Today, it was my birthday, and my boyfriend got surgery on his... - FML

By gallstones - 9/7/2009 07:02 - United States

Today, it was my birthday, and my boyfriend got surgery on his gallbladder because he had big gallstones. After they were removed, he was still a little out of it from the morphine. He gave the gallstones to me for my birthday. Better still, his mom suggested I make a necklace out of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54097

You deserved it

3814

Tweet

Share

No one likes a smart-ass

British Broadcasting Corporation

Rich people problems

By itwasmyfavoriteshirt - 16/8/2012 19:28 - United States - Bentonville

Today, my aunt borrowed my favorite shirt. Don't worry, she returned it. Complete with jizz stains. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38913

You deserved it

3657

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/1/2014 21:09 - United States

Today, after trying for several days to change some details on the social security website, I got fed up and called them. I waited nearly two hours on hold, and when I finally got through, the guy on the other end just told me to reboot my computer and try again, then hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47015

You deserved it

4353

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/11/2019 14:00

Chocolate chip

Today, I was eating chocolate chip cookies around the house and saw a chocolate chip on the floor. Not wanting my dog to eat it, given that chocolate is poisonous for dogs, I swiped it up with my finger and put it to my mouth. It was then that I realized it was a stub of my dog's poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

864

You deserved it

2660

Tweet

Share

By _kristaaxo - 21/11/2016 09:24 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, my boyfriend turned out to be a moron. Although he loves anal porn, he says gay sex is revolting. His reasoning? Because guys poop out of their buttholes. Apparently women don't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13192

You deserved it

1389

Tweet

Share

By I'veRunOuttaPatience - 31/8/2018 03:30

Today, I got scolded for how I treated my aunt and uncle's dogs while pet sitting. I was told it was my fault they had explosive diarrhea for "locking" them in the room they'd told me to put them in at night and doing everything they said when I reported they were sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2847

You deserved it

189

Tweet

Share

By JN5SLK - 8/11/2013 22:29 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I walked into my dorm room, only to witness my roommate shaving her vag over my trashcan. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55876

You deserved it

4608

Tweet

Share

By JJ - 14/11/2009 03:07 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend of three years sent me a text saying: "I don't think we can see each other anymore, the nights were great, but I think I'm falling in love with Julie". I'm Julie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49340

You deserved it

2916

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/5/2019 20:00

Today, my girlfriend and I tried to have sex in the shower. While trying to support her weight, as we got into things, I slipped backwards on the wet floor and fell through the Pyrex side of the shower, with her crashing down on me. I now have bits of Pyrex in my back and have to replace the shower side. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1677

You deserved it

721

Tweet

Share

By weak - 23/2/2014 14:36 - United States - Columbus

Today, I was helping my wife bring in the groceries. She was able to carry 4 bags and a jug of milk. I was struggling with 2 bags. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37291

You deserved it

22483

Tweet

Share

By pointlessperson - 6/2/2009 14:28 - Canada

Today, I hung out with a friend who has been too busy to hang out with me in a few months. I decided to make the day super special with fun plans and spent a lot of money doing so. When I got home, her facebook status said "Pointless day, gone to bed". FML

I agree, your life sucks

40655

You deserved it

2972

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/4/2015 16:58 - United Kingdom - Exminster

Today, after assuming I'd been scammed, I finally found the vibrator I ordered over 2 months ago. It was in my mom's bedside cabinet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38572

You deserved it

4405

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/12/2015 20:36 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, my friend took me tandem skydiving. When it was time to jump, he began crying, said he'd cut our parachute cords, then said "Goodbye, cruel world!" and pushed me off the plane with him strapped to my back. I pissed myself and cried like a bitch. He thinks his "prank" was hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27924

You deserved it

2865

Tweet

Share

By BondingTime - 17/3/2014 09:51 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I was babysitting my nephew and we decided to color together. He drew a picture of someone who looked dead, almost zombie-like, while everyone else looked pretty normal. When I asked who it was, he said in a serious, scary voice, "It's you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39934

You deserved it

4077

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/2/2011 15:08 - Australia

Today, I went to a haunted show restaurant. I needed the toilet badly, but they were inside the building, which could only be gotten to via a ghost train. The footage of me peeing myself in terror on the train was played on a big screen inside, in front of a crowd of onlookers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32217

You deserved it

5024

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/11/2010 15:35 - Romania

Today, in my journalism class, after trying hard to find some actual news to comment, we ended up talking about gay porn and fashion designers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12385

You deserved it

20973

Tweet

Share

By Hello condoms and lube - 9/2/2016 21:53 - United Kingdom - Lewes

Today, I learnt what my boss meant when he said he would 'get his revenge on me' for winning a bet. I have to clean all the rooms that currently have a couple staying in it on February 15th. I don't want to work in a hotel anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19921

You deserved it

1649

Tweet

Share

By sasquatch21 - 21/2/2010 13:36 - Bahrain

Today, I realized that my husband has a video games addiction. I am currently pregnant; he brought us to the same country he's in so we can finally live together, only for me to witness him being glued to his laptop all day and all night playing WoW. He's forgotten I even existed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31491

