Intimacy: Today, I woke up with my girl laying next to me in bed. When...

By Steve - 16/08/2009 17:04 - United States

Today, I woke up with my girl laying next to me in bed. When she woke up we started to get hot and heavy but all of a sudden our cat hops on the bed. I guess the cat was more important cause my girl got up started playing it instead of me. Cockblocked by another pussy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 894

You deserved it 8 776

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 16/12/2009 20:53 - United Kingdom

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 583

You deserved it 6 492

I did not consent to this under my roof

By CatBlock - 31/01/2014 06:16 - United States - Decatur

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. As we were getting into it, his cat came into the room, sat, and stared us down with what looked like disapproving eyes. After 5 minutes had gone by, we stopped completely. A cat just cockblocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 351

You deserved it 8 008

By "baow" - 17/03/2019 16:00 - Sweden

Today, I met this girl and we ended up having sex at her place. She decided to give me some head underneath the cover, it really was great until her Garfield sized cat decided to jump on her head and make her choke on it. Guess who got kicked out in the middle of the night for being too reckless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 143

You deserved it 334

By GiveADogABone - 15/10/2015 22:47 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were trying to get it on on the bed. As soon as things were starting to get heated, I turned over and saw that my dog had not only jumped up on the bed, but had been watching and started to hump the pillow next to our heads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 041

You deserved it 3 511

Surprise, human!

By Anonymous - 22/04/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I didn't realize my cat was sleeping in the room with me until she decided to jump on me in the middle of the night, resulting in a critical hit to my groin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 97

Meow!

By patronuscat? - 05/10/2017 01:30

Today, I woke up in a guy's bed to one of his cats licking my nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 618

You deserved it 1 059

By Anonymous - 04/09/2017 20:00

Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 130

You deserved it 474

Say sorry to Mr Whiskers!

By Anonymous - 10/05/2021 14:01

Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 284

Suffer little humans

By Go away dude - 11/06/2023 11:00 - United States

Today, I went to bed, falling asleep quickly; however, my cat decided to show up and lay on top of me, making me so uncomfortably hot and sweaty that my body immediately woke me up so I wouldn't die of a heat stroke. It's fucking 1:00 AM. He NEVER sleeps with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 625

You deserved it 176

By xXWhiteSheepXx - 08/04/2016 02:28 - United States - Omaha

Today, my cat likes to share my pillow at night. I guess she was extra comfortable last night, because she didn't bother getting off it to hack up a hairball. I woke up because I rolled my face onto it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 751

You deserved it 2 414

doubleAbattery 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 22:49

Is it just me, or have there been a lot of FMLs about cats lately?

SimpleSimon 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 23:09

She did the right thing. Seriously, my ex and I were mid-**** when her cat decided it wanted some attention too. Ignoring him just got him more and more wound up until eventually he went ballistic and tore a chunk off me with his claws in that unpredictably traitorous way that only cats do. Not only was I **** blocked, I had a piece of my buttcheek missing, and she sided with the cat when I tried to throw him out the window.

Comments

SimpleSimon 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 23:09

omgitsafly 0

Tuesday 18 August 2009 3:52

LMFAO

mizzunderstood 0

Saturday 26 June 2010 23:36

that. is. hilarious....LMAO!!!!! XD

fricknugget 3

Sunday 14 November 2010 5:42

LMFAO!!

DameGreyWulf 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 23:13

LMFAO Now THIS is a nice ****-block FML. But yeah, when some cats are really wound up, it might be best to wind them down instead of ignore them. Ahhh leg crawling.

EndZone 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 23:13

That was brutal to read. :|

Neroflux 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 23:23

I like the punch line :)

ohhsnapp 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 23:28

hahahahha the last line made it. (: sucks. but its very entertaining.

steffibug 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 23:38

Haha! Expect it to happen a lot, my cat has a 6th sense for it, as soon as me and my boyfriend start getting intimate my cat appears next to us yowling for attention! They tend not to like there human giving someone else attention!

brrrx 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 23:39

I'm extremely sick of a) where OPs flip verb tenses during stories to try to make them more exciting, and b) stories that end in "apparently ___ is more important than i am."