Today, in the very middle of the night, my kitten started rubbing against my face. Thinking I saw her face in the darkness, I decided to kiss her before going back to bed. My lips made contact with her butthole. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I got a kitten. She decided to sleep on my bed, waking me up periodically during the night by biting my face to make sure I was still alive. FML
Today, I accidentally shoved my finger up my cat's butt while trying to push him off my nightstand in the dark. FML
Today, at 6 am, I was suddenly jerked from the warm embraces of sleep by the smell of poo. I was very groggy and confused when my hand landed in something wet and cold. I turned on the light and was horrified to find that my kitten took a huge dump in my bed. It was everywhere. FML
Today, I was half asleep when my cat came over to cuddle. I was petting her in the dark when I felt what I thought was a patch of matted fur under her neck, as if she had been injured and bleeding. Alarmed, I felt for that spot again and found myself holding her tail. What I'd felt was in fact my cat's anus. FML
Today, I was laying with my face dangling down the side of my bed, when my kitten rushed up to me looking worried. He sniffed me for a while, then decided the best thing to do was to stand on his hind legs and start punching my face like a speed bag. FML
Today, I woke up with my cat's asshole planted firmly on my forehead. FML
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, while in deep sleep, I was suddenly awoken by a tickle on my face and nearly threw my cat off the bed. Apparently, 4 a.m. Is the perfect time to touch noses with your human. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML
Today, I took a nap with a kitten I just adopted from my mom's house. To make her feel more comfortable, I took a nap with her on my bed. In my dream, I kept smelling poo and I felt around on the bed to find the kitten. She apparently had diarrhea on my bed and I had stuck my hand in it. FML
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Top comments
alycion 38
I think that makes her alpha now.
FlyingPie 17
You've got to be kitten me.
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Comments (133)
josiemorehouse 12
I don't know who deserves the FML more: you or the cat!! Sorry OP, but this FML is priceless!! Ha!
Nastorrian 11
How would you not know.. Clearly the human.. Cats lick their own asses all the time that would be just norm for them..
CrystalCrew124 14
Cats are superior you just proved that to her by kissing her ass
skipper2009 18
I wonder what the very middle of the night is?
skittyskatbrat 19
"For Valentines Day, my cat got me a chocolate....starfish" Uck. But, yeah, that's a cat for you....
edvin_fml 10
GOOD, GOOD! keep it up! it doesn't hurt to to play it safe. you never know when your cat's plot to kill you will take effect
xuneventful 12
haha, what if it's actually not the cats wanting to take over the world, but guinea piggs? :o
outoftown 26
Given where cats lick, it probably makes less difference than you think.
ThomasBombadil 31
Oh my god #81, this is so f-n true. I bet all the cat smoochers out there reading this just threw up a little.
jrn 14
Favorited
TheRoyalBattler 5
That's exactly how Bob Costas got pink eye! Cept' from a dog.....in his Sochi hotel room. Both!!!
reaxion 25
What an ass kisser! FYL OP
awilliams44 9
I love kittens!!