Today, I woke up with an extremely irritable rash around my crotch.... - FML

By IsThisRealLife - 1/2/2016 17:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up with an extremely irritable rash around my crotch. I didn't want to full out itch it by putting my hands down my pants, so I itched it by putting my hand in my pockets. I got kicked off the train for "pleasuring myself in public." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22793

You deserved it

5736

Tweet

Share

Instadrama

Yappy neighborhood

Night terrors

By harambae - 11/9/2016 17:10 - United States - La Grange

Today, I accidentally mooed during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13112

You deserved it

3107

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/12/2014 02:04 - United States - Yorktown

Today, I was home alone when I heard the carbon-monoxide detector beeping. Panicking, I grabbed my dog, ran out of my house as fast as I could, and waited outside for 3 hours for my mom to get home. Turned out the detector was just out of batteries. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30334

You deserved it

7612

Tweet

Share

By Blondie - 5/5/2011 20:01 - Lebanon

Today, I was trying to convince a friend that even though I'm blonde, I'm not the oblivious or stupid moron everyone apparently thinks I am. Then I smacked face-first into a glass door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27992

You deserved it

31541

Tweet

Share

By drew - 7/9/2010 17:06 - United States

Today, I accidentally walked in on my girlfriend changing. She responded by screaming, throwing herself on the ground to avoid me seeing her, and crawling into the bathroom. We've been living together for 2 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38498

You deserved it

5288

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/11/2014 05:47 - United States - Queen Creek

Today, I dressed up as my friend for Halloween. He has a very distinct style and I thought my costume was pretty clever. When he saw me, he said he had never been so offended in his entire life, and now I feel like a complete asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32449

You deserved it

16424

Tweet

Share

By Iswearihavegoodhygiene - 4/11/2018 05:00

Today, I popped a zit that had formed around an ingrown hair "down there". It popped with so much force, the pus hit me in the forehead. Still can't get the hair out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2133

You deserved it

245

Tweet

Share

By squeezable - 19/6/2009 17:48 - United States

Today, a little girl standing next to me on the train suddenly hugged me. I thought maybe she was sad or I reminded her of someone, and hugged her back. Then she smiled, squeezed my lovehandles, and said "Honk, honk!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

44286

You deserved it

6782

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/12/2014 14:43 - United States - Herndon

Today, I found a hornet's nest in the backyard, so I called my brother over to take a look. He said "Hmm, wonder how fast you can run." then hurled a rock at the nest and sprinted back to the house. I wasn't so fast. I now feel like someone's beaten me half to death with a cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36995

You deserved it

3962

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/4/2013 07:25 - France

Today, I wanted revenge on my college's drinks machine. For the past two days, it forgot to release a cup before pouring my coffee. This time, I had planned ahead; I put my money in, entered the code, and quickly inserted my own cup. It gave me hot water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52984

You deserved it

6262

Tweet

Share

By sillvy - 13/1/2012 09:32 - United States

Today, I was on a date. I noticed he kept looking at my lips. Thinking he wanted to kiss me, I leaned in closer. Disgusted, he pulled away and said, "I'm sorry, but that pimple on your chin is, like, staring at me or something." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34890

You deserved it

5495

Tweet

Share

By jackie89 - 10/8/2014 19:26 - United Kingdom - Redruth

Today, my husband and I attended a funeral. After the service, my phone vibrated. It was a text from my husband, saying "I've got mourning wood like you wouldn't believe! get it? MOURNING. haha :D" I looked up and saw him across the room, winking at me. Not the place, honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57351

You deserved it

7401

Tweet

Share

By I'm disgusting - 26/5/2019 22:11

Today, my girlfriend caught me using my T-shirt as a tissue. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

501

You deserved it

3000

Tweet

Share

By Shepaintsmusic - 29/12/2011 06:50

Today, an antiques dealer made a joke about chopping off and buying my deformed left hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33021

You deserved it

2782

Tweet

Share

By crétin-crédule - 26/2/2013 05:02 - France - Isle

Today, I got talking to a pretty girl on the subway. Just as she was about to get off, I handed her my phone so that she could give me her number. She ran out with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20059

You deserved it

51138

Tweet

Share

By forreal - 23/8/2019 02:00

Today, my boyfriend called me in tears because the love of his life has decided to move on with another man. He is currently on his way over to cry on my shoulder about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1779

You deserved it

342

Tweet

Share

By just hangin - 17/1/2017 12:00

Today, as I was pulling wire for an addition to my bosses house, I was on a ladder drilling a hole when my coworker kicked the ladder out from under me and left me hanging from a rafter twenty feet in the air. To make matters worse, I had to pee. I'm now in my car with dead arms and wet pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7794