You deserved it

5861

Tweet

Share

By nerderer - 30/4/2015 18:48 - United States - Duluth

Today, after frantically searching my house and office and calling every place I'd visited in the last 24 hours, I finally found my phone in my fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26769

You deserved it

6792

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/5/2013 22:05 - United States - Kapolei

Today, I woke up to my friend stroking my face with the bottom of his foot and whispering, "Shh, you're okay." FML

I agree, your life sucks

43597

You deserved it

4382

Tweet

Share

By Christen - 19/2/2009 21:11 - United States

Today, I walked out of the bathroom when two guys were checking me out and said "nice tail" I smiled and strutted to my next class. When I was about to sit down in my desk, the girl behind me said "did you know you have toilet paper hanging out of your pants?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

18326

You deserved it

36545

Tweet

Share

By moneyman22 - 1/3/2010 19:09 - United States

Today, I was asked to take care of my 3 year old little brother. After 15 minutes of him screaming and me trying to keep him entertained, he started throwing his toy cars at me. He hit me in the mouth, and I started to bleed. My parents yelled at me for "not controlling him." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31280

You deserved it

3936

Tweet

Share

By nyebust - 1/1/2011 05:18 - United States

Today, my grandmother drunk dialed me at midnight to wish me a happy new year. I was already in bed. My grandmother has a better social life than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30104

You deserved it

8090

Tweet

Share

By Late - 12/11/2016 07:45

Today, my boss at my new job yelled at me for being 15 minutes early to work. Last week he yelled at me for being late for my shift when I arrived 5 minutes early. He's considering this my final warning before I'm fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11059

You deserved it

693

Tweet

Share

By Wisconsin love - 13/12/2010 17:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML

I agree, your life sucks

45812

You deserved it

10895

Tweet

Share

By deadandwasted - 20/2/2010 08:20 - United States

Today, I halted a cab. It was 12 degrees and snowing outside. When I went to get in, a man shoved me away and I slipped on ice into dirty snow slush, and he stole my cab. As it drove off, the man flipped me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34420

You deserved it

2427

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 31/10/2015 07:19 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She got incredibly excited and started flapping her hands around. Then she suddenly went deadpan and said "But seriously... no." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27832

You deserved it

1875

Tweet

Share

By Damn You Fortnite - 17/8/2018 15:00

Today, I discovered that my little brother sold my PS2, 3 and 4 along with all of my games in exchange for credits to use in Fortnite. I've had some of that stuff since before he was born. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3991

You deserved it

169

Tweet

Share

By Renderfist - 6/7/2017 18:30

Today, I had to comfort my wife after she found out that her boyfriend wasn't faithful to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6699

You deserved it

1800

Tweet

Share

By mermaidkeels - 8/9/2016 04:54 - United States - Miami

Today, after attending lectures for months, studying for weeks, and spending hours writing a 15-page research paper, I was informed that due to technological issues during registration, I was not enrolled in the class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17791

You deserved it

1210

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/1/2018 06:00

Today, I was walking the boardwalk when I felt a strange sensation between my legs as I sneezed. My tampon shot out like a cork and rolled to the side of my granny panties. I had to waddle like Yosemite Sam to the nearest potty. I was on a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4914

You deserved it

438

Tweet

Share

By Crushed - 9/12/2018 12:30

Today, I finally got past my anxiety and confessed my feelings to the guy I like and have been intimate with. He responded that he just still wants to be close friends with me and still bang me monogamously but with no relationship... FML

I agree, your life sucks

2957

You deserved it

482

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/5/2011 00:17 - United States

Today, I realized my mom cares more about Kurt's bullying problem on Glee than she does for mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44899

You deserved it

4106

Tweet

Share

By Joel_mama - 27/7/2009 01:12 - New Zealand

Today, while driving home with my parents. I pretended to be asleep so mum wouldn't talk to me. They then took this time to describe what they were going to do to each other when they got home. In full detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48851

You deserved it

20672

Tweet

Share

By usadisvet - 2/4/2015 06:43 - United States - Loudon

Today, at the DMV I was told I had to prove, with a doctor's note, that I was an amputee and my disability was permanent to get my placard. Apparently, setting my prosthetic leg on the counter wasn't proof enough, and is considered "threatening". The police were called. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42921

You deserved it

2601

Tweet

Share

By Loser - 1/11/2009 06:30 - United States

Today, I was playing a game of truth or dare in a group with a girl I liked. She was dared to kiss me, but then the group decided that that was too cruel of a dare. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50515

You deserved it

4505

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/4/2015 14:19

Today, my elderly dad once again asked me to make a reservation at a restaurant for him and a younger woman he's been seeing. Meanwhile, I haven't had anything even approaching a real date in over a decade. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26514

You deserved it

3380

Tweet

Share

By MIA - 15/9/2019 06:03

Today, on Maury…

Today, my husband of four years finally told me he has an eight-year-old son. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1954

