Love: Today, it's my fifth wedding anniversary. My wife bailed on the...

By Anonymous - United States - Milwaukee

Today, it's my fifth wedding anniversary. My wife bailed on the romantic dinner that I arranged in favor of running off with her friends. Their big event: an amateur Fight Club event they'd decided to stage in an abandoned parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46332

You deserved it

4302

Favorite

Love

Late term

Mr Sensitivity

A mother's love…

By xxlexi_lovexx - United States

Today, I was about to have sex with my boyfriend. His best friend called and said he just beat God Of War 3 and that my boyfriend could borrow it. He got up, got dressed, ran to his car and told me I could walk home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38156

You deserved it

6804

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - West Newton

Today, I babysat a 10 year old from hell. She kept insulting me, saying I have tiny boobs, that boys must hate me, and that I'm ugly. I eventually got fed up and put her to bed. When her parents came back, she ran out of her room in tears and told them I'd beaten her. They believed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45032

You deserved it

2925

Favorite

By PicklesMcRaptor - United States - Miami

Today, as I was walking my dog, two cute girls from my school were walking towards me on the sidewalk. I thought it would be appropriate to wave and give a smile. My dog thought it would be appropriate to viciously bark at and mount one of the girls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28551

You deserved it

3506

Favorite

By noyodel - Italy

Today, I had been planning a family trip for months. My father had all his bags packed, ready to go in the car. He had my grandmother's ashes in his suitcase, and planned to spread them on a mountain. This morning our car was broken into and everything was stolen. The thief stole my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63341

You deserved it

3374

Favorite

By ihatelongflights - United States

Today, I was on a flight coming back home. On my right was a fat monk who was snoring very loudly, and on my left there were two old women who were talking about their teenage love lives in detail. The flight was 17 hours long. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37679

You deserved it

3007

Favorite

By mark - United States

Today, I went downstairs after a family argument. The front door was kicked in, the sink faucet was snapped off, and there were broken plates all over the kitchen floor. I later found out that the argument was over who left the refrigerator door open. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35709

You deserved it

2576

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - San Ramon

Today, my leadership class was trying to decide who would run the kissing booth in our local carnival. Someone suggested me, to which the director replied, "We'd never make any profit with her." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35822

You deserved it

3049

Favorite

By leeseyxoxo - United States

Today, I learned, 15 years later, that my puppy from when I was 4, was not taken by Santa because he was in need of a reindeer. My parents took him to the shelter because they thought he was ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44047

You deserved it

5173

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/3/2021 21:30 - United States

Always carry around a pencil with you

Today, while at work, I took one of the biggest dumps I've taken in my life. The turd was so big, I took a pencil and chopped it into small pieces because I was afraid it would clog up the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

677

You deserved it

193

Favorite

By Anonymous

Great boyfriend

Today, I'm 37 years-old and recently out of a job. As my boyfriend refuses to pay more than half the rent as long as I live here, I have no choice but to move back in with my mom, 8 hours away. My man is quite happy to pay the entire rent as soon as I'm gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2350

You deserved it

519

Favorite

By T-Pain - United States

Today, my boyfriend stopped making out with me to watch a thirty minute infomercial on the Topsy-Turvy upside down tomato planter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60285

You deserved it

7078

Favorite

By Therapy needed urgently

Kinky.

Today, after I got fed up and told my bullying step-brother exactly what I thought of him, he became overly polite. He then admitted that me shouting at him was the most turned on he's ever been in his life. Now he loves me and wants to be my "submissive" boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5495

You deserved it

410

Favorite

By ccblock - United States

Today, my girlfriend's dad offered me $100 to break up with his daughter. I eagerly replied "no", but my girlfriend grabbed the money and said, "deal." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40146

You deserved it

3671

Favorite

By Nik - United States

Today, I went to the doctor because I broke my wrist. My mom told the nurse that I broke it while masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31865

You deserved it

4379

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad vehemently refused to let me go on vacation to France with my best friend, because he watched Taken a few months ago and apparently forgot that it's just a movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35608

You deserved it

4614

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my wife thinks I will agree to anything she says if she just pleasures me orally. I now found out, she is correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11820

You deserved it

40971

Favorite

By boredtothemax - United States - Hammond

Today, I gave a talk in my management class about creating effective presentations and holding people's attention. Go figure, pretty much nobody paid any attention. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18103

You deserved it

3306

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Ridgefield

Today, I went out to get groceries and ice-cream. When I got home, I couldn't find my house keys. I retraced my steps, but with no luck, so I returned home and had to break in. While unpacking, I found my keys in the bag, right next to the completely melted ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20468