You deserved it

498

Tweet

Share

By homewrecker - 8/11/2009 15:39 - United States

Today, I drove 600 miles to be with my boyfriend of two years for his uncle's funeral. He didn't want me to come because I am seven months pregnant and flying is dangerous in the third trimester. When I got there I don't know who was more suprised to see me: him, his wife, or their kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

82808

You deserved it

6555

Tweet

Share

By JJBones - 29/6/2012 10:03 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend doesn't have time to text me back, but he does have time to post an entire Facebook album dedicated to cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27971

You deserved it

4742

Tweet

Share

By condiments - 22/2/2010 21:13 - United States

Today, I went shopping with my mother, when someone snuck a pack of condoms into our cart while our backs were turned. When we got to the register, my mom, whose wealth makes me ineligible for financial aid, noticed the condoms and she announced that she wasn't paying for the college I got accepted to next year because she doesn't want a promiscuous daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33976

You deserved it

3032

Tweet

Share

By PunkChik27 - 12/12/2011 04:46 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, saying we're too different. His only example? He likes ham and I don't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35009

You deserved it

4444

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/3/2020 23:00

Working in retail sucks

Today, a customer yelled at me because we didn't have any laptops in stock. I work at a clothing store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1625

You deserved it

93

Tweet

Share

By - 1/12/2019 14:00 - United States - Tallahassee

Loud and long

Today, I'm stuck with sleeping in the same room as my mother. The problem? Her snores are extremely loud and a full minute long. I'm not kidding, I timed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1743

You deserved it

123

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/7/2009 04:21 - United States

Today, I just found out that my current boyfriend and my ex-boyfriend are rooming together at college. Visits are going to be extremely awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56369

You deserved it

6717

Tweet

Share

By shiiiiit - 15/11/2009 09:23 - United States

Today, I was having trouble blowing out the last of the several candles on my bedside table. Exasperated, I blew as hard as I could, which sent hot wax from the other candles shooting into the air, all over my face and into my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25057

You deserved it

12452

Tweet

Share

By anon - 9/9/2013 15:15 - United States - Mantua

Today, I woke up and found $30 slipped under my door with a note that read, "Please buy yourself a quieter vibrator. -Mom and Dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks

62181

You deserved it

25854

Tweet

Share

By bestgirlfriend - 3/9/2015 23:31 - United Kingdom - Stockton-on-tees

Today, my dad made me and my boyfriend break up. Not because he was a bad influence, but because I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24031

You deserved it

7319

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/1/2010 17:52 - United States

Today, I went to go meet my new upstairs neighbor, only to find out nobody actually moved in. The noises that have been coming from up there were made by rats. Lots of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32552

You deserved it

2325

Tweet

Share

By UltraHoe69 - 6/1/2011 22:57 - United States

Today, in gym class, we were forced to learn the "Hoedown Throwdown" dance, by Miley Cyrus. This will actually be counted toward my grade. I'm in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43031

You deserved it

4385

Tweet

Share

By theholt - 1/3/2010 05:23 - United States

Today, I saw a man on the bus with the strangest band shirt I have ever seen. I could not help but stare at it and try and figure what the band was, until he turned to me and said "why not take a picture asshole?" then got off the bus. As he walked away I saw that he was missing an arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30347

You deserved it

6165

Tweet

Share

By brbkillingmyself - 8/8/2015 22:52 - United States

Today, in the second week of August, hell has come to earth; my mom has been playing Christmas music all afternoon and is already searching online for decorations. I hope she buys a length of rope to go with them, because I've already given up on life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24860

You deserved it

2847

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/9/2014 15:55 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I woke up to find a huge zit directly between my two eyebrows. My friends have started calling me "The North Star." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39225

You deserved it

3800

Tweet

Share

By Notsurewhattofeelaboutthis - 7/8/2015 02:55 - Australia - Ashfield

Today, I discovered that my ex-girlfriend writes erotic fiction describing all of my moves in intimate detail. The whole internet gets to critique my entire sexual repertoire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28797

You deserved it

3564

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/11/2012 18:02 - Australia - Wembley

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered "cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39702

You deserved it

4100

Tweet

Share

By XxJennJennXxX - 20/1/2012 12:13 - United States

Today, I got fired. My coworker decided to imitate my voice, stand outside of my boss's office door, and say insulting things about his daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36771

You deserved it

2489

Tweet

Share

By children ain't pawns - 21/11/2016 15:23 - Australia - Perth

Today, after discussing having our son's hair styled nicely for school, my ex returns him with his head shaved. I didn't realise bald was in style for 4-year-olds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10819

