Love: Today, it was my wedding day. Midway through the ceremony, my...

By mel_bear_ - United Kingdom

Today, it was my wedding day. Midway through the ceremony, my visibly drunk uncle stood up and denounced the minister for "preaching yer god shite where it weren't never be welcome". FML

I agree, your life sucks

25210

You deserved it

2572

Favorite

Love

Out of it

Late term

Reverse psychology

By Just an Exam - United States

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating on his final exam. I confronted him after class by jokingly asking, "If you cheated on a test, would you cheat on me?" Turns out that yes, yes he would, and he did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9293

You deserved it

789

Favorite

By ailat0107 - United States

Today, two of my girlfriends and I went to a bar. The only action any of us got was a 50 year old man who came up and handed us "An origami vagina for the pretty ladies." FML

I agree, your life sucks

50070

You deserved it

5624

Favorite

By Freelman - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I tried to write a bad review for the fast-food place at which I work part-time. My username made me anonymous, but I forgot to change my profile picture. Now my manager and coworkers won't even speak to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12192

You deserved it

44199

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/3/2021 02:01 - United States - Great Mills

A new enemy

Today, my cat jumped into my lap and sat on my headphone cord. I tried to get it out from under her by pulling on it. Big mistake. My cat is now eyeing the cord and will attack it if I move it again. I have expensive headphones and the cord is not interchangeable. FML

I agree, your life sucks

585

You deserved it

348

Favorite

By tried to help

Stranger Danger!

Today, I was going into a store and saw a woman roughly handling a screaming toddler. I kept walking, until I heard the kid scream, "Help! You’re not my mommy!” I called 911 and stood behind the car to keep her from taking off. The cops arrived to see me fending off blows from a very pissed off grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1855

You deserved it

518

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while I was waiting in line at McDonalds, I found out I can sneeze, pee, and poop all at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52784

You deserved it

7950

Favorite

By sothisishowidie - Guam - Yigo

Today, my friends and I spent a little too long enjoying a beautiful cliff overlooking the ocean. We spent the next 3 hours lost in a pitch black jungle with only one pocket-sized flashlight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38669

You deserved it

12944

Favorite

By Leota - United States

Today, I received a message on Facebook from a guy I've liked for a year. He asked me if I wanted to hang out, so I said yes. When I walked out to his car later on, he gave me a really confused look. Apparently I was on my brother's Facebook, and he'd never logged out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39103

You deserved it

12995

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/2/2021 06:58 - United Kingdom - Halesowen

Thanks for the support

Today, I felt suicidal and told my mum I was going to hang myself from my curtain rod. All she cared about was the rod possibly coming loose and damaging the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

821

You deserved it

265

Favorite

By tb351 - United States

Today, I asked my kids if I looked good before going to work. Smiling, they told me I looked wonderful. It wasn't until I got to work and looked into the mirror until I noticed my left eyebrow was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38378

You deserved it

8431

Favorite

By DisturbedMan - United Kingdom - Maidstone

Today, as if having to endure the noises of my parents having sex in the next room wasn't painful enough, my mom decided to shout, "Yeah! Like a horse!" I want to cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65920

You deserved it

5906

Favorite

By Garcia2284

Today, I asked a customer three times before he saw the doctor if he had any medical insurance and he replied "no" each time. Paying his bill out of pocket, this dude had the nerve to ask, "So why didn't my medical insurance cover this?" He had coverage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2869

You deserved it

139

Favorite

By B-Man - Canada

Today, I woke up lying on the ground outside with a horrible headache. I camped out in my tree house last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28590

You deserved it

10002

Favorite

By paradox - United States

Today, I realized my best friend has had it off in my apartment more times than I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38262

You deserved it

5339

Favorite

By becstar90 - United States

Today, I was taking a picture with my friend. Her camera can pick out a certain color and only have that color show up in the picture. She chose yellow because of the yellow on my dress. When she showed me the picture, the sash wasn't the only yellow thing; my teeth showed up, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45462

You deserved it

18271

Favorite

By notyourmummy - United Kingdom - Ryde

Today, my boyfriend started to suck on my boob, which I quite enjoy, until he said he was breastfeeding and called me "Mummy". I don't think I can ever let his mouth near my boobs ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30705