You deserved it

9694

Favorite

By dine and DASH our friendship

Today, I served my good friend and his girlfriend at the restaurant where I work. They did a "dine and dash". FML

I agree, your life sucks

5297

You deserved it

385

Favorite

By Pang

Today was the last my last day of high school ever, to celebrate me and my friends were going to go into the city and hang out for a bit. I missed the bus they caught into the city so I caught the next one, when I got there I asked where they were. They didn't respond. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2435

You deserved it

274

Favorite

By Shuttie - Denmark - Odense

Today, I was walking towards a party where I knew my cheating ex would be. I passionately rehearsed how I would have a go at him big time when I met him. Guess who was walking right behind me and heard it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15552

You deserved it

43481

Favorite

By badhabit

Today, I went out with my ex-girlfriend, with whom I have a good friendship with and am in fact still in love. I picked her up at her house and we had a perfect night together that ended with sex in my car. As I dropped her off, she turned to me and said, "I hope you know we're just friends." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1741

You deserved it

1525

Favorite

By boobswerehere - United States - Reno

Today, I went to visit my best friend at her house. I saw her five-year-old brother playing in the front yard, and as I walked up to the door he shouted, "Boobs are here! Boobs are here!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

12543

You deserved it

1442

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I took my driver's test. I did everything flawlessly, but my examiner kept all but pissing his pants throughout. He yelled, "ARE YOU TRYING TO GET US KILLED?!" when I drove past a traffic light just as it was about to turn red. The road was almost empty. He failed me on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14718

You deserved it

52411

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I lost my virginity. Not only did my parents somehow find out, they posted about it on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54229

You deserved it

11238

Favorite

By calikola - United States

Today, my grandmother who has Alzheimer's and can't usually remember my name, had a sudden moment of clarity and asked me why I'm still not married yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30399

You deserved it

2260

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to a party where I met some nice girls. One of them was really sweet and we were having a great time in my friend's backyard. As I was on the swing, I was gonna give her my number, but instead, I gave her a harsh kick to the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12544

You deserved it

27097

Favorite

By myasshurts - United States

Today, while lying in bed with my boyfriend after some steamy lovemaking, he sat up, slapped my ass with excruciating force, and screamed, "I AM THE THUNDER!" directly into my ear. It seems our senses of humor differ considerably. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34606

You deserved it

6639

Favorite

By Beanzbeanz - Canada

Today, is the 6 month anniversary of my boyfriend and I. Turns out next month he will be celebrating the 3 year anniversary of him and his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50936

You deserved it

10478

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, my "best friend" stole almost $1,000 worth of electronics and video games from my roommates and me, just so he could pawn them off and buy himself a new car stereo. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34561

You deserved it

3212

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/9/2020 05:02

Life of Brian

Today, I never wanted a wife, so of course I got married. I never wanted kids, so of course my unwanted wife insisted we have two. My mother-in-law, who I wish daily would get hit by a bus, just got hired at my workplace. My only pleasure in life is fishing and my kids just broke my only rod. FML

I agree, your life sucks

653

You deserved it

4031

Favorite

By crissy becks - United States - Inglewood

Today, my friends and I planned to go to a waterpark together. However, due to a "miscommunication," I, and only I, was given both the wrong time and the wrong meeting place. I spent three hours sitting in a parking lot in little more than my swimming suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27029

You deserved it

2989

Favorite

By ohmyx3 - United States

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house.I've been a vegetarian for 4 years, and his mother made lasagna with meat in it. After telling her I don't eat meat, my boyfriend's father says "we know whose meat she does eat." My boyfriend, his mother, and I were standing right there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

75018

You deserved it

9869

Favorite

By Anonymous

3spooky5me

Today, I stayed the night at a friend's house for the first time. I went to get water from the kitchen when I saw a cat staring at me. I looked back and it ran off. I told my friend about it. He doesn’t have a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2519

You deserved it

216

Favorite

By Stacy - United States

Today, while using the restroom at work, I dropped my keys into the toilet. I left to find something to get them out and figured nobody would use a toilet with keys in it. I came back to a bowl of dung and "Shit happens" written on the wall in lipstick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36891

You deserved it

8413

Favorite

By violet - United States

Today, I was lying in bed minding my own business when my mom entered the room. I was proposed to a few weeks ago by my boyfriend, and my mom came in to tell me that my boyfriend's mom was on the phone. Turns out, he stole the engagement ring from her drawer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39976

You deserved it

3441

Favorite

By blushingbride - United States - Alpharetta

Today, my husband decided to pick his nose out before he would kiss me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37286

