By Anonymous - 23/12/2020 02:01

Because I'm worth it

Today, I discovered a cat turd in a bath towel from most recent batch of laundry. I was wondering why my facemasks for the whole work week smelled so strange. FML

I agree, your life sucks

779

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156

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Animals

Cats

Messed up

How's your hovel?

No smoking

By Ohgodithurts - 19/10/2020 11:00

Roommates from hell, part 4874

Today, I got a second degree sunburn everywhere above my waist, for which I've been using a medicated lotion. My roommate "pranked" me by switching the lotion with a similarly colored, very caustic acne wash. My chest feels like it's roasting in hell and is oozing pus and oil now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1406

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131

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By HannaMD - Canada

Today, my cat had the bright idea of giving birth in the dryer, on top of all my new white towels. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29451

You deserved it

5913

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By isabellam0426

Today, while teaching my history class, a girl asked me where North America was. She lives in North America. FML

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9541

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678

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By bastard magnet - United States

Today, I came home crying after my boyfriend dumped me for another girl. My dad told me to come tell him what was wrong. I sat down and let it all out, after which he looked up from his book, into my eyes, and gave me his loving advice: "Just cry about it and move on to another bastard." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29956

You deserved it

7921

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By GamerGirl - United Kingdom

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating so I broke up with him. As revenge he threw my PS3 and XBox out of the window when I wasn't in our house. I got those consoles out of the spare money my three jobs had brought in - the same three jobs I had to get because he refused to get a job of his own. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44983

You deserved it

8673

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By - France

Today, I withdrew $120 from the ATM at the hotel I'm staying at, only to have no money come out. When I talked to the concierge, who witnessed the whole thing, she said it had been happening all day and that the machine was broken. My bank says it's the hotel's problem, and the hotel says it's the bank's problem. Either way, I'm out $120. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33656

You deserved it

2035

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By Shelbitchh - United States

Today, my mom decided to take away my TV after noticing that I watch the show True Blood. Apparently, since I watch this, I must be "curious about sex." I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43597

You deserved it

5344

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By anonymous - United States - Gainesville

Today, I discovered that the vitamin I've been taking for hair growth actually works really well. Unfortunately, it only works on my leg hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19626

You deserved it

1819

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By Optimist - Canada

Today, I found out I have an option on my phone to postpone the sending of my text messages. I thought it would be cute to send my boyfriend texts saying, " I love you and sweet dreams" every night at midnight for a month. He broke up with me and I can't figure out how to stop the texts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41765

You deserved it

25881

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to make up a story about my "friends" at school so my mom doesn't keep telling I'm a loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34573

You deserved it

6796

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By mjperfetti84 - United States

Today, I helped an old man with his groceries, because he was struggling and he had a cane. After, I was nice enough to drive him home. He went to thank me by giving me a kiss on the cheek. Then he stuck his tongue out, and tried to French kiss me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40380

You deserved it

6149

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By LonelyStranger - United States - Lake Stevens

Alone

Today, I was really excited to go to a party because I need to make more friends. Too bad a snowstorm hit right before I was going to leave, now I'm alone with no power. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2354

You deserved it

204

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By firelava - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, I waited two hours in line at college to select my classes. I finally got to the desk, only to be told I have to apply online before I can show up in person. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39317

You deserved it

9763

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By Anonymous - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I'm grieving over the death of my best friend of 9 years. My mom wasted no time arriving at the conclusion that I must be hormonal and pregnant with his child. Apparently it's not normal for a woman to cry so much over a man, unless they've been fucking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32906

You deserved it

1942

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By Elayne Warthen

Today, I found out my soon-to-be husband and father of my unborn child is already married to another man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5151

You deserved it

517

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By awkwardmandy - United States - Okeene

Today, my ex-boyfriend decided to humiliate me by confessing to my dad in detail what he and I had done together and "apologizing" for taking my virginity. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22433

You deserved it

2348

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By Stepheroni

Today, I went to the doctor to ask what the weird white lump was on my back, and if it was cancer. He told me it was the biggest pimple he'd ever seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4395

You deserved it

567

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By JRLJLS - United States - Lehigh Acres

Today, I had phone sex with my boyfriend. He had an asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63825

You deserved it

11493

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I saw a car on the side on the highway with a popped tire. The driver didn't have a spare, so I nicely gave them mine. One hour later my tire popped. FML

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40741

You deserved it

8029

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By clumsy - United States - Murfreesboro

Today, I tried to "trip" and fall into this guy I've had a crush on. I missed and fell on my face. He stepped over me and kept walking. FML

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26823

You deserved it

53845

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By Anonymous - United States - Lees Summit

Today, I was at the airport when I saw a woman drop her bags and run to her husband. Thinking that someone might steal them, I picked up her bags and brought them over to her. She thanked me by slapping me, calling me a bitch and calling security. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43325

You deserved it

5835

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By KeEp.iT.A.SeCrEt - 17/4/2021 02:00

Not coming out yet, sorry

Today, a "friend" of mine told everyone that I had a crush on a girl I used to be really good friends with 2 years ago. I never liked her that way, and had said that only to hide the fact that I'm gay and don't feel safe with boys. Her current boyfriend is seriously annoyed with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

753

You deserved it

160

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By Anonymous - United States

Drama Llama

Today, I took the kids I'm babysitting to the farm to feed the animals. They were a little scared of the llama, so I showed them how nice it was by feeding it a lot of bread. Then, as I was telling the farmer how I loved the llama and wanted to take it home, it spit grass and bread all over my face. FML

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35152

You deserved it

10064

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By HtotheFtotheS - United Kingdom - Wisbech

Today, I used an air freshener in my room to make it smell good. At first, the smell was pretty pleasant. However, by the time it'd "soaked in" it smelled just like weed. My whole room stinks of it, and now my mum is convinced I've been smoking pot in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28057

You deserved it

3795

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By Anonymous

Cujo 2: Electric Boogaloo

Today, I was mauled by my own dog. I own a Chihuahua. FML

I agree, your life sucks

954

You deserved it

1133

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By Volume_control - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having it off in his den, I screamed at the height of my climax, and from the family room came the roaring laughter of my boyfriend's brothers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9796

You deserved it

31109

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By emkatch - Canada

Today, I came home about two hours early from a friend's party. After I walked in and upstairs, I quickly and quietly left and went back to the party. I guess my parents decided to have a little party as well. It's called a threesome with my neighbor. They still don't know that I know. FML

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67638

You deserved it

4343

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By Gw - United States

Today, my fiancée and I were going on our honeymoon. Our flight was delayed by two hours. It landed when our connecting flight to St. Lucia was taking off. The airline said they were holding the flight for us, so we sprinted from D gate to A, in time to watch the plane pull away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38092

You deserved it

2868

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By dirtytoes - United States - Houston

Today, I found a diaper in the parking lot. It's been raining all morning. This was the wrong day to wear flip-flops. FML

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22239

You deserved it

3990

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By Anonymous - United States - Las Vegas

Today, after living in my new apartment for barely three weeks, I found mice living under my dish washer. When I brought it up to the managers, they said I'd have to pay for an exterminator myself since they weren't there when they cleaned. FML

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20282

You deserved it

1405

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By DefinitelyNotDogshit - United States - Levittown

Today, I walked into my new office for the first time after receiving the promotion I've been trying for. Someone took a dump on my desk. FML

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49582

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3653

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By Krissy - United States

Hangry sex

Today, during sex, my boyfriend stopped and asked if he could eat a sandwich while we do it. FML

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32041

You deserved it

4826

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By spark - United States - San Francisco

Today, after my windshield wipers being stolen twice in a row, I decided to hide in my car to catch the thief. I fell asleep. When I woke up, the new wipers were gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41860

You deserved it

10015

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By Samantha - United States

Today, I went to see Paranormal Activity 2 with my boyfriend. In hopes of him putting his arm around me or holding my hand, I told him that I was very scared and pretended to cry a little. He told me to be quiet because I was ruining the movie for him. Then he moved seats. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25158

You deserved it

42786

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By anonymous - United States - Iowa City

Today, my girlfriend and I were trying something new. I ended up with a shard of glass in my back and a concussion. Don't have sex on a glass table. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22190

You deserved it

32219

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I have gotten three calls all day. The first one was my fiancé, saying he wanted his ring back. The second one was my best friend, confessing to me that she had been sleeping with my fiancé for the past three months. The third was the dentist's office singing me a happy birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

411796

You deserved it

21685

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By John - Saint Lucia

Today, I discovered that it is possible for bugs to lay eggs in your ears. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31590

You deserved it

3019

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By ChrisC - United States

Today, my boss came to my cubicle to give me my annual performance bonus. I was asleep at my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11405

You deserved it

62062

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By sierra.sl31

Today, my boyfriend of over a year decided he wants us to wait to get married before having sex again, after we've had sex almost every night of being together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1764

You deserved it

230

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By Cultus

Today, I went into the tanning room at work, where the lady in there last had decided the trash can was a toilet and pooped in it. Before she sat, she took the time to wrap the edges in paper towels, I guess in case anyone else had done this before her. I had to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3520

You deserved it

178

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Top comments

By weeping_willow | 25

#7959642 - Wednesday 23 December 2020 5:03

Oh, that’s nasty

By DoctorPALO | 11

#7960008 - Thursday 24 December 2020 21:52

You washed AND dried a load of laundry with cat turds in it and didn't notice it and it didn't fall out when you switched from washer to dryer? What the Sam Hill does your cat eat?

COMMENTS

By weeping_willow | 25

#7959642 - Wednesday 23 December 2020 5:03

Oh, that’s nasty

By RichardPencil | 30

#7959722 - Wednesday 23 December 2020 13:14

So, when you say your work was shitty, you mean it a bit more literally?

By DoctorPALO | 11

#7960008 - Thursday 24 December 2020 21:52

You washed AND dried a load of laundry with cat turds in it and didn't notice it and it didn't fall out when you switched from washer to dryer? What the Sam Hill does your cat eat?