You deserved it

3298

Favorite

By Cirese Summerrose

Sharing is caring

Today, I found out I have herpes. I'm 9 months pregnant and have only been with my husband. It just so happens that our roommate just got over herpes. I thought they were just spending time together, bonding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2152

You deserved it

244

Favorite

By "Kymberly Hams" - Australia

Today, my toddler was supposed to be taking a nap. Instead, he decided it was the perfect time to remove his own nappy for the first time ever. He painted his walls, floor, bed and body, then started crying because he was dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1914

You deserved it

301

Favorite

By pass me the fucking rope - United States - Brooklyn

Today, just when I thought my day couldn't get any worse, a bird shat on my lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14359

You deserved it

915

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Mansfield

Today, a girl came up to me on the street and said, "You have like no swag, bro." Feeling clever, I said, "At least I have a high school education." She then took out her work ID, showing me that she was a surgeon, flipped me off, then walked away saying, "This is totally going on Facebook." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34829

You deserved it

30037

Favorite

By fuck you with a bacon cock - United Kingdom - Forres

Today, I got up early in the morning to get a snack, only to walk in on my "vegan" housemate eating a turkey sandwich. This bastard harasses me every other day about my meat-eating, but all he could do after he noticed me was drop the sandwich and claim he'd been sleepwalking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43172

You deserved it

3475

Favorite

By inapickle - United States - Topsham

Today, my boyfriend walked in on me as I was browsing a baby name website. I explained to him that I was naming characters for a novel I was planning to write, but he is completely convinced that I'm pregnant, and has even told his parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29721

You deserved it

3902

Favorite

By djoe - Australia

Today, I was patting my kitten who was asleep underneath the blanket on my lap. My roommate walked in and gave me disgusted look. She thought I was playing with myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26734

You deserved it

6289

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to pick up my drunk mom at bar. While we were driving home she thanked me over and over again and then said "thank god you have no life!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

56625

You deserved it

4481

Favorite

By knifewow - Australia - Ashgrove

Today, I angrily waved away an annoying fly with a large knife. I stabbed myself in the shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6389

You deserved it

13312

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/8/2020 23:02 - Germany - Köln

Yummy

Today, I discovered that 90% of what I do still works on autopilot when I’m too tired to pay attention: Take coffee cup, walk to fridge, open fridge door, grab bottle, pour contents into coffee. The missing 10% was the fact that this particular bottle contained grapefruit juice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

982

You deserved it

394

Favorite

By cinderella - Netherlands

Today, I found my beloved hamster dead in her cage. Later that day, my boyfriend told me he already noticed that she was dead last night, but did not feel like telling me because he was afraid I wouldn't feel like doing it anymore that night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33306

You deserved it

4459

Favorite

By ouch - United States

Today, my girlfriend was telling me how concerned she was about her weight. I told her not to worry, because it gives more cushion for the pushin' anyway. She picked up a lamp and threw it right at my dingleberries. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10023

You deserved it

76101

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/8/2020 06:02 - United States - Roy

Make the day about me!

Today, at my wedding, my grandmother special requested a wheelchair, even though she doesn’t and never has needed any kind of assistance walking or standing at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1049

You deserved it

164

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, at the end of a night of heavy drinking, I decided it was a good idea to go off into the park with a friend of mine. We ended up fooling around in the park, when a couple of kids stole our clothes. We had to walk back to town with no clothes on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15483

You deserved it

74036

Favorite

By 102496 - France

Today, I went to the store with my 4 1/2 year old daughter. When we got to the cosmetics aisle, she asked what make-up was for, I told her it was to make women prettier. My daughter then told me it was a good thing I wear make-up because I was ugly and that I might scare off my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33652

You deserved it

4563

Favorite

By needanewphone - United States

Today, while I was getting ready to take a shower, I placed my phone on the counter next to the toilet. While I was washing my hair, someone called me. My phone was on vibrate, so I didn't hear it until it vibrated off the counter and into the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18880

You deserved it

32225

Favorite

By shylahrc - United States

Today, my mom discovered a new way to get over her breakup: yodelling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43084

You deserved it

3504

Favorite

By alissa_roar - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years told me I was being too obsessive. This is the guy who has gone through my phone two separate times and deleted all of my male contacts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42680

