Miscellaneous: Today, I left my house angrily after arguing over the Super Bowl....

By Anonymous - United States - Princeton

Today, I left my house angrily after arguing over the Super Bowl. I guess karma gets nasty when you wish a member of the opposing team would break his back. I fell down the stairs. FML

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Miscellaneous

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

What about me?

Two wheels not so good

By Anonymous - Egypt

Today, my non-English-speaking grandma bought me a new t-shirt. It would've been sweet if it didn't have the word "bondage" written on the back in pretty, bold letters. I had no choice but to wear it while we went shopping. FML

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By deflated - Ireland

Today, as my girlfriend was dropping me home, our goodbye kiss got kind of heavy. Still parked in my drive, we had fast, frenzied sex. After, we realised that she had never put the hand brake on and that we had rolled down my drive, blocking my dad who was patiently waiting to pull in. FML

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By dramateach11 - United States

Today, I was trying to get drama students to attempt to make themselves cry. I was not having any luck, until suddenly a girl burst into tears, sobbing uncontrollably. I jumped up to applaud, saying what a wonderful thing it is to have such expressive kids. Turns out her grandma just died. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By Kbug

Today, while my man of almost 5 years was playing a video game with his friends, during one of the conversations they were having, one of his childhood friends asked “What do you see in her?” He replied, “I don't know, it’s more of an entrapment type of thing.” FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my grown up, unemployed boyfriend stole 70 dollars from my wallet and tried to hide it in two different places in case he needed to ditch me and go out by himself. He got angry when I confronted him and stormed out. He feels perfectly entitled. I work, pay rent and buy food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By Anonymous - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I agreed to give my husband head while he played Call of Duty. I was happy because he enjoyed it at first, until he started getting his ass kicked in the game. He lost and angrily blamed me for distracting him. FML

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By lanadelreylover - 4/6/2021 17:01

Karen strikes again

Today, I was working at a carnival. I was on the ticket booth, and middle aged lady came up asking for a refund for $50 worth of tickets she didn’t use. However, there are signs saying I can’t give out refunds. She spent 10 minutes yelling at me to give her a refund. FML

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924

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By killercow - United States

Today, I walked into the laundry room when my mom pulled a condom wrapper out of my pants pocket. She looked at me and said "you know you can't wash and reuse these." FML

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By RuasaLove - United States - Pleasantville

Today, I was doing laundry while my boyfriend was sitting at the table playing on his phone. I glanced over and caught him watching my ass as I put clothes in the dryer. Trying to be sexy, I looked at him as I slowly bent over to put more clothes in. Instead, I hit my head hard on the dryer door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30312

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By BK2017 - United States - Orlando

Today, after an extremely stressful day, I took a hot bath when I got home. I used my little sister's bubble bath to make it more enjoyable and relaxing. I then broke out in hives. I guess I'm allergic to bubble bath. FML

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6124

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By smalls727

Today, I was at orientation for my new job. There were only 6 other people in the training. Throughout the whole entire training, I kept smelling cat urine and moving further away from the other person. Only to get in my car and realize my cat peed in my purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9593

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By Homeless - 14/6/2021 11:01

Unhealthy

Today, my now ex-boyfriend was kind enough to let me live on the couch because I have nowhere to go. I have to see the homewrecker he cheated on me with everyday, and hear them have blood curdling sex every night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

732

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the water park, and got in a line on a staircase to get on a waterslide. A couple minutes in, I feel a large amount of warm liquid drip on my head. Seconds later, a crying girl was being lead down the stairs being told that 'everyone wets themselves sometimes'. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my dad told me to knock it off with my "stupid gangster walk", saying it made me look like an idiot. I didn't have the balls to admit I'd sharted my pants and was awkwardly waddling to the bathroom to clean myself up. FML

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By kellym - Canada

Today, I called my husband and he told me that he was going to invite his friend Jeff over that night. I told him I would prefer that he didn't come over. He took it to mean that I wanted to spend time with him and came home with flowers. Then had to tell him I was leaving him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19579

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By letdown - 19/7/2020 14:01

Great timing

Today, I finally had sex with a coworker I’d been flirting with for nearly 2 and half years. The sex lasted less than 2 and a half minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1446

You deserved it

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By madgf - France

Today, my boyfriend convinced me to skip school with him. His mom came home early. I had to hide in his closet and wait 6 hours for her to go to her book club meeting. FML

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12340

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By why? - 17/8/2020 14:02

No imagination

Today, I found out from my first cousin whose teenage daughter is pregnant that she has chosen to name her child after mine. I would be okay with this, if it weren’t the same first name, and if they weren’t just a couple of years apart. FML

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961

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By princess_stabitty - 1/8/2020 08:01

Jealousy

Today, my boss's husband came over to our office, and as a by the way comment told our boss my make-up looks good and suits me. The thing is, I've never worn make-up to work, and obviously, he never told his wife, my boss, that she looks good with make-up on. I'm fucked. FML

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1511

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend snuck into my house and hid in my closet. Knowing that I have a phobia of people jumping out of closets, he nonetheless thought it would be funny to see how I'd react. I had a panic attack and was taken to the hospital. FML

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41109

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, we got my dad an iPad for his birthday. I had to repeatedly reassure him that he could in fact touch the screen without being shocked. FML

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41481

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By Anonymous - Canada - Lloydminster

Today, on more than one occasion, I was mistaken for my boyfriend's mother, by his own family. FML

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27185

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By Anonymous - United States - Milford

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me over the phone, after having left me to look after her dog while she went on a 2-week vacation with her family. Now I have to choose between paying for a kennel for her damn dog or taking care of it every day until she gets back. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was arrested for a crime that happened 27 years ago. I'm only 21. FML