You deserved it

4422

Favorite

By Boyufd - 27/10/2020 11:01

Added flavor

Today, I walked out the bathroom and saw my girlfriend peeing in a mug. She said that's the mug she uses when she can't hold it anymore. That's the mug I put my coffee in every morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1326

You deserved it

161

Favorite

By Scholar - United States

Today, for the second day in a row, I got to hear both of my roommates having sex, through two closed doors and a hallway. This is as I hit my thirtieth month of involuntary celibacy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27354

You deserved it

3889

Favorite

By - United States - Modesto

Today, the moment after hitting "confirm payment" for my boyfriend's valentine gift (along with some sexy lingerie for the occasion) on a shopping app, my period tracker app popped up to let me know I'll be well into my period on the 14th. I'm getting cockblocked by mother nature herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7319

You deserved it

1095

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Pleonasm | 34

#5588523 - Saturday 20 July 2013 1:50

And she talked to you about it? No wonder it's amateur.

By QQMorePlox | 18

#5588531 - Saturday 20 July 2013 1:52

...5 rule of fight club no shirts no shoes. OP, why aren't you going to watch?!

COMMENTS

By Pleonasm | 34

#5588523 - Saturday 20 July 2013 1:50

And she talked to you about it? No wonder it's amateur.

Thundering_Jibbs | 13

#5588567 - Saturday 20 July 2013 2:00

If I were OP, I wouldn't eat his wife's split pea soup...

\ | 28

#5588591 - Saturday 20 July 2013 2:09

I sure hope that parking lot isn't next to a liposuction clinic

rocker_chick105 | 31

#5588687 - Saturday 20 July 2013 3:34

The first rule of fight club...

powerhunger | 4

#5589030 - Saturday 20 July 2013 6:43

It's funny because if the genders were reversed, the comments here would be a lot more different.

Pleonasm | 34

#5589299 - Saturday 20 July 2013 12:06

For my part, my joke would've remained the same.

Ki11erC | 18

#5589687 - Saturday 20 July 2013 18:41

You replied under 1's comment, no comment in this comment section would be different at all.

wowthatissad | 9

#5591300 - Monday 22 July 2013 0:32

It's funny because your not supposed to talk about fight club.

By IanMoone3611 | 12

#5588524 - Saturday 20 July 2013 1:51

Wait, isn't it usually the other way around?

CallMeWindSock | 24

#5589286 - Saturday 20 July 2013 11:31

Never break up a fight between two females.

Ty_Peer | 4

#5589473 - Saturday 20 July 2013 16:12

Or in this case, between a girl and herself

By QQMorePlox | 18

#5588531 - Saturday 20 July 2013 1:52

...5 rule of fight club no shirts no shoes. OP, why aren't you going to watch?!

uoeno_fml | 20

#5588643 - Saturday 20 July 2013 2:44

Well they already broke the first rule

KylarStern19 | 7

#5588747 - Saturday 20 July 2013 4:27

And the second and the third

EnterSandman_fml | 20

#5589095 - Saturday 20 July 2013 7:26

Maybe his wife's friends are Roseanne Barr, Rosie O'Donnell, Hillary Clinton, and Melissa McCarthy?

By bribecrazyy | 14

#5588536 - Saturday 20 July 2013 1:52

she sounds awesome! even if she did break the first rule.

tehman117 | 21

#5588605 - Saturday 20 July 2013 2:17

And second

missfrenchie | 11

#5588762 - Saturday 20 July 2013 4:38

And third too

Horsempeg | 25

#5589699 - Saturday 20 July 2013 18:59

That is pretty awesome.. sorry about you anniversary, but come on!

By RoboCunnilingus | 23

#5588541 - Saturday 20 July 2013 1:53

Why are you telling us this? WHAT THE FIRST RULE, OP?

By walkingspastic | 22

#5588547 - Saturday 20 July 2013 1:54

Sounds like a keeper to me. Make sure you keep her dinner warm!

By ScenicSubterfuge | 39

#5588548 - Saturday 20 July 2013 1:54

Dude. Your wife sounds awesome. I want her autograph in case she goes pro!

By Warmonger_Smurf | 29

#5588576 - Saturday 20 July 2013 2:01

I strongly advise you not to start an argument about this. Otherwise your next fml might involve the word hospital.

By br00kr | 22

#5588577 - Saturday 20 July 2013 2:03

Hahahahaha thats funny!!!

By thatnucca | 36

#5588583 - Saturday 20 July 2013 2:05

2nd rule of fight club: don't bail on fight club for any personal celebratory reasons... No?

poodle_juice | 17

#5588727 - Saturday 20 July 2013 4:15

2nd rule of fight club: DO NOT talk about fight club.