You deserved it

8482

Favorite

By woof? - United States - San Francisco

Today, while studying for an exam, the neighbor's chihuahua started barking outside. After a few seconds, my mom yelled out for me to stop laughing. She honestly thought the barking was my laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32484

You deserved it

3427

Favorite

By thedogkisser - United States

Today, when petting my friend's dog, I acted like I was going to make out with him. While I wasn't looking the dog stuck his entire tongue in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12073

You deserved it

84013

Favorite

By loving grandaughter - United States

Today, after months of cooking breakfast, lunch, and dinner for my husband's grandmother due to her getting a hip replacement, I overheard her calling me a whore over the phone from the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34834

You deserved it

2736

Favorite

By OweLotsaMoney - United States

Today, I arrived at my college dorm. To help me sleep, I listened to my local radio from my phone. Little did I know, they turn off the wifi for part of the night, and hours of music were streamed onto my phone. Guess who now owes the phone company all my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47518

You deserved it

12194

Favorite

By Robert - United States - Anchorage

Today, I had another lucid dream. Like every time I lucid dream, I immediately started having tons of dream sex. That would've been fine if I hadn't been taking a nap on the living room couch in the middle of the day. The entire family heard my squirming and moaning and saw me nut my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7507

You deserved it

2590

Favorite

By dolceconfuoco - United States

Today, I have an ear infection, and everything I hear echoes inside my head. I'm an orchestra teacher, and we have our first concert next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31849

You deserved it

2572

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By loserman67 | 35

#4164370 - Wednesday 14 March 2012 19:26

Seems to me that if you're posting an FML on your wedding day you have a lot bigger problems than your drunken uncle..... JMHO

By astralvagan | 20

#4164373 - Wednesday 14 March 2012 19:08

I would have hit him with the bible

COMMENTS

By TheDarkCynder | 2

#4164367 - Wednesday 14 March 2012 19:07

Hah, that's embarrassing. I probably would have laughed a little though.

ThisIsMyReign | 4

#4164495 - Wednesday 14 March 2012 19:19

Wow, I am highly upset to what humanity has become.

RaggleFrock | 13

#4166761 - Thursday 15 March 2012 1:23

...pirates?

By loserman67 | 35

#4164370 - Wednesday 14 March 2012 19:26

Seems to me that if you're posting an FML on your wedding day you have a lot bigger problems than your drunken uncle..... JMHO

THE_A_TEEN | 27

#4164673 - Wednesday 14 March 2012 20:22

loserman67, it probably happened later on in the day or maybe it happened some time ago. I mean, it is manditory to put "today" on every FML.

Jannettecooks | 1

#4165516 - Wednesday 14 March 2012 21:33

You beat me to it. Actually there might be a lot of "beating" in the upcoming marriage if you can't even get some on your wedding day!

False_Stupidity | 41

#4165571 - Wednesday 14 March 2012 21:44

Does it not occur to either of you that although the FML says 'today' it was probably written days ago and likely days after the event.

RaggleFrock | 13

#4166778 - Thursday 15 March 2012 1:26

Don't feed the trolls. It's tempting, but don't.

Ameel_fml | 19

#4167002 - Thursday 15 March 2012 2:13

All FMLs need to have "Today," written at the start of them. So this probably didn't really happen "today", but the OP needed to write that it did.

By astralvagan | 20

#4164373 - Wednesday 14 March 2012 19:08

I would have hit him with the bible

By Sielune | 8

#4164377 - Wednesday 14 March 2012 19:08

Double negative! Your uncle must love his preaching.

By immaMonsta | 8

#4164382 - Wednesday 14 March 2012 19:27

Someday you're gonna look back on this and have a good laugh. But today is not that day.

futtgoredo | 0

#4171915 - Friday 16 March 2012 4:06

stfu

everydayFML2121 | 5

#4655145 - Friday 6 July 2012 1:36

OFWGKTA!!!

By glutgyoogle | 6

#4164384 - Wednesday 14 March 2012 19:09

Sounds more Irish than British...

bendystraw5 | 0

#4164438 - Wednesday 14 March 2012 19:23

nah, Irish people don't speak like that, it sounds a lot like someone from up north or our version of a hick. Doesn't say where the uncle comes from anyhow.