ahh makes sense no $ .... dinner

lol hookin'... no g cuz your cool... hooker-ring maybe?
;)

explodingmuffint | 0

#2117826 - Thursday 24 February 2011 11:02

ignore 79. he's stupid

Captain_Zorro | 7

#2118011 - Thursday 24 February 2011 13:08

WTF 79

eurostar710 | 11

#3444929 - Monday 17 October 2011 13:47

Corporate greed. Fuck the bank.

By fwalmrt13 | 1

#2116351 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 23:53

That totally blows

_trollA_ | 0

#2116404 - Thursday 24 February 2011 0:16

lyk her mim xD

_trollA_ | 0

#2116407 - Thursday 24 February 2011 0:18

mom*

Renesaga | 8

#2116433 - Thursday 24 February 2011 0:32

Like*

SirEBC | 7

#2116475 - Thursday 24 February 2011 0:56

*luck

Katy326 | 10

#2116613 - Thursday 24 February 2011 2:12

they'll be blowing something to earn the cash.

By Michyxo | 14

#2116352 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 23:54

Ouch.

By ulicksam | 0

#2116361 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 23:58

Happens to everyone that's overdrawn. May as well happen to you too. YDI.

By SirEBC | 7

#2116363 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 23:59

Looks like the bank just made you its bitch..

..in more than one way.

Iccceeedd.

aquariusangel420 | 0

#2121847 - Friday 25 February 2011 8:05



By LunaNstars | 0

#2116365 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 23:59

you is broke!

Shootamonkey3 | 0

#2121745 - Friday 25 February 2011 7:27

You is ugly!

By smashgrab | 0

#2116366 - Thursday 24 February 2011 0:01

YDI. What, did you think banks suddenly stopped charging overdraft fees? Usually they are $35 a pop though, so FYL for having a shitty bank. Unless you have multiple overdrafts. Then YDI even more. Why would you drop cash into your account when you don't have anything to live on?