Miscellaneous: Today, is my 21st birthday. I get home after my night out and...

By scarletdurose88 - 19/04/2009 21:47 - United States

Today, is my 21st birthday. I get home after my night out and walk into the garage to see a 2002 Red Corvette convertible. I run up to the car thinking its a gift and there's a note: "Dani this is not your birthday present. Quit drooling on my car. -Dad" Thanks Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 702

You deserved it 13 737

Miscellaneous

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Gruesome

Health? Care? Never

By Loserman67 - 01/04/2017 12:00

Today, I spent several hours in freezing drizzle sampling and testing diesel fuel from an above ground, 10,000 gallon tank. Soaked to the bone and shivering like mad, I gave the manager the results. He said thank you and then told me I was at the wrong location. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 467

You deserved it 709

By Bullocks - 27/04/2012 05:49 - United States - Rochester

Today, while I was at work in a machine shop, I cut myself really bad. Not by any sharp tools, drills, or metals I work with. Just the soap dispenser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 172

You deserved it 4 426

By ballerphilip23 - 15/05/2009 17:11 - Austria

Today, I was standing on the packed bus home when I had a speck of dust in my lenses. As I couldn't rub it out, I tried blinking it out for the next five minutes. Then the hot girl opposite me screams "Stop winking at me, you bastard! Don't even think about it, you ugly fuck!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 837

You deserved it 2 948

By tokinallday - 02/01/2015 19:23 - United States - Kingsport

Today, my mom and step-dad tore my room apart looking for the stash of drugs they thought I had. I've never touched drugs in my life, and I guess they believe me now. Didn't stop them from making me clean up the mess they made, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 287

You deserved it 2 486

Keep your distance

By Anonymous - 25/02/2021 20:01 - Australia

Today, as I served an elderly man at the fast-food restaurant where I work, he leaned over the counter so that his face was mere inches from mine and asked me if I wanted to buy his car. When I politely told him I wasn't interested, he insisted on making a complaint about me to my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 805

You deserved it 61

By Username - 19/06/2011 09:51 - Australia

Today, I saw myself on the news. I was one of the random passers by they had filmed for their story on the "Fat Epidemic." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 600

You deserved it 25 337

By IceCreamCraver - 16/08/2010 20:35 - United States

Today, the ice cream truck went by my house for the seventh time today, as it has for the last seven days of my fasting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 569

You deserved it 8 396

By CBBP - 31/03/2009 15:35 - United States

Today, I was having sex with this girl I met in stats class when my roommate walked in. He started applauding and said, "$20 bucks for me! I knew you weren't gay!" Him and my other roommate had a bet. They are my best friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 710

You deserved it 8 734

By Anonymous - 09/03/2012 15:14 - United States

Today, I was given a bottle of vitamins that are supposed to help your memory. I forgot them at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 394

You deserved it 4 507

By FASHlONABLE - 05/04/2010 07:32 - United States

Today, I came back from a week long class trip. My mother took it upon herself to replace my bed sheets and clean my room. Apparently, she found a note under my mattress from my ex-boyfriend. It said "For all you future dudes, Connor was here first!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 105

You deserved it 9 960

By kellym - 22/04/2009 03:24 - Canada

Today, I called my husband and he told me that he was going to invite his friend Jeff over that night. I told him I would prefer that he didn't come over. He took it to mean that I wanted to spend time with him and came home with flowers. Then had to tell him I was leaving him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 582

You deserved it 157 894

By Anonymous - 10/05/2017 10:00 - United States - Medina

Today, the toilet in the IT department basement broke and flooded the room with a foot of water. In the process, it destroyed a $7000 server and an equally expensive power supply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 200

You deserved it 336

By ac19k - 22/03/2016 02:34 - United States - Franklin

Today, I kept having dreams that I had made drunken snapchats. Those weren't just dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 278

Valuable member of the team

By Anonymous - 21/11/2021 20:00

Today, I live an hour away from work, and asked my boss if I could work remotely as roads are closed due to a bad storm. He said no, I have to come in or lose a day's pay. I found out he is letting my coworkers work remotely and be paid. I've been with the company for 8+ years; my coworkers have been there ~2.5 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 134

You deserved it 72

By fired - 23/11/2010 13:41 - United States

Today, my boss was being a total asshole. While in the bathroom, he turned his back on me, so I gave him the finger, mouthed obscenities, and pantomimed stabbing him with a knife. He was looking in the mirror and saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 203

You deserved it 65 363

News to me

By Jean Chretien Lookalike - 23/04/2021 02:04

Today, I was looking at baby photos of me with my mom. I realized that I was making a funny face in some of them, particularly when smiling. I asked my mom if that was a silly face I used to like making. She replied, "Oh, honey no, you had Bell's Palsy until you were two." FML

I agree, your life sucks 765

You deserved it 69

By Wanaaa - 25/11/2016 07:08 - France - Toulouse

Today, I was watching TV with my husband and my 5-year-old son. Everything was going fine until my son asked his father, “Why can’t mom know that you have another sweetheart?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 568

You deserved it 1 263

By Grinch - 24/12/2016 12:08

Today, it's Xmas Eve, and my partner's quick afternoon catch-up with his friends has turned into 5 messy drunks in our house at 1am. So it's no to the "us" time evening we had planned before spending tomorrow with our families who live over 3 hours away. Guess who had promised to drive and now can't? FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 311