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2452

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By possibly fucked - Portugal - Lisbon

Today, my wife bought a strap-on. I'm about fifty miles beyond terrified. FML

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66714

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was at church singing and my solo came up. As I walked through the crowd, this big woman caught the holy spirit and slapped the crap out of me. It was so hard, my fake tooth came out. FML

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14194

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By Anonymous - France

Today, I teach English in Taiwan. I got two new students, brothers named Harry and Potter. People, they're children, not pets. FML

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By Fairymyass - United Kingdom

Today, an argument broke out between me, my girlfriend, and her sister. They were trying to convince me that not only were fairies real, but there were "scientific facts" that "prove" their existence. My girlfriend's 20 and her sister teaches primary school. FML

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33838

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By anonymous - Sri Lanka

Today, I decided to make home made french fries. I figured all I needed was potatoes and salt, right? Wrong! I also needed the fire department and an ambulance. FML

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19567

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By Anonymous - 29/4/2021 16:59

Wow, thanks, I'm cured

Today, I'm on the verge of losing my job because of my poor mental health. I've been on a wait list for therapy/psych services for over a year already. My boss's response was, "It can't be that bad, just stop thinking about it." I have PTSD, OCD, BPD, ADHD, bipolar depression and anxiety. FML

I agree, your life sucks

902

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my wedding ring went missing. Later, my 3-year-old came to me crying, he'd got it stuck on his penis. When I tried to get it off, he peed on me. FML

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39102

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Aberystwyth

Today, after waiting two weeks for an email with my online textbook access code, it still hadn't arrived in time for my quiz tomorrow, so I ended up spending most of my money on the expensive physical copy. Not long after I got back home, the email finally arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47116

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By clumsylobster - Australia - Perth

Today, my friends and I went paintballing. The instructor showed us the sound of an unloaded gun by shooting at my face. It wasn't unloaded. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49775

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By aubrey

Time to go topless I guess...

Today, I accidentally gave myself a chemical burn. It hurts like hell and I've been told all I can do is wait it out for a few days. The worst part? It's from a reaction to a cream I used all over my chest. I can't wear a shirt without being in immense pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3130

You deserved it

307

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By Sundendako - Australia

Today, my mum got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41283

You deserved it

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By fuckyouverymuch - United States - Salida

Today, a friend sent me to a guy he knows who repairs various electronics for a very low price. Good news: he fixed my malfunctioning iPad. Bad news: it took me several hours to notice that he'd carved the words DOUCHE and HIPSTER into the back panel. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41497

You deserved it

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By homework - India

Today, whilst cleaning out his desk, my dad "accidentally" threw away my summer homework. That's 100 pages, over a duration of 2 months. School starts in 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56742

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By confused - United States

Today, I went on a date for the first time in eight months. He didn't make a move. I then asked if we were on a date. He said, "I don't know, I guess." I can't tell either. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32705

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By notsomuchinlove - United States

Today, I had a seizure at my boyfriend's. The second I began to seize, he cursed and picked me up, dropping me on the floor complaining "Now I have to clean the damn couch." I had urinated because I had no control over my body. The couch is still stained. He dumped me for ruining his furniture. FML

I agree, your life sucks

93982

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By xswitch74 - United Kingdom

Today, my ex called me up to suggest that we become friends, only so that she could introduce me to her new boyfriend. FML

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32471

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Top comments

By LyricaSilvan | 29

#7409192 - Sunday 12 February 2017 20:18

What the hell kind of person wishes that on anybody, period? Angry or not, that's not okay.

By Scotth901 | 22

#7409141 - Sunday 12 February 2017 18:17

Your kid must've stepped on a big ass crack

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 30

#7409100 - Sunday 12 February 2017 16:21

Plus, your wife is using your beard brush in her armpit. That is so West Virginia!

McIntian | 12

#7409116 - Sunday 12 February 2017 17:02

Took me a second to understand until I read the next fml.

everton99 | 16

#7409185 - Sunday 12 February 2017 20:05

Probably the only time a comment with 4 downvotes is one of the top 2 comments lol.

By Scotth901 | 22

#7409141 - Sunday 12 February 2017 18:17

Your kid must've stepped on a big ass crack

RichardPencil | 30

#7409155 - Sunday 12 February 2017 18:44

I had to reread that a few times.

You mean a crack that is big-ass, not a large ass-crack!

By LyricaSilvan | 29

#7409192 - Sunday 12 February 2017 20:18

What the hell kind of person wishes that on anybody, period? Angry or not, that's not okay.

By jakey94_boss | 8

#7409203 - Sunday 12 February 2017 20:25

Go Falcons! RiseUp! Haha

By Isa_fml | 20

#7409211 - Sunday 12 February 2017 20:34

Imagine being this petty.

By Lalala579121 | 27

#7409225 - Sunday 12 February 2017 21:03

I just want to know how you argue over the Super Bowl... Were you debating which commercial was best? Or whether or not the Falcons' choke was the worst in NFL history?

By Konarika | 11

#7409415 - Monday 13 February 2017 3:40

Why exactly do people get worked up about sports and different teams, again? And to this point?

By Talis99 | 26

#7409713 - Monday 13 February 2017 17:54

Whatcha get for being a dick. Take some anger management classes, OP.

By GhostFox | 33

#7410008 - Tuesday 14 February 2017 5:39

This is an example of why I laugh and laugh when people say that sports like American football are the pinnacle of instilling good behavior and character.

By Astren | 5

#7432381 - Saturday 1 April 2017 0:39

I can't wait to start university in princeton