Today, in the very middle of the night, my kitten started rubbing against my face. Thinking I saw her face in the darkness, I decided to kiss her before going back to bed. My lips made contact with her butthole. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I got a kitten. She decided to sleep on my bed, waking me up periodically during the night by biting my face to make sure I was still alive. FML
Today, I accidentally shoved my finger up my cat's butt while trying to push him off my nightstand in the dark. FML
Today, at 6 am, I was suddenly jerked from the warm embraces of sleep by the smell of poo. I was very groggy and confused when my hand landed in something wet and cold. I turned on the light and was horrified to find that my kitten took a huge dump in my bed. It was everywhere. FML
Today, I was half asleep when my cat came over to cuddle. I was petting her in the dark when I felt what I thought was a patch of matted fur under her neck, as if she had been injured and bleeding. Alarmed, I felt for that spot again and found myself holding her tail. What I'd felt was in fact my cat's anus. FML
Today, I was laying with my face dangling down the side of my bed, when my kitten rushed up to me looking worried. He sniffed me for a while, then decided the best thing to do was to stand on his hind legs and start punching my face like a speed bag. FML
Today, I woke up with my cat's asshole planted firmly on my forehead. FML
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, while in deep sleep, I was suddenly awoken by a tickle on my face and nearly threw my cat off the bed. Apparently, 4 a.m. Is the perfect time to touch noses with your human. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML
Today, I took a nap with a kitten I just adopted from my mom's house. To make her feel more comfortable, I took a nap with her on my bed. In my dream, I kept smelling poo and I felt around on the bed to find the kitten. She apparently had diarrhea on my bed and I had stuck my hand in it. FML
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Top comments
alycion 38
I think that makes her alpha now.
FlyingPie 17
You've got to be kitten me.
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Comments (133)
barlos88 19
Hey, at least you got date for valentines days ...
Nilorak 24
Catentines day*
Raidriar 14
Wow. 12's was bad already, but 52, damn.
Nilorak 24
I know, I wish I could scratch my eyes out.
NashyzzleTheN 10
Hey, props to 52 for admitting it was bad
Bekll 31
You didn't try to feel with your hands first to make sure? I understand the cuteness is overpowering and you have to kiss her - I can't resist the urge to kiss my tuxedo between the eyes when I see him. Hope you washed your mouth with mouth wash after that.
ThomasBombadil 31
Talk about spoiling your pets.
TheRoyalDog 10
The struggle is real
mangoboy1 19
Never go ATM
DarksideDoll 31
Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, it's acceptable to go ATM.
Nastorrian 11
@69: ^That
CallMeMcFeelii 13
Man, I was thinking what the hell "at the moment" has to do with kissing kittens' asses. Now I see you mean "ass to mouth" which makes total sense. Requiem for a Dream showed me that ass to ass is the way to go, though. "Ass to ass, ass to ass!"
Acacia21 23
I can only imagine how grossed out you were afterwards. I wonder what your kitten was thinking!
Nastorrian 11
What all cats think."Bow to me human, you inferior creatures. Oh and feed me"
Rababco 29
My one cat is usually thinking something like, "pay attention to me or I'll chew on your hair and stick my butt in your face!" XD The other one's probably thinking, "put me down you filthy peasant, I'm am your queen!"
laureri 26
Having cats I have unfortunately experienced something like this :/
hgore95 3
You took rim jobs to a whole new level OP
Hiimhaileypotter 52
God, I hope it wasn't that "involved." Why would you say that... Ew.
jeriaslovesyou 16
Oh my gosh, lol. I only wonder what you did when you realized what you had kissed.
Nastorrian 11
Hopefully not lick her lips out of habit.
micgelleya 15
It must have been some kiss!