You deserved it 703

By hadrienne's pall - 13/05/2016 19:25 - Canada - Markham

Today, I asked a girl at the restaurant I work at if she'd had enough to eat. When she said yes, I said, "Are you sure?" I didn't realize how insulting it sounded until her equally overweight mom was up in my face, demanding to see my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 902

You deserved it 4 239

By eamiller - 23/12/2014 20:41 - United States - Franklin

Today, I was complimented on my freckles. I don't actually have freckles, just a load of blackheads that won't go away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 692

You deserved it 3 782

By NCanalyst - 11/11/2009 20:28 - Norway

Today, I interviewed potential employees for a job position that I was supposed to get promoted to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 454

You deserved it 2 348

By WOWreally - 25/09/2009 06:24 - United States

Today, I decided to surprise my husband in the shower. I got in and we were talking and goofing around and I stuck out my chest and sucked in my stomach being stupid and my husband says "Wait! Do it again! That's how you looked when I first met you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 914

You deserved it 12 063

By jnisla - 11/10/2013 22:44 - United States - Conway

Today, I had horrible morning sickness, but being starving, I had some canned soup. My husband soon came into the room and commented on how the leeks in the soup looked like chunks of vomit. The visual caused me to vomit all over the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 069

You deserved it 3 414

By UGGGH that was my 2nd attempt too - 04/09/2013 21:14 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I took my driver's test. The woman administering it wouldn't even look at me, so trying to be friendly I said the first thing I could think of: "It must be scary getting in the car with someone you don't know!" She failed me for "excessive chatting." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 991

You deserved it 5 017

By Axlgrows - 02/12/2016 16:44

Today, a friend admitted that the reason I got the nickname Axl is because I was an A cup with XL underwear. I guess I should be called Axxl now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 374

You deserved it 1 613

By Anonymous - 29/11/2012 00:57 - Canada - Belleville

Today, I was waiting in a doctor's office when I was approached by an elderly woman. She told me all about the ripping of her stitches in a very private place, in exhaustive detail. Of course, today was the day my doctor chose to be an hour late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 045

You deserved it 1 700

Check your head

By Anonymous - 30/03/2020 20:00

Today, I had a real coffee again after being sick for two weeks. It didn't taste so good, though. Just like the one I had yesterday. Well, I thought, maybe my taste has changed? Maybe I just need to get used to it again? No, it was just that the milk had gone bad three days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 099

You deserved it 845

Actor's Studio

By darthmilfious - 31/03/2010 07:56 - France

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was making a list of things to do tomorrow while faking an orgasm when I realize my boyfriend had finished about two minutes ago. He's pissed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 637

You deserved it 68 826

By Bec99 - 15/02/2019 19:00 - Australia - Bassendean

Today, I found out I have celiac disease. I also happen to be a baker and will be constantly reminded of all the wheat products I can no longer enjoy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 364

You deserved it 127

By Michelle - 28/08/2009 17:11 - United States

Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 684

You deserved it 17 428

By Lightlysalted - 19/04/2018 19:00

Today, I was invited to a special meal for receiving a scholarship from my college. My mom refuses to take me because “your sister’s going there too and didn’t get a scholarship; it wouldn’t be fair to her.” I guess fairness doesn’t apply to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 170

You deserved it 202

By Mrs. Terrified - 23/10/2011 23:08 - United States

Today, I was at a shooting range with my father. The target was a creepy poster of a man. My father said, "This one is for your boyfriend." Perfect groin shot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 158

You deserved it 4 481

By Anonymous - 10/10/2014 21:51 - United States - Lemont

Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 620

You deserved it 24 243

By seethroughpee - 06/05/2015 05:22 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my 6-year-old daughter barged into the bathroom while I was peeing, inspected the toilet and said, "You're well hydrated, good job." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 206

You deserved it 3 960

By Anonymous - 23/10/2015 20:10 - Canada - Fredericton

Today, I walked in on my best friend with his hand down my girlfriend's pants and her moaning for him to "keep going". She had the brass balls to claim she had a "tummy ache" and that he was just rubbing her stomach better. I may be a total dumbass, but I'm not THAT stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 826

You deserved it 2 447

By EnderHorse - 05/11/2015 20:52 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I went to the dentist to get a tooth worked on. I got tongue-tied and instead of asking if they could anesthetize me, I accidentally asked if they could euthanize me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 683

You deserved it 2 507

By gtfb1993 - 02/12/2011 22:21 - Canada

Today, I was at the laundromat, when an attractive girl set up at the machine next to mine. She looked me up and down, then noticed the skid-marks on my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 669

You deserved it 42 371

By Anonymous - 25/02/2013 17:57 - Canada - Fernie

Today, my fiancé is returning home, so I decided to wax myself, thinking things would get intimate. I warmed the wax strips and set them on the counter. Our cat jumped onto the counter and managed to roll onto one of the strips. Suffice to say, the wrong pussy got a painful waxing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 991

You deserved it 8 104

By How's the salmon? - 10/05/2015 06:00 - United States

Today, my drunken mother shouted to me at the top of her lungs, "All men are fucking assholes, and your new husband is no different!" during our wedding reception. All he did was ask her how she liked the salmon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 533

You deserved it 3 047

#1 Dad of the day

By Anonymous - 19/06/2020 05:02

Today, according to my husband, our son is at the difficult age where he can finally speak fluent English, but is still too childishly dumb to say anything interesting, intelligent or frankly worth listening to at all. There are times I wish I was a divorced single mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 205

You deserved it 413

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