You deserved it

149

Tweet

Share

By pooped - 13/5/2009 09:49 - China

Today, I was walking to find a public toilet in a Chinese village. While looking for the women's restroom, I stepped on a thin sheet of plastic. I fell into the toilet's waste collection area and found myself knee-deep in the villagers' faeces. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71796

You deserved it

5775

Tweet

Share

By grossedout - 6/9/2011 05:33 - United States

Today, while cleaning the house, I discovered that my husband has been making a little mountain of whatever he finds up his nose on the underside of our couch when he watches TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30005

You deserved it

2518

Tweet

Share

By Noname - 14/3/2009 18:22 - United States

Today, I checked my Facebook to find I had been tagged in a bunch of photos from a party I had attended last night. On each picture I had a comment from my mom saying, "You're grounded." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33967

You deserved it

81820

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By FreedomFirst | 0

#381966 - Thursday 9 July 2009 16:14

Oh gross! I could forgive the boyfriend - after all, people do weird things while stoned. But his mom is creepy. So gross. Eeeww.

By lizwriteslove | 0

#381960 - Thursday 9 July 2009 16:13

That is slightly disturbing.

Comments

By jillian_xx | 0

#381958 - Thursday 9 July 2009 16:12

FIRST!
lmao.

ew that is disgusting.

Reply

purple_nugget | 0

#382060 - Thursday 9 July 2009 16:40

god that is just plain nasty. give it back to him tell him.
NASTYY.

Reply

_THE_MASTER_ | 0

#382177 - Thursday 9 July 2009 17:20

no, it isn't disgusting, it's a lie...you don't get to keep things like that, under any circumstances...ever...

FAKE

Reply

jupiters_reject | 0

#382196 - Thursday 9 July 2009 17:26

its not a lie, when my mom had hers removed the doc asked if she wanted to keep them....and he let me hold the jar they were in (I was but a little tyke at that point)

Reply

pleasetryagain | 0

#382427 - Thursday 9 July 2009 19:12

I also agree that it is not disgusting. Besides, she even says that he was HIGH on painkillers when this happened. How can you blame someone for something they did when they just came out of surgery?

Reply

amandapanda1611 | 0

#382775 - Thursday 9 July 2009 21:57

#37 you are obviously not medically educated at all. they give you an option

Reply

Pink_ElePhant88 | 0

#383576 - Friday 10 July 2009 3:22

I would give the gallstone to his mother

Reply

DeadMansCrack | 4

#383642 - Friday 10 July 2009 3:57

@ OP--that's gross. Throw them away. Just curious, why do comments that say "first" get buried if they still have to do with the FML?

Reply

dolphingirl | 0

#383767 - Friday 10 July 2009 5:01

I'd throw them at her. Ew. Considering the poor guy was drugged out, its kinda cute on his part.

Reply

dragonaair | 5

#1937165 - Friday 7 January 2011 8:56

Op, his mum was probably making a lighthearted joke.

Reply

maybaybe | 0

#1960897 - Thursday 13 January 2011 6:36

lighthearted or not, it's still disgusting.

Reply

zakkyzebra | 11

#2435125 - Saturday 30 April 2011 19:52

this reminds me of the time I made my wisdom teeth into a bracelet and gave them to the wife. good times...

Reply

Gloritank | 8

#2835425 - Thursday 7 July 2011 3:33

16 with a wife..?

Reply

Doberman101 | 29

#6006421 - Sunday 13 July 2014 6:46

It's the thought that counts.

By arby | 0

#381959 - Thursday 9 July 2009 16:13

eww, fyl

By lizwriteslove | 0

#381960 - Thursday 9 July 2009 16:13

That is slightly disturbing.

Reply

smlz4me | 1

#2381190 - Thursday 21 April 2011 3:11

slightly my ass

By BURST | 0

#381963 - Thursday 9 July 2009 16:14

very disturbing...

By FreedomFirst | 0

#381966 - Thursday 9 July 2009 16:14

Oh gross! I could forgive the boyfriend - after all, people do weird things while stoned. But his mom is creepy. So gross. Eeeww.

By Nacirema20 | 0

#381970 - Thursday 9 July 2009 16:15

ew... thats gross!! :-/ FYL.

By Misosoup | 0

#381975 - Thursday 9 July 2009 16:16

Did he by chance eat a large gallboulder and then fall over?

Reply

my_fml_account | 2

#382019 - Thursday 9 July 2009 16:27

scrubs ftw

Reply

Misosoup | 0

#382297 - Thursday 9 July 2009 18:19

It's so sad that only one person gets it.

Reply

#382483 - Thursday 9 July 2009 19:35

lol, I get it.

OP- That's very distrebbing and gross.

By sodahhhr | 0

#381978 - Thursday 9 July 2009 16:16

Last!

By nodayliketoday | 0

#381979 - Thursday 9 July 2009 16:17

That's hilarious!

By Nacirema20 | 0

#381982 - Thursday 9 July 2009 16:17

lmao, thats madd gross!! FYL.