You deserved it

972

Tweet

Share

By Emma - 8/12/2015 17:23 - United States

Today, I had to hide the entire drawer of kitchen knives under my bed just to keep my mother from stabbing her cheating boyfriend, and slashing his tires. This happens more often than I'd like to admit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22129

You deserved it

1554

Tweet

Share

By How strange - 20/4/2013 12:02 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend was in the kitchen, he got three text messages, all of which were from "Babe 2", "Babe 3", and "Babe 4". FML

I agree, your life sucks

61288

You deserved it

7276

Tweet

Share

By C2 - 17/1/2009 23:17 - Australia

Today, at a party, I watched the guy I've liked for AGES come out of a bedroom with one of my gay male friends. They were in there for a while. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29243

You deserved it

3109

Tweet

Share

By Sous_Chef - 11/12/2009 08:32 - United States

Today, my roommate came in slamming the front door. I guess he doesn't know that you can't throw hot water on frozen windows. He came up all pissed and called his insurance because he cracked the windshield. We have the same car, in the same exact color. Turns out he threw the water on mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36781

You deserved it

3064

Tweet

Share

By Misty3242 - 6/2/2010 08:15 - United States

Today, my little sister asked me what she would look like when she got older. I told her that she would probably look a lot like me. She started to cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36480

You deserved it

4103

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By JusstJef | 16

#6526171 - Monday 1 February 2016 23:13

Please don't elaborate on the rash. We don't need to know.

By Coffee5555 | 14

#6526183 - Monday 1 February 2016 23:16

says the one with a pic like that....

COMMENTS

By OhWhoCares | 42

#6526165 - Monday 1 February 2016 23:10

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

Coffee5555 | 14

#6526183 - Monday 1 February 2016 23:16

says the one with a pic like that....

By FranticLol101 | 11

#6526168 - Monday 1 February 2016 23:11

Well was the itching pleasurable?

By MrsPine | 17

#6526169 - Monday 1 February 2016 23:11

Maybe you should get that checked out, OP.

Reply

Bunnyluver | 20

#6571746 - Friday 1 April 2016 2:37

You can have an itch and not need it to be checked out.

By JusstJef | 16

#6526171 - Monday 1 February 2016 23:13

Please don't elaborate on the rash. We don't need to know.

Reply

EcchiShojo | 4

#6526325 - Tuesday 2 February 2016 3:25

Yeah, that's not atopic I would want to talk about.

By beeferjay | 34

#6526173 - Monday 1 February 2016 23:14

probably shouldn't have salvaged that free couch from up the road

By LiteralxShit | 15

#6526180 - Monday 1 February 2016 23:16

I mean, I think that scratching an itch would be pretty pleasurable.

By AC98 | 19

#6526184 - Monday 1 February 2016 23:17

At least you're not itchy anymore

Reply

Replyka | 17

#6526378 - Tuesday 2 February 2016 5:36

Except they probably are because rashes tend to keep on itching.

By Darkness_Hate | 29

#6526186 - Monday 1 February 2016 23:20

Indeed it's hard to get rid of that feeling..especially in public.

By nash1991 | 20

#6526195 - Monday 1 February 2016 23:27

Maybe clean that area better next time you're taking a shower. Shouldn't be waking up with rashes there in the first place

Reply

BlockOfRedStone | 25

#6526229 - Tuesday 2 February 2016 0:11

When I wear a bathing suit I ALWAYS get a rash there (on the inside thighs, which is close enough to call the crotch area). That's why I hate going to water parks because walking around in a wet bathing suit just irritates the skin there too much.

Reply

Xynie | 20

#6526241 - Tuesday 2 February 2016 0:30

Ummm i don't think you're suppose to get a rash wearing a bathing suit. Maybe it's too small or you have really sensitive skin?

Reply

CheshireHalli | 19

#6526345 - Tuesday 2 February 2016 4:28

She did say the inside of her thighs, and I don't know about you, but my legs rub together some when I walk. Wet skin tends to make chafing or a rash like appearance. So it might not be a too small suit.

Reply

iAmPaul | 49

#6526346 - Tuesday 2 February 2016 4:31

@37: #17 is a guy.

Reply

Saxicolous | 27

#6526377 - Tuesday 2 February 2016 5:34

Guys have legs too y'know

By ViviMage | 38

#6526199 - Monday 1 February 2016 23:30

Get some cortisone cream or something for nappy rash!

Reply

andrmac | 25

#6526297 - Tuesday 2 February 2016 1:51

Cortisone BAD if that's jock itch and you aren't using anti fungus cream too. Could actually make it worse and cause it to spread since fungus loves moisture.