Today, it took me a full ten minutes to finish on the toilet. I was babysitting at the time, and it took the kids those ten minutes to destroy the kitchen and shave the cat. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I'd just finished cleaning the bathrooms at work when I saw a young boy go in. Of course, I thought nothing of it until I had to use the bathroom myself ten minutes later. The kid had taken a shit and missed the toilet completely. FML
Today, I really had to pee while babysitting. Normally this isn't a problem, except the kids were sleeping and going potty would wake them up right before their parents were due home. Desperate, I decided to pee in a cup in the kitchen and wash it down the sink. Their parents came home mid-stream. FML
Today, we had to turn the water off due to a massive leak in the kitchen sink that the plumber was currently fixing. I managed to wait two hours before my uncooperative digestive tract said it couldn't wait any longer and I had to take a mega dump in the bathroom. I couldn't flush the toilet or wash my hands. FML
Today, I got bored on the toilet and decided to paint my nails. I ended up having to wait half an hour to wipe. FML
Today, my 3-year-old broke his glasses, clogged the toilet with Hot Wheel cars, and covered the whole house with Cheerios. All in a matter of roughly six minutes while I was putting laundry away. FML
Today, while babysitting I decided to play with a children's puzzle to pass the time. Fifteen minutes in I gave up. The kid then came over and put it together in less than five. There were only ten pieces. FML
Today, I urgently needed to use the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. When I went to flush, it wouldn't go down the pipes. After about ten panic-filled minutes, I noticed the cat litter box. I carefully scooped out my logs, and buried them in the cat litter. FML
Today, my psycho cat stood on my toilet seat and challenged me to a stand-off. After 10 minutes, I couldn't hold it in any more and asked to use my neighbor's bathroom instead. I told him my toilet was broken. FML
Today, I took a shower while my two-year-old slept. In the 30 minutes it took me to shower, get dressed, and go back to his room, he had woken up, taken his pants and diaper off, and smears crap all over himself and his bed. FML
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
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Top comments
rubberbullets 0
learn how to shit faster or hold it...
Judus_beej 0
who doesn't like to shave pussy?
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Comments (90)
DocBastard 40
If you had taken the time to wipe, they would have burned the house down.
bigbadtim 7
LOL, just imagine the babysitter's last act upon this earth is to post a FML while the house is burning down. Today, the kids I was babysitting shaved the cat, destroyed the kitchen and burned down the house while I was in the bathroom. HELP I'M TRAPPED! CALL 911! FML.
bamagrl410 31
Hahahahaha funniest thing I've read all day.
zp5 4
i feel so bad. for that poor cat!
gman123999 14
Well at least they didn't trip over the cat and kill it!
mrahhhhh 21
And then you made them clean up the kitchen and tape a carpet to the cat, right?
bamagrl410 31
Tape a carpet to the cat? Hahaha poor animal. I hate cats though, so this is amusing.
franwins0827 7
"[Kids] are like the ocean, you don't want to turn your back on them for long." ~Kindergarten Cop
Sparx1_1 16
these do not sound like kids you should look after again until their parents teach how to behave.
DocBastard 40
Chaos, your point is valid. Your passion inspires me.
TheNewGuy03 29
chaos, i would give you more than one "thumbs up," but it's kinda impossible. i love the fact that everyone on here is omnipresent, omnipotent, and has never made a single mistake in their lives. get off your bullshit high horse, and stop spewing grandiloquent toxic sludge from that gaping hole you call your mouths. fact: people ******* shit. get over it. while y'all are busy munching on that bag of dicks, perhaps you should try thinking about what the **** you're saying before spontaneously generating incoherent psychobabble that has no basis in fact. |the kid|
W4X 0
Stop babysitting the Incredibles. It does not give you any street cred.
Shinygirlnz 1
Wow, your diet must be appalling. 10 minutes to use a toilet is not healthy. Get some fibre, go for more walks, jebus.
TheNewGuy03 29
yep; occasionally, i take even longer than 10 minutes to drop a deuce. not because i'm fiber-deficient; nay, quite the opposite. i just take huge ******* *****. way to go, jillian michaels; you proved nothing. |the kid|
hnz 13
why is there a shaver visible to the kids?
lolaisagirl 0
if you were on the toilet where'd they get the razor? they probably heard everybody loves shaved pussy..they sound like brats and it's a good thing cuz I don't think you'll be getting a call from their parents again.
tencentsakiss 19
Seriously? It's called having two bathrooms.
Flord 0
yeah op, im sure u were taking a shit in there >.>