Today, I had a job interview. Everything was going really well...

By Crunchy - 19/4/2009 21:52 - United States

Today, I had a job interview. Everything was going really well until I noticed a bug on my interviewer's lower neck. I shouted that something really disgusting was crawling on him. It turns out it was his big hairy mole. FML

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Work

Serious times

Incognito browsing

Get the hell out of Dodge

By Anonymous - 23/6/2013 19:19 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was told by a friend that my girlfriend has been cheating on me. Her defence was that if I had a bigger dick she wouldn't have been, in her words, forced to go elsewhere for sex. My mother's response when I confided this in her: "Ask me if I care." FML

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By KaD - 21/5/2017 16:00

Today, I lost my dream job after a week, after being told, "When I hired you, I wasn't honest. I wasn't looking to hire an examiner, I wanted someone to replace me so I can retire in a year. I don't have time to train you for that." FML

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By Anonymous - 24/6/2011 17:00 - United States

Today, my mom decided to do something new and borrowed some of my clothes. She's currently wearing a very small pair of short shorts and a very tight tank top. We're going to a very prestigious golf course and she won't change. FML

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By ihateteenagers - 30/12/2011 02:12 - United States

Today, a punk-looking college kid was making fun of my mentally handicapped son. Out of anger, I punched him in the face. I got handcuffed and thrown into a police car. The kid stood there laughing and pointing at me. FML

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By why?? - 24/5/2016 13:29 - United States

Today, I think I've finally gotten past the food poisoning that caused me to puke so violently that I pulled muscles in my abdomen and chest. Unfortunately, some of that vomit hung around long enough to give me a sinus infection. FML

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By hell no! - 25/7/2019 04:00

Today, my fiancé's ex-wife thought it was perfectly acceptable to give herself a part in our upcoming wedding. She wants to "give" him away to me, the same way a father does to a bride. Apparently, I'm being unreasonable and selfish for denying her request. My fiancé told me to at least think about it. FML

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By Brax - 30/5/2012 09:46 - United States

Today, my girlfriend stuck her finger up my butt while giving me a hand-job, promising it would feel really good. It just felt awkward and made me need to poop. FML

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By moresexperience - 11/9/2009 12:26 - United States

Today, I had dinner with my girlfriend of five months along with my mom and dad. Everything was going fine until my mom asked aloud "Everything going smooth for you in the bedroom?" to which my girlfriend replied "No." I was painting the master bedroom at my parent's house for some extra cash. FML

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By greenchan - 25/2/2011 05:12 - United States

Today, I had to take an emergency contraceptive. I was talking to my boyfriend about it, and I told him that my stomach really hurt. His response? "Aw. That's just the baby dying." FML

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By Anonymous - 8/9/2010 08:19 - United States

Today, I was talking to my tattoo artist about how my girlfriend broke up with me. She had also gotten her tattoos from him, so they had talked quite a bit. He told me she had been cheating on me with her ex for two and a half months. He didn't tell me because he didn't want to lose business. FML

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By Tyguy3000 - 19/6/2017 06:00 - United States

Today, I asked a woman to take a picture of me and my girlfriend kissing on the beach. When I looked up, the woman and my phone were gone. FML

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By UUUGHHH - 5/2/2016 20:33 - France - Villejuif

Today, I watched in horror from the other room as my boyfriend picked the biggest, slimiest booger I've ever seen, then lowered it into his mouth and licked his finger clean. I very nearly threw up. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/1/2014 21:49 - United States - Washington

Today, school was out because of snow. My dad walked in my room and shouted "Why are you home?!" I told him why, and he replied, "Then get out the damn house and play in the snow." He tossed me out in nothing but my shorts. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/2/2012 05:24 - United States

Exposure

Today, I received an e-mail from my girlfriend's parents telling me that all the dirty e-mails I've been sending to her while she is away have been accessible by the whole family. FML

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By SuperCoolGurl - 17/12/2011 13:30 - Australia

Today, the cute guy in my class asked if I wanted to come over to his house to "study" on Saturday for our finals. I went to his house expecting a good time. He actually wanted to study. FML

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By bojangles - 28/2/2009 00:34 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I don't like his facial hair and that he should shave it off. He replied, "You first." FML

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By snow - 17/11/2017 01:30

Today, I woke up with a massive hangover after passing out at a wild party the night before. Apparently my friends couldn't find a marker, because I woke up with dozens of dicks drawn on my body and face in henna. I have a job interview today. FML

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By me - 13/1/2011 20:48 - United States

Today, my daughter was expelled from her school for beating another kindergartener with a Dr. Seuss book. FML

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By Cassie - 2/5/2011 00:21

Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/8/2020 08:08

Like what you see?

Today, I accidentally sent a nude to my cousin, instead of the girl who shares the same name. She liked it. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/7/2019 07:00 - Vietnam - Hanoi

Today, it's my birthday and I had to work. My boss wished me a happy birthday, and then told me I was fired. FML

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By beep_guacamole - 24/5/2009 21:49 - United States

Today, I went to the laundromat. I put a load in the dryer and walked away to check on my other load. When I came back, I saw a homeless man putting his dirty, wet underwear in the dryer with my clean clothes. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/12/2009 20:20 - United States

Today, my very good friend ratted me out to my boss because I used the photocopier for personal use. He said he will always be my friend, but "rules are rules." FML

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By bosssssssss765432 - 16/5/2009 15:20 - United States

Today, I was at the doctor and I had to get a "finger stick" in the lab to get blood drawn. There was a 6 year old boy waiting to go next. He was terrified. His mother told him to "watch this brave girl go first." I panicked and began to hyperventilate. The boy fainted. FML

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By ACAB - 16/9/2019 20:00 - Australia

Officer McGiggles

Today, I got pulled over for speeding. After the cop asked for my license, he started laughing when he saw my picture. FML

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By Noname - 27/2/2009 04:02 - United States

Today, I was sleeping because I had been sick. The closest bathroom to mine is the one in my parents room. I wake up and feel like I have to throw up, I run into my parents room to go to the bathroom. I walk in on my parents having sex. Shocked, I gasp for air then throw up all over their bed. FML

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By unknown002 - 12/2/2010 01:25 - United States

Today, I stepped on the scale because I'm trying to maintain a good weight. The scale read that I had lost 6 pounds. Feeling really good about myself, I stepped off the scale only to see that the corner of the scale was sitting on the rug, making the scale mess up and tell me the wrong weight. FML

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By darquedraconian - 12/5/2014 02:27 - United States - Rapid City

Today, my son gave me some flowers for Mother's Day. Unfortunately, the only time I can enjoy them is when I go into the bathroom where they are kept so the cat doesn't eat them. FML

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By thisisavirus.exe - 31/12/2014 20:57 - United States - Sherwood

Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time. The first thing he did was show me a bullet, then he basically said that if I don't submit to his daughter's every whim, that bullet will end my life. FML

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By Radgirl - 28/4/2009 02:10 - United States

Today, while on a run off campus with my german shepherd, I tried to impress a couple of hot fraternity guys playing football outside of their house. I broke out into a full sprint. I then got tangled in my dog's leash and fell straight in to a parked jeep knocking myself unconscious. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/8/2009 18:33 - United States

Today, I was handling corrosive chemicals when I accidentally spilled a beaker of Hydrochloric Acid on myself. I had to strip naked and use the emergency shower with my boss and my hot coworker watching. The worst part was when I realized my coworker was laughing at the size of my penis. FML

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By oicwydt - 31/1/2009 23:25 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me to go to a car show. I told him to hold on, I had to ask my mom. I quietly asked her to say no for me. She said "Sure!". FML

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By BassGuy - 18/5/2009 17:05 - United States

Today, I went onto my band's MySpace just to check if we had any new comments or anything like that and I noticed that I was listed as a past member. Nobody ever told me I was replaced. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/6/2015 05:03

Today, I received a beautiful, heart-felt text from my boyfriend detailing all the ways he loved me. He probably should have emphasized just how big his heart is though because he sent the text to three other women too. Thank you, group messaging. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/10/2011 05:14 - United States

Today, I was on a drive with my uncle. We saw a dead deer on the side of the road and expressed our pity for it. Then a squirrel runs across the road and my uncle swerves toward the squirrel, laughing hysterically and yelling, "Run rodent run." FML

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By Anonymous - 25/10/2011 01:29 - United States

Today, I proudly presented my research project in class that I've worked for day and night for 3 weeks straight. My teacher fell asleep. FML

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By OhDearGodGrandad - 7/2/2016 17:59 - United Kingdom - Ilford

Today, I saw my grandfather on the train, with his cock out. FML

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By svsksosnns - 11/5/2016 03:59 - United States - Olympia

Today, I went on the road for work for the first time in a very long time. I was enjoying lunch with co-workers when my phone got bombarded with calls and texts. Turns out my wife and mother had gotten into a fight within two hours of me being away. FML

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By shoveless - 20/12/2016 21:08 - United States

Today, I came home from school to find my house ransacked. The robbers shoveled a path from my back door to the driveway, through the snow, then they stole my snow-shovel. FML

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By fucktelstra - 17/3/2016 11:42 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I missed a phone interview for a job at Telstra because Telstra's phone network was down. FML

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Top comments

By balor_fml | 0

#125758 - Monday 20 April 2009 2:42

That company was doomed anyways, there was a mole in the organization!

By asxp10 | 0

#125755 - Monday 20 April 2009 2:41

You couldn't tell the difference between a mole and a bug?

COMMENTS

By asxp10 | 0

#125755 - Monday 20 April 2009 2:41

You couldn't tell the difference between a mole and a bug?

YANKSFAN4EVER | 0

#1278975 - Saturday 21 August 2010 7:19

what I do if I do something like that and I am wrong I just say no not there over there!! Just to hide my mistake it saves me all the time.

toxic_hippos | 11

#6066783 - Wednesday 17 September 2014 4:02

Might of been really really dark

By Zigster94 | 0

#125757 - Monday 20 April 2009 2:41

i guess that sealed the deal.

chaos753159 | 4

#790261 - Friday 22 January 2010 5:55

seriously did u get the job

By balor_fml | 0

#125758 - Monday 20 April 2009 2:42

That company was doomed anyways, there was a mole in the organization!

By lizwriteslove | 0

#125760 - Monday 20 April 2009 2:42

Hahahaha! That's great :D

By Serial | 2

#125768 - Monday 20 April 2009 2:43

at least you didnt try to smash it and smack him

By pancakes_n_syrup | 0

#125770 - Monday 20 April 2009 2:43

You're a great person, I'm sure.

I hope you got the job

By angelsnarrows | 0

#125789 - Monday 20 April 2009 2:47

sucks.

By Zigster94 | 0

#125798 - Monday 20 April 2009 2:49

Today, I was holding an interview for a potential employee. He then proceeds to tell me that there was something disgusting crawling on me. Turns out it was my mole. FML

wowlol727 | 0

#2764961 - Sunday 26 June 2011 22:04

so original...

By soannoyed123 | 0

#125804 - Monday 20 April 2009 2:50

HAHAHAHAHAH

By turtlebots | 0

#125810 - Monday 20 April 2009 2:51

And how long did it take you to notice a mole on the interviewer's neck? And why would you shout? Civilized people don't shout